CLICK HERE TO HERE AOL JOURNALS' FIRST YEAR HALL OF FAME THEME SONG!!!
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We feel very loved today. Thank you Jessie for the wonderful flower, and thank you people of J-land who've appreciated our project work. I love it! Just need to speed up a little now. Thanks for all the joy you've brought to us.
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We just wanted to let everyone know how proud we are of our community. Never before have we been so happy to move into a new neighborhood. Just lov'n the pieces out of the whole place and all its people and even our part in it. Viv ... our hats off to you and all!!!
Morning ... *sheepish look* How are you this morning? I think I’m an AOL convict! No one ever said, "Ayn, don’t send out 50 emails at a time uploaded with that nifty "send later" feature!" I’m sure if they would of said that exactly, I would have figured out something else to do. I’m trying to shake it off now ... tuff.
I think about 47 of the emails went out. But the last 3 may be frozen in time. I’m sorry for anyone I might have missed. *Sigh* I was so close to the finish line, I guess I wasn’t thinking.
The guy at AOL was real nice ... but he umm, seemed a very lot official! He was called, "Omar" and might have once been enrolled to save the President or something. I could hear his muscles rippling over the phone. *Brrrrrrrr." Bad experience!
Ok, ok ... shake it off ...
Well there is at least the good part :) I think all my work of sending out requests for contributions to the Hall of Fame is over. Everyone, but those last three people have been given two invitations. Do you know they made me change the password on all seven accounts? Let it go babe, let it go....
Shoot, sure will be glad to see Dr. M. this morning. Feeling a little stressed out. Deep breath, take another...
Mornin! 
fingers seems to be growing with every keystroke ... and man-o-man you should see
the efficiency of my cut/paste!
We’re planning on writing for a couple of hours, so you might as well resign yourselves to sitting back and getting comfortable! 
Well, I guess the biggest news is that the Hall of Fame Journal is doing great! The
latest statistics are that 502 journals have been listed (primarily through Pam’s
Directory), and to this time ... 373 journals have been accepted into induction at the Hall of Fame. That’s 75% of YOU!!! 
much as we’ve enjoyed watching the master list grow. The co-editors has been
excellent and are looking forward to theunveiling as well :) The stories are
phenomenal!!
We were working 
through a rough personal situation, but Christy was willing and able to step up to the plate! 
The problem is that my son had arrived with some pieces from my father’s and step-
mother’s estate. He met my brother in Wisconsin Dells. He had borrowed Tanner’s Hummer 
started disappearing. My brother had taken that which hadn’t belonged to him and
monies needed to be held hostage by the estate executor. But, that is finally all over now to which we offer our gratitude 
I was very proud of McAdam for handling the situation. He not only made the eight 
living room, I couldn’t stop the tears. 
expect it. I received a recliner, the kitchen table we would talk over, a
small microwave (without dials!), a 19 year old tv, and the blanket Sandy used to
keep on the couch. Not major things, but things that I’ve looked forward to
receiving.
I also received my Grandmother’s china that was passed immediately down to
McAdam and Lee. One day it will belong to my granddaughter. 
years ago. It still leaves me sad.
The only thing left to do to close the dealings of the estate and session of my life isto
order the books. Monies were put aside in this way for me to better self-educate myself. I’ve picked out about 75 books for the collection.
once an avid collector of books, but other then text to finish my degree, I’ve only
purchased a dozen books over the last ten years thinking it was something I would
be unable to do living
on my own. This is a true and wonderful luxury.
*Sigh* Ok, ok ... now we’re hiding. We’re on the run from Amazon.com.
Hehehe ... I purchased 68 single books and one set of 14 books. I’ve been planning
this strategic move for months! It cost $2,265.60 with shipping. Hmm, averages out
to $27.63 a book ... could have been worse ... it does cover $143.09 in shipping.
See ... the thing is ... we decided to make the cost more reasonable by our first
attempt to use their marketplace deal. Can anyone advise me on this. Maybe not so good a deal? I figured I got more books for about $800 less. 
separate orders and dived bombed the hell out of my credit card. Suddenly, I was
flashed with 37 emails within 3 seconds. The counter on my mail box was just one
whirring blur. It seems as if 15 orders passed and are paid for, but 22 orders failed
to pass. Heaven knows where that lone order #38 is.
Now we’re afraid to touch the damn thing. 
have an 800 number. I need to tell someone, they are scaring me! I know there isn’t
anything wrong with the card or money that backs it up. Just maybe they should
have placed one order at a time? Pretty quick to make a grab at the money! It
appears they only nabbed $698.79 of it though ... At least that’s what the bank says
they just paid. *Sigh* This may not be as easy as it looks. I sure hope they want my business!
Hmmm ... where’s Vince??
Let’s not think about this for awhile. :)
I wonder ... would a nap be in order? Been up for the last eleven hours. Getting kind
tuckered out. Sure wish I could move a few things around here. We’re going to have to wait for help. All the furniture 
down. I’ll finish those last dozen Hall of Fame emails when we get up. Still have 4
hours to take care of the second emails. Think we’re ok ... Viv, Viv 
"P-L-A-Y?"
Mornin ... Think so at least ... How are you all? We’re pretty grumbly. After a 25 minute wait, my cable company informed me that there was an outage in my city. I informed them that I had things to be doing on my computer that were important to be doing this morning. They informed me that they were sorry. Then there was a sort of low growl that came out of us sounding something like, “FINE!”
Now .... Hmm ... cable Gods must have been listening ... she’s up again! Ok, brb ... need to take care of some mail first :) Shoot, spoke to soon ... she was only up about 4 minutes ... be patient, right? *Sigh* Hmm, c’mon baby ... there’s two of the five lights blinking now ... now one. She’s teasing me ... ok two again ... you know I love you baby ... shoot all five lights on then back to one. Did I tell you we’ve been up waiting for an hour and 15 minutes already? Think we’re being very patient. Hmm, could have been worse. I could have had Pam’s problem ... She’s now up to computer Goddess in my book! Now two lights ... shoot she’s just flickering with low life ... she goes up to 5 lights then crashes back to the one light. 3:45 am
Yes, something else to be doing with my life at this time of the morning. We had a rough night’s sleep ... I know that we’re going to have to get rid of our old couch before the new one comes in, so we made an attempt to sleep in our bedroom. Woke up very dehydrated, especially mouth and throat. I think its due to funny breathing at night when our head isn’t up so high as when resting on the arm of the couch. One doctor told us we had sleep apnea, but he never ran tests, or told me that I should change my life or anything. So, he gets written off as a crack pot...
