Seeing the Old Year Out

Ok, ok ... promise not to do any more serious work for the rest of the year. We’re working on it as we speak. Just made a brand new slurpy. Yep, yep ... we’re drinking them straight up until we start talking silly or fall over unconscious! We got a new little ice shaving machine and just love the "pure snow!"

Been around the J-block ... this is an unusual time for me. Most often we go out in the early morning hours. I think there is a little anticipation of the night. Sure, I know other people go out and meet 3D people for drinks and a couple good songs, but then there’s us others who choose to stay in for a quieter reflective evening.

If memory serves me right I will be able to see fireworks off my balcony. That’ll be enough to make it seem more real. I could turn on the TV I suppose ... eh, we’ll see. Maybe after a while, we’ll just go out and do some walking around the J-neighborhood to see who’s in.

Strangely enough ... I don’t feel alone, especially while we’re at the computer. I feel like many of you that have found the journals to make a very big difference in my (our) life. It’s like an expression of ourselves and companionship with others that was previously missing.

Hmm, maybe there’s something else we have to do between now and our little walk. I need to say another degree of goodbye to my father and my stepmother and along with that the depression and hospitalizations that followed. I still feel saddened with their deaths, but somehow, more free.

My father passed in February and Sandy in May. In October of 2002, we’d gone to stay with him for a week. Things had gone well until the fourth day, when I stopped nodding my head as he talked. It was nothing to anything specific, we just said out loud, "we disagree." He became very angry. He said, "You know ... that’s what’s wrong with you. You want to think! I’m the father and I will do the thinking!"  But, we are 44.

It is not a matter of forgiving him. I knew this to be my father. But, after so many years between my father and ex-husband, well in truth, I’m much relieved that it is over. We are done accepting the implication that we were/are an submissive idiot. I want to speak. Maybe not yet in real person, but like this ... right now, while one word after another is typed out on my screen.

I feel safe ... This new year ... belongs to me.

Taking stock

Not sure how the day is going to turn out. I feel like I want to play, but know I should be working. I’ve actually got the next three days off, but I know the deadlines I’m under at work are still in affect. I think early this afternoon my friend is going to stop over. That’ll be nice.

Seems for now ... we’ll just take it easy and enjoy the coffee. The kitties have had needs for attention this morning. The neediness is pretty obvious. They take turns sittin on the table in front of me and politely pet my arm. I know the cues. I resign myself to sitting back in my chair for them to work out their comfy zones. He lays facing left and she facing right. We can be patient for 10-15 minutes before we reclaim our space.

Maybe, we'll go half and half with our time. We’ll do the "easy" business. Maybe we can then work our way up to the more difficult later in the day. Yesterday at the office, we worked on the harder of the two projects, but left it in a confused state. Sometimes the magnitude of all CARF and the world are asking for gets to me and we spin our wheels.

Sr. Tess liked the plants/flowers that we brought in yesterday. I had bought them for Tanner, but he refused the gift. I think it was too much to have asked him to care for them. There were five large baskets. Sr. Tess was grateful to receive them and she set them out artistically in front of the chapel's alter. The plants are real, but the flowers are purple and pink silk. They are beautiful and she took pictures of them so we could show Tanner that they’d gone to good use. He’s still my son and we love him dearly.

It gives me a great sense of satisfaction to have all my research in an order that feels "just right." One small gratification after the next...

"The Lovin the heck out of Trish People"

We’re In!  We’re In! 

(Hehe - Names un-intentionally blurred.  All 20 of our names are in there though!  Thanks so much Trish! Prouder than a peackock!  XOXOXOX)

Our Mission Statement

"I will respect myself by being honest with my thoughts and feelings. I will love myself, my God, my family, my friends, and people I meet along my path. I will honor my freedom and independence and cherish my right to make choices. I will strive to be capable. I will be responsible for happiness, and I will share whatever wisdom I learn in offering help to others."

This has been our mission statement over the past year. We figure it is time to look at it again on the occasion of a New Year.

Hmm, "respect" can’t go too wrong here. At this junction of our life, we feel still like someone who has been abused, but primarily we worry most about self abuse. More like are we eating, sleeping, exercising properly. Are we feeding into our minds thoughts that are beneficial to us and others?

This leads us to our ability to love. We have to focus on parts where life is unfolding itself to us and that we are indeed on a journey. We have thought often that we are walking through the woods.  There is water somewhere down the way.  We need to accept this is the way, it is fluent, and their are others who's path intercept with ours.  And, this is all good. 

The honoring of freedom and independence is still a strong factor in the way we are able to process life. I can realize at this point, when I’m caught up with "someone ought love me better," I’ve undermined ourselves and the other. It disallows my processing that choices have to be made and decisions accepted.

The striving to be capable takes affect whether I’m at home or work. I’ve always disliked the thought that I might "have the potential of ..." Shoot, be better that I’m doing my best every day.

This last year, we had a couple of instances of having been in a major depression. While I know there will always be issues, we contribute through negative thoughts such as, "I can’t, I don’t want to..., or I don’t have to...!" It is better to think, "I can, I want, I will."

Yes, my resolution this year will be to better accept "our mission!"  We each have purpose and worth.

(Hehe - path intentionally blurred.  This year we will add a need to focus ... exponentially!)

Back at Work *Sigh*

We’ve arrived at work.  Everything seems pretty quiet here so far.  Sr. Tess looks tired.  We know she had to attend the funeral of her nephew over the weekend.  He’s had brain anomalies since he was four.  He saw the age 44.  God Bless him. 

 

When we get back to our office, we turn on the lights, open the shades, hang up our purse and put the briefcase on one of the guest chairs.  Not too many seconds later, we’re sipping our coffee, connected to AOL, and have turned on the soft music.  We check out email and regular mail and put away personal issues.

