Sitting on a Teeter-Totter

Good morning ... Just us ... We’re not sure how we’re doing now. We woke up good, but we’ve got heavy thoughts on our brain right now. We saw Dr. M. yesterday. Half of our time was talking about the journals and the other half was talking about whether or not we should get a new job. And, that’s the part we’re thinking of right now ... well sorta ... at least we have been thinking about it.  Dr. M. would like to see us go through a change in jobs.

We were fortunate enough to sign on and be meeting up with Sandy. We weighed out some more the positives and negatives of each. With Dr. M. we did the same, but in more depth. It seems the part that is the hardest to get over is the part of feeling self destructive after being yelled at so much and apparently hated. Our friend would say that will be the same wherever we go. He also says that no one else would put up with our disabilities.  We’re thinking that we won’t be in so much direct contact with the big boss. There are a lot more people at the new job we’re considering. So, there would be more of a lost within a crowd feeling, which could help us feel more protected. I’d just have to work at being one of the best. That we usually do.

Dr. M. Recommended that we talk to someone we already trust at the new agency. So, yesterday we called a guy named Gary. He has a position of what we’d be looking at. Basically, he said the job is to keep up with 75-80 clients. That includes both visits and paperwork. He says that each month they are expected to see 25 clients. There’s generally 2 out days, and 3 in days. So appointments have to be scheduled around that. I think there are like four more positions that are opening up. With the changes of State funding, there is a lot more new business going to this agency. I like the part that they are considered "over" the smaller agencies like ours. That means that I would be taking a step up in our job development (career path). I know that I’ve been at St. Rose now for five years. It is the perfect time to be trying something else. I’ve pretty much got most the experience I’m going to gain from this position. It would show consistency, but not settling in too much. Of course, I can see the value of settling in too. There are many more ideas that are possible to establish. Thing is how long is Sr. going to be there and what do the higher up Sr’s plan on doing with the business after she retires. She is 76 years old. AND, we were told by her after the Big Boss Sisters of Italy came through that "she was it!" Notreal good job security. On the other hand, I’ve got our friend telling us that if we leave, St. Rose won’t get past their next inspection in February and certainly not the next CARF survey. He says it will be on me then if the company folds and nearly 50 clients and 12 staff are without a place to be. That to me feels like a lot of pressure. We aren’t allowed to disagree with her without being shown how angry she can get, we aren’t allowed to talk to her more than a sentence, and she makes it a point to be negative of each statement we made as if we hadn’t developed any authority in our work after 5 years.

The reason we are thinking of other employment initially, because over the last 4-5 months our position with Sr. Tess has deteriorated so much. For the first year, we were getting to know how things ran. For the next four years we developed ourselves as pretty much one of her top two confidants. She still made the decisions on her own, but we could influence things. She talked to us daily about what was happening at the center and she wrote several times on our job evaluations that we were her best employee. She trusted us and our work capabilities. Since CARF came through in April (and, her mother died), we’ve been considered one of her worst employees. She frequently yells and criticizes our work, and she does not talk to us unless absolutely necessary, most often she goes through our friend instead of talking to us directly. We’ve also been given a verbal warning, because one day we showed anger. It is the norm that she be angry, but it is not allowed in us. I’d never been given a warning before. She doesn’t seem anymore to trust us and very little respect is shown for our work. The things we learned as fairly easy during our first year, she’s given over to the people we train because she thought they were more competent than us. That includes the simple ICAP and setting client goals. She also showed her distrust by attending our first ten staff training meetings where she often criticized me in front of our peers. She has expended a great amount of time and interest also in going to my peers directly and encouraging them to disassociate with me and my work.

As far as her mother dying, I couldn’t do anything about that. It happened within a couple weeks of the big CARF inspection. I did the majority of work on CARF and when she became enraged at the surveyor, I maintained relationship with him, especially after he said that Sr. seemed so angry at him, he couldn’t talk to her. Most of his conversations in regard to the Center went through me. Before he left he did three things. He gave my eleven business reports the highest recognition that CARF has, he told Sr. we were being paid extremely low for the work that we were doing and that she couldn’t pay me hourly if I was supposed to be on salary, and he offered us a job with CARF. Sr. was angry about all of this and spent a great amount of time discrediting the surveyor and CARF in general. She didn’t tell any one about the special category he’d put our reports in or that we only got 2 out of 93 wrong in our "points." Under a great amount of pressure, she did finally give me a $1,000 bonus, but there was no verbal recognition with peers or higher ups and she wrote as a side note that it was easier to give me money than sit down across a dinner table with me. It seems as if she’s been trying to discredit my work ever since. I’ve tried to talk to Sr. several times about the amount of pressure I’m feeling due to her anger, but the situation doesn’t change.