Hmm, that’s right we’ve gotten a fruit package for our birthday maybe that would help. Hold on. Mmm banana and a peach ... that doesn’t happen every morning :) Ahh, that was good ... first ripe peach I’ve eaten all year. The ones I’d ordered (twice) were hard and tasteless. Just a loose question here, but do other people have trouble with peaches dripping on them? Just me? Shoot.
You know ... the cable lady said I had a credit of over $200 in my account. How’d you suppose that happened? Hmm? Eh, another unsolved mystery. We’ll ask our son ... He seems to know all kinds of stuff!
Let’s see ... how was my day yesterday? Umm, fine, I guess. What do I remember that’s more important than waiting patiently for the return of the cable service? No meetings yesterday ... that was nice. There was one small occasion where Sr. came into the office and was wondering why I wasn’t working on staff training. It may seem lame, but we admitted to her, we just forgot! Eh, she needed a reason to lecture me on something. “Yes ma’am, yes ma’am, right away ... I’m on top of it!”
Yep, yep ... it was that kind of day. It took longer than I’d hoped. I think I’m fighting my own negativity with this one. She claims she isn’t going to say anything at “MY” staff meeting today, but that is hardly possible we’re guessing. Really, really bummed about this, because the staff usually choose not to talk when they know she is going to zap them at any moment for having a thought that is different than her own. Trying to be optimistic, but it is hard.
As far as the actual meeting goes ... think the content is good. I, of course, wrote up a summary of the last meeting. Then I drew out their conclusions in a flow chart (have a computer program) I wanted them to be real clear. Then I posed their test question to fill in 10 blanks that I left on the flowchart. Basically, for five clients ... they have to come up with two more reasons for behavior problems. Then there will be a short 5-6 minute presentation on how to present themselves at a staffing. Sr. is very displeased with them here. Thinking she is going to take over as soon as the subject is introduced. She’s been particularly crabby of late and will have something to say.
Next is the Positive Behavioral Intervention. There are three questions I will ask them to think about, then if there is any time left, I will demonstrate how to approach a case review of one of the individual’s. I chose the most complicated client we have. I hope to encourage them to do a little research before they come to the QMRP, or at minimum bring in a notepad to take NOTES!
We seem more and more to dislike their approach to this too. They usually come in with hands thrown up in the air, complaining loudly how terrible the client is ... They are pretty invested emotionally. They think in terms of “so and so isn’t listening to me!” They could say, “so and so is having difficulty concentrating” and leave there weakened ego’s out of it. My thought is if the individual is having difficulty concentrating, then your lesson might be adapted to giving assistance in that effort. Like if you are in the middle of a social skills lesson ... maybe interrupt the goofy lecture and let the individual’s practice relating step by step ... But, try and figure out what is distracting the individual first. Like did you allow her to keep a doodle pad in front of her where she is drawing hearts to her boyfriend?? Is she tormenting one of her peers? Maybe you could all talk about ways to relate to a loved one?
Something needs to change to regain the individual’s attention ... The lesson has to be relevant to their lives. Not them relevant to OUR lives, especially of the discipline of sitting still or as the DSPs are fond of saying, “Cooperate.” *Sigh* I know ... always on a soap box...
Thing is ... in the approach I’m trying to teach them ... there are many variables as to why a person is having difficulty following along. To start with ... they are all not alike. They don’t enter the room every day with all facilities at hand. Their thoughts are interrupted by a thousand things to be doing. Such as ... the client I will bring up today, begins each day with the fact he has a diagnosis of being schizoaffective. I know very little of the disorder, but I know where to get information.
Well, that is IF I were to have cable service ... The major points are that his thoughts, moods, and emotions are going to be at a different level.
This particular client holds a belief that people are intruding in his thoughts or are talking/thinking about him. He’s pretty sensitive and defensive then of people looking at him. So, when you are running a class where another individual continues to knock on the table or be whispering to their peers while looking in his direction. The first individual is likely to become upset. Happens all the time.
The individual also displays a manic side, especially in rapid thoughts/speech that is pretty irrelevant to the rest of the world. Like he could be wondering if you want to see the plastic spider he keeps in his pocket, or is in need of a reminder that we are off Saturdays and Sundays. He asks the same questions over and over again, UNLESS someone challenges him to a new thought.
AND, if you ignore this person, he is not going to be better! One of the problems is that due to the angry outbursts, this individual has very few friends and even staff put him off. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to talk to him for a moment.
When we are working with him, we assist him in being able to self control. He may not be able to stop being paranoid, but he is able to get up and clear his head out in the courtyard when the noise is too much in the room. He needs to foresee when the problems are starting to elevate ... and the staff needs to be aware of this too, so she can cue the individual to rest or relax by a different means available to him. A lot of “behavior control” at the level of our Center is to just manipulate the environment.
I know that if a person’s medication is off, the individual is going to have a devil of a time reacting responsibly, but other than requests and demands that a parent comply to check-ups with a psychiatrist ... we still have to do the best that we can be doing in whichever state he appears. Until, Sr. says enough is enough ... we have to be able to learn from the set of behaviors he displays and help him establish personal boundaries. Such as ... he may be angry, but it is not an option to slam his hand against a door or throw a basketball against the ceiling. He needs to develop other appropriate thought patterns ... Such as ... before I get furious, I’ll let people know verbally what my needs are. “I need help. I feel restless and don’t know what to do.” Of course, I see no reason a staff shouldn’t be able to pick up on this too alongside the individual.
Sorry ... sorry ... ‘nother soap box.
Short story made long ... that’s where we are at right now in our thoughts of the staff meeting. I figure there is too much loaded into the plan today, but I have to be prepared for a lot of staff that aren’t going to feel like talking due to the Sr. being at the meeting. Not sure too whether or not we are going to have the two new staff at this meeting ...
Oh man-o-man ... we forgot! And, there is another meeting today. I forgot the Behavior-Human Rights meeting will bethis morning. Shoot, shoot ... did I complete the minutes last time? Better check that out right away. Sister should let us know right away this morning which clients she expects us to present. I do much better at these meetings without the other Q present. Because between her and the Sr. they just want to complain about behaviors. They play a game of one upmanship. *Sigh* Tough meeting to sit through. No boundaries or respect for one another. So, most the time we sit very quietly taking minutes and don’t say much. If I have a direct thought or question I ask specifically of the psychiatrist that is present. And, disregard the others’ fluttering. I think it is hard dealing with others behaviors ...
I know I complained about the DSPs getting emotionally involved, so I have to check myself at the door too. Its easier for me to cope with the clients than it is for me to deal with staff and administrator. I figure that these people should be in control of their own behavior. The general rule of thumb is that, “If you don’t control your behavior, I will have to step in and help you with it. Sr. Tess is the worse. She spends most of her time “out of control” and defensive. She isn’t able to tolerate peoples differences well.
