Over in a Day

Good morning. Just me. We’re up early again this morning, but the difference is that I am on "Vacation!" Well sort of ... we’re on sick leave. The big difference is "No work!" An entire four more days off, Yipeeeee!

LOL - we’ve had easier breaks though. We did some baby surgery yesterday. We were at the hospital by 7 and home by 4 with a couple of Subway sandwiches AND the required milk shake! Mmmm, just remembered our friend had put some ice cream in our fridge. Perfect! Turns out to be M&M vanilla fudge! YAYYYYY!

We didn’t understand the part of what the Doctors did. We had a hernia and he had said before hand that it was a classic and they’d be making 3 small holes in my abdomen, but after surgery, it was obvious that there were at least 12 holes, maybe one or two more. The doctor wasn’t available afterward, so I don’t know might have to wait two weeks for checkup to figure it out? Or, maybe I can call his nurse when I get to a phone on Monday. At this point, it would seem the hernia was a lot bigger than he may have imagined. Just not sure.

The pain is something that can be negotiated. It is present only slightly when just sitting (not straining), but when straining it hurts. Today, isn’t as bad as yesterday if I don’t have to bend all the way to the ground. Course that may be something do to the happy pill they’ve given. I think its called Vicodin. Not, a real strong one maybe, but I know I’m going to make it. I walk kind of funny though, kind of bent over in an old person fashion. I don’t think I’m going to make my psychiatry appointment today. It’s a long ... almost a couple of blocks walk. I think that would be pushing it. Maybe Monday, before I return to work. The best case scenario would be that my friend comes back in time and I can use his phone. We’ll have to see.

The experience wasn’t so bad in itself. I had to be there at 7 am and surgery started on schedule at 8:30 am. Couple of hour procedure, then recovery. That was a little longer ... kept falling back to sleep. The nurses were pretty good and there was a sense of moving forward. I think the whole thing went more smoothly than a trip to the emergency room. The deal was I could go home as soon as I could use the washroom. They couldn’t give me a bigger person’s wheelchair so I ended up walking to the car (shortcut) and then it was all over. Sweet!

When we got home our friend said that we didn’t have to bring my work up from the car. We didn’t argue much, though I think in a day or so sitting around watching TV might get old. At least, and especially the good part is that I can sit at the computer. The nurse said that as long as I was up, I should stand-up and walk around a bit. So, that is good enough for me. Whoops, already coffee is ready, hold on :)

Ahh washroom stop and picked up a warm blanket too. Might as well be comfortable!

So, beside all that ... oh yeah, there is another medical update.

I made it to the doctor's appointment Monday. It seems as if there will be a few more things to do after surgery. I'm having trouble keeping it all in my mind, but the doctor wants to now check my lungs and for sleep apnea. She's running some more tests, one that will require a 12 hour fast. I'm still having trouble with my back due to the arthritis and feet and she's worrying over left leg for something. She's pretty sure I should be on an 1800 calorie diet, she's added a couple new medicines, and I'm going to have to start glucose testing again. This is in addition to still keeping appointments for my eyes, nutrition, and physical therapy. Diabetes, cholesterol, and thyroid seem to be going along as fine as can be expected. No way of getting out of being a multiple, but the anxiety and depression that goes with it is pretty stable. Think that’s all the problems. *Sigh*

I know ... one thing at a time. I can do this.

I’ve gotten over the toughest part now ... well, maybe that and an 1800 calorie diet. That seems pretty not fun. I know, I know ... life change, only a life change.

Need to get out of this frame of mind for a while. I AM on vacation! Think I would like to write little and read a lot. We’re very happy to be reading yet on organizing. All the costs incurred this past couple of weeks in setting up the program, seem to have gone through the bank. So, we’re all set up and ready to go. Hopefully, by the time we get back on Monday, the last part will have come in. That’s the Paper Tiger software we’d talked about last entry. I think on that one we went the free delivery in 7-10 business days.

We spent some time on Monday and Tuesday setting things up and working it out. I was making good use of the time and I got a few small projects accomplished which made me feel good. I love the new order on my desk. I made the divider cards for all of my different work areas, and we added one more group of divider cards. We listed out our day in time segments. I think we’re going with 7:30-9:00, 9:00-11:30, 11:30-12:00, 12:00-1:00, 1:00-2:00, 2:00-2:30, 2:30-4:00 and 4 and beyond. It works out in my head and includes natural breaks that are going on with the clients and other staff. So, the new idea is not only to take certain cards out of the pile for accomplishment that day, but to estimate by time segments goals for each task. That’s Howard’s idea. He distinctly separates to do lists for those tasks that get scheduled in a planner. It has to do with making a commitment to get things done.

The key work area where we’re going to be shutting our door is the period between 9:00-11:30. That I think is going to get reserved for CARF as soon as we finish the last annual report to be written up. That makes me feel good. I found our CARF manuscript too before leaving. That will be the first project brought up from the car. We need to be planning on what to do there first. I know there is a couple of Reports to finish, not sure if I’ll do them first or something else. For those of you newer to our journal, CARF is a major project of ours to take care of our center’s accreditation. It’s a pretty encompassing project. Lot of time, but its been put on hold while preparing for the State inspection that is now over. Always something next and next on the schedule. I don’t have one of those jobs that is ever completable.

I’m not sure how my plans for staff training have faired out. I used Sunday to set up a 17 week course of events. It involves spending a private half hour with each of the eight DSPs going over job improvement material. I decided that we could use each of the terms in the employee evaluation tools. The first one is quality of work. So, from the Internet we pulled some stuff together and made a 30 statement survey. Beside that, we made up personal "I can" statements that corresponded to the first. So that if you wanted to strongly agree with a statement (be very positive), you would follow a path of taking personal responsibility.

I left the project with Sr. Tess on Monday, so we’ll find out how that goes when we get back. We’ll see, we’ll see. I think it was good thinking though. Hope, hope ...

Whoops, more coffee and V’s on-line ... YaYYYYYYYYY

Whew, next time put blanket up on couch. Bending sucks!

Hmm, back again. Whoops nother stretch/cup o’coffee. Maybe go wake up that lazy cat of mine in th back bedroom snoozin! Ohh, he’s up!! Maybehe was laying on my blanket. Ahh, good coffee, good stretch. And, good kitty pet. Hmm, kitty treats on the house!

Well, what else is there to think up this morning? Kind of getting excited to get back into the organizational stuff, but not sure if I shouldn’t take a nap first. Hmm. Maybe first reading ... just 30 pages left of the book I’m reading. Yep, yep ... that THEN nap. :)

Pretty good, pretty good!

All in a week or two!

Ahh, good morning! Just me. We’ve been up playing with our buddy the last couple of hours. Leaves a big grin on our face! But, we figured we should get into some "work" as well. Well, at least as much work as free writing gets!

Not sure as where to start with the day. Maybe I should clear up a few things. First, the house. Macadam and I talked about it and we pretty much decided that we were going to have to let it go. We got hung-up with my second son Tanner. A few years ago, I’d co-signed a car loan with him. The mortgage company needed proof from him that it was he that was paying the loan not me. This became an impossible feat for son. PLUS, I can’t get past the point of how worried Macadam is that I’ll have enough money for everything. There’s a small chance that something still could go through, but not likely.