I feel at great loss, because I’d once been honored to work for her, and I’d be losing a job and office that I’ve enjoyed very much. I know at a new job I’d be at the bottom of the totem pole and while paid perhaps a little better, I would be doubled up in a cramped office that is shared by 22 people. I wouldn’t have the variety of work or opportunities, but then if Sister continues as she is doing now, there will be no more opportunities here either. I don’t know ....... will I ever be able to earn her respect back, and if I could why should I want to ... She’s just a bitter, angry old woman... Shoot ... this is a horrible position to be in. Maybe I’m just a bitter, angry young woman? I’m not sure which is the right path to take. The end point we’d gotten to yesterday with Dr. M. is that it wouldn’t hurt to check things out. So, we’re in process. As I said, we talked to Gary yesterday. The person that we would be talking to about the job is the same woman who told us about the position last week. This week though, she is on vacation. Nothing to do, but think calmly and bide our time. Plenty of work to be doing in the meantime. Plus, we need to shore ourselves up because our friend is coming back supposedly today from over a week of vacaton and will have much to say AGAINST leaving. Dr. M. Says that I make our friends job easier by being there and it helps to maintain the friends "control" over me. Not so good a thought to be pondering though. I don’t think hewould hurt us intentionally, but he has a reputation for staying in bad relationships longer than I think anyone ought to. *Sigh* I’m not going to cry, I’m not!

Not Sure

Good morning. This morning, we are perhaps too unsure of ourselves to post much of a message. We are between thoughts and lacking the intelligence toward understanding which direction will be forward.

There is a pressure to write, in that, we’ve had no intension of letting the project sit dormant for such a long period of time. We’re confused as to its scope. Perhaps this is normal after having thought newer journal thoughts ... and now we’ve started a fourth journal. I find I do not know myself any more than I know a ladybug which might land upon my head.

I have less than a small readership which gives me opportunities to try ideas that come to mind. I appreciate each of the other Journals for their more limited functionality, but this is our "main" journal and should contain something more holistically ourselves. I don’t know.

Our friends, Us and and the Big Guy

Afternoon ... wanted to leave a note on how much I enjoyed the festivities of this last month of Anniversary celebrations and last night’s closing Ball. Couldn’t have been more delighted! We haven’t seen Viv yet this morning. I’m not sure all who would have had hang overs. There was quite a bit of drinking! My is that Vince quick! And, I was thinking some of the clothing might have been too tight for the number of clothing pieces shown to be missing through the night *silly grin*

We’ve been busy over at the FlyLady site and spent a few moments as well tidying up at the Hall of Fame. I’m very appreciative of Slo designing a graphic for the inductees. Time to let all these other thoughts though go for something new. One last hurrah for Vivian and we’ll be on our way! Vivian - You’re the best!

How we do love new thoughts and ideas! Ebb’s been out over the weekend. So, its been rather quiet here ... noone to share our pineapple cups with. We met the Count Alucard last night at the dance. We hope he comes to visit! I was much too shivery to have placed a good first impression. There were a few moments, when we found ourselves lost in his eyes. Then we saw him turn toward Vivian, before scampering away into the night. Perhaps if V ... would not have been so busy. Though not sure if that would have helped. We noticed him "hanging" against wall entrances and pillars. I’ve heard he’s rather particular in regard to drinking. Maybe, he meant to only scope the room ... I look forward to finding in the community his renown keen intellectual abilities ! I’m not sure what he is planning ... I’ve heard rumors of him creating havoc in towns visited. Seems he appreciates the Philadelphia arts ... perhaps he’ll stay awhile!

On quite a different subject ... this morning, we’ve been in touch with our friend, Thomas ... We invited him up to the balcony for a half a cup of coffee. He’s much entranced in his writing to sit for long spells. His argument ended in the belief expressed, "The only One Who can teach me to find God is God, Himself, Alone."

We’ve long since thought there were a true self and a false self. One of our first psychological terms learnedwas having a "masked self or persona." This afternoon we are left finding ourselves trying to justify our thoughts. We were left by Thomas feeling diminished by his scolding. We have been feeling ourselves becoming more and more of ourselves by placing beautiful representatives of purchased choices amongst our various rooms. But, Thomas was in ill temper and set down upon us quite an argument against our tenacity. Basically, he said:

All sin starts from the assumption that my false self, the self that exists only in my own egocentric desires, is the fundamental reality of life to which everything else in the universe is ordered. Thus I use up my life trying to accumulate pleasures and experiences and power and honor and knowledge and love, to clothe this false self and construct its nothingness into something objectively real. And I wind experiences around myself and cover myself up with pleasures and glory like bandages in order to make myself perceptible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface.