We think she can spot some of her own behavior problems, because when someone is newly hired and in her presence ... she maintains a happier demur. Only though until the person is acclimated. Then she will treat the new person like everyone else. I used to think she could control her self with visitors. But, I know that she doesn’t hold back at the Behavior meeting and I know she certainly didn’t hold back on the last CARF inspection.
*Sigh* Let’s make a new resolution for the day ... Whatever Sr. or the other staff do today, I am only going to respond objectively. This means, not detached, but as the role of an observer and then when called, as an interpreter. Ahh, then too ... we have Dr. M. this afternoon!! Pretty good, pretty good. That will give us an opportunity to discuss progress, or more likely how to better progress. This always makes me happy. He’s always so reasonable!
Think the last meeting we had with him was very good. We’d gone over some of the birthday things ... and then after just a few minutes of other general stuff, we talked primarily of the what was happening with our mind in having been able to introduce so many journals to it.
I really wish I could have spent time with the project this morning. I had wanted to first complete emailing thanks you’s out due to the new responses and I’d wanted to finish entering in the data that I’m being forwarded by Kathy and Debbie. Think we’re only 20-30 away from completing that portion of the project. Today is the day I have scheduled to start sending out the last couple hundred emails. We got a very good response with the second set we’d sent out ... Of the 80 about half responded positively. Since there won’t be time to set out a second mailing on this new batch ... we are going to try doing something new to it. We found a very good response when we addressed the subject of the email to include the journalist’s journal name along with “Hall of Fame.” Seems knowing it is something about their journal, people are opening up the email and responding positively.
Celebration starts now only one week away!! Please if you are reading this ... encourage Viv to get to bed earlier than 1 AM. Hmm, shoot, shoot ... just thinking ... this computer doesn’t have a 3.5 floppy disk drive. I’m going to have to wait until after work and Dr. M. to get it into my journal. *Sigh* spose there is nothing to do on that note, unless I was to bring the computer to work. Hmm ... nah. We’re going to need trust that the cable service really would rather have me connected and is working hard right now to please us. Though I have a sinking feeling someone’s waiting for parts, or has run out to grab a donut!
Shoot ... maybe Vince is on line right now wondering if we’re ok. He’s likely to make the observation that we ALWAYS sign on first thing of the day. We’ve no doubt that he’ll figure out it’s a technical problem, but a girl wants to believe she’d be missed! Same with Viv ... she won’t know where we are, or Pam, or nobody... Even Floralilia might wonder! Ok, ok ... we recognize signs of panic are starting to set in.
By the way ... if you are out there you should know we’re voting for Viv, Vince AND Floralilia! We feel bad that Floralilia is getting a pretty hard shake down ... Doesn’t seem fair that an election should go to a journalist who is just out there to “WIN” at any cost. Seems greedy more than principled. Ok, that was my two cents in that direction!
Cable God, are you out there?? We’re getting on our figurative knees now ... Please fix the cable! Dementia is starting to set in. I feel cut-off ... on a deserted island amidst tropical fruits ... well, yes they are tasty, but still cut-off from the world.
I’d promise my first born son ... but, he’s already out on his own ... They’ll do that to you! Ok, ok ... I promise to be good. I’ll empty the mailbox for our poor mailman more often. I will clean dishes too. I will pray more often and take down trash twice a week. Hmm, feeling desperation now ... I think I’m going to take a shower half hour early and then go to work. There is a computer there. I shall have my way with you cable people. I shall!
Morning … morning … How is everyone? This will be just a short email because we’re already at work. We took care of the 80 (2nd) emails during the early hours this morning, so ran short on writing time.
I apologize to Sandy, who was earmarked for that particular project … just get so nervous letting projects sit for too long while so close to the deadline. I guess you could say we’re not only finicky, but impatient. These are not very lovely qualities in a woman. L I’m sorry. We’re hoping Sandy will forgive us, and maybe help out with the next set of mailings.
By my estimation there are still about 200 to go out, and if there were extra time, we would send out a second mailing to those who didn’t respond to the first of this second set. That’s it … won’t bother the journalists more than that, but already from the 5 responses sent back before 8 am this morning, people are appreciative of the second opportunity to participate. I hope so, at least. I don’t want to be bothering people who don’t want to be bothered with it. *Sigh*
For a short recap at work … we finished the Annual Report yesterday. I think it looks real good. Not sure of Sr.’s opinion. The last task had been to complete a summary of the Client’s Satisfaction Surveys. The clients fill out surveys once a month all year long, so there are quite a few to go through.
This year, we collected information from each of the programs they commented on and included as well some of the stray comments that didn’t fit into the normal pattern. There are 456 documents with 7 questions each … so a total of 3,192 responses. I was able to condense it to one nicely spaced and efficient page. But, when I handed it to sister, besides her complaining of it taking so long (2 days), she complained that there was too much information. It’s this kind of thing that makes me want to just go home that much earlier each day. It’s hard for me not to put out my best work effort … just negativity wears on me real heavily.
We also had a client Annual meeting yesterday. I thought it went real well, with the exception of the DSP’s report. She wasn’t prepared and made general statements such as … “She seems to be doing pretty good,” or “We did art.” It is ok if those were introduction sentences to something more complete, but this was all the thought that the DSP was carrying in her head of the subject. Sister let it be known that she was unhappy with the situation. For our part of the meeting, beside the facilitating role, we have a very complete 2 page report to summarize including the work on goals and therapists. I guess nothing to do, but say we’ll work on it with the DSPs. Sister wants us to include it in the next staff meeting. Maybe we can make some progress on the issue.
We left for home right at 4 pm last night … There was a big project going on over at our house. The bookshelves (unassembled) were to be delivered first thing in the morning and our friend had taken off a day to see that project through. Man-o-man … I was in no way prepared for the progress he had made or the amount of work he was able to accomplish. He put in a 16 hour day. It was just incredible … I said I’m going to owe to a very big favor … his response was, “You’ll owe me big favors for the next 5 years!”
Insert *nervous giggle* here! Hehehe
First thing he did was to carry up three flights of stairs six long heavy 87 pound boxes. Keep in mind none of this is done with assistance. Then he removed almost everything out of my living room which included 80 feet of pressed board/brick shelves, a small couch, a desk, and a table. Oh … and all the 80 feet of books too!
You’d think this was enough for any great effort. But, then he progressed to put together five of the six bookshelves. They were VERY unassembled to start with. Even the trim pieces had to be attached to the frame. You want the part that really tips the camel? After he was done with that … He put all the books back on the shelves and brought back in a smaller desk so I could reconnect my laptop to the Internet. And, did I mention he took all the old shelving, bricks and empty boxes down three flights of stairs to the dumpster?? The bricks were those half bricks, but still we’re talking 16 bricks!!