Next, is the State Inspection on Tuesday. That seemed to go very well. Well, almost. Sister is frustrated because we only got 98%. 2% was lost with the DSP deal where her background wasn’t coming up right. We knew that was going to be a trouble spot from the start. I’m very relieved it was only a couple of points, and not our license!

Between this and the staffing on Wednesday, I was a pretty relieved girl by Thursday! I did, however, not like how the staffing went. The Administrator, DSP, and rep. from the state decided to all trigger my client. They kept repeating especially the state rep ... If you do this ... then you are going to jail! He kept saying I won’t do that, I don’t want to go to jail. Please stop. BUT, the lady continued to badger harshly as might a prosecutor.

She doesn’t even know him or what he’s capable of processing or how much difficulty it will cause his mind. She had no business doing that. PLUS, we got into this literal discussion. I was saying that her tactic was "aversive" where I’d been trying positive reinforcement. We were both sure our own the better. BUT, I know by regs and accreditation, I’m in the right! There is nothing to back up the poor practice of terrifying a client to get your point across. BLAH! I’m not against letting him know consequence, but it should be done if anything ... matter of factly, not hard-line accusatory and threatening. Dumb stuff!

Anyway as I was saying ... we’re over those major hurdles. We won’t have to go through State Inspection for another year, AND I’ve no more annual meetings until middle of June. YAYYYYYYY

So, where does that leave us? HEHE PLAY!!! LOL well, sorta. I’d like to say without that much pressure and stress, work again DOES feel like play. And, doing that we are.

For the last month and a half, we’ve been trying to work through some bugs in our own system. The last two weeks we’ve inundated ourselves with concern. You see first Friday of January, we had an Administration meeting. At that time, I’d been dropping the ball as far as follow-up on some of my obligations. My boss chose the forum of the meeting to throw out on the table how displeased she was with me. I’m not saying that was the right format, but it did catch my attention. PLUS, I knew I was slipping up. Couldn’t keep everything attuned. I’d let go of my organization. I thought I was too busy to keep up with it. Alas, that’s not the right way to go.

So, I’ve been figuring and figuring. PLUS, the government was nice enough to deposit a small return to my bank which allowed a few purchases. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy shopping on the Internet? Hehe

The first thing I got was a new program. It’s still in the mail, but at least now on its way. The program is called, "Taming the Paper Tiger." It has to do with using your computer and files together. You got it ... a new SYSTEM!!!! Can’t tell you how much we LOVE new systems! A couple of weeks back, we’d already started to prepare. We’d watched all the training videos of how this program worked, so we’d reordered our main file drawer on the left side of my desk. We still need to get rid of the dead files in the credenaza/computer desk AND I’ve got ineffective records on the right side of the desk. But, the point is we started.

We got a stack of hanging files and numbered them one through 31. Then for the time being, I set up my laptop on my writing desk and noted the papers that were going in these files. So, it’s like having a chart of accounts. This is an action file. Only things going here were things that were still open and in need of processing. With this technique it allowed me to get rid of all that odd paperwork that was on my desk and incomplete. I also moved around the things on my desk so the laptop was directly in front of me and could be pulled forward or back AND I put the calculator to the right which freed up some desk space. I also have on this desk a candy dish of loose pop change, a little owl statue, a desk light, a picture, and my 3x5 cards. That’s it. It’s a nice size desk and holds all of these well.

On the 3x5 cards, I’ve set them up so there is a marker card for each day of the week and one card for things more than a week away. At the top left of the card in a box, I write the category the card falls such as clients, administrative, annual meeting, whatever. Then I write date and time. Then if there is any corresponding paperwork, I right in the top right corner the action file number that goes with it. Then I write a title under the subject, such as a client’s name, or for example a computer subject could be titled, "Paper Tiger." Then, I write a summary of the individual task and its steps, or other detailed information. A lot of cards require extra notes or responses which we write on the back of the card in the process of processing. It becomes a great hard copy of single tasks from start to finish.

The task could come from anywhere. Sometimes it’s the boss, a client or a staff. Sometimes it comes through the mail, our regular routine tasks, or a personal observation. Wherever. Then the cards are sorted according to day I think I can process them. Inevitably things change, new duties are added, tasks are completed, or put off due to more time needed. But, the system is very flexible. I’m learning to pick up a new blank card any time something new is presented.

Now this next week, we’ll refine the new system even more. We ordered (and it came in last night) a long 14" file box for the completed 3x5 cards. We also ordered a new sorter file that includes numbers 1-31 and the month’s of a year. Plus there are some colored tabs. The sorter is going to be the new way of sorting the day to day cards with tasks written on them. It won’t be such a clutter to my desk because I’ll keep it in the upper left hand desk drawer and I’ll be able to better plan out into the future with it. The box will sit next to the wall behind the calculator. I write completed on the cards with a highlighter marker along with the date, which gives me a great sense of pleasure. The cards will be filed behind tabbed cards with the different category names. Yes, this is how my mind processes! *Silly grin*

I have in mind from other attempts at order the proper categories which go with all my job functions. Plus each of the clients will have there own tabbed section. As well, part of the processing of a card made on a client is that on the big computer we keep what is called, QMRP chrononotes. This is a summary of all the major changes orinteractions with the clients. This will eventually make it to the client’s file and will be discussed while writing the monthly Qnotes.

Now comes a fine point of distinction. Back to the laptop. I have a really fine, fine "organizer" already on both my computers and I can transfer info to one computer and get it to the next. But, pretty much I use the organizer on the laptop or at least that is the screen left up on it the most.

The organizer allows me several different avenues of action.  One of the most important is this camilian calendar which switches 7-8 different views including two page planner, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and yearly views.  I use many of them, but usually start off with two page planner.  On one side you schedule hours in a day.  On the other side appears your to-do list, projects, outgoing phone calls, and a little notepad.  Pretty damn cool.  There are a lot of card to-do things, but for the bigger projects it will be important to schedule them for 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours a day.  Hmm, the organizer has a planner too.  For up to 15 categories you can schedule in 4 major projects a day ... Have to give that more thought.  It's going to be really important that whatever is written and then filed on those cards (beside client data) is that I don't have to write anything twice.  Hmm, as long as we have the planner for projects, maybe we could use the two-page deal to include a loose list of what ACTUALLY happens during the day.  Sometimes that's a big difference than what was planned.  Thinking that sounds pretty good.  Because it would allow us to analyze how things are actually going.  Like if one day a DSP shows up 5 times.  That's the kind of thing you want to discourage!

Lordy only knows how I ended up with two computers. Hehehe. Think it started out when my big one was down. I took one of the extras. We’d ordered 11 laptops through a grant at the same time I got my big one. Six eventually went to staff and the remaining four are being used by a set of 8 clients. Bingo! Two computers for Mwa! Since nobody complained, we thought just ... well, marvelous!

Most of the writing and Internet usage or anything permanent like projects and such I do is on the big computer, but it is very convenient to have on my main desk something to take notes with in general or from the phone or people walking in. It also keeps my phone numbers. We’re going to go back to using the organizer more fully, and the laptop will also host the Paper Tiger software for my new filing system. It is very nice to be able to use it without having to turn around and skirt the five feet back to the other desk (credenza with tall back cabinet).