But there is no substance under the things I have gathered together about me. I am hollow, and my structure of pleasures and ambitions has no foundation. I am objectified in them. But they are all destined by their very contingency to be destroyed. And when they are gone there will be nothing left of me but my own nakedness and emptiness and hollowness, to tell me that I was a mistake.

I’m still shaking. Have I that much lost touch with my true self ... that which follows the likeness of God? Thomas had offered hope in whispered thought. He trickled into my ear more quietly, "The secret of my identity is hidden in the love and mercy of God." So, why had he decided to be so harsh with me! Perhaps here lay the seeds of guilt? Hmm, would it help if I blessed each piece? Not sure here ...

Well, now ... what am I going to do ... I’ve brought home all these great items. Maybe if just I not worship them, or my ability to requisition them? *Sigh* But, they are pretty! This is going to be a tough call of order for the day. Shoot ... knowthat God is more mighty than all of these, but might he not be more pleased with my happiness? Feeling sullen... We’d gladly give them up if He were to choose between them and me in a flash flood ... But, what are the chances three flights up? Course there was that Noah scandal... Let’s not put these thoughts back upon Him!

By chance could it be wrong, that I don’t seek His Holiness more often? And, it being a Sunday too ... oops ... then their was the drinking part the night previous! We’re pretty sure he’s an extended sense of humor, God. I’m thinking someone owes someone an apology for our unheavenly hoarding spree. He gets so serious on Sundays! Hmm, there’s our first Thank God ... He doesn’t wish us to go back to live days over, because I might have found ourselves repeating our purchasing ambition!

Shoot, now we’re being downright spiteful! He may not think us to heartfelt!

God, does it count that these items purchased are found to have been made by excellent artisans who were grateful to do your lovely world justice? By chance ... You have seen the Pope’s place, right? Ok, ok ... feeling a little worm-squirmish trying to escape this hook! One should never seek to entertain Thomas right after church. Is that the lesson to be learned here? Shoot, pretty sure that’s not the right path. Yes, Thomas can make a pretty good point! Tomorrow, I should read him too!?? Yes, Lord ... and the day after Sir. We’ll find the path through the bramble ... thank You for Your direction. Hope all is well with Your golf game too! The weather’s been fine :)  Thank You for Your mercy ... as well as a slim waist for the dance last night!  Did you see how well V can dip!  Yes Sir, yes Sir ... changing subjects again Sir.  I know ... I know...

*From the imagination of Lissa and Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton (1949).

Cinderella and all said, "We must go to the ball!"

   We've got the dress ...

We've got the hair ...     We've got the necklace ...

     We've got the earings ...

We've got the bracelet ...

     Here is the magic ring ...    

 We'll bring along a tote ...

     And dance the night away!!! 

 

Driver?  Driver?  Here please!

Ok ... Ok ... there WAS ONE more tiny item ...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

     Whoops ... V don't look!

Guest Bedroom :)

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We ummmmm, continued to shop today.  Really, really we're going to stop now :)  But, can you see all the tiny one inch squares?  Things like this are crying to be purchased!

A Note from Immanuel

Ebb woke fairly late this morning which didn’t appear to surprise me. He was groggy at first glance, but then with coffee in hand, he told us a tale of the day before present. By the time Ebb woke, I had already been pondering what to do with the new drapes that had come in by post several days ago. Ebb said, he had the occasion to meet Kant by the University library during the early evening hour prior to dinner. Kant is often known for the punctuality of his constitutional walks. I’d had half a notion to believe the chance meeting was not incidental.  He's quite a love!

Ebb's stories give us a delicious tickle of glee, and it was with no exception that we found reason of happiness that he'd rescued a note for us! He stated that he had talked to Kant about my misfortune with Sr. Tess. With confident optimism he relayed that poor Immanuel was quite fit to be tied at the shenanigans of the elder nun. Ebb struggled to remove from several scraggly notes in shirt pocket my special note.  He soon retrieved a scrawled note from dear Immanuel. It declared only one sentence. It read, "Meanwhile the evils visited upon us, now by nature, now by the truculent egoism of man, evoke the energies of the soul, and give it strength and courage to submit to no such force, and at the same time quicken in us a sense that in the depths of our nature there is an aptitude for higher ends."

I thought, "My Lord, How pertinent is Kant’s ability to capture thought!" He could always appreciate "our Immanuel," to see clearly our predicament! Perhaps, Immanuel had been drawn to speculate what conclusions had been drawn by me in regard our last conversation. He seemed eager to feed my intelligence with puzzles of mind.