 

We’ve by now downloaded the work that we forwarded to us from home.  The next task will be to open our brief case and take out our tangible records.  We are terrible in that after Sr. Tess leaves for church, we check out her cookie jar.  It's our parental substitute.

 

I’m very much comforted in general when I get to the office.  My Computer desk and regular desk are always cleaned and ready from the day before.  I have feelings of wanting to accomplish.  I think this is doable if we concentrate.

 

So with that ... we figure it's time … let’s get to work!  Hey!  You too!

Pretty Sure it Gotsta Be Bedtime

Hmm, it looks like we’ve decided to take a break. So far the days been pretty good. Talked to our friend this morning in IM’s, did some good work for the Center, then stopped to talk to a new friend in IM. In between all that was some kind of food and a couple of calls to Tanner, my son.

The work part is kind of easy at this point. We figured out that we should have done a better job at referencing all the sites we found yesterday while down at the office. So, we have to retrace our steps a bit. The problem was that in the first 10 or so documents, we’d downloaded them using the PDF reports. So it took some time trying to find these documents on the Internet. All others, of course, are left with an address on the bottom of the page.

Basically, what we’re doing is using the OneStep program to "gather" the basic information. We are capturing either images or script by copy/paste and referencing it by number. Everything takes time. We did the hardest part, but still have only 36% of the work complete.

Maybe, I could get done with at least 65% of the work before bed ... that would mean 18 documents before bed and the last 18 during the early morning hours when I’m usually up. Like to be in bed about 4-5 more hours. Hmm, have to set a pace at about 13-15 minutes per document ... I think that’s really doable!

Then, one of the first tasks of the morning ... we need to establish a table of contents. Let me think now ... is that a necessity? Nah ... not really, ok next task then?? Think we’re going to have to use something for an Outline of the Emergency Plan. After careful consideration ... let me check one more thing... Yep, yep ... looks like I’m going to have to run us through a 78 page guide for Emergency Management Guide for Business & Industry.

How will my work of the weekend help?

Ahh, I figured some more out. Started doing the actual guide put out by FEMA. That helps. I had to do some monkeying around with it, but I got it to sit nicely. The 78 pages would only copy over one of the two columns on each page at a time. Not real happy with that part. But, there’s been advance.  The program allows a half page column to freely write in our agencies plan aside their directions!

We’re thinking now the research will come very handy. Maybe time for bed now?  Way, way too tired.  This is making confused sense to us too!  Nitey nite

Oh, FEMA = Federal Emergency Management Agency

Emergency Preparedness at the Center

Yesterday it was good to get back IN the office.

We were on a mission to search for information. We have access to this wonderful health and safety risk management site.  We had to pay a one month subscription of $35. I think it is well worth it while working through these 10 standards for health and safety.

The site is an on-line reference library that has about 30 business type sections and about 25,000 specific links to critical topics. The sections I was looking at yesterday were primarily risk management and health/safety.

This is their description of the Disaster sites that come under risk managment and is perfect for most of my present needs:

How to create emergency plans. Publications, maps, reports, fact sheets and other materials that assist with the creation of disaster response plans. Fact sheets, maps, bulletins, emergency response plan, prevention guides on natural hazards - earthquakes, floods, hailstorms, winter storms, hurricanes, wildfires, volcanoes, landslides, etc. Resources and guidance on counter-terrorism, bomb threats, power outages, biochem warfare, radiological events, etc. Guidelines for health services in disasters - manuals of management of chemcial casualties, emergency preparedness plans and disaster programs. Hazmat resources - dangerous goods primers, response team plans, spill containment programs. Government emergency response services - federal, state and local. Government contacts and hotlines.

The main agenda of this one particular standard we're on (the third standard) is to write a written emergency plan, analyze our capabilities and list potential hazards, include management plans, develop the plan for both consumers and personnel, and plan specifically for fires, bomb threats, natural disasters, power failure, medical emergencies, and violent or other threatening situations.

After this we still have to come up with an evacuation plan, test the plans, analyze and improve the plan, demonstrate competency, go over our first aid needs, define a system to report critical incidents, review the critical incidents with leadership, and cover emergency systems with our transportation.

She wants it done by January the 5th. *Sigh* No complaints ... just we're on a critical schedule to comply with about 94 new standards by April 19.  Man ... tough.

Still Thinking about that there car...

Yesterday, we’d gotten a response back from the car dealership. It seems I’ve been pre-approved for the car I want to get, but I figure I should let go of some of the extras that I was looking at. I went over the list and figured there was nothing critical on the list. How often have I used fog lights, and do I NEED a spoiler? Hehe, we reserved privilege of getting premium floor mats though! 

We paid off our present car close to a couple of years ago, but it seems like that "portion" of the budget has gone into paying hospital bills incurred this year. We should be responsible and pay those off first? Shoot, sure don’t want to think in that direction! We’re looking toward buying a new car now, because of the age of our present car (8 years), we’re starting to have problems with her, and we should be getting a small inheritance from my father early February.

It will be just enough to put down a good down payment and bring the price of payments within my range. I’m so afraid that if we don’t put the money into a new car, that I’ll dwindle the money down and not have anything to show for it. We’re one of those people with nothing in savings and pretty much live check to check. We’re ok with that. The good part is ... that we don’t have credit cards. So, we’re figuring we’re doing pretty good.

Nonetheless, figure the trade-offs like making our own lunches and dinners instead of eating out so much is probably worth the deal. We’ll wait now to make any more decisions until we reevaluate our hospital debt and our psychiatrist is back in town. We have sort of a non-verbal agreement that if we change life course, we might think of talking over the details with him first! *Giggle*

Believe me ladies and gents ... to talk to a therapist for a couple hours a week, is MUCH better than having to haggle month-to-month between spouses in regard to major life events! It’s a great relationship. He never ever tells me what to do, lets us know of our options, will stay on any subject we present, and doesn't watch games while we talk. We really like the guy. He’s probably about a dozen years younger than us, but ohhh so smart! (Good looker too with lots of charm!)