Anyway back to the new system ... The paper tiger ... now that’s where the beauty lies. Basically, one of the reasons I got the colored tabs was that the product people say that anything that can be numbered can be added easily to the program. The filing system boasts that its not about putting things away as much as retrieving information as necessary. This is going to be a wonderful, wonderful thing. Especially, due to our poor memory.

I’ve worked with client files for a long time and that system is all good. Basically, each client has a hard one inch plastic hanger file and they sit beautifully in a very assessable two drawer lateral file between the two desks. As an aside, on top of the lateral file is a "kick-ass" printer and my hole puncher and on the credenza alongside the computer is this nifty scanner. This for us middle of the world management people is a dream come true.

It is not big office, but one that is very, very accommodating of a good work flow and aesthetics. Nice view outside, pictures and a few plants. About the only other thing in it is the coat rack, two guest chairs, a long window ledge of books, and a garbage can. I think I’m going to make a play for getting the paper shredder back in our office. Think it was taken out when it was still flooding, but its not getting properly used cuz its now too far away. Hmm good idea.

Ooh Ooh!!! I just used one of my next play items that also came with the UPS guy last night. I bought a little Phillips pocket recorder called Memo 381. With that I bought a dozen ½ hour tapes. The idea is to record my thoughts away from the office that can be used for the office. This way while at home, driving, or at the doctor’s office, or any place in general, if I have an idea ... we can, then later recall it back at the office where it’ll be more productive! I guess you could say that this is my 3x5" cards while I’m on the move. YAYYYY! Life’s so fun!

Wish there was someway I could carry it around easily without my coat on so I could take notes when I’m out of the office getting tasks from the Administrator or staff. Hmm, have to think on that some.

Anyway, back to the Paper Tiger software ... There are quite a few screens I haven’t seen, but the main deal is an open screen with tabs across the top. Each tab represents a location with items. Items can be files, folders, magazines, books, archived storage, whatever. The key is that any one of these locations can hold things that are numbered.

Each item is then recorded with information such as, it’s title, it’s due date if any, and key words that you may later associate with it. Like one set of key words could be "client, the name of the client, Annual report, incomplete, due date 2-20-05, The thing that makes this program soooo much fun is that you can enter any one of these key words and the information and its location will automatically present itself through the find feature.

It can also list reports of things such as all the items in one location, or all the items pulled up with a keyword. You can also have anyone including a peer, the boss, a secretary, or a new person taking over the office a very easy key to finding absolutely anything. But, let’s say that I keep this job for the next 20 years. If they would allow me, believe me I would do this. I have that great of a job and office. 20 years give me a lot of time to be filing!

I know, I know ... what fun is that??? Man-o-man ... It is like having everything you hold in written resource available to you as easily as it is to owning your own personal Internet!!! Eventually, the system would hold all 80 feet of the books I own! So, even if I become daffier, I will still access the knowledge that surrounds me in reading material. I’ve always wanted to catalogue, but this is that and so much more. She laughs maniacally!

One reason a person would do such a thing is because they were darn right crazy ... but there are other reasons too? I get frustrated at not being able to recall important resources when there is so much information around me. Some of my books go back generally over 30 years. Some of the information is outdated, but I like to think that more of it was what led people to new conclusions.

For example, I might have a book on group dynamics that was very good 25 years ago. It is still going to have key elements that are applicable today, or at least give me the vocabulary to update myself via the real Internet. Right now, I can’t recall what was in it. But, I could list key words from the chapter or first paragraphs of each chapter, so that now I’d be able to enter key word, "play therapy." and I wouldn’t have to look through every book to find it.

Might be a real nice asset if I were to be writing a report on one of the lower levels of clients who are processing at this level. Or, if I were presenting at a staff training meeting why I might choose to interact with a client in one way or another. I can’t tell you enough of how much I like to write and think and discuss. Sure, sure come in handy. I want to be able to provide information that is usable to them.

I’ve been working and working at trying to think through how to build a bridge between my knowledge or potential knowledge and the DSP’s. We’re talking of a group of people who have barely finished high school. It seems that half of the staff, I’ve got 8, can hardly write. But, if I knew the material well enough, I would be able to condense and make things simple. As well, my interactions with the clients.

With the responsibilities of CARF where they were always looking for new modes of excellence in the field, I might someday contribute quite a lot. I was very encouraged the last accreditation where my series of Business reports received special merit. Those reports were good because of all the information they included about actual Center practices. To now throw in a little knowledge!?? Wow!!!

Oh yeah ... something I’d forgotten. We got in the mail this week an invitation to a series of meetings down at Springfield (Illinois Capitol). The meetings would take place for one week each over the next three years. After attending the meetings, you would carry the extra title of being a community programmer. This would be a very big deal in that it is a very strong element of what all CARF is about. Getting people with developmental disabilities out working with or in the community. It would fit nicely with the grass roots effort I’ve been involved with the past on the citie’s south side network. They look for projects to support which would give me the ability to do something for a greater good. Pretty neat, hmm?

Hmm, I just recorded into memo an idea for future thought. Wouldn’t it be great if we used the client and their laptops which could be networked into the same paper tiger system keywords for developmental disabilities. What a nice contribution to the community. Hmm, have to think of it thought next to the speed I could do the same as we’ve been discussing. Hmm, just a thought.

Not sure where we are now. Felt a little megalomania like for a second.

Ok, Ok ... there is one more big subject that I’d like to discuss that is included of this new world order we are trying to invent for ourselves. See the last projects are very important because I want to be a productive person in society and this concept of order fits into personal broad lifelong goals. It’s what career thinking is all about.

Hmm, another aside ... we, came across this again this week. It is our personal mission statement we made a few years back. Still feels pretty good.

"I will respect myself by being honest with my thoughts and feelings.  I will love myself, my God, my family, my friends, and people I meet along my path.  I will honor my freedom and independence and cherish my right to make choices.  I will strive to be capable.  I will be responsible for happiness, and I will share whatever wisdom I learn in offering help to others."

You see ... this is what feels most important to me. And, all our thoughts now are saying Yeah! Go for it!

Well, you see the last part of our thoughts this week went to another system. We joined a club. It’s called the "Taylor Time Club." I don’t see it any differently as our membership in another professional organization, "AAMR". The club is headed by Harold Taylor who is an "Effective Time Management" Consultant. In the last 25 years, he has written 15 books and about 50 other projects sold in 38 countries. WooHoo! He’s like a Hall of Fame guy in Canada as far as author’s go and in his industry he’s at the top, or at least has made a site on the Internet that is supposed to carry the most information on time management there is. We saw a presentation where he was talking before 1,500 business people ... we figure that’s good enough to make us listen.

You get some special deals with being a member (at cost - Thank you Uncle Sam). It includes 200 articles, audios, 6 books, booklets, courses, manuals, guides, reports, tips, newsletter, video, and training instruments. I’m just floored with how productive this guy really is. So for awhile, we are going to allow ourselves to be under his guroship! We were referred to him through the Paper Tiger presentations. For all simple purposes, he shall now be called, "Harold."

This is kinda like, really, a pretty big deal. We’d like to think of it as a major life marker development. As in our mission statement we are going to strive to be capable. You see ... there is absolutely nothing standing in our way. We’ve got conducive values, job, family, friends, etc. and no one is holding us back! Beside the two kitties I’m under no personal obligation to be taking care of anything, except what’s running in my mind at the moment. Why not make it spectacular!??