Kant seemed particularly interested in my seeking happiness which he had thought brought about its own end. He had spoken of skill as a culture within the condition of our aptitude for furthering all ends. He saw freedom found in our choosing nature's path. I had not argued this point, because I believe in inevitable truths giving rise to unfurled freedoms. We had become confused on his inciting that this couldn’t be found within discipline. How well do we know our love of order. He continued that it was more so the liberation of will. We thought of all our present desires, particularly at work and home. We’d ideals trying to be accomplished, such as productivity and purpose tied more toward our physical means. He said that these thoughts would enchain us.  Here we trembled slightly. We knew of his freedom found through the expansion of our mind and often entrusted ourselves to his guidance. Soon enough though, we knew that we’d be neglectful and opt to justify skills in circumventing our nature superfluously. He said that it was nature that was of higher good rather than Earthly possessions and gains. Kant had challenged us to being a rational being and a contributor of life. He often reminded me there was a greater good. I by poor habit was slugged to carry out many arbitrary cares. Oh, woe is the virtual student.

I have then since concluded, I might give way to a natural whim. Ebb would be gone soon and we had a project taunting our afternoon attention.  Then thoughtfully we enjoined ourself to a fleeting Kant thought.  Tonight there would be an additional visitor in Mortimer Adler to look forward. We *giggled* Earthly or not, we find ourselves excited to master the art of concentrated reading from the lounge of our new chamber recliner as Mortimer's age would suggest. So, be it now cometh the time ... we remain yet challenged by the allowance of time's scheduled next task. We've been offered carriage down memories lane in the collection of our heart's images.

Until we meet again ... onward we go.  Forgive me dear Immanuel, forgive ... Perhaps more so with Mortimer tonight I shall dream of the passage of my misbegotten spirit ... These moments you pave for us dear Kant will soon grow and be cherished as we perfect our skill.

From the imagination of Lissa and Immanuel Kant's, "The Critique of Judgment: Dialectic of Teleological Judgment."

Samual (Ebb) moves in!

*This morning I would like to introduce you to someone I’ve known for minimally over the last 9 years. His name is Samuel. He goes most often by the name of Ebb. I think the nickname has something to do with him having at one time fallen from a state of grace. He’s never really explained.

Ebb is quite an intellectual who is going to stay for a while in our guest bedroom. He is an older and trustworthy gentleman in his early 60's. He says he’s been retired for quite some time now, but seems to have an income that allows him to get along in the world. I believe there are other places and friends he sometimes stays with, because he doesn’t come home every night. We’ve never asked many personal questions of each other, but I suspect there is a woman involved. The idea of having him stay with us is quite new. The arrangement met both our physical and companionship needs.

Our schedules coincide well. He is up later at night, while I’m up earlier ... so, we both have private use of the living room, books and computer. Neither of us watch the television. He understands my diet, so he tends to fend for himself in the area of meals, but we’ve enjoyed spending an after dinner drink together and the conversation is always excellent.

Last night, when I came home from work, I had found that he’d put up the last of our bookshelves, vacuumed the carpet and had even brought down the trash. Whata guy. And, the best part? There were fresh flowers found on my computer table which resides in the living room. I recognize the yellow carnations, white daisy’s and wild green filler. I’m not very good at identifying flowers, but there is also a dainty white flower with brown specks and a wonderful yellow flower with long, thin petals. Hehe could almost think of it as having hundreds of banana peel fingers! Ebb said he had wanted to give me a proper welcome home. I think he’s quite taken with the new arrangements. I feel as appreciative of him as he does of me.

We fell into a conversation of work. He was telling me of a business theory, I’d only heard in passing before. Ebb stated, McGreggor’s Theory Y had come about during the 60's and that it had become a classic. The theory challenged business practices in the area of motivation and behavior. The older theory which he called Theory X states that workers are viewed "... as uninformed, lazy, and untrustworthy members of the organization. Management’s task was to control workers and motivate them through a combination of control systems, fear of discipline or dismissal, and organizational rules." McGreggor contrasted this view with Theory Y. Theory Y assumes that " ... workers are highly motivated and can be trusted to contribute to the organization’s objectives if given the opportunity to participate in organizational decision making."

Well, if you can imagine this information had me almost falling off my chair! I said to him, "You mean, there is a reason that Sr. Tess acts as she does? She is following a business style and that other managers supported that view?! Ebb said, "Yep! She is a classic Theory X manager." Hehe, he then offered me his condolences.