*Sigh* Ok, ok ... now we’re really distracting ourselves. Maybe we should follow this up with a work entry? We need to get to the point we think of work more than for its ability to earn us heated seat-warmers and moon roofs!

Mothering

This morning, we were going over some old psychology lessons. We’re still trying to figure out what is the best "mother" response to the boys discussions yesterday afternoon.

For the record, I don’t usually talk directly to or of my ex-family of past. Nor, for that matter do I talk directly much to my own family of past. The only family members I talk to are our three boys. The three boys also don’t associate with my family of origin, but they are in constant touch with their father and his side of the family.

My youngest son is a sophomore college student and a State University an hour away from where I live. My middle son lives in a very large house in the same neighborhood as his father 25 minutes away from us. This son is independently very wealthy and is the primary support for his younger brother’s college education. When the youngest son is not in school, he lives and plays (computer games) with my middle son and their cousins.

My oldest son lives 20 minutes away with his wife and child in their small condominium. This son makes a normal amount of money, maybe slightly higher than average for his age, but it is less than 4% of what the middle brother earns. Both the oldest and middle son work in the same financial institution as their father, their two uncles, and a couple of their best friends. All of these people put together don’t make as much money as my middle son. Out of all these people our income is about 38% less then the "poorest" of these others.

Imagine if you will, the family dynamics of this scenario. To some degree the five plus people and their friends all are very intertwined with each other’s finances. Each are very intelligent and know from hour to hour how the other(s) are doing. But, due to ability, my middle son is the only one with a private office with window and he is the one that does the hiring and firing. When he enters the workplace, out of respect, they all alter their conversations to fit his mood. But, he is only 21.

But, then I hear my sons have or are feeling depression?  The theories I was going over this morning lead me to "learned helplessness" and "attribution." Not much more time this morning, but I’ll go to work thinking of how around my middle son, there are a lot of people including myself acting very suddenly more helpless and how this might be affecting him. *Sigh* Lots more work ahead though we're thinking at this point, attribution is key.

Fragile or Strong

*Sigh* Figured after a full dinner and whole slice of coconut pie later, it might be near nap time.  We wanted to jot a few thoughts down first.  Most of it was very good. 

The bad part was that I’d stopped to do an errand before meeting Macadam, Jacob, and Abby and my car battery died on me. I was grateful that the tow truck guy didn’t say any of the familiar demoralizing things like, "Why didn’t you take this in this morning when it first started giving you problems?"

It’s always very wonderful seeing the boys and my granddaughter. After the battery incident, I went home figuring if she was going to die again, that’s where she should do it. Fortunately, she seemed fine after letting her run for an hour. I was picked up at home by some very hungry people though!

We went out to a nice restaurant. It was a little tense at first, because sometimes it’s hard for 2 ½ year olds to stay at one place. They wiggle tons! After a booster chair was found, she was more happy to sit down. She was ordered chicken fingers and fries by choice and dipped in sauce to her heart's content! Afterward, there was a game she invented about putting paper napkin and ice cube fishes back to sea in her water glass. She's being a great little wonder!

The most important discussion was begun by the boys.  They said that it was natural for people their age to be depressed. (The boys are 19, 21, and 23). That thought startled us. Not so much that kids could be, but that my kids were saying they each have or are going though it. I've heard some of their difficulties along the way, but because they had come up with solutions most often, we thought they were doing fantastic. 

During this conversation, we did better. We were able to let them talk about their feelings without assuming in our "motherly" fashion their depression for them. Although it is realistic to assume either through nature or heredity we’ve contributed, I do believe that their lives are separate from mine.  We were glad they were talking about it.

It hurt to hear them say, there were some things they couldn’t talk to me about. I think they worry about if we’ll be able to handle added pressure. I’m thinking they’re thinking were fragile. I don’t know ... we’ll have to think on this some more ... there is some "me" work to do here.

Norad Says, "Shh, Santas Sleeping Right Now"

But, he was here.  He just took a nibble of the cookies, but the water is almost gone.  We think he shared some of it with the kitties though, cuz they were dipping their paws in the glass this morning!

We at the Et Al household wish you all the Merriest of Christmas' and the Happiest of New Years!

With all our love and blessings ... Us!

 

We're Needin to Go to Bed Now

SANTA TRACKER... 7:06 CENTRAL TIMENighty-night

Not Long Now

Hmm, taking a reading breather here. Is it near Christmas yet? Thinking we might be needing some sleep in 3-4 hours, but otherwise doin fine.

My best friend did something wonderful last night. While I was still at work, he came over and did some surprises stuff. Had me pretty much fooled. Really a nice person ... I’d been stayin caught up with most the dishes, but first surprise was he helped us with a couple of pans.

He IM’d just before we left the office and asked if I could pick up some candy canes for the kids. First question was "whose kids?" Both our kids are most likely past candy cane stages. Sometimes we question too much, but he was pretty insistent ... even had us asking the boss for candy canes since he thought he’d seen some on her kitchen counter.

I wasn’t allowed much past the kitchen table in the back of our apartment. He disappeared into the living room. After a looong few minutes, he invited me in. It was spectacular! He’d gone out and bought us a small Christmas tree (artificial to be acceptable in apartment manager’s eyes). There were lights on it and the candy canes just bought at the drug store. Never had one before and to be honest ... haven’t had a tree at all since the boys left almost 7 years ago.

There were also lite dining pleasures, gifts, home made cookies, and time to talk. *Giggle* Try not to feel that he’s visiting a "shut-in" when he stops by. By the time I spotted the flowers, we were pretty near to tears.

Ya know ... I really think it’s the "little" things people do for you that really count. Think we’ll head back over to Slo’s place. She’s holding a blogathon. It’s almost like you have the feelin when your there, you are one of the special guests she was bakin for. It’s almost Merry Christmas time! We’ll be sure to save some of them cookies, but we’ve only got water to offer.