LOL as one last aside ... I think Harold meet FlyLady, Flylady, Harold. Let's go make babies!!!

Be nice now V. I'm not REALLY overworking this, *innocent look*

Back again! Sorry, we’ve been so fickle with our writing. Pretty much figurin not much to say that hasn’t been heard before, but this dismisses the fact we love to write and am planning to write a very long entry. Maybe after Tuesday’s State meeting, we’ll get back to our "story," but for now SUPERBOWL 39! Yayyyyy Eagles! Been in Jacksonville all morning with the Reporters of ESPN. I will probably be so ecstatic by the time the game’s on we’ll fall asleep.

Wanted to say a word of appreciation that although we haven’t been writing, the people we still read are out there writing. Very pleasurable to sit down and catch up on where everyone is at. And, Barb ... if you read this entry ... Megan should call the police! There, I feel my conscious has been cleared!

We had a bad work week the latter part of this week. But, for a half good reason toward personal inroads. Macadam and his wife made an offer on a house and it was accepted. This happened on Wednesday and my mind’s been going ever since. He’s selling his condo which is more our price range than the place he is getting. Well at least, close to our price range. Still a real expensive thought. His new place closes on March 4th, and we’re trying to arrange some (pre-approval) financing before anyone beats us to the deal. If they do it will be fair. We’re offering $5,000 less. It’s necessary for us especially because the cost of their condo association is so high, but if he gets a better deal, he really might have to take it. He still has to be concerned on money needed to put down on his new place. It’s one of those things where it will either happen or not. Gives us a chance in the meantime to flex our abilities on some higher-minded number crunching.

Trying not to look too far forward, but we’ve gone through a process this week of querying, "Is this really what we want? How would it work? Can we do this?" No one can really make this choice, but us. By this time, it feels like more an opportunity than not, but things are happening to allow us to slow down and think it out.

I feel good in that our supportive circle of friends and family are positively strong. The people we talk to and trust are encouraging with the thoughts of going for it. And, it provoked us to get our taxes done early. No loss there, even though it meant we only came up with a $400 tax "bonus," but that’s about half a mover’s cost. Just can worry about one thing at a time. It turns out there are loans out there for people like me who have had credit problems in the past where we can purchase houses for no money down or for not having closing costs. This is kind of a scary thought all by itself. I do have other things going for me ... like an income and no credit card debt. Biggest financial decision having to be made is that I’d have to give up smokes to maintain the "extra" spending I like. By extra we’re talking enough to keep ourselves slightly in the black by about a hundred or two and taking ourselves out to dinner once a week. LOL - vacations? What the h*** is that! Better our mainstay is good.

I would be more concerned, but it seems that no matter what, we’ve been making it on our own this way for the last 11 years. No reason to think we won’t continue.

The act of owning a house is something we went through in our journal back in November as far as planning for our future. But, at that time I’d convinced myself there wasn’t available housing that could be bought in our price range. On Thursday, we were approved for a loan, but the company is costing us out at a higher rate than normal, because of a debt we’ve been paying for on an overpayment from the government. We’re restricting ourselves. What they offer financially should not be an option to us. It’s TOO much. Think the company is looking more at their bottom line than our own self interest. From what I understand, this other mortgage lender isn’t viewing it the same way. We’ll have to see. We have to finish gathering some papers before going back to work tomorrow and that will go to the underwriters. After that, we’ll learn their "deal." This second lender has asked for more things, but have been fairer and more humanistic with them, where the other company asked for few things, but were tougher and stingier. *Sigh* It’ll either happen or it won’t. It’s a game of wait and see. I’d like to have been the gamers that had coined the board game name of "Risk."

Now we are in an apartment that rents out pretty high. We made decisions before of living at a certain quality of life that included a second bedroom and balcony, plus some nice furnishings. The condo would offer us the same. It’s more economical doing a condo that includes some major maintenance costs than purchasing a single home with our lame back. The balcony looks over this nice green expanse of land and its been noticed that it would lead our kitties to a "goose" show. I look out at our wonderful bistro table and chairs and think, "Yes, I could retire with these images." We’ve decided we would get the necessary confluence that we needed to improve our lifestyle.

The condo is six miles further out from work and toward city traffic, I’ll have to make adjustments, but the new place would be right down the road from the expressway I need to take, so we figure that’s ok. Big thing is that we’d own our own place and be putting money into our future. We’d have to take out a 30 year loan and that is bothersome in that in 20 years I’ll want to retire and will have to worry about household income and payments. But, the way Bush is messin around we’re all going to worry in 20 years. I figure there will be at least two options. I will either rent out the other bed room eventually, or we’ll look at one of those backward loans where older people sell back their profits for a current income. I would have had worse troubles with this in an apartment, because there is no potential savings. The best case scenario would be that I have a little something to pass down to kids.

The condo is also a little bit smaller than the apartment I’m now in. But, given the conditions of my disabilities - especially ability to clean and move around, maybe smaller is better. AND, it is just slight. I’ve figured out the only thing I may have to let go of is the extra set of bedroom dresser and desk. I would make that choice if I couldn’t fit in the second (computer) table in the second bedroom. I’m thinking that might be necessary considering I’m going to want to keep a full bed in the 2nd room. I get some relieve in moving from third floor down to second. Still thinking we need tall enough so that we can allow balcony door open for kitties without fear of them getting loose. Anyone know if a kitty will jump down from 2nd floor? If lured by live meandering geese on the lawn? They sure do love to bird-watch!

Couch was one of the first major considerations. But, it turns out the living room is 17x12 and the L-shaped couch is 12x8. Gives us, of course, 5 ft on one wall and 4 on the other. This is good, because we didn’t want the living room sticking out in the hallway, or having to jump over the couch to get into the living room. :) I LOVE the couch!

I also really love the way my apartment works out now. If you’d been around the last half year, you would know that we redecorated our place. I’ve got furniture, drapes, pictures, shelves and such all where I would ideally want them. But, then I figure as long as everything fit ... the good part, all this stuff, will look beautiful no matter what the order we put them. Drapes of course will go from one set of balcony doors to the other. Might shoot ourselves if we had to give them up. I love them! Also figure that the spare living room and dining room will hold the six sets of bookshelves.

Hmm, just thinking I could keep the 2nd bedroom furniture AND tables if the deal falls though on the walking equipment. Not sure how that work out. Tanner is offering this exercise equipment if we can get it out of the house and put it together again. He moved into a smaller place this last month and couldn’t take it all with him. Macadam has volunteered to help which I appreciate tremendously. He said it is a $2,700 machine and it would be wasteful to lose it. Believe me, I could really use it. If I keep this place, its going to end up in our living room in front of the sliding glass doors and if we got the new place it would end up in the master bedroom. Fortunately it’s a nice room, 17x11. Shoot, sure hope Macadam gets to talk to his brother this weekend about the car loan documents that I will need. It’s a leftover from having co-signed a car loan with him.