Ebb said that there were other theories sustained the ideas represented in Theory Y. Mainly it was a consideration of acknowledging both workers and their social environment to advance "...design and implementation of new technologies and production systems." He informed me that this theory had originated from Scandinavia and had found a home here in America, especially due to global competition and evolving technological change.

The key to Theory Y seemed to be that management ought support participation and communication with their employees. Then he added there were still that doubted that employees should be involved with decision making which gave way for both theory X and theory Y concepts.

Like wow!! This seemed like a pretty big missing piece of the puzzle. I am still not sure what to do with this information, but it did have an impact in my efforts to understand Sr. Tess. I imagine that I’m going to have to forgive for the very rough time she gave us yesterday. There had been a very bad meeting with our PAS agency. That is the agency that has just since July 1rst been enacted to be a monitoring body between agencies like ours and the state which partially funds us. Very bad scene ... one that jeopardizes my ability to maintain my present work load. It might take a few days for the dust to settle. Fortunately, our friend should be back by tomorrow. I’m not sure his impact, but if I’m fired or quit ... eh, not going to talk about work ... maybe indirectly, but we want to shut down its taking over of my mind mentally. Ebb had smiled before I turned in. He likes to remind me that I’m ok, just we’re in a tough situation. I think this is common for people who find themselves behind the eight ball!

*From the imagination of Lissa and Encylopeadia Brittanica (1995). 

Thomas stops by ...

Mornin ... I figure that I should try to write something in my journal today. I really enjoyed the story on Viv and us. I would like to do more entries like it. We separated our interests yesterday so that ... practical household matters are going to go to a new journal that I don’t expect will ever be read by anyone. The new journal can be found on the side bar under, "Our FlyLady Journal." It will be more of the running effort to be getting something done.

I would like to reserve this journal more for prose that’s more community friendly. Really, not sure how we’ll go about this. We’ve lost our voice and seek another.

We’ve progressed the Hall of Fame project some, but still have remaining the last 75 entries. I have to apologize for this ... we had started to become overwhelmed and decided it was best to let a little away from computer life seep in. We also slowed down in that we were able to figure out how to get past the problem of posting in a journal that wasn’t going to allow us to have an older entry section that is functional until most likely September. We’re within a few entries now of proving or disproving this theory. Need to be brave.

I would like to spend more time reading and writing, both on-line and off. More of a conversation of thoughts. It’s been so long of talking to ourselves that we’re not sure how to begin. I’d like to think us able in the collection of ideas.

We’re hearing George Winston’s, "Sleep Baby Mine." It is slow and peaceful. We’re still looking around at our environment, thinking how much we’d like to spend time in the home that we are creating. We have a collection books on great ideas through time, but then we have the other journalists who are also representing great ideas. I would like a sense of people coming over virtually to sit in our living room with us. We might as well pretend also, that the curtains and coffee table are in. Eh, why not?

Hmm, who could we invite over this morning.

Maybe we’d start our day with Thomas Merton*. Yesterday, he talked of seeds being carried in the air that we plant in our soul. I’d want to tell him about our multiplicity to find out what he thought on people with multiplicity having more than one soul. He would perhaps talk of their only being one soul which was created by God. He would say, that we find God in all relationships. I would think ... yes, one God. Perhaps after we die we’ll meet him as one ... to which though Casey cries out, "But I will want to meet him too!" Ok, so maybe we’ll see him en troupe!  BUT, our invitational soul will be one!

We’ll ask Thomas about his time spent as a monk becoming more Godlike in his mannerisms. He wouldn’t want us to though think he were any different than any other monk. He’d say, "We are all here to nurture the relationship to God." We’d think ... "Yes, that is true ... like Slo." He’d ask, "How do you mean?" We’d tell him she’d made it a point not to cut down a Spider Amaryllis so it could continue to live producing fine scents. He would say, "Yes, the relationship with God is within life."

He would add we are one with God as we unite with "Life Who dwells and sings within the essence of every creature and in the core of our own souls." We would ask he means to include all life. He would think, yes all that God created.

Thomas would then think to enlighten us on all things belonging to God such as, "pleasure and pain, joy or sorrow, and every other good or evil," for it is His will more than the thing itself. We’d pause to remember, "... like with the sexual abuse ... it was not perhaps the Grandfather I should focus on, but the will of God?" He might say, "Yes, you sacrificed your body and in so doing accepted his will." "You mean he willed the abuse?" Thomas might think to say that abuse is evil, but your ability to withstand was to become praise of God.

He would add, far from being defiled, we were purified by God. I would think ... You mean, I’m not a bad person? Thomas would say, "The world is full of contradiction. Do not think to worship self with creatures. That would be nothing, and to worship nothing would be hell." We’d think to Giggle, "That be like less than seeing the glass half empty?" Thomas would say, "Ok, later ... there's a lot of work to be done here!  Btw, nice coffee table!"

