Precious Saturdays

Ahh good mornin! Happy Saturday morning to ya! This is the excerpt from yesterday morning. It’s as far as we got.

"Good mornin! Doin fine ... just fine. I feel a little calmer than last night ... ‘bout then we were jumpin off the ceiling. Heheh, poor Dr. M. I’m not sure if that was the answer, but our lady doctor changed a couple of medicines and we seem to have slept for an entire 5 hours! Without getting up! Maybe it was just a coincident, not sure, but we’re hopin for the best. We feel a little spaced though. Hmm.

Ok ... next, next...

We know that it is Kelsie out when we’re going at the kind of speeds as last night. She goes faster than I can think, so its like she’s talking a different language. Dr. M. can keep up with her though. I know pretty soon on, she had him reading the last couple of journal entries and after that it was pretty much processing the marriage of CARF and the Paper Tiger."

Back again ... this morning we slept an entire 10 hours with only one interruption for bathroom at 5 hours. Pretty darn good, hmm? I’m not sure if its because of the nose spray or pain pills, but it’s a pretty big change. Have to watch though that it doesn’t interfere with my early mornings. Not ready to give those up yet.

Been chattin for a awhile yet. Just kind of a playful morning. These kind are the BEST! We’re thinking we’ve got some things to do this weekend, so we’re going to need being a little more aware of the time. We volunteered to visit a work friend’s mother with her. Think she might take me up on it. And, we’re going to maybe visit our youngest son Sunday. YAHOOO

Feelin pretty good on the recovery end. Yesterday, there were two medical appointments first thing in the morning. The surgeon said I’m doing all good. We still have infection problems, but we’re on anti-biotics. There ... just set timer for next dose. Like four a day, ugh. I’ll go back in two to four weeks depending on how we’re doin. The other appointment was our first with the physical therapist. That was an interesting experience.

The first thing we asked was if she was going to make us cry. Little nervous laughter here. She was a tall blond woman in exercise gear ... that was kinda scary, cuz she seems pretty serious about doin somethin. Hmm...

She had us doing little exercises and answerin questions for the 45 minute appointment. She kept taking notes. I could tell the one’s I didn’t do so good on, because the woman was laughin! Hmm, thinking this doesn’t sound so good ... part of the time I was doing the moves and other times she was doing the moves to us. She seemed to find quite a few areas that we usually don’t bother so much. Then she said we should do some goals. I think one has to do with going up our three flights of stairs better. The other ... don’t laugh here. She made us a dish washing goal. She said ... will be able to wash dishes for 15 minutes. We’d suggested being able to stand outside and smoke without fainting ... but, she wasn’t up for that goal.

Shoot, still haven’t made the appointment for the lung test. :(

She seems like a nice lady, but at one point she had walked us through a new exercise ... we tried a few and then she said like do 20 more. It was like, Me?? Then we asked if those first 3 counted. She looked at me suspiciously and said, "Oh, your going to be one of thossssse kind?" Gulp, um do those kind get treated nicer?? No answer...

She set us up for two appointments a week. Umm ok ... did we ask if this was going to hurt? Fortunately, she agreed to come in earlier at 7 am. So, I’ll only be 45 minutes late for work twice weekly. Only. I was too chicken to ask the boss for another medical concession. *Sigh* Plus ... she gave us a couple exercises. We have to do two exercises, twice a day at 20 per leg. It was one I’d never done before.

You have to be sitting straight up in a chair with your legs in front of you bent at a 90 degree angle. Then without liftin your hip you have to push your foot out to the side. Not forward or back ... Out past elbow. This is where she’d laughed at us. Hmph! I’ll tight you! Then we have to do the opposite and push foot inward toward other ankle. Go ahead try it. I’ll challenge anyone who wants to keep up with me and these modern torture tests!