There are some other advantages too. Bath has just been done and the fridge and oven are new. Chances are we’d be left the dishwasher too. That be a Yahoo! I’m pretty sure I saw a built-in at Macadam’s new place. The place was painted not too long ago, but Macadam said he would help fix up a few things with us. That be real nice. I’d still have to worry about new floors or carpet, but what’s there is definitely liveable. Think I might have to be more economical in the kitchen. Less cupboard/counter room. But, I wouldn’t use much of the front hall closet across from the kitchen. Could add a little pantry with some shelving. Lord knows, we don’t use too much storage space with our food. Same with the double closet in the bedroom. We really have few clothes and shoes. Hmm, it be our own place. Wonder if we could put in a washer dryer? Hmm better ask Macadam.

There is another thought that we’ve been having. The last apartment we lived in Minnesota was smaller. The condo is bigger than that, but there was a feeling in that apartment of being very economical in movement. There wasn’t any extra clutter ... the lines were clean and simple. There was a place for everything. Not much more than that, but we were happy. Content with what was our life. There is one last side issue too with the news place, in that when our granddaughter would come to stay over, she’d find herself back in her old room. Like to give her that security. Hmm, maybe we’ll have to borrow some toys though. Oh yeah, we’ve got our computer! Smart kid!!

*Sigh* But, then it might not work out. I’d have to look at it as no pain, no gain. Would kick myself later if I’d neglected to check things out. Hope, hope, hope for the best!

In other news, things are pretty much the same, except the major deadline is now upon us. Tuesday to be exact. I really need to put in some time today on the project, but am still fighting it. Been trying to work through mind crinkles on the project. Basically, I need to have four good files ready for the inspector’s to look at. I chose my four files (the one’s that looked the best), but I still have some Qnotes to finish up on them. Just now, I’m not sure I like the Qnotes for one of the women. I’d realized late Friday that the DSP really messed them up. She did not write goals for the last 5 months on one of the goals. I had 12 files that are also doable, but weren’t as perfect as the first set of files. It depends, in that they are clear for the inspection, but close to expiration. By that I mean physicals would be ok on the 8th, but by the 11th, they’d be expired. Not sure if that won’t mess us up. Probably won’t, but didn’t want to take the original risk. *Sigh* On the good side, a couple of those files belong to people who have already had most the Qnote complete. Wouldn’t be as much a crunch on Monday if I changed over.

There is no way to escape the fact that once yearly inspection date is the worst day of the year. Feels like raw nerves. It wouldn’t have to be that way, but sister’s expectations are high. She’s not settled with 97%. She wants 100%. I’m already riding a rail, in that I know I didn’t do the goal work as the state might like. I did it as our DSPs could handle it, and at that, some of the DSPs AREN’T handling it yet. Part of the nerviness is that we’ve had to hide them from inspector’s view.

Sister’s added also a little more pressure on the game. It again has to do with DSP’s. There are five regular DSP’s and two assistants. Four out of the Five DSPs are disgruntled (near quitting or have already put in notice) and they are sharing bad attitudes with the new assistants. Sister is threatening to take away the assistants that the DSPs aren’t appreciating which believe me ... isn’t going to help resolve the situation.

Because Sister was mad at me for so much of the second half of last year, she allowed me minimum contact with the DSPs, even though I was the DSP Trainer. There has been practically no contact with the new people (Assistants). Sister’s view at the time was that she didn’t want me, "messing" with them and that HER DSPs could train their own help. She stated she didn’t want me talking with them, AND she stated she didn’t want me giving anybody anything in writing without her approval. She also built up "us against her" scenario. By that I mean, she developed relationships with DSPs to speak against me anytime they felt a whim or I pressured them, because she was looking for ammunition against to feed her anger at my perfectionism and desires to be a person of personal and professional worth.

We apparently have been in a joint power struggle. She asked them for the proof she wanted to discredit me and they got used to not making the DSPs deal with anything that was uncomfortable. Left to their own, they developed negative ideas like hers and complained the work was too hard, the client’s too impossible, and the paid hours not enough. They complained even though they got extra help. But, by now that has come back to bite her. But, she’s not allowing that. Without losing a beat, she is now blaming her mess on me. She says, "You’re the trainer, this is your problem. She says, "Get in there and fix it! I shouldn’t have to do everything!" ARGHHHHH!

Most the time, I took the advise of the consultant. He said just to continue doing good work. Nose to the grindstone thinking. I wasn’t perfect, but I know I’m as close as she got as to what should be happening. I still have problems protesting the workload in that when I get overwhelmed emotionally, I slow down to care for my bruised feelings, so then only the minimal gets accomplished. This is no good. I lack this amount of professionalism. I feel less than good too, in that ... part of my job is to cover the center’s shortages. She allows the DSPs to continue not completing their work which I then cover. And, she tried to make up for that by cutting my staff training sessions so that DSPs had more time to complete their work. DSPs took advantage of that and spent time wasted on mostly griping to one another. And, in the meantime, I had to now cover for all the training sessions that weren’t happening.

So, that pretty much brings us up today. I think the way the winds blown now, Sister and us find ourselves having to rely on one another more with not much trust between us. During this last couple of weeks, there have been some compromises. She’s been stopping by at my office to "talk things out." Which means we start resolving the problems she complains about. She still wants to have all the right opinions, but she is allowing for us to give input into the unstructured situation the center is now in. I wouldn’t dare tell her that she’s made mistakes, but that is fine ... she’s still the boss and I don’t have to go there. I can respect her position. I’m not sure yet, if after we get past this next couple of days, I won’t again find myself in the Administrative Dog House. Seems she keeps it rented out to somebody or another. We’ve taken on our share which has made the others staff happy, but things can’t go on as they were, or NOTHING will get done.

That’s the point ... how do we fix things ... with or without help. Fortunately, one of the factors in our favor was that I figured out before the pressure was on literally, that certain tasks were needed to be completed. I put my client files in order and wrote a staff training manual. I also developed an order that made it more difficult for us to forget the little things we were dropping due to our poor memory. Think this is self-sabotage as was not completing Qnotes over our available time during the Christmas vacation. We were at a "f***it point" ... me first thinking. If somebody is going to hurt me, damn, I’ll do it myself before giving other the satisfaction. Horrible business attitude. The kind we were trying to fight against with the others.

We were a little more hard pressed to hand over our accomplishment with the staff training manual (self-satisfaction - opposed to agencies), but one day I figured I would have to anti-up. It was a bad day where three different DSPs had come to me complaining. Each offered me information on how Sister had downed me with them in exchange for help figuring out their personal dilemmas with her. I know, I know ... this is really kind of sh**** display of thoughts. I’m not sure if this is how all business’ work, but it happens at our job and more importantly with me. Work has to be accomplished while personalities and egos clash. It’s the entity of the Center that we all NEED to direct our attention, because if we don’t do that ... we’ll have no forum for our idiosyncracies. This becomes our own SUPERBOWL come Tuesday. Need to be pulling our stuff together ... hence all the sudden writing. Need to work through it. Sure think we’d like the security of holding a job, especially if we were to get a new place!