*From the imagination of Lissa and Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton (1949).

With Gratitude and Love, We Humbly Present Our First Year with Vivian Thoughts

With Gratitude and Love, We Present Our First Year with Vivian

Viv started journaling July 29th, 2003 and I started journaling on August 22nd, 2003. The first time Viv caught my attention was through John G.’s awards. It was late September and she was the 13th person to be awarded. Viv was in the spotlight from AOL as well and was a pioneer Beta tester, graphics and marquee user, and could use sound to display music and audio entries.

At first, we just lurked ... amazed ...

On October 4th, we stepped past our shy boundaries. Viv had posted one of her first moving pictures. It was a bunny entry that featured a happy go lucky song being played while a real bunny tried to hump a stuffed bunny. We’d thought that was about the funniest thing we’d ever seen! Viv appeared to have a red- hot sexy side and within a few entries added something about someone and panties and such. We giggled and giggled.

Viv was becoming very popular with all her spunk and vitality. We were unsure if she loved or hated AOL. On one hand, she was appearing in ads (including a tv spot), but at the other hand, she was always demanding the best from AOL and was very clear about expecting service! But, from the start, we knew Viv LOVED her fellow journalists! And, she had a love of journals and what they could do, especially in support of a community.

After Viv spent time on her Wheel of Fortune Journal, she came up with an idea of doing journal awards. Many in the community became involved. She did entries through audio and you were able to feel the excitement in her voice. During this time, Gregg had started the B2B Group and Viv was an active leading member. Her first comments to us were after we posted a pin-up note on our journal reminding us not to journal while at work. Then a few days after that, we posted an on-line sticky note reminding her to get some sleep. We were amazed with her enthusiasm, but worried over her burning the candle from both ends. We didn’t want her to become overwhelmed or sick.

The only time we wrote to Viv during the awards efforts was in teasing her about not fearing the dust bunnies. We were mesmerized by the unfolding of the awards, but remained a shadow person. We did congratulate the winners including Viv, to which she offered kind regard.

After that Viv became very busy on her family visit to Nigeria journal. It was as if she’d borded the d*mn plane! When she was home again, she took care of a special niece who needed her. We were very impressed with her ability to make a difference in another’s life and trusted her to handle the issues with love and respect. Viv never lost the beat. She posted at the end of November holiday greetings to all of her J-Land neighbors. We felt specially blessed to know her.

Viv has always been one to go the extra smile. When we posted our first web page related to our multiplicity, she was one of the first to visit. She encouraged us which was as important as the site itself. She also assisted us in chilling out when we were put upon to do some actual baking for a post-Thanksgiving celebration. She was very sensitive to our fears.

Viv started her December with a bang! She had taken off the week to do some holiday arranging and her holiday kick-off was highly attended. She greeted her visitors in Merry Christmas’ messages in many different languages, posted ornaments and e-cards. She also indicated a precocious idea of celebrating people’s birthdays.

We had a terrible cold in December but Viv comforted us in cheerful messages. Then our computer died and she comforted us again. When Frank died, she was everywhere comforting and grieving, because so many of the community felt affected.

Viv welcomed us back from a business trip back from Arizona and she teased us about getting such a nice Christmas bonus in addition to the trip. Viv was sensitive to us spending the holiday alone and she encouraged with us our sense of intelligence which was pretty hard for us to imagine. And, if we added a graphic to our journal, she smiled that much brighter. We were of course touched when she remembered to say hello at Christmas. One of her decorations reminded me of a beloved grandmother who had long since passed away. I felt as if I was with family and loved.

After Christmas Viv squeezed in the next holiday of Kwanza by starting two new journals. We applauded one of the affirmations on self-determination and the practice of making self choices. Viv presented herself as the three faces of Vivian after the famous multiple, Eve. We can still heartily chuckle over Viv’s changes. Later Viv was to write, "I will free myself to experience new ideas, new viewpoints, new philosophies, new understandings."

The first of the year brought me new challenges with my bosses. Viv noted that it might be better to look at the vodka instead of drinking it! She cheered us on after we accepted a panel position for John G.’s Journal of Excellence awards. Viv was one of the group of people I thought really committed themselves to the journal community. She does it with class and she does it with red satin jammies! She laughed with me over my fascination dream with Clint Eastwood.