I want to call him this morning and check on him, but I’m afraid. Maybe he’ll decide to find a better friend without so many books? And, you know what? He never complained, nor got grouchy. He just kept on doing one thing after another. It was almost scary. I asked him at one point …if he had to swear at all throughout the day. He said, “Only once, before he started assembling them on the floor, he had the shelves resting on two cushioned chairs and it had fell off while he was getting the phone. Like Wow… and then … he wouldn’t even let us pay for the pizza.
There wasn’t much I could do, but sit and watch him in awe. Once he let me get him a screwdriver. It was more magical than Disney! I’d watch his smooth movements, and then just look lovingly at the wonderful book cases. By trade he is responsible for managing and bringing in work to a workshop for a couple of hundred individuals in a rehab facility. Most of the work they do is in assembling. He reminded me of that when I asked him how he knew what to do… Part of his job is to do time studies so that not one hand or wrist movement is wasted. Just an artistic endeavor!
I didn’t know though … In ten years, I’d never asked him this kind of favor.
I had a tremendous amount of positive feelings about the bookcases too. There are three placed together on one 7 ½ foot space of wall (75” tall). And then, so far, two on the opposite wall … he was trying to convince me to put the sixth on a third wall on its own … it would be next to one of the couch ends. He said than I could put my table/desk closer to the wall (next to the shelves and not in front of them). Let me tell you though … this isn’t the kind of day you want to argue with “The man.” He caught me too in that while he was making the last of the arrangements with books and desk; I’d fallen asleep on my couch.
To be fair … it was past my bedtime and I’d been up since one in the morning, but no doubt … we’re lightweights!
Hmm… Dared called him to see how he was doing … Our voice came out pretty hushed and humbled … asked if we could ask how he was… I heard his first low moan … Says he was hurtin pretty bad this morning. Let’s God Bless the Motrin here for a second. Shoot … Don’t barely breath!
Update from the Hall of Fame Journal...
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 @ 4:40 am. So sorry we haven't updated for last 5 days ... we were trying to keep up with the needs. Here are the stats. We still have 80 journals left to get listings for the Hall of Fame Journal. We are working off the newest July additions to Pam’s Directory. There are 455 complete listings in the Master File. Of these listings - 118 are ready for their first mailing, 80 are ready for their second mailing, 22 have said no, and 235 have accepted!
I think the numbers are lookin pretty good. Just we're not as fast as we would like to be. Kathy (Bless her heart for her outstanding work!) has retired, Debbie is giving it her best shot, and we have a new volunteer for helping send out some of the emails. Sandy has offered to lend some of her time.The original July 19th deadline was reset for the 21rst, but at this point we're lookin at about the 27th to get everyone's requests in. I'm really sorry about this, but I want everyone who may be interested to get a chance. If we can do this new deadline, it will allow me 4 days to get all the listings in the Hall of Fame Journal. Really want to do this before the calendar changes over to August. It will make a neater directory :) We're going to get this done, RIGHT!!
Lookin for one more volunteer for a couple of days ... It you got the 'stuff, let me know ... thanks!
So, this is about where we sit this morning. I’ve finished 10 of the 80 journals left to get listings for (after this update was written). *Sigh* We’re so slow ... it takes about 1 hour to finish doing 10 listings. Very slow. Hmm, lets try to time budget this in hours. Hmm, thinking there is about 28-30 hours of work left to complete the first stage. Pshoo ... we can do this, right? Come pretty far :) Plus, there are the volunteers ... they contribute to the mix.
Debbie is working on the additions Pam made to the directory on July 16th and Sandy is going to work on getting out the 80 journals ready for their second mailing. That is about 6-7 hours worth of work ... hmm about 25%. The longest task at this point is getting those 70 journals left to list. That’s at least another 7 hours for someone who is fast. Let’s see I could budget them and complete it in 2-3 days another 25%. (Before after work). There is an advantage to me doing them at this point, because they go directly into the Master. That will leave 8 days each for Saturday/Sunday "Safe" time. I know I'll work more than that, but I'm guessing other things will come up too. Lot's of that happening :)
So, by Thurs morn ... we should be ready to do the mailings ... By then, there will be about 200. Yeeks. Think its going to take Friday and Saturday to get out the mail. That would save most of Sunday for responding to mail. Think it’s going to take some of Monday and Tuesday too for the trailers. Will need to check Pam’s list one last time. *Sigh* That put the date about ... Yep, yep the 27th. Better call it quits at that ... there won’t be a second mailing for that late group. Think this is still doable.
No DOWN days for the 10-11 days! Hmm projecting about 375 journals saying, "Yes, I would like to participate. That be about 140 more people saying yes with these late mailings. Sounds good ... Think we can do that ... That means ... we’ll have to post abut 90 journals a day those last four days to the Hall of Fame Journal. Hmm, a little steep, but we’ll be close to the end and working hard. Our goal is to get done in time that we can celebrate some of the festivities, enjoy voting for awards (btw - is their a deadline for all that?), and get back to some of our journal reading/writing.
We are very proud of the work done by the co-editors and us. Particularly Kathy and Christy ... They each put in a very long stretch of work ... I can’t say thank you enough for theirtremendous effort. (BTW - Please note Kathy is up for an award!!)All of the volunteers have been contributing good cheer and optimism. They saw something worthwhile in the project as a contribution to the community.
Also, we want to thank the community for being so responsive to the idea. Feels real good. We’re hoping that maybe by the time we get all the listings in the journal, John Scalzi and Viv will give the Hall of Fame Journal a plug, along with some of the other leaders in the community —> we want people to visit the journal and look not only for friends, but new faces. If there is one thing J-land does well - is look out for the new faces! Yep, yep ... pretty gosh darn exciting!
Oh yeah ... One more thing ... PLEASE remember when you are over there to LINK to The Hall of Fame Journal and visit frequently!!
:) Mornin! Just had a few moments this morning and we wanted to say a special thanks for all your cards, greetings, and Happy Birthday songs yesterday! You all have such lovely voices!! We laughed and giggled all day long, especially when hearing the little tinkle saying someone added an message! My poor son was trying to get on with his business at hand and we’d hear the noise and say, "but, but ... we gotta go look! Someone’s saying, "Happy Birthday!!""
By now he is well aware of our "silliness!" Whatta kid!
Actually, that was one of two surprises. He called about 9:30 to sing a Happy Birthday song with my 3 year old granddaughter. Then he asked if he could stop by and we do lunch. I was scared to leave the computer project too long, so we agreed that he could bring a couple of sandwiches and yes our favorite cake is "Carrot!" *Sigh* We had to take care of bills too, but mostly this consisted of him throwing away all the junk mail we get over a month’s time and running the actual few bills through the on-line account. Not so bad. He let me talk on the computer while he was doing the sorting and we had had the loooooooonnnngest most interesting talk on his work (and my middle son's).