Shoot, sure am writing a lot ... I hope that’s ok. Still got some more work to do. I figure that if we’re not part of the solution, we’re part of the problem. So, thus saying ... we’ve got to figure out how to get us, staff and Administrator back on track. Hmm, is that my job? One thing I’m pretty sure of ... everyone is going to want control over their own part. Think that’s one of the places I lost it with the Sister. She wrote on my last job evaluation that she couldn’t keep up with me, so I was supposed to stop moving forward. She actually stated, "do not think of anything new." I was giving her too many things to do, look over, or decide. Although, she went on to say my ideas were excellent, she stated she couldn’t keep up with all the things I was putting on her desk. Probably, because when I was real mad I would work very hard. Sometimes because I thought the work was necessary, but also sometimes to intimidate her. It was my way of saying, "Back-off!" I couldn’t tolerate she was restricting me to be less so she wouldn’t have to deal with me. Like paying me a huge bonus rather than saying thank you and sharing a meal. She micro-manages rather than allow people to think and confront her ideas. We acted out like an angry scorpion. There are no boundaries. She intrudes on each step or each role that she says we’re responsible for. Each becomes responsible, but with no authority.

The natural outcome of all that should be to develop then more depth on tasks already out there, like doing the dumb Qnotes. I know, I know they’re not dumb. But, they are like all the documents. She has no value in them, except she knows they have to be done for State or CARF. I knew this was a fascade. I resent working for no more than face value. I want my work to mean something. The difference was that she wanted me to do more with staff training, CARF accreditation, and client services without bothering her or the other staff with it. She asked for no change, but to look excellent in the eyes of the State and CARF. Everything I was doing was on paper and what is valued out in the community, but no follow-through in reality. Hell of job to have staff training when you aren’t allowed to talk with staff. Like making sweet lemonade out of no lemons. She wasn’t willing to share the power she wields in the making of corrections or balancing compromises. We knew her power to be unwieldy. With not only us, but the staff her decisions and control change with the wind to whatever her immediate thought is to maintain her concept of always being right. Staff is gun shy because of her unpredictability. For example, it doesn’t always pay off to question or try hard, because eventually whatever you do is going to make her angry and bitter. And, you can darn well bet, you’ll be yelled at or have privileges removed. People have trouble respecting their work, when they aren’t being respected.

For us, there was more to it. I figure we are working for a 78 year old nun who has already told us that it comes straight from Italy, that after she leaves there are no guarantees that the center will remain open because there are not enough nuns to go around. My only way of dealing with this was to do real work so that I’ll learn from my time put in. I want something to sell to whomever might get me next. I want to do things the right way because it is the right thing to do and doing this promotes positive change and real help to clients and world. I don’t want to get to the next company and say, "I am an excellent cheater. I know nothing of real work or connections, but I can bend all sorts of rules and work tight deadlines, can I help you out!"

Shoot, shoot ... still angry.

Be nice. Vince is going to have a heart attack reading all these negative thoughts. My psychiatrist is going to say, but you already knew your boss is cranky, and although intelligent, is an ineffective leader. And, the people who should read this, being my boss or friend/consultant aren’t going to get close to reading "my" truths, because they’re trying to hold on tightly to their own.

So, knowing all this ... what am I going to do? Bottom line is that I’m still going to have to do something or I’ll go nutty.

Coming Soon

Press Picture for Tour of PA and GroundHog Adventure!

Good LUCK VINCE!!!!!

Click here to hear Eagles Fight Song!  Yay V!!!!!!!

 

Sunday Morning

Good morning. It’s been a while since I wrote freely. Or, for awhile in general. We had thought that until we had caught up on our work at work, we could not afford time to be doing the journals. But, I miss it too much. And, although I could still be working at that work stuff ... it’s a Sunday within hours of Philly/Viking game and we’re a little too excited to be focusing on the hard stuff. God save our soul...

V says that there were people out tailgating in Philly since before 6 am this morning. Really made me feel like we should be lookin for a beer and steak. Eh, this be a dry house of late. Watching the piggy bank. But, there is news regarding financial expenditures this week. We decided finally to get cable. YAY!! Just got the basic service, but finding that it is pretty cool. Seems kind of silly to have been complaining about TV when all we were watching was network TV. *Sigh*

We’ll see in the long run if we can continue to afford it. Feels like I’m on the brink of leaving the low income to moderate income bracket to be affording cable. But, then there’s the realization that there is plenty of poor people who manage to afford cable. All is a matter of priority.

We’ve got really nothing critical to be saying of our life. Just some fluffy stuff. Been appreciating football a lot. Four out of the last six games our favorite team has one. But, I disqualify my talent in choosing teams. We’re still most often to pick teams due to our favorite Jerseys/helmets. Eh, we reserve the right to act female. Apology to those hard line girls who can keep up with the game.

Today we’re choosing the Eagles and the Patriots. We used to be a Vikings fan coming from MN, but the ties have died. Hmm, they are talking about Randy Moss on ESPN now. Have to admit he is a bit of a distraction. Thing is he’s still a great ball player and each adds their own unique element to the game. Let it go ... just stop making it a controversy.

Hmm, now they’re talking of Peyton Manning. They’re saying he is going to have to work hard to get to the Super Bowl, but they seem to like him pretty much. Seems like a mental battle to me. Don’t know much of his team. This is all pretty much new to me.

We saw a little a bit of the game with our friend yesterday. He didn’t seem as excited as we were. Think it was cuz he was getting his tummy rubbed. Hmm. Remember that next time. So much for getting some of our "deep" football questions answered.

Shoot, we’re being really distracted now ... keep turning around to watch the football entries. Wish I could say why. The first thought was that it was nice to hear the masculine voices in the house ... and I’m definitely not against a good derriere. Ahh McNab ... he sounds like a nice guy. With or without Terrel Owens. Figure Owens is like a ghost and if they get the ghost off the field they can make room for a new super star.

We moved our computer so that our back wasn’t lined up to the TV. I guess this big cable change means sharing our attention. I found a really nice site last week on the computer from NBA. They publish a depth screen showing all the different positions and players on both teams. That seemed to help us understand quite a bit.

Hmm, didn’t realize that ... whoever wins this one goes on to play Atlantic Falcons. Really liked their running game yesterday. Never seen something like that before. Ahh just seconds away now ... better refresh my drink. Get some ice water too!

Yeeks gottsta go!

Rembrandt Street - Chapter 9

Fighting the Right Fights

The walk to Lieutenant Snow’s apartment was short and brisk, but gave Mr. Willobee a chance to think about his neighborhood. All of the apartments on the block had been built by the same developer. They had been built in the 40's and had survived the urban renewal program that was raging the community. Housing had been hard to come to by because so many families and especially business owners were being put out due to the demolition of whole blocks. The costs had skyrocketed due to the shortage of homes.

Mr. Willobee held political positions of thought. While he didn’t want to put his family in danger, due to violence that was in the news, he’d been raised to understand people from the inside out and his education was heavily supported by the work of humanism done at Menninger’s Clinic in Wichita Kansas. In his classes at the University, he taught tolerance for the differences in others and communication in general.

He knew that some people had strong opinions of his University sprawling out through the community. It had been said, they were trying to establish for themselves a self serving island. He had kept up on the news of how many businesses were being closed down by the University. He was aware of the struggle from the parks to maintain their presence despite developers and he was aware of the communities fear of riots.

For a moment, Mr. Willobee just stood in front of the Snow’s apartment. He was preoccupied in his thoughts and he had neglected to frame his approach to Lieutenant Snow. Lieutenant Snow opened the door without Mr. Willobee having to knock. "Dr. Willobee, is it?" asked Lieutenant Snow, extending his hand.

Mr. Willobee responded by grasping the extended hand with a firm shake. "Yes, but please call me Robert. No one at the University is addressed this formally."