Sure hope he don’t scare the kitties ... God Bless Santa and all his little helpers! An ... some of them are bakin chocolate covered cherries tonight! Be over -------> there!

Just Lovin It

Man ... our minds has just been inundated with pleasures all morning. *Giggle* Well, there was one nap in there. We get up VERY early. Seems like most days off, we just play and play. This has been especially true ever since late August when we were introduced to the journals.

Sometime today, I ran across a journal that made note of it being pathetic if all you did was live in this journal world. I kinda felt offended. I know this is not ALL of what we do, there’s work and some interaction with the boys and friends, and now dedicating some time to our web page, but other than that, with our free time I don’t really have much that I enjoy more than I enjoy the journal world.

Like some of you, I like to get around. I promised ourselves some time to not only get around the familiar j-block, but as well, we’ve given ourselves permission to travel around the whole "known" neighborhood over the course of the next three days. Beside the boys on Friday morning, I won’t have actual interactions with 3D people. But, this is perfectly fine.

We’re using Pam’s new J-Directory as our guide. Can’t say thanks enough Pam for putting so many journal links together. Thanks Pam!

When I read, and yes sometimes comment, we are feeling the worlds of others who become very real to us. Sometimes, it’s just so gosh darn fascinating. I will say though that due to the popularity of journals, we’re still appreciating AOL's limit of words.  There is only so much time in the day and it pushes people to be more exacting with their thoughts.

There are things in particular I look for ... like we’re really turned off by swearing and cutting other people down. We love when people are active and involved in their life and although, we appreciate positiveness, we’re equally captured by some of the sorrowful entries we read. We determine a lot by just how captivated we become. Usually, we’ll go through all 10 of the current entries to get somewhat of a feel for the author.

I think more than anything else we love peoples use of the written world and images and admire the courage to put yourself out in the world. We want to travel through experiences with our minds and see the beauty out there that is ... real!

Thanks Viv - It said we're one of 2.87 that are Aqua

you are aqua
#00FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

Latin for water, is a NASA Earth Science satellite mission named for the large amount of information that the mission will be collecting about the Earth's water cycle, including evaporation from the oceans, water vapor in the atmosphere, clouds, precipitation, soil moisture, sea ice, land ice, and snow cover on the land and ice. Additional variables also being measured by Aqua include radiative energy fluxes, aerosols, vegetation cover on the land, phytoplankton and dissolved organic matter in the oceans, and air, land, and water temperatures.

(Sorry Viv, cooking a plum pudding would be way beyond us!  In the spirit of things, we'll absorb another glass of water!)

VROOM

*Giggle* We decided since we’re on a spending spree with our fairy God Mother’s pillow tucked money and the help of Santa, that we should be looking for a new car too! The Grand Am we have is going to be eight years old in a few weeks. The air doesn’t work at all, and the heat’s not much better and there are strange sounds coming from its bottom.

So, this is what we figure we "NEED." (Maniacal laughter and a winning smile)!

We’d start the process with a Honda Accord EX V-6 Automatic transmission w/navigation system that is voice activated. We tend to get lost easily, and so with all our forgetfulness problems it would be like having a memory-aid guide dog!

We loaded ourselves with some niceties like wheel locks, rear-wing spoiler, chrome exhaust finish, splash guards, fender wheel trim, door-edge guard, fog lights, burl wood look interior, and oh ... premium floor mats!

The most mechanical thing we’d be able to remember is that it would be a 240 HP 3.0 Liter engine, so we figure we'd go pretty fast! It would also have anti-lock brakes and 16" alloy wheels (we'd ask for 17", but we don't want to bust our fairy God mother). So much for the "hard stuff." Let’s go back to the fun stuff...

It would have front and side air bags, power everything, a 6 disk CD with let’s say ... umm, at least 6 speakers! It would be leather trimmed, have dual zone climate control, and a XM satellite radio system. There would, of course be a remote entry and security system

There would also be a power moon roof, heated front seats, and *giggle* PLENTY of cup holders! All at a reasonable price! Let’s see ... I think we won’t want to make payments over $250. We figure if we got all this ... plus the computer ... why we wouldn’t even ask for anything more like a house ... we'll KEEP our apartment. It’s a deal!

(As she sings, "Santa Baby, Hurry down the chimney tonight!  Santa honey, Santa cutie ... believe in me!)

Microsoft's New OneNote Program

This morning we’d figure we’d write something about the Microsoft Program we just discovered. It’s called OneNote. We figure it’s one of the most useful little programs that’s on the market right now. It’s right up there with the Organizer and PrintShop programs and it is economical at $99 after $100 rebate.

The program is for note taking (was that obvious?) Hehe ... The program is integrated with other Microsoft programs and cuts/copies/pastes well. There are the general Microsoft icons, plus some new fun stuff. For example, you can draw freehand or highlight words/sentences or change your "stationary." For the people with a stylus or PC notebook, it has letter recognition.

You open the program and you are at "My Notebook." You are given a few tabs like "general" and "meetings," but encouraged to set your own tabs at the top of the page. There are also subset tabs along the right side for pages. The program allows you to set "Note Flags" such as: to do, important, question, definition, and remember for later, plus you can make up your own. It’s easy to find your flags by just pressing an icon for Note Flag summary.

It’s got an excellent "Find" function within the program and comes ready for research work. It will look up words for you in the dictionary, thesaurus, elibrary, encyclopedia, factiva, or MSN. When you copy or paste from the web, it will reference the site at the bottom of the entry. Posting pictures from your photo album or clip art is a breeze as well as resizing them on screen.

The program is designed to be very flexible. You can click to write anywhere on the page then move that "block" around to better organize your notes. And, adding bullets or outlines couldn't be easier! It even allows for you to easily link audio to the page! All you need is a microphone built in to your computer, or separate.