She said when I come back (Wednesdays and Fridays) that she was going to take me to the "gym" I saw that room on my way in. It’s all heavy metal machines and torture devises. It’s surrounded by a drainage ditch because of all the crying happening in there. Well, that might be a stretch. But. Shoot. Ok, no buts. Did I mention that we are going to be put on a tread machine too! Damn. I’m pretty sure this is going to antagonize my system. :(

Ok, bright side ... You know in a younger life, we used to be a State Cross-country skiier? Yep, it’s the truth. I think that one thought is going to frustrate us more than anything. Ok, enough of this. Like cryin in one’s beer. I mean energizer shake.

We have to come to a new realization. Things are going to need changing. Maybe more than just giving up my morning candy bar. Damn that hurt. Between a doctor on the health issues, physical therapist, nutrionalist, and psychiatrist ... it’s not like like I can say, I’m not getting enough support. Seems like the doors open ... just gotta walk through it. Yet, two hours after my breakfast this morning, I took my first morning glucose reading. 275. Not good. Should have been no higher than 160. Norm is between 70 and 120. Ok, ok ... am not going to panic ... just going to take some adapting, right? 300 is the really bad grade. 1,800 calories, hmm? :(

Ok, ok ... let’s keep an upbeat here. Not going to cry.

So ... Next. My friend stopped by last night. He was doing much better. He was kind of tense though. He said that he thought about it for a week about a work proposal he was needing to make to me. He wants me to subcontract for him. We listened carefully as he made his pitch. He wants me to do the writing part of some grant writing. He will do the necessary groundwork of finding the grants and taking care of the financial work, but the actual writing part would be mine. He said that he could offer a couple hundred per grant and a couple hundred more if the grant went through. I don’t think this is going to be a lot of money for what effort would have to be made, but a couple hundred every 2 to 4 weeks for weekend work might not be a bad thing either.

We’ve tried working directly with him before though and there has been problems. I would have to detach myself emotionally from the work and build up some frustration tolerance. The practice would be good for me and although my boss isn’t to know of this agreement, it would be helping the center AND my friend. I know he’s in a time bind and this could really help him career wise. I don’t feel as if I have to do it. It’s more like something I would like to try. It wouldn’t hurt me professionally to be learning the skill of grant writing. It would also fit into the pattern of things we’re already working on.

He said that he would get me information from the first grant on Monday. We’ll see, we’ll see. Let’s hope for the best.

Yesterday, at work wasn’t so productive. Coming in just before 11 didn’t help, neither did leaving at 4 to meet up with friend. But, these extra agenda items were necessary. So, with 5 hours on the schedule, we did our best. Trying to remember what DID get done. We were pretty quick to organize, but right away the boss had another extra assignment. She wanted us to proof read her changes to the new staff evaluation form. Hmm, ok ok ... just a few moments of work. Well, nothing gets done too quick.

Having trouble remembering what was getting done, but at 5 minutes to 1 pm, I had a surprise visitor. It was one of the clients who is at very low functioning level, he doesn’t speak either. He came in and pointed to his wrist. He knows this means time. I asked did Ms, ... send you? He nodded his head up and down. So, I followed him out thinking there was a problem in the room. Well, it turned out that the staff did not send him, but he’d taken it on his own initiative to tell me it was time for the thinking group. He had moved my table in its special place. He is disruptive, so he usually sits at the head of the room with me. Thought man! Cool! He did something pretty terrific.

I was grateful too, cuz I’d forgotten all about the meeting. Gave me a couple of minutes to plan. Heheh have to forget the part of this client needing to tell me to "get to work!" On the way to the room, we ran into another client. This was an upper level client. And, he also was pretty sure I should be doing the group. When we got into the room, others in the group made it a point to tell me that this same client had gotten so upset at not having another meeting that he’d banged on the table and refused to do any other work. Yeeks! Better get bottom end in gear!

We talked about families and worked on getting the group back in sync. It’s hard to keep a group of 40 folks with MR on track sometimes. Many of them have different agenda items. There were two main trouble makers this time. One was one of the other clients who can’t speak, he was up and down making trouble and we had to keep referring himself back to his seat. With the other client ... he was waining on attention, so refused to follow along. He is able enough that he should have done this. Then when he did sit up from his feigned sleeping position, he tried to steal the attention of his peers from me. So, we umm invited him up to sit with us too. We’ve been gone for a couple of weeks so this was to be expected.