"Thank you" said Lieutenant Snow, "You may call me Carl. Come in, come in."

"Nice of you to allow me in with such short notice Carl."

"This wasn’t a problem," said the Lieutenant, "I understand that something happened while my daughter was at your place today. Here come sit in the living room, would you care for a beer?"

"No, no thank you, said Mr. Willobee I don’t want to interrupt your Saturday."

"No problem, I’m glad to meet one of my new neighbors."

The two men sat down in the living room. Mr. Willobee stated, "Let me get directly to the problem."

"Yes, please do that. I’ve heard of Alice talking favorably of the new girls she has met. They have given her a warm welcome."

"Yes, I would hope for that," chuckled Mr. Willobee. He then added more seriously, there was a problem today though. We’ve just in the last two weeks had another family move in underneath our apartment. Today, while the girls were in the rec-room down in the basement the Johnston’s grandfather had come down without the girls knowledge. Alice stumbled into him on the other side of the rec-room and he had been urinating in a floor drain. I’m afraid Alice saw this and was quite startled."

"What?" said lieutenant Snow. What kind of imbecile is he?"

"I’m not sure of the nature of his problems," said Mr. Willobee "We hadn’t had much contact with the Johnston’s family. They aren’t very social and they keep fairly busy with their work schedules. There is a mother and father, her parents and two girls seven and one."

"My God. This nut has children in the home and he doesn’t know any better?" Mr. Willobee could see that Lieutenant Snow was clearly upset. "Have you done anything so far about it?

"I’ve tried knocking on their door, but nobody has answered. I will try again when I go back. I’m hoping they’ll be in for dinner. I thought I should let you know though. I’m afraid I don’t know how it has affected Alice."

"Well, thank you for that." said Lieutenant Snow. "Alice hasn’t mentioned this to her mother or myself yet. I will talk to her directly."

"Good, good." answered Mr. Willobee.

"What do you plan to do with this Robert?" asked Lieutenant Snow. I could see the man brought up on charges of indecency with one call."

I’d like to hold off on that for the moment, although I will follow a sterner course if I don’t get the proper response. I would like to talk to him or the family first. I also have the option of talking to the building’s owner. I’m fairly sure, he wouldn’t put up with this kind of thing, but I’m thinking of that as a lower option which I would like to avoid."

"Good, Good," answered Lieutenant Snow. "I see your on top of this! I’ve run into this kind of guy before," continued Lieutenant Snow. "Of course I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but you can’t be too careful around kids."

"No, of course, I completely agree," responded Mr. Willobee. "I’ll make sure of course it doesn’t happen again."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Asked Lieutenant Snow.

"I’ll request that he be more aware of the negative influence of his behavior on the girls and not further intimidate them. That would seem reasonable enough."

"You could back that up with support from me, if you would like," reiterated Lieutenant Snow.

"Fine, I hope it doesn’t come to needing tactics that were more strong arm. I really believe this was just a mistake and can be worked out."

"You’ve got more patience than me," said the Lieutenant, but I’m willing to give it a try. Say, has this block started a block group yet?"

"No, no it hasn’t, but I understand many the other blocks have."

"Yes," said the Lieutenant, "the Police Department has been supporting the efforts of the block groups to work together in prevention of local crime. How do you think Rembrandt Street would respond?"

"Well," Mr. Willobee said, "It’s been a real good block for the 13 years we’ve been here. Crime hasn’t been too much of a problem. People get together over the fences and talk with one another. Kids get along and often play in front of the buildings."

"Yes, I noticed this. It was one of the reasons I was attracted to this block."

"Let me talk with my wife," said, Mr. Willobee, "she has more a handle on the block’s pulse. She has made quite a few friends over the years. Often my work keeps me more busy than it should, but I’d would be glad to support positive communication. I’ll get back to you Carl," he stated as he stood to leave.

"I’m glad I have had the chance to meet you Robert. Let me know on that other matter if there is any way I can help." The men stood up and shook hands and Mr. Willobee left. Mr. Willobee had a good sense from the meeting as had Lieutenant Snow.

Mr. Willobee had tried knocking again on the Johnston’s door before returning to his own home. This time he had been met by Mrs. Johnston. She had asked Mr. Willobee to wait for her husband’s arrival just after 8 pm. Mr. Willobee thanked her after giving the message that Mr. Johnston should come upstairs to talk with him.

He was grateful to be back in his own home after he’d entered and shut the door. By the sounds coming from the kitchen, it sounded as if everyone including Phil was home. He was reassured by hearing their happy noises. Cathy and Megan came quickly from the kitchen after hearing the door shut. Excitedly they repeated the words, "Daddy, daddy is home!" Mr. Willobee gathered them and gave them hugs.

"How are the happiest girls in the world?"

"Daddy, Daddy, we missed you!" exclaimed Cathy.

"Me too, me too!" added Megan. ‘Guess what, Guess what? Phil is staying for dinner!"

"Terrific!" exclaimed Mr. Willobee. He could smell steak and potatoes coming from the kitchen. It was a tradition on Saturdays to eat well. Mr. Willobee entered the kitchen led by Cathy and Megan. Greetings were exchanged by all. Phil stood up to shake his hands with Mr. Willobee.

"I hope you don’t mind sir. I’ve been invited to join you for dinner."

"Of course not Phil, you are always welcome at our house. He teased, "At long as you don’t take my chair!"

Phil laughed, "... wouldn’t dream of it sir!"

After he deposited his coat in the mud room, Mr. Willobee came back to put his arms around Mrs. Willobee who was just finishing up on the details of dinner. The table had been set in the kitchen and there was a warm flow of chatter. Mrs. Willobee laughed and applauded her husband for always knowing when dinner was about to be served. You know, He said, "I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to taste your cooking dear!"

She laughed, but then added, "You will be especially treated tomorrow, Cathy is working on one of her badges, so will be making Sunday Meatloaf!"

Cathy heard her name mentioned and giggled, "Yes, Daddy, I am going to make the whole meal by myself."

"Wonderful pumpkin! I will be here bright and early! Are we having dessert also?"

"We’ll be having meatloaf, potatoes, mama’s special jello/ice cream, and a pumpkin pie!"

Phil groaned, "I’ve come to the wrong meal!"

The group laughed, and Cathy asked, "Can Phil come tomorrow night too?"

Phil said, "No, not tomorrow Cathy. I don’t want to wear out my welcome."

"Awe" Margret said, "You are always welcome here Phil."

Phil laughed, "that’s because I don’t eat you out of house and home!" Again the group laughed.

Mr. Willobee sat down in his chair at the head of the table. Mrs. Willobee took out the steak that had been warming in the oven with the potatoes. Margret got up to help with the toast and E’beth went to the refrigerator to claim the tossed salad that had been waiting. She had helped cut the vegetables and was particularly proud of how bright and colorful it looked. E’beth’s confidence in her kitchen abilities had been spurred by her afternoon spent in her special meeting.

The family prayed, "Come Lord Jesus, be our guest. Let this food to us be blessed. Amen." The food in the center of the table was picked up and passed to the right. The traditions in the family had been well established.