One more nifty feature is the "side-note" feature.  If you like sticky notes, then this is for you!  You can take as many notes as you want - it can float on top of any screen you are working on.  The results go automatically back to your notebook to be easily moved wherever you need.

Yep, yep ... one Jim-dandy of a little program! Can’t hardly wait to try it out at work!  Can't go wrong with 60 day free trial!!

Dreamin to Beat the Band

It’s been a gentle easy day today ... well, after we got started anyway. Had a little problem missing the boys. So, we did something that was fun for us. We put together a dream computer. Hehe - just in case Tanner wants to be ultra-generous!

We basically worked through the Gateway site. Sister Tess had talked us into getting a Gateway for work. And, now we’re pretty used to them. I sure do like how she runs! We’re pretty much figurin we’re way over budget, but had fun dreaming nonetheless.

Man-o-man though, you should see how this baby would run! My dream computer would be an XP with the Microsoft Professional Operating System and software. It would have anti virus software, plus extended service plan with priority access and accidental damage protection.

It would be DVD/CD RW, and I would check out a 1G USB flash drive. It would have minimum, an 18" LCD Flat screen, and for fun a TV Tuner w/video capture.

I would get software like, "Art Explosion Scrapbook, Easy CD Creator, WinDVD, and Microsoft Project and One Note, plus the basics of Lotus Organizer, PhotoShop, and PrintShop 20. It would have a Logitech Cam, MP3 Player, and a scanner. We need to keep our printing needs at work, because she’d be to expensive to maintain!

It would have a Pentium 4 Processor, 3.2GHz, 1024 MB Memory, 500GB hard drive and a whole bunch of extra drives, expansion slots, and external ports. It would have really nice keyboard, mouse, and speakers, preferably in black and it would cost less than $6,000.

And, my fairy God mother would leave all that money tucked under my pillow for Christmas morning!

Hmm, maybe we’ll go back to just playin with the One Note demo software. At least that is free for the next 60 days!

It'll Be Ok...

It’s almost Christmas now. We’ve still got Christmas thoughts spinning in our head. We want to be able to take care of the boys gifts today. I pretty much know what I want to give them each. Just a matter of getting out of the house.

Yesterday we were at work. Didn’t get as much accomplished as we would have liked. Maybe tomorrow. We have to be careful not to relax too much. It’s different at the Center with everyone gone, ‘cept me and the Sister.

We are having a difficult stretch. We know there will be a lot of time spent by ourselves over the next couple of weeks. The Sister and us agreed that we will come in on both Mondays, Tuesdays, and Saturdays. We’ll have to figure out what to do with our time on the Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays. It’s a lot of time when you are on your own.

Would like to take the boys out one of them days. Usually Macadam, his family and Jacob will go, but not so much Tanner. We miss the days. I remember the last few Christmas’ with all of the boys together. They were wonderful.

Maybe this year I can ask Tanner if we could come over for a little bit and spend time with him. He spends most of his "free" time on the computer (hehe - like his Mom). But, he and Jacob and their friends are very much into the game world. I know Shadowbane is one of the games, not sure though if this is the major one or if there are others.

Tanner has four computer’s set up in one of his extra rooms. They’ve all got super big screens. The guys and his girl friend too, interact together on screen and from the room. It’s super cool to hear them talking and laughing and sometimes being so serious. We figure we could certainly find something to do on one of the extra computers while listening to them play. We’ll see ... maybe if I ask?

We very much miss their company. Sometimes, to cover ... we remember the past and slip our minds back to the days when the three of them would each race to see who would get to sit next to Mom. Hey guys ... we’ve got an opening! I know, I know ... they need to find themselves in their new worlds first, right? Just we miss them.

Christmas Day at the Center

Yesterday there wasn’t much concentration on anything to do with real work.  The clients were very happy and moved around gaily and there were cookies to be had! By this time of the year, they are pretty settled into the patterns and rhythms of the Center.

The first real event of the day was Christmas Mass. Usually, I don’t go, but this time we were invited specifically. There was to be special singing that Sr. Tess and a few of the individuals wanted us to hear.

The Mass started when Father Alfredo came. We have a chapel within the center that is simple, but beautiful. He puts on his robe in the sacristy in back of the alter after saying hello to everyone on his way through. The group just loves him. He is a Spanish priest who is able to speak to the group on their level. He talked about letting Jesus into your heart (unlike the innkeepers).

It was a very good service and there was good singing. Sr. Tess practices with them every morning. The main song was a gospel that some of the individuals made up by themselves. No one is particularly concerned with voices that are off key. There is so much love and spirit!

On Fridays after Mass, the group has "TownHall" with the other Q. Then they spend some small group time with their peers. Most of the staff have them finishing up on holiday projects. Then they were given a special hour long lunch. Sr. Tess runs the lunch period. With the extra time, she encouraged them to visit as if the relatives were over.  They enjoyed themselves!

There was a half hour to settle down before the party. The first part of the party was a sharing of songs. Each of the four groups had prepared something special and it turned into a sing-along. Then gifts were exchanged. Everyone loves this part! Afterward, we were treated by one of the mothers who does catering. We always bless this event! And, before the dancing began, Sr. Tess was given her gift.

Sr. Tess actually invited us (meaning "me") to the convent living room after everyone had left. She showed me that the angel was going to stand aside her (I can’t spell it, but it sounds like yadro) of Jesus. I think she was very happy with the gift. I like the part where she talks to just me afterward of her thoughts of the day. Felt wonderful and close.

A Visit with Dr. M.

This morning we’ve got some time to be doing a little extra thinking. I’d like to go over "out loud" what we were experiencing last night at Dr. M’s. We have a great amount of difficulty with being able to associate sometimes, but this is important to do nonetheless.