My oldest son drew out a whole interpretation of their office and his station. Heheh - he's circled by three computers AND five screens! We still couldn't define the differences between the Dow, Nasdex, and S&P, but we know the boys are on top of all that! The two boys and a couple of their peers were thown a challenge that my son was leading up to. Apparently, who ever makes the next $25,000, gets an extra $1,000 from the boss! Did I mentioned my kids can do competitive?? Hehehe ... I know in their world it's just change, but the oldest figures it's a trip to LA next month to visit a computer friend. See no problem there! How they all do dearly love games! They got that from my ex... *Sigh*
THEN, somewhere about here, we received our official notice that Lady Viv had not only posted her special birthday ‘sprises, but was also there to wish us well! It had been Vince, of course, that had started off our day with an early morning chat and umm, more than one card!!! Oh man - terrifically good mood ALLLLLLLL day long! Pam, Sandy, Tammy and Maria ... shoot you all make me wanna cry!! Maria - you’ve been practicing the song in the shower, I see? LOL ... Damn just a rollicking good day! Not to mention some pretty good hugs and smooches!!
Then our friend, who’d apparently misplaced someone’s birthday earlier in the morning thought he better/might shake a leg and be bringing straight over pronto someone some very, very pretty flowers and a rib dinner! You know ... I think this is why women don’t tell men their birthdays more directly! And, then he brought a SECOND Happy Birthday cake! This one was filled with strawberries on the top! I felt very special ... and well you know you can’t go wrong with two cakes in a "multiple" household!
Viv, we also wanted to make sure and say a special thank you for making even our Dear Heart happy! While pretty bashful, you managed to ferret out a smile or two, though one Casey might have stated at least one, "no fair!" But, then there WERE two cakes! Hehehe now if we could only make our fingers stop buzzing this morning ... we may be on a tiny little sugar buzz! But, who am I to say... Certainly was a good day. I like being 45 already!!
Whoops, gotsta go ... we’re seeing Dr. M. first thing ... and I hear ... It’s going to be like somebodies birthday ALLLL week, especially tomorrow ... we are to understand our bookshelves are coming in already ....
YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!
OH MAN! You want tears ... stop in over at Shana's Place!
<A href="http://edit.journals.aol.com/_do/<IMG%20SRC=" SlackTorch.jpg? aynchicago members.aol.com http:>" target=_top>
I'm pretty sure due to Floralilia's devious character, she swiped this
from the Slack or Vince. So, we're swiping it from her ... though you know ...
it's always kind of hard to say where Floralilia's been! I hope I've
run up some of her bandwidth! *Chucklin*
Thursday, July 15, 2004 @ 8:54 pm. Pshwoo!! Some of the work is pretty long, but all agree it is well worth the effort. We may get the help of a new volunteer ... another Debbie! Keeping fingers crossed. The first Debbie and Rose have bowed out. We'll keep them in our best spirit thoughts :) We're getting down to the wire. We've collected listings for 332 journals. Yesterday, we sent out about 150 emails asking for permission to publish to the Hall of Fame Journal. When I woke up this morning. There were 80 emails responding and 35-40 were added past that during the day!! Almost everyone is saying yes. There are only about 95 more listings to prepare. Then we'll need to send out about 145 more emails. There are 240 journals that people have accepted to be published in the Hall of Fame Journal (70%)!!! Pretty good, pretty good! Thank everyone of you who are so responsive as to say a quick, "Count me in!!" I'm hoping that there are 102 people who won't mind us sending out a second request :)
I've got a little time here before we go to work this morning. I thought, I'd like to write a little. I haven't said too much this week yet due to the busyness over at the Hall of Fame. I really want to thank the work of Kathy and Christy ... they've contributed quite a bit. And, as potential, Debbie looks like she's going to help Kathy and I finish strong. These women, our co-editors, are just a God Send!!!
I wish I could describe well the incredible feeling it has been to be surrounded by so many wonderful journals. They people range from young to old and the addition of journals over the years seems VERY evenly paced. I've seen people from age 13 to age 81. The common denominator seems to be that everyone LOVES their journals. We're hoping that the Hall of Fame Journal generates some more movement between the journals. Some are lacking in the number of visitors they receive. Most people hold the thought though that they write for themselves first. As a group, journalists are pretty faithful to their trade. It seems to make people feel better to be writing their thoughts, as it does us.
I feel bad when I read that there are people out there who have experienceddeaths, abuses, and loss of love. More people than not are more in the process of experiencing life through their families, jobs, and friends. Some have interesting side line activities. I think riding an alligator, surviving in the wilderness, or living alone on a boat are pretty unusual events and these stories seem to liberate my soul. But, I get other feelings of excitement to hear someone's grandchildren are coming to visit, that someone joined a new knitting/quilt circle, someone is taking a trip/moving, or have started exercise/diet. Another thread people talk about is in getting sick or injured. Feel bad for these folks too.
There are some avid photographers out there and the number of people who use the animation or glittery, sparkly things is tickling! Quite a few musicians and artists too. We're not seeing quite as many news, political entries, or sports stories, but there are some who've been very credible over time. Another line of thinking follows literature, cooking, and gardening.
I've been very surprised in that ... in all the journals I've seen. People aren't gossiping about one another and you really don't hear too much about fighting. Eh, maybe someone's hubby will forget to thank his wife for her hard work, but just as likely maybe a woman has come around to sort of a male "attitude?" Hehe, I think there is a lot of play between men and women ... Sometimes, I think people feel hurt and taken advantage of or our boundaries aren't drawn quite properly. That gets people mad. Maybe why there's so many incidents of people going "out on the town!"
AND, there's not a parent out there, I believe, who doesn't feel challenged by the raising of kids, or the caring for of parents! Oh yeah ... pets and animals are ALL loved, including some insects, birds, and lizards!
There were many, many sites I saw that carried torches and there is an excitement in waiting for the candidates to the Awards ceremony. Gregg, YOU'RE THE MAN!!And, there's no doubt that Vivian over at Anniversary head quarters is burning the midnight oil! We've got the feeling she is holding many secrets. She's more apt to ask, "How are you doing? Rather, than to say what's all going on in her mind!
Yep, yep. It seems like there is a definite hum in the air. Not sure, how many people areusing the AOL Journal feature ... the disovery this last week of the site that collects information on AOL "traffic" was pretty amazing. Viv reminded me yesterday, the real celebration starts two weeks from yesterday. Man, we've been partying in our head all along! Pretty cool, pretty cool!!
Morning! I’m afraid there won’t be much of an entry this morning. We’ve run ourselves short of time. Oh man ... and its things like this that consume my attention ... Read about Steve's Project, look at his WONDERFUL Garden, and Plant some SPECIAL Flowers! Yep, yep ... that’s all I’ve got to say this morning! ‘Cept have a good day!