I’d figured we better have a round the room test. Basically, it’s checking in on individuals and group processes. For the individual it is a chance tobe listened to and for the group, it is a chance to see if they are going to be tolerant enough to listen to each other. It went fairly well, but there were obstacles. The back table has the "cool people" and they get into thinking their own chatter is more important than listening to the "uncool people." That’s no good. Trying to build empathy. Then there are key people who always need a little extra attention or reminders to stay on track.

There was a couple of tear problems too. One was from a lower end client who thought that first trouble maker was causing her problems. So things stop while we take care of her. An unexpected middle range client got up to help with that one. It always amazes me, when one of them reads another emotionally and is willing to get up and give that extra necessary hug of encouragement or kleenex. Pretty big deal to the one hurting. Then another client started to cry. Thought oh no, not an epidemic!

The second one was able to relay through her tears that she’d had some bad dreams where she was separated from her family. That took a few minutes to work though too. I was appreciative that the larger group held together while we worked with her. I should have noted she was having trouble, because she was one of the extra 5-6 who came up for an extra hug first thing before the meeting started.

The actual question that we asked of them was "What would make your family happy? What do they need?" This is in the answering range of all but about four of them. I had to stop a general consensus where group members start answering the same. Many of them we’re getting into the rut saying that if they helped clean their houses, a bedroom, or did the dishes they’re family would be happy. It was like, "Shoot guys, we’re not domestic slaves!" Most had trouble with a more global picture. Some though had simple golden thoughts like going out to dinner or a movie. A few knew that if they were happy, their families would be happy.

It tells me a lot about where they are, and I know I should spend some time looking at the list more carefully. I had jotted down answers. There is a lot to say about locus of control. Most felt responsible as if it were in their command to make their family happy. If only I do this ... then it will be better. A lot of it like I said, related to chores. Somehow, we will work this through and try to advance their thoughts. I’d like to get them thinking to a degree of ability that familieshave needs larger than if the client’s bed gets made and that they contribute to the psychological balance by reaching for goals either personal or family (group) orientated.

I’d like to hear one or two more such as "if we went to church," or if we were able to go on vacation." Though, I know one of my lower functioning the one I’d mentioned earlier who had cried, said her family would be happy if they could go to Mexico. That was I believe the most impressive. She was able to think as a member of the family unit without being so self serving. Pretty cool.

The reason I keep going back to the families is that in truth only about 20-25% could ever really work, at least from our agencies ability to shake down communty jobs. This is a center weak area. But, the family is going to be around most their lives. For many, they will continue throughout to live with family, but for many ... they will be bridled with child roles unless they can break out and learn to think for themselves. It’s very hard for us to see them report back that they are just told what to do and lack real conversations of any depth with parents or siblings.

They are often given minor family roles, beyond tasks. Would be nice to see they were a source of inspiration, humanity, hope, laughter, etc. Things that we all value about being in relationship to one another. They should be recognized in the family as being gifted in being able to accomplish so much especially due to disability. Hehe I want them to be amazing! Cuz, in my heart that’s where they reside to me. I long for the moments the clients surprise the hell out of their folks. Like Wow! I’d never thought! I want them to have more a spot light for being real contributors.

I don’t know ... maybe I’m on my high horse with rose-colored glasses again. Not sure. But, I can see things, I believe, in clients that I think others miss. Just remembering one of the things that happened yesterday. When I walked into Sr.’s office the first time, I couldn’t help noticing my very lowest level client sitting in her office. I knew that she’d been giving staff a hard time. She’s been getting upset and cries loudly, bangs head on table and will hit herself. She is very intolerant of change or direction.

Sr. looked at me through frustration and said, this one is yours, right? Automated, "Uh huh." Then she said, she’s been here long enough, why don’t you take her to your office. "Uh huh." She didn’t want to take my hand though ... I knew she was going to be afraid I’d take her back to her room. She doesn’t do well with change and her DSP’d been on vacation all week. Subs come in thinking they can change things for the better. Like right.