After the appointment, we stopped in the washroom just to look at our face. We wanted to see if the part of us that was out would be recognizable to us. She came back to our body. We felt great grief and fear of her without understanding.

We believe that it was most likely our core part who was out. It is frightening to have her out, because her thoughts are so negative. We think she was having a hard time with the part of not being able to see the doctor for three sessions after the next visit on Monday.

She’s pretty preoccupied. Not sure how much she likes Dr. M. or the rest of us. She didn’t seem very interested either in the relationships we hold with the external world, with exception of the boys. She didn’t appear to have a clear understanding of where they went, that they had aged, or where people she knew in general go. She knew of our boss, but didn’t seem able to conceptualize our grandchildren.

We think it took her an extra 5-6 months to comprehend that our father had died earlier this year.

We worry of the level of depression we feel when she is out.

Many of us are familiar with a term she uses to explain a space she maintains. It is called the dead zone. She uses it to explain where people go. It feels Rod Sterling like.

We aren’t able to remember the questions, but we know that Dr. M. asked quite a few of her. She was responsive, though sometimes just replied, "I don’t know." She seems to us to be hibernating most often. She appears calmer in her knowledge of us ... she didn’t seem to question "knowing" something else would happen to get her home and when the session first started, she was aware of being "out." *Triple sigh*

'Bout Shopped Out!

Man-o-man, did we go shopping! Couldn’t be more happy. It was for the things we talked of the other day at the Center. I had soooo much fun ... hope this will be ok.

She sighs contentedly, "Oh worry worry go away come again another day!" Giggle!

I hope nobody minds if we talk about it ... Just because it makes us so excited and we want to think over the wonderful little prizes we gathered. It’s ok, right?  Hmm, spent about ... just enough to figure we’re back to PB&J’s! Ok, quit the *Gigglin!*

Anyway ... This is how it went!!!

The individuals we work for in the upper three groups are going to get their own spiral notebook and fancy colored pens. The individuals in the lower group are going to get orange juice and cookies. So far, we’re all good ... everyone will like what they’re getting for different reasons and they’ll just be happy, except for sometimes they worry about the other guy getting better colors. Mostly it’s a very big thing for them to get surprises and its always great fun handing things out one at a time.

The secretary will get for her and her new baby a small glass angel bed time figurine/nightlite. Her son Angel and one of the DSP’s son will get a couple of small jingle bells with Santas attached. The four DSPs will each get one of a matching set of four brass doves. We’re hoping they like them well enough to leave on their desks.

The other QMRP will get a nice bronze picture album with stars/moons and such etched in. Her favorite pastime is Star Trek. And, the Occupation Therapist gets a funny frog!  He has the best sense of humor!

The job coach and my closest girl friend, will get a nice heavy pewter picture frame advocating, "Girls night out!" She be my drinkin buddy, on those few occasions when the both of us aren't working. Her two daughters will get the most cuddly small stuffed "sisters" dogs. My closest guy friend, the consultant will get a wonderful clay stature of a kitty rolling over to play. He’s the cookie guy and my cat’s get so jealous when he receives more time than them!

And Sister Tess, in addition to the gift card ... we gave her the most beautiful, tall porcelain angel with flowing wings and playing a lyre. We figure that is because she worked so hard this year teaching the individuals to sing.

Well! That’s it!  We might be a little tired? We’re content! Oh, and we get a slupee! Yah!!

The Work of Health and Safety

Yesterday, was a hard working day. We went over some of the work completed on Saturday on Human Rights. Just need to tidy that book up now. We opened the next craggily cave, "Health and Safety." Last year it was our biggest book. This year looks no different.

The first task was to look through the "outright" requirements of the ten standards. I gasped to find two of the standards were four pages of tasks each. We matched up standards from the last survey to this survey. Before there had been 21 standards, but this year they are much more comprehensive and difficult to complete.

There are general areas such as inspections, emergency evacuations, first aid, and incidents of anything from falling down to rape and suicide. We still need work done on fire, natural disasters and such, but this year they added preparedness for bombs and hate crimes.

The rest of the day, I worked on the inspection standards. We have seven different external agencies that come in to evaluate our agency, plus our more frequent self-inspections. This year CARF wants things pretty tight. We needed to create a whole new process of addressing problems.

In so doing, we created an Action Plan, Inspection Report, and Manager’s Log. The first document is for the responsible fixer upper person, the second document is for the accountable person who sees the whole project through, an the third is for the boss to ok the work, budget it, and assure that all the local, state, and federal regulations have been met. We still have to write a policy and procedure to document how all this works.

For fun we decided to test out the Inspection Report, because it was the most complex. We decided to look into the sneaky bathrooms. Their apt to be big trouble-makers, plus our center has eleven of them, so there was sure to be something wrong. Sure enough it was found. The ADA says mirrors have to be no more than 40" or less from the ground and a three of ours turned out to be 45"-47" from the ground.

I filled out a report and in mope submitted it to the Sister. She’s goina be upset with me this morning, because I looked for trouble - and found it! *Sigh*

Merry Christmas Erin Baby!

Every Where We Go!

This morning we’re feeling a little nervous about the day, but happy. There’s so much going on in our minds, but what seems to want most attention is how happy we feel after our our walk through the J-neighborhood. So many cool things happening. There were a few having more trouble, but the community is sensitive to sharing their seasonal joy.

The highlight of our day yesterday was getting a Christmas bonus from "da Boss." She was very generous! It opens new windows of thought. I think we’re going to bring the money to the Hallmark store. We’d like to do shopping there for those at the Center. 

Let’s see this year ... we’ll try to get for the boss, of course, but there’s also the other Sister who lives at the center and their retired household help. Then there needs to be a small something for the other eight staff and the 41 individual’s we serve? Shoot, better count on a little extra shopping ... *giggle* 

Guess, we’ll actually have to shop to figure it out? That way maybe we could get in a couple of the staff’s kids, just the younger ones ... let’s see there is little Miss Nancy, Angel, and umm, we’d like something for Maria’s son too, and surely there’s enough for an ornament for Rosa's new baby?