Morning ... How are you? We’re fine. Been up a little while, but working on the other journal.
I’m very excited about how much work Christy and Kathy put into things. I’ve got all of Kathy’s material integrated with the rest, but I still have about 70 listings for Christy to process. So far, between the three of us, there are 285 listings already recorded in the OneNote Program. Only 54% of those listings have been mailed out. So, there is quite a bit of work left to do. I feel confident that it is going to be done. We’re hoping that Christy may join us again because I believe it is something that she has enjoyed being a part of. And, we’re hoping that Debbie picks it up. But, time will tell... Just wanted to thank you guys for being co-editors with us!
There was not too much other that happened yesterday. It was pretty a quiet day spent around the computer. I got a couple of calls from my friend and oldest son, checking up on me. But, other than that...
I did do a few things that I’d been putting off. I ordered through the computer, groceries, bookshelves, and drapes for the living room. That took a little time, especially the bookshelves. I had previously found a model that I liked at a very reasonable price, but I wanted to assure myself that I’d made a good choice. So I looked at about 200 different shelves. While looking, I came across the ones that I’d originally chosen, and fell in love with them all over again!
There was one more part too. The original bookshelves were only 30" where most the newer ones were 36". Since I’m getting two sets of three shelves that will sit side by side, it was important that I keep the width of three bookshelves total about 8 feet. The smaller set came to 7 ½ feet, where the larger set came to 9 foot. I didn’t really want the larger set, because at 9 foot they bookshelves would be on top of the buzzer I use to open the door, and in front of my air conditioner plug. I also like the 75" height on the smaller shelve. The larger unit was either 70" or 84". Hehe - eh, maybe we’re a middle of the roader! :)
I’ll be so relieved when all of this is done and everything is up and looking good. Change is hard, but we’re looking forward to this one. Now ... gotta start thinking of carpet cleaning ... Yuch! Sounds like time away from the computer. How good could that be?? Thinking we’re going to need a dolly to move all our books out of the living room to clean the carpet and put in the newshelves. Our friend is really worried about our old set. It’s just 80 feet worth of bricks and particle board which is dipping on many ends due to the weight of the books. Plus its never been mounted to the wall, so there’s uncertainty there. *Sigh*
Next step is to arrange a date, we can get the car in for repairs. Need to fix the air conditioning and check out the rattle on the bottom of the car. We’re hoping ... PLEASE don’t cost over $2,000! Then lastly, will be our new books. We’re kind of at a toss up now because we’re not sure if we should bring the books home or to work. Thoughts all along have been to keep them at work. I’m not totally happy with the shelving area. They will be kept in front of my long picture window on the sill. I’m afraid even with six new bookshelves, I’m not going to be able to have better space for them here. *Sigh* S’pose work is still the better choice. Handy as reference materials.
Today is a Dr. M. Day. Not sure what will happen there. I’m afraid to open the door to where we were with the boys over the weekend, because it was such a sensitive area, but I suppose that would be a good thing to talk over. Just I’m not so sure what else there would be to add. Macadam listened as I told him my experience of being hurt. There is no blame. If anything, I’m mad at myself for still being "dependent" on the boys for things like holidays and dinners out. Clearly they would rather spend that time with their large extended "other" family.
I’ve got to be ok with that, otherwise it could tear me apart. I don’t have an extended family, so the time spent on "My Side," is really just time that would be spent with me. I also don’t have the game/tv/computer center that is prominent in most of the homes on the other side of the family, which is their apparent bread and butter. So, there is no entertainment here except conversation, plus I do not cook. Macadam can talk, but the other boys aren’t interested in my kind of conversation ... I guess.
Hmm, maybe we should talk to Dr. M. about this. I think it is still bothering us more than I would like to believe.
Shoot ... feeling kind of down again ... Think I’m going to stop.
Good morning! It’s a wonderful Saturday morning with nothing ahead, but blue sky! We’ve been up for a couple of hours, but we find sometimes its just nice to putz her and there in regard to our J-World. You know an update here, a catch-up there... It’s very relaxing and leaves us feeling at ease.
I apologize for not having updated sooner than I have. Specially, to my one faithful visitor, of journalist fame, "Sir Vincent." I’m sorry Vince ... want to do better by you. :)
As soon as we write this entry, we’ll be going back to the work on the Hall of Fame Journals. Christy and Kathy have left us material to update, but we heard through a previous link with Christy this morning that she’ll have to discontinue her services to the Hall of Fame Journal (mabey). Leaves me with a lump in my throat. She’s been terrific, but has to touch base with her non-J-land life. She is to be moving, and quite possible (Sensitive material) not going to have an Internet/AOL connection! My heart goes out to her as we wish her a speedy return and an especial, "God Bless!
*Sigh* Ok, ok ... it’s going to be ok. Vivian is hot on the track of obtaining a few more volunteers. We made sure to tell her "DON’T SQUEEZE them VIV!" This has to be a labor of love, or its no good!"
So, if any of you come across anyone looking for good honest work and a very, very good side benefit of getting involved in new journal reading and contributing to the big overall One year Anniversary celebration, then this is the place for you!
We are about 55% done with this first phase with a self-goal of July 19th. We could finish this part of the work load in the next 6 days if we were able to work through about 40 listings a day between all of the volunteers working on the project. If you are working fast, one can complete approximately 10 listings per hour. Hehe - you all do the math! I’d like to be a little ahead of schedule, because it takes some time getting everyone emailed and the responses to be placed into the program. I think we’ll be ok. I know it will happen somehow through the Grace of Higher Powers.
Now ... let’s see, any other "Et al" news?
Seems like things have recovered well with the Dr. M. "Stuff." Annemarie and Casey were out again. I forget at this point if there were others. The most surprising turn of events is that they were asked by Dr. M. a question in regard to what they were seeing when they are not able to look at Dr. M directly. There were some very interesting images that they saw in their mind’s eye. Casey talked about a couple of people being with her, one blue and one black. One fell in the shadow of the other and neither of them had hair or faces, because she said they were waiting to take her hair (step into her body). Then later she added that they were laying on an inner tube waiting for the changes.
Annemaries image expressed was that she were in a room like an operating room and that there were people above her in a peanut-shaped window who were looking at her as she lay crumpled trying to hide from them. She said that they were talking about her and that she couldn’t close the shades because they were on the opposite side of the window. We thought wow! Never entertained those thoughts before. Then Dr. M. said something quite amazing ... he asked/said something about us ordering drapes for our living room windows. Never would have got that in a jillion years. I think this is why these guys are paid the big bucks! He had known that our present shades only cover 2/3's of our double balcony doors which opens to the main street and neighbors. Thinking this is a "MUST-DO" today! Ahh, a Sunday morning note ... the drapes have just been ordered!