Soon enough it became Valentine’s Day. Viv stopped over with the sprinkling of love in the air. Sometimes Viv just stopped by to wish us a wonderful weekend. Hehe by the first of the year we’d decided Viv was a lovey duv! We were able to tease her now and she continued to hug us back. Viv was huggin a lot of folks! We encouraged Viv to bless her 3D home as she made a valiant effort to (as Vince would say) corral the dust bunnies. I thought for sure she was going to lose us as she started cleaning out her journals. Fortunately, the only thing she tossed was an old format from her side bar. Not often did Viv complain of her work work like we were doing. We thought and still think of Viv as one of the most beautiful women we know. And, we would encourage her sillier side, such as the maintaining of a Christmas tree in February. Hang it with hearts Viv!

Viv had a special surprise for quite a while. No one knew what she was up to. We guessed incorrectly in that she’d become pregnant. We continued to tease, though we were pretty sure that the big guy was praising his own making of Vivian love!

Coming into the Valentines holiday, Vivian titillated her "crowd" with the presentation of Boobles which was a take on Google. The only thing was that Viv continued to fall asleep on the couch with her laptop. We snuck over to her place one time and found a male shaver in the medicine cabinet too sophisticated for Ikenna, a dead grapefruit in the fridge, and a holiday shrine near the back of her place. We left after discovering a blow-up ... oh nevermind!

We had to tiptoe around Vivian another day, because she used the big lettered, "A-N-G-R-Y" word. AOL was pushing Viv to new limits, because they’d been messing with her AOL-by-phone service. Yikes! Viv Mad!?? Maybe it was a little pressure, because the next day Viv, uncovered the secret project. She’d made for everyone a tremendously great journal for the collection of birthdays! It was such a wonderful surprise. We oogled her in excitement.

Over at our journal, Viv had taken a moment to feel a heartbreak with us and helped us through some bad memories. Then, I was scolded for working on Saturdays. Viv was also worried about OUR sleep! I’m not sure, maybe we had begun to empathize with each other ... We were over working and we knew it. She cheered when we stopped to remember Sr Tess’ birthday with one of Nadine’s beautiful mirrored/glass creations. Viv also thought it was a great idea for us to use the new private journals to communicate with Dr. M. And, she was sensitive to our needs when we had feared the breakdown of the community due to threat of "cliques." Gregg would show all a means to better humor the silliness.

We had once declared over at Viv’s place that we would continue to write entries that were 2,500 characters after they’d given us more room. Ahem, yes ... well. Viv’s Valentine’s Day collection was just one sweet treat! Viv though seemed to be running herself ragged again. This time, she overslept instead of making an air flight to visit with her brother for his birthday. I felt really bad for her, but she seems able to turn things into the better. Viv admitted to being in a slump. Not enough, of course, to forget Gregg’s royal birthday!

Viv was elated with the new Beta journals. Her new slogan became, "Beta means Betta" (Better). I tried to wake her up once when I saw the new flash design over at Vince’s. She woke up a little grumpy that day because of problems over at Beta. We were hoping she was going to keep her sense of humor. Big news was that she had been working through the glitches of creating backgrounds for the journals. This was all new territory added with the extra space.

There is not too much too say about the spring time months. In March, one of my client’s father had died and Viv figured out my hieroglyphics and extended kind words. I made a choice too to resign from the volunteer work we were doing with the awards. There was an issue we were battling on sexuality in the journals. Viv’s impression was that AOL owned the journals and things would be left up to them to resolve. We were ok with that. She hinted that it would be a really good idea to visit with Dr. M., and she stated quite eloquently that the eyes are the window of the soul. Very poetic.

Viv didn’t make it over to our place in April. She had Ikenna’s birthday to think of and Easter. Lot’s of well wishes going out from her place. As a special treat, her and Ikenna shared their Easter dinner at a nice seafood restaurant. For the record, both had smoothies. April had other complications in that Viv was tangled in some awkward romances. Three guys, count ‘em, THREE! I felt she was keeping the men folk on their toes ... and we were ready to question them about their objectives! Then ... DAMN ... it all crumbled and left our wonderful dear friend in tears. Could have kicked them all!

We continued at work under heavy responsibilities and not with little frustration! Viv caught up with us in May. She was very kind to thank us for our ongoing support and we knew she felt bad for not being able to keep up. She knew we were busy too ... one of those times when you smile, wave and go on your way independently. Viv left another June message ... after ‘bout knocking down the door, she commented that our pace was dizzying. By June 19th ... we finally were able to quit the weekend work. Yay us!!

Not to say we were done being frustrated. We were still dealing with money issues over my father’s estate. But, Viv is never one to leave you feeling a muck ... she gave us high praise for the couches we’d found. She said she was a pushover for pillows and sectionals, plus she thought sage was a warm and soothing color. The weird thing is ... as I am finishing up on this story tonight, I smile and look over behind my right shoulder, because the pieces she had encouraged are in my living room as of this morning!