We keep working it over in our mind so as not to miss anyone. LOL - this is certainly more fun than thinking of the boss’ computer I crashed for three and a half hours yesterday afternoon. Thank God as the Big Boss and the showing of special holiday patience while we worked through fixing it!

Pretty good things happening actually ... the transportation company called to check on holiday schedules for the center. Forced me to look at a calendar. You know what? Vacation starts this Saturday through January 4th! Hehe, I know we’ll be going in to work, but it still feels pretty glorious. Much more relaxed... It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

We'll Take Just a Small Cactus, Thank-you

Today’s been a beautifully quiet appreciative day. A friend had stopped by last night, but we hadn’t remembered his visit, except we were pretty sure it was him who had left cookie crumbs for us. I guess we were the ones to have eaten the cookies during the early morning hours? We’d gone to bed with chills and a fever that had broken at some point before waking fully.  He teased us for it ALWAYS being the other 19.

This morning, the friend wrote to us in an IM that we should make sure to get a shower, change the bedding, and air out blankets, pillows, and house. At the point he IM’d, we hadn’t even remembered we’d been sick! We followed his prescription though. He said, there might be more cookies coming and we gave him one of our *most winning on-line smiles!*

We’ve been somewhere else this week. Hmm, maybe even farther away than Arizona. It’s been real hard to remember the meeting, the three days at the office, or even our actual doctor appointment.

First thing we remember about the trip was getting out off the plane and realizing that the cactus and palm trees were real as was the wondrous temperature! Was dream-like ... the cactus were bigger than us! We’d only remembered seeing ones that were in planting pots. And, there were a gazillion trillion pebbles everywhere.

We saw mostly Arizona people who get tips and we never stopped worrying that our money would run out. Before we knew better the redcap at the airport had convinced us that $5.00 tip was customary. Then the hotel people left treats in our room, but then we had to figure that delicious looking snickers bar would cost us $1.75 + 18% gratuity + $2.00 service fee. We had two. It was like that for everything we consumed. The $8.50 sandwich ended up costing us $20.

Then they had like about 200 guest rooms that were Spanish influenced ... everything was tan or brown except the angled red tile roofs. We had to be driven from our room to the meeting place, cuz this place was spread out over 52 acres. These people got tips too.

The meetings lasted two 8 hour days. We’re just remembering now how our right hand hurt from all the note taking ... something like over 30 some pages. Then we had to tip our way past the doorman and limo driver he called, and then to the airplane where our a flight attendant was tipped for bringing us more than one Bloody Mary! *Giggle* Thinking now ... goofy ... goofy stuff! 

Elf Mice

We're so happy to be back and visiting sites ... We've noticed quite a few talking of things warming of the heart.  I'm not sure if we'll be able to do it right, but something happened this week that touched us.

It was Thursday.  This was the worst day of our ailments.  We had lost our voice with the cold, but was expected back at work, and the arthritis living in our spine decided to flare up and give us trouble.  But, the thing was ... we had a scheduled meeting with our Psychiatrist and after a week of no appointments, we were feeling pretty anxious.

We left work 15 minutes early to make up for our slower pace and worried of being able to communicate.  We finally made it to his waiting room and sat back to rest.  But, soon after this other guy waiting made it clear that he also was waiting for OUR doctor.

Our heart sank.  Our meeting with OUR doctor was very important.  Our doctor did come out, but only part way down the hall, so he didn't see us.  He called the other guy to his office during "Our" time!  We were crushed, but figured we should make sure he knew we were there too.  So, we knocked on his door.  After opening it, he asked if we could wait 10-15 more minutes.  We were pretty hard pressed!

We sat down in the waiting room again, but we were feeling ajar.  But, then another woman and her 8-9 year old son came by and passed on their frustration for confused appointments with their doctor.  At first we were saying, "yeah, us too!"  But, we all resigned to the new terms of waiting. 

The woman noticed a mouse trap in the corner of the room under some chairs.  She was pretty certain that this was terrifying to her.  She and her son warmed up to us and began telling us mouse stories.  It got to a point, the boy had laid down on the floor to imitate a dead mouse.  We were totally captivated.

We were laughing and giggling with them when the doc came out.  We'd all forgotten about the appointment and our sense of urgency.  Was feeling pretty good as were the woman and her son.  Not much point here really, just it was an important thing to happen to us. 

God bless the ability to put aside preoccupation of self for the sharing of life with others!

We're Back ... So Sorry...

I just wanted to let people know that I am back from the Arizona meetings.  We still don’t have a personal computer, but I’m comin in to work a few moments early to check the journals.  I wasn’t able to read through all the entries or respond; we know we can’t disregard all our work at work  :( 

We were heartbroken to hear of Frank’s passing yesterday.  We’re still having a hard time with it.  The few times we talked to Frank directly, he was warm and charming.  We teased back and forth over the course of a few emails.  He said he wanted to write in the Enquirer about his own multiplicity.  He said that he had another part who was naughty.  We had asked him if he would like to double date.  He just laughed and laughed, called us a stitch.
 
I have already written to a few of you I feel close to and we appreciate you responding back to us.  I know Frank had the kind of personality that was sincere and touching to many of us.  I found comfort in going to many of your sites and reading heartfelt thoughts toward Frank and the community.
 
I don’t want to start up on something many of you have already been able to put in private perspective.  But, I need to readjust and say good bye also.  I feel a great loss in the loss of Frank, particularly for the community.  Frank seemed to be the one who could pull us all together in a manner that allowed us to laugh about ourselves.  He was very earnest.  He also made each of us feel important.
 