Cathy was excited to tell her family about what had happened at the hospital. She said, that she had fed an older woman who hadn’t the use of her hands. At first it had made her sad, but the woman was so nice, she had forgotten to be sad. They had talked about having sisters and it turned out that this woman had eight of them! There were also 2 boys. The woman had said, that three of her siblings had already died and she was sad about that, but she was proud the family had continued to be close and the remaining eight siblings spent holidays corresponding with each other. Cathy concluded in a stumbly way. "Not everyone in the hospital has happy stories, but I’m glad when the nurses trust me with one of the patients. It makes me so happy!"

Each of the members at the table listened carefully as the story was being told. Mrs. Willobee told her daughter how proud she was that Cathy had extended her love to people at the hospital. Mrs. Willobee encouraged Cathy to continue listening to stories. Margret also thought proudly of her sister’s sensitivity to others. Margret said, "It will probably be on tonight’s news, but Phil and I heard of something on the radio about our neighborhood."

She said that seven people at Jacob’s Park on the southeast end of town had chained their selves to trees to protest the city wanting to cut them down due to the new expressway. She reported that the police had cut through the chains and the people had ended up in jail. Phil added, that sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in, no matter what the result.

Mr. Willobee asked, "No matter what? What happens if it impacted your life negatively."

Phil asked, "What do you mean?"

Mr. Willobee said, "If it had been you and Margret arrested, it could affect their status with the University."

Phil questioned, "Do you mean that you disapprove?"

Mr. Willobee chuckled and said, "No. That’s not what I mean. It’s just that everyone has battles and sometimes you have to sacrifice some of the battles to win the war and sometimes you must fight the fight, but either way there would be consequences

"But, that’s what I mean sir. Take the war now going on in Viet Nam. Personally, I’m not so sure what they are fighting about. What if I decided that was a battle I wasn’t interested in?"

Mr. Willobee smiled and said, "Good question. A lot of the kids on campus obviously agree with you and are protesting as well. Yet, there are others who volunteer without hesitation. Each picks his or her battles. There was once a wise Indian Chief named, "Geronimo" who said each day, "Today, is a good day to die."

E’beth interrupted, "You mean Geronimo wanted to die?"

Mr. Willoebee said, "No, he wanted to live very much, but he had decided that each day, each moment was as important as the next and he would put himself into whatever it took to support the life of those he served. He stood up for all his beliefs."

Margret said, "I don’t understand daddy. Do you mean that it is a good idea to stand up for what you believe in or not?"

Mr. Willobee said, "That is up for you to decide. Since you only have one life, you have to be sure you don’t become involved in something frivolous. But, when it was the right battle, you will know and give it 110%. The battle is your life and each battle should be the battle of your life."

"Sir, have you ever felt something so strongly you would fight for it with your life?"

Mr. Willobee finished his meal and placed his napkin on top of his plate. Yes Phil, almost every day. There are many things I fight for. But, fortunately my life has of yet not been compromised by proximity to death.  What I mean by that is that no one has told me I would have to give up some of my safety to worship God, or love my family, or choose the career that makes sense to me.  WWII and the draft had ended just at the time I became of age."

Phil asked, "But what happened you were told you had to go fight a battle that wasn’t yours?"

"I’m not sure Phil. It is interesting that you have decided this battle isn't yours.  I don’t believe in violence, and I won’t be asked to serve because I’m past the age of young men they are looking for. So in the enlistment sense, it is not directly my battle. But, indirectly I can affect change. I’ve often thought of you and felt respect for you in that the question could be asked of you. Could you say you know what you would do, until the question was asked officially?  Have you given yourself the opportunity to understand fully both sides of the question?

"No sir, I’m not sure. I think of it often, but I’m in a state of confusion about it. I have plans to serve the local community. But, I may be asked to serve people in another country who I don’t know. I can only hope I’ll make the right decision if and when I am asked."

"Good Phil. That’s all that I or anyone should ask of you. You’ve got a good conscious awareness of your changing personal and social roles."

There was a silence for a moment as each thought his or her thoughts. Megan was the first to interrupt the silence. She said, "Daddy, can I fight for something too?"

Mr. Willobee again chuckled. "I’m not sure princess do you want to fight for something?"

"I would fight somebody if they hurt Cathy, or E’beth, or Margret!"

"That’s interesting," said Mr. Willobee, "but what happened if I told you that all of your sisters need to fight their own battles."

"Don’t you think they would want my help daddy?"

"It depends, what you mean by help," said Mr. Willowbee, "maybe the best help would be to stay safe and happy so they wouldn’t worry about you getting hurt."

"But I wouldn’t be happy if someone were hurting them."

"But, do you love them?"

"Oh Daddy, of course I love them!"

"Ahh, then you are already helping them! Nothing is more important or supportive than love. Can you remember that?"

"Yes daddy, cuz I love everybody."

Mr. Willobee grinned, "And even kitties?"

"Especially kitties!"

"That’s my girl!" said Mr. Willbee that’s all I can ask. The best battles are to love everyone the best you can despite all the differences our lives present."

"Mrs. Willobee loved the table discussion, but figured that it was time to ask, "Is anyone interested in dessert?" There was cheers for dessert. Everyone especially enjoyed Mrs. Willobee’s desserts. She got up and went to the refrigerator and brought out a lemon cake. The families delight was evident in the excitement in the air. Margret got up to get more milk. Does anyone else want more milk?"

Cathy asked, "What about you Mama? What would you fight for?"

Mrs. Willobee was cutting the cake and putting it on plates to be passed, but she paused a moment to answer. "I’m very much in agreement with your father. I would fight for the things he does and I find every week time to fight for the honor of the people I work with."

"But how do you fight Mama?"

"Well, Cathy," she said, "Sometimes things happen to people that don’t seem fair. Just like today when you helped the older woman. It might not seem fair she couldn’t use her hands, but you fought for her when you helped her to eat."

"I did?" asked Cathy.

"Yes dear. Just because she didn’t have use of her hands didn’t mean she didn’t have the right to eat and be nourished. So, in a sense you fought for her honor and right to survive."

"Wow!" Cathy exclaimed, "I think I understand now!"

"So, when you are helping people that can’t help themselves you are fighting for them?"

"That’s true," said Mr. Willobee.

E’beth then asked, "What about Silver Daddy?"

"What about Silver Dear?" asked Mr. Willobee.

"Well, its not so fair she has a very creepy grandpa."

"What do you mean E’beth? Do you think he’s creepy?" asked Margret curiously.

E’beth confessed, "Today he was. He was down in the basement after we’d gotten there after skating and he was mad at us for accidently moving his stuff."

"What did he say," asked Margret.

"I guess its not so much what he said, but how he said it. It felt dangerous like he could get real mad.

Mrs. Willobee said, "I’m glad you trusted your senses, but maybe its just that we don’t know his ways yet. It wouldn’t be right to judge him according to just one bad meeting. His behavior was wrong, but not necessarily is he a bad person."

"I know that Mama" said E’beth, "But, I don’t think I’d want to get to know him better and I was sure glad he wasn’t my grandpa."

Mr. Willobee said, "I think that the Silver probably has a different life than you and your sisters. Maybe she would be interested in joining the scouts?"

Cathy exclaimed, "That would be a super idea Daddy, she would be in Megan’s Brownie Troop."

Megan’s eyes lit up. "She could Daddy?"

"It wouldn’t hurt to ask. I will talk to Mr. Johnston tonight. I’ll ask if scouting is something the family would be interested in."