As I write, thoughts have crossed my mind from some of the others who are asking themselves, if too, we all (20 parts) could be some of the viewers to poor Annemarie behind those windows. Have to admit for the last year, there has been quite a bit on introspection in her regard. We worry about her and her affect on the rest of us. There was only one person she observed at the time. He was a older gray haired man with a beard. The thought that comes to our mind now is that he followed the image of Freud. I know ... we’re strange.
Back at work ... I’ve been working on a few projects, particularly meetings, but other than that I’ve been feeling rather distracted. I left last night with both desks covered in work, that I couldn’t settle my mind to be calmly sorting and putting away. I just wanted to leave ... hehe was being taken out to dinner and Marguerites!
There was one pretty big meeting with Sr. yesterday as we tried to progress the situation of scheduling staff and clients. She’d asked me to study the situation, so we did with our traditional fine-toothed comb. We prepared six new schedules based on half hour projections and in all there was perfection! But, then without even studying the first one, she dismissed the whole because it looked too complicated.
We told her that we weren’t able to study the situation without adding order, because the present chart she’s using is terrible. But, she decided she has been using the same format for 7 years and that it would continue to be just fine. I looked at the situation as that the DSP’s had scheduled 61 hours of programs incorrectly, based on the results of the Administrative Benchmark figures. She asked out loud, Maybe we’re being a little hard on them. I just shook my head and stated, they’ve directly circumvented in total disregard coming close to what the expectations were. She *Sighed* and said we’ll use the whole next staff training to go over the figures. I feel the project already a lost cause.
There was another meeting with Sr. in regard to the Annual Report. The secretary had sidestepped a portion of it while we were gone that she’d been given responsibility of, and Sr. was of the mind that the report was complete. That took a while to go over. So, as a direct result ... I’m going to have to go over a year’s worth of parent’s and client survey’s and condense the findings down to 2 pages. Sometimes I feel, I’m never making headway. Plus, we’re going to have to come up with an idea of two more pages of report to balance the two pages that will be added. Shoot, have no clue there at the moment, but no doubt we’ll come up with something.
Hehe ... sometimes we’re just so d*mn smart. I got it! We’ll do a two page lay-out of a timeline, especially in regard to outings into the community the individuals took over the year. Pretty good? Took about 3 minutes. We’re being pretty quick this morning.
Actually we were sneaky ... we just looked up "Annual Reports" on the Internet and the first good one we opened had some kind of review of the year by date ... and we figured that was smart thinking. Especially, because every year Sr. does for the center a pictured chronological album for her bosses up on the north and for the big sisters over in Italy. We can just summarize that and add a time line which would be kinda snazzy.
We figure we can use our flowchart program for that ... hmm, come to think of it, I bet the program has time lines already! ... Hmm, just looked up the program. Sure, enough ... I haven’t used that portion of it, but it does time lines too! This is not so bad ... kinda like this kind of work! ok, ok ... enough of work planning for the weekend...
As far as other meetings, there was the Staff Training on Thursday and the client’s Thinking Group on Friday. *Sigh* That took some emotional effort. :)
There were only four DSPs at the staff meeting, but I’d prepared the agenda as is becoming routine. I had first thought Sr. was going to take up half an hour with scheduling, but the other Q didn’t show up so Sr. gave the meeting back to me and anything on our agenda. Thing is ... she only gave us an hour to prepare for this change. We place this in the "general not fair" category. But, proceeded anyway.
I found a program written by one of the University’s on Behavior. I’d come across it when we were at a previous off-site meeting. It was pretty good for defining the antecedents, behaviors, and consequences and allowed my version of thinking behaviors in general. And, since our last Staff meeting had asked what was the "worst of it?" And, they’d responded to the behaviors, I thought fine this will work. So I wrote down one client from each of their groups who exhibited the worst behaviors and I thought this will be a good meeting.
Before I was even able to fully outline the agenda for the day, one of the DSPs who weren’t paying attention, because she was reading ahead, stated loudly, "I’m not going to do this! It’s in violation of the client rights to be talking about them." I thought lordy, this is going to be a session. I’m not used to this kind of conflict, so although it started well, I thought I had pretty quickly developed into a power struggle. I know this DSP is well-adapted to be doing this, although out of the meetings, we get along pretty well.
I went with it for about 3-4 minutes. Then I just held up my hand and said, "Enough!" She was very loud and was cutting off my responses to her charges. I’d been trying to tell her that we were interpreting the situation differently and that around the lunch table, one should not be discussing clients, but at a Staff meeting TO provide staff and client support, this is exactly what we had to do. I also stated that we could check with Sr. Tess after the meeting. I knew at the time Sr. Was handling on her own 38 clients in the multi-purpose room. Not a good time to chat.
The DSP still continued, so we asserted very clearly ... this WAS going to be our task of the hour and if she did not want to participate because she felt the directive ethically challenged, that she should LEAVE!
I was kind of surprised by our behavior and a little threatened by "my" own conclusion. But, there it was hanging over the table, with nothing to do, but wait it out. This kind of "outspokenness" happens sometimes when you are a multiple. I’m certainly not as umm, like that, as say Kate is. But, none of us have been put here to question her judgment.
As it happened, the DSP chose to stay and do the work. It only took her a moment or two to reach this conclusion. And, we were relieved that she stayed. I really don’t mind this person, but she has some terrible bad emotional habits. After that ... the rest of the meeting progressed as it should, although I may add there was a little more formality and people were a little more guarded. After the meeting was over and we’d retreated to our office, the woman came in to "talk." Absolutely no malice in her voice. She still held her opinion, but I’d reiterated that tomorrow morning when Sister wasn’t busy with the doors, I would present the situation to her. Then the DSP proceeded to talk for 20 minutes about client problems she refused to admit to during the meeting in front of the staff presented. *Sigh* People are hard to figure out.
Just remembering there was one client incident I wanted to note ... Sometime fairly early Friday morning on the way to the center’s internal mail boxes, I opened the glass door that shuts our end of the building from the original. I could hear the angry cries coming from one of our clients who is in the lowest functioning group. I peeked in, but the staff was not there. So, I sat down next to the girl. She stayed angry for a bit and is known for closing herself off from challenges outside her own mind. We began to talk to her gently. We thought we might distract her so, we went to the cupboard and got out some cards which we knew she liked. Big 10" brightly colored squares with simple cut out pictures on them such as bell, square, moon, etc.