To Frank, I just want to say that we mourn for you in your passing.  We feel your pain, first in private female relationships and second in the betrayal of your body in these last couple of weeks.  These things and much more you'll be able to now let go of.  The simplicity you offered in your love for people puts us in awe. Your time here with us was too short, but this comes from a very selfish person(s) who wished to keep hearing from you … your thoughts and perspectives. 
 
We felt that you trusted us and trusted the community to share your person.  We were honored to be in your presence.  Thank you for your good will.  You’ll be missed by many and us too.  God bless.
 
Our love Ayn and all

Sad News for the Et Al Household

I just wanted to write a short note to those who stop by.  Last night my computer died and left me pretty much all alone in this world.  There's no gentle way to have put this.  Sorry to be so abrupt.  I know there are those who are patting their computer at this moment thinking ... "oh baby, you wouldn't do that to me, would 'ya?!"

Fortunately, we have a just God.  He's made sure we're connected through our work computer.  Thank you Lord! 

I've put in an emergency call to my son Tanner.  He had talked of getting us a new computer a couple of weeks ago.  We're hoping that this is still ok.  Maybe soon, we'll be up again.

There is one more thing.  We've talked a few times about going to Arizona for a CARF meeting.  That's about come up now.  I will be leaving on Sunday and getting back late Wednesday. 

Shoot, really had wanted to take her with me ... she would have loved meeting a new cable line...  :(  It's an adjustment losing a love one, right?  We'll be ok?  We've had many happy moments together over the last two years. 

God Bless computers...  Take care and hope to see you soon.  I will still be able to check email today and Saturday.  I'm sorry ... I'm not myself.  I think I'm going to rest now.  We've tried hard not to be tearful ...  It'll be ok.  No really, we're ok now.  We'll just have to move on, right?

Condolences can be left below.

To My Bestest Friend in the Whole Wide World!

Penny's Advent Journal Question for December 3rd

Wednesday Penny asked what city we would visit if we were riding in Santa's sleigh.  I would choose Oslo, Norway and in particular Vigeland Park.  This is a statue park created by Gustav Viegland (1869-1943). 

Vigeland created nearly 200 statues depicting people in all varities of poses and relationships.  Some are bronze like the ones above, but most are carved from stone.  All are beautifully naked.   

This park had a tremendous impression on us when we were 20.  We love to study people and relationships and this about blew us away in fantasticdom! 

(Photo download permission granted ... hehe to all you well watchers of the world!) 

The Next Report

Yesterday, we were back into the reports at work.  We’d finished the 31 page Performance Analysis report and needed to get back into the overall project of Business Improvement reports.  So we took to concentrating on one of the subset reports from that task. 
 
The report that was started is called, “Accessibility Plans and Research Findings.”  We find the reports terribly interesting.  I had done a lot of work on accessibility research earlier in the year.  In general, accessibility includes the needs of persons served, personnel, and other stakeholders related to the center.  We need to show that all of these people have an input on the outcome of how we as a center operate.
 
Accessibility plans also identify the barriers of service.  We need to discuss architectural, environmental, attitudes, financial, employment, communication, and transportation.  The final part of the report is showing that the center helped to integrate the persons served back into the community and in so doing fulfilled any requests for reasonable accommodation. 
 
We had to organize our material first, and then the actual report was started.  We focused in on the needs of the persons served.   I organized this section by accounting for interviews and observations, reports, meetings, and research accomplished. 
 
It was pretty easy and straightforward until we got to the research part.  I need to summarize efficiently a consumer outcome report that was completed in March by the National Association of State Directors of Developmental Disabilities Services and Human Services Research Institute.  The report is called National Core Indicators (NCI).
 
Basically, what these people did was to survey individuals from 22 states.  In Illinois 439 people were interviewed.  They were asked questions that indicated community inclusion, personal supports and choices, relationships, satisfaction, services, safety and health, privacy, and respect.
 
We think everyone should know that the “business” of helping people with mental retardation is important in relationship to how people in general care for others. Sr. Tess asked us to give then a small presentation next week to the Advisory Board on the development of our program.  All of this goes somewhere.

G'night

We got 'da cold...

A Holiday Event

We had a wonderful time with the kids!  I have to give my oldest son and his wife all the credit and blessings in the world.  *Grin* they have a two year old!  Man – tough, tough, tough!
 
Yesterday, I experienced that this particular two year old can talk a blue streak, like to give commands, and represents non-stop motion!  I don’t think her mind has a slow button!  Man-o-man … God Bless nap time, when you can find 'em!  We were there four hours and didn't see a real one, *giggle* none of the three efforts stuck.
 
We’re not complaining in the least, but it has its own form of shell-shock.  I don’t think any of us as mothers or fathers can even begin to remember “the days.”  I can work the mathematics … I know we had three children in the first four years of marriage, but I remember mostly just loving them to pieces, not as much the chaos.  
 
I think that each of the boys is just doing tremendously.  Macadam made me so proud with all his abilities yesterday.  He made the most fantastic meal.  All we’re family classics.  He and Lee worked like a team in watching over Abby, but I think Lee’s position was to do distracting work to keep Abby out of the kitchen.  Hehe…
 
There were a couple really cool things talked about.  Lee’s earned a management position after only working two weeks of her new job.  We couldn’t be more proud of her.  Jacob and Aldon also talked of work.  They were figuring out financial needs and potential of work time during Christmas and summer vacations from college.  Thinking Jacob has got a position managing a college painting crew. 
 
The boys still spend tremendous amounts of time on the game systems.  Their world and knowledge leaves me amazed.  In this respect, Tanner was brought into thoughts and we’d felt his presence very alive and well. 
 
One of our strongest thoughts … is a sense of how much “pressure” the “kids” are under and how important it is that they find releases and sense of happiness.  Each of them, ages 19-23, is responsible for their lives and everything within it.  Though, I thank the big guy for helping them out.  We’re very proud of their accomplishments and feel honored to be their Mom.  Just a wonder, they are!