Viv’s birthday was in May and she’d decided to keep one of the bo’s which still takes serious time and attention. We thought, hmm, maybe Viv is getting into a little mischief too! We were pretty sure his intentions should be asked! I also had a moment to laugh with Viv over ex’s. I compared them to the hard sucker coating you had to chomp through to get to the chewy chocolate inside. The kids are that gooey good stuff!

Our special girl wished all the women happy Mother’s Day and the community wished this back on Viv. She was congratulated for catching the attention of the AOL big guys and star makers. We thought her not only lovely, but unique in her community awareness. She had been rewarded a triple success in making the editor’s top 5, keyword TV talk, and the step-by-step page for audio. I’d say Happy Birthday luv!! But, you know Viv ... she took four days off blogging and caught another four days in Miami ... AND, then? She listened to one little broadcast from a motivational speaker on listening to your instincts in relationships. And, here we are in the middle of the AOL J-land’s First Year Anniversary celebrations. Thata girl, Viv! God Bless your lovin heart!! And, congratulations on your special Torch Bearer Award. You make us proud!!!

*Big Wide Smile*

target=_top> Patiently now ... we won't see her in our living room until October 18, there abouts.  But, aint she pretty!!! 

Being an easier person to be with

=_top> (Graphic from Viv the sparkly star!)

Hmm, this mornin, we decided that we’d like to write again. I offer my apologies to those waiting for induction into the Hall of Fame. We WILL finish this project ... it’s just that we need to take a little time for ourselves inbetween. It’s been pretty intense this last couple of weeks. Not necessarily the bad intense ... just that it’s been such an emotional high connecting with so many people we find ourselves sometimes lost to our own thoughts.

We’ll need to be figuring out a technical problem too. Think we are going to need to start a new HofF Journal to compensate the part where it seems you can only write about 175 journal entries in any one given month. We’re thinking that the last 100 journals could go into an attached journal, but we haven’t worked out all the details. Probably a few choice decisions. We’re better at that type of thing as it comes up about 40 entries from now.

It’s been a very long time since we’ve read our normal journals and now there are so many more we’d like to add to the list. We feel lonesome for this simple act of writing as our minds sort out the details of our thoughts. Our small world has been shaken by the magnitude of how much bigger it is just by the mention of three or four hundred more journals than we might normally see in a week. So, many people ... all with points of interest and validity!

In another semi-related matter, we’ve decided to try turning a cornerstone in our life. We would like to spend less time "griping." I think we do a lot of griping about work ... and more in particular about our boss. Sometimes in our personal life, we gripe to our friend and a little even to the boys. We’d like to make amend for this kind of behavior. We know there will be things that irritate us ... just, we figure if there is a problem, we should be able to resolve it by maintaining a different view and attitude.

Last night was an example, and maybe a chief reason why the need to change. We were coming home to meet our friend and he’d been to the place a couple of hours ahead of us. He was doing us a favor, because he’d seen the need to clean our living room carpet before the new couches come in on Saturday. We’d been frustrated because the house has been so torn up in processing the changes and we had to go out to get us a dinner. We rarely go past our beaten path and we knew the service was slow where we were going. He’d also told us something we didn’t want to hear and we were still processing this.

But, the thing is ... if I stayed on my agenda, he was most likely going to have time spent which wasn’t going to be nice, in spite of him working so hard and helping out so considerably. So, we decided to switch focus from ourselves to him. It took us a few minutes to register a smile, but the thing is we did. We let go of all the work and other gripes, and just listened to where he was at. Turns out there was quite a bit going on in his world and he’d been feeling kind of down and out. We have the ability to lighten his load only through a little caring in the right places. He left feeling better which made us feel good.

I’d like to be doing more of that. A lot more of that.

I don’t think it means necessarily letting go of all the problems. Just I would like to be more efficient in handling them. Maybe think it through, or maybe sleep on it ... make a decision, then let it go. Maybe we could make use of the new recliner or couch ... do it from a relaxed mode? Not sure if we could do it without writing, but the thought that comes to mind is that we either use a legal pad or a private journal. It seems like a good thought at least ... lets me feel good. We’re figuring it might not always be the first thing that comes to mind is the best way to go. In this way, we’d be more self sufficient ... and that which is remains an issue ... could still be brought to Dr. M.  AND, TALK there, not use the time to GRIPE!!!

Yep, yep ... that’s where we are at! Let ya know how we’re doing by the ‘morrow :)