So, with assistance of one of the client’s sister who was in, we all walked down to my office, then Sr. Followed with a can of colored pegs to be inserted in holes ... one of her favorite activities. We pulled her chair up to my desk and we were set. I figured we would do a little work with her on the tolerance. First, I stayed on the same desk with her. She was doing well with that. I shuffled papers and she seemed to adapt ok. The first change was that I reached in my desk and found a big bright colored marble. I rolled it to her. She smiled and rolled it back and forth a few moments. As soon as she lost interest I took it back and placed in drawer. Then I worked a little. Then after about 10 minutes I was able to bring her attention back to the big computer. I said, "Look ... Fishes." I have a very realistic aquarium of computer fishes. She looked up smiled, then went back to her work. I thought great! You’re doing wonderful! I’d interrupted her twice with success. Usually if anyone bothers her she starts to pout and will eventually build up to tears. Next, I went back to work about 10 more minutes then I opened my side drawer next to her and brought out a picture. "Look ... this is a picture of my family!" I said, "This is me, This is my son ..." She stopped what she was doing to look at the pictures. I marveled! Then as soon as she looked away, I took back the picture. It was very important I didn’t infringe on her boundaries. Just wanted her to open the door a little.

The last part didn’t work quite right, because we were interrupted, but I think it would have. I said, "Look... we’re going to set the timer and when it goes beep, beep, beep." it’s going to be lunch time. I repeated the beep, beep, beep a couple of times. It was only 10 minutes away. I wanted her to look up and change her behavior when it went off. Unfortunately, like I said, we were interrupted. Sister sent a higher functioning client to retrieve her. BUT, the thing is that she needs some markers and I haven’t gotten the staff to understand this person’s eccentricities.

75% good though. I like these periods of actually working with the clients. And, she seemed happy with the quieter atmosphere that we’d presented her. This is a real good thing. I think that I will ask if Sr. is determined to change the structure of this group that both this client and my one other in that group go to the new staff. I have a lot more hope to change her means of "dealing" with my client than the other DSP who’s been here past her welcome.

Shoot, shoot ... V? You following along? One of those long Ayn-type entries that you love so much. Hehehe

Got a lot on my mind!

Ahh, just did another glucose test, because it’s been another couple of hours since testing. This time it was 183 a drop of 92. Good. Good girl! I want to wait eating until it’s completely back in normal range, instead of taking a regular mid-morning snack. I can do this. It sure makes a lot of difference getting a prescription for test strips. Only $10-15 for a month instead of $75-80 per. I can deal with that. A little conflict though in poking yourself for blood and waiting before typing starts again. Shoot, shoot. I think I’ll try waiting for a range under 100 before eating. Of course within reason. That means hopefully two more hours to drop another 83. Possible, possible. It be 11:30 lunch time then anyway. :)

LOL - if I can systemize this, I think I’ll be able to handle it. Who knows, maybe even give the Flylady a run for her money today? Maybe...

Almost all my early morning gone ... but, you know I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the organizational project right?

Ahh man ... we’re on borrowed time now. I’ve just downloaded the Paper Tiger at home here. She worked! I really dislike the companies that set their CD’s not to work after first computer set-up. That’s totally unrealistic.

Hmm, a bit of time has passed ... I have to get going though. I’d just started to get into Paper Tiger and we got word that we’re going to instead babysit for about 4 hours. Ouch, ouch back hurts from quick pick-ups. Table tops cleaned in living room, litter box fresh, and garbages empty, that’s the emergency level cleaning round here.

I don’t think we’ve sold V. on this point, but we’re going to try 50 minutes her time, 10 minutes my time. I want to help GD understand it’s important GM gets her kind of fun time too. We’ll share the clock. The rest of 50 minutes her fun time. Sounds like quite the deal. Hmm, she’s coming over just in time for lunch too! :) Smart move Dad! I also told him if she mentions vacuuming, I will expect him to volunteer! Hmpf & a Giggle!