The individual didn’t pick them up, but she did pick up the papers that we’d been carrying. This was ok to us. She began the work of straightening them and sorting. We continued a light dialogue. This is a person who doesn’t speak full sentences, nor could she walk down the hall on her own. Somehow a miracle happened in that she gave back the papers. I thought of it as finally an invite to her world. So, I took the papers and arranged them like she was. Then I offered them back again for her to rework. By this time there was only a little whimper. After abit, she put down the papers in away that I knew the "game" to be over.
But, instead of crying, she picked up the bright picture cards. She is able to say two-three words at a time that are intelligible, but at first it was more like she was complaining. We started to identify the pictures and after a while, she not only took to and contributed to the game, but she began to laugh and smile. I’d never had this experience with her before. It was WONDERFUL! She even teased me by calling several items square, then laughing at us in our pretend grumbly voice, "No, Star!" or "Pear!"
Then a little bit later, we figured out a new game with wooden blocks. We were teaching her and three of her peers to pick up the blocks we were pointing at and placing them in the nearby box. To greater or lesser degrees there were small successes. But again, this client amazed me ... Although, she started to whimper when I stopped her from picking up wrong pieces ... contradicted her will, she allowed it! I don’t know ... might not mean much to anyone beside myself, but it was a real good feeling.
The last meeting of the day was with the Clients for their thinking group. I had been preoccupied before the meeting, until I heard the group announced 10 minutes ahead of the meeting. I grappled through the papers on my desk, and one was picked up ... It was a copy of the Individual Preference Interview. Without thinking at all, we figured, "Why not, sounds good."
After the introduction to the group (to catch their attention), we decided would could make a game of talking about their preferences, we split the room and half and they chose to be the blue and red teams. A volunteer said he would do the blackboard tally. There is about 32 individuals in the group. And, sometimes it’s a chore to keep them moving in the same direction, but a game was something that interested them.
The three categories we got to were their living arrangements, the people who they lived with and relationships (friends). It turned into a thing where after one member from each team would respond to a question, both teams had to decide whether the person was telling the truth, or fibbing. We coached that effort. I wanted them to think through what people were saying. Sometimes the individuals have tendencies to say what they would like to happen rather than the truth.
Such they might say, they went over to a friends, when we know that kind of thing isn’t happening, or that they have a fridgerator in their bedroom, when we know that’s not true either. This was a way to talk about real things in a light playful way. There were some instances where we felt it wasn’t appropriate to challenge their beliefs because they were so strongly held and important to them. But, if a person said that he was dating Michael Jackson? That be a pretty far stretch.
There was one point, where the two main leaders amongst the individuals had begun to argue out a point, but we were quick to step in ... didn’t want any Jerry Springer type thing. They were separated by two tables and about 12 feet, but I recall only the part of blocking them visually from each other by walking in between them, and the best "tension-breaker" I could figure out at the moment was that I challenged the more stubborn of the two with the fact that I was now coming over to sit on her lap! I figured that would contradict the situation. It worked ... umm, not that we sat on her lap, but between her surprise and all the laughter, oohs, and ahhs from the big group, she lightened up some. Then we pretty swiftly settled things out and skipped ahead. It was a fun hour for them, AND us!
Umm, this is where the break comes in. It’s now a day later (Sunday morning). Before I could complete the entry, we’d been working on for Saturday morning, my oldest son called with an opportunity to meet he and his family at his place for lunch. Well, you gotta know we’re always open for THIS type of meeting.
To our surprise though ... he got the youngest one to come over too. I haven’t seen Jacob, nor heard from him for nine months. It went pretty good at first in that he allowed me to ask all the Mom, "How the hell are you questions." But, he didn’t want to talk about the length of time since seeing him, or when I would see him again. This got me near tears. There was another problem in that the two boys and my daughter-in-law didn’t ask me questions about my life, but preferred a round open discussion of my ex, his wife, and his families interactions with the boys. This included being over at my other missing sons house, babysitting they were doing, down at work, and vacationing in Michigan. I just sat there pretty dumbfounded with a silly smile on my face.
I decided after a while, I really needed a smoke out on the balcony. They were all laughing and having such a good time. There was another complication, in that, my granddaughter was having such a good time crawling and playing with Uncle Jacob (she’s 3 now), that she dis-included me in her joy. She’d also decided she didn’t want Grandma Ann to see her new bed. We were understanding that she is a young child, but we were fragile enough by then, we felt very isolated and depressed. We figured that out on the balcony and thought we should be going home. Macadam, my oldest son got up to give me a hug good-bye, but my eyes had started to tear, so I turned to walk down the hall. But, then we heard my youngest son. He’d gotten up and was saying, "What? I don’t get a hug too?" We came back and fell into a big deep hug, then the same thing happened with my granddaughter in asking for her hug. I left pretty confused. By the time the door had shut and we were to the end of the hall, we’d started to sob. We knew our heart was breaking.
It wasn’t until after a couple of correspondences and the effort of our friend over the phone, that he was able to talk/tuck us in. We’d been crying non-stop for three hours and at points we’re hysterical like, it had hurt so bad. It’s not that I doubt my three sons love of me, just that we miss the younger two sons involvement in our life. We didn’t think we could hold up our end of the solitude for another 9 months, while they outgrow this stage of being young and carefree. They are at this point, more like untamed stallions eager to meet the world. We are trying to understand, but it just hurt. I don’t want to hear anything bad about them though, they really are terrific kids ... just they don’t need me as a mother. I just have to deal with this somehow. Apron strings and stuff.
I think it is harder in that I don’t have any other family. There are neither no exchanges for birthdays or holidays, nor to greet me at the door at the end of a long day. Sometimes, we get to feeling very sorry for ourselves. We just have to deal with it, I know. Kids are kids. I think by nature, they must be built to be tough on Moms.
This morning, we woke up tired, but we are doing much better. No tears. Feeling the strong need to get out a communication to our journal. Not only because someone might be thinking of us, but because its our way of letting go of whatever it is that gets held within. Pretty much. We’re figuring that it would help if we got back to work on the project. I am very pleased to announce that Debbie has now volunteered to help out. There is times when dissociation helps more than other times. And, that is our next chore ... oh, and we need to take a shower! I’m to understandit will help the soreness in our face and eyes. *Sigh*
Think we'll start, right over here ------------>
Yeeks, sorry Vince ... only 16,006 characters ... just call me a lightweight!
Eh! That Floralilia! It was a very mean, lean efficient 64% verbiage! :)
Mornin ... How’s everyone? We’re doing pretty good. :) We had a regular night’s sleep and that seems all good! Plus, coffee is almost ready. Hmm, maybe I should fill my water pitcher while in there. Yep, yep ... that seems like a good idea. Hold on, please. Now, follow that up with some granola and we’re all set to go!
I see I have plenty of time to write today ... might be a long one, unless someone cries out, "Uncle."
Not sure where to start ... only two events on the docket yesterday, really. I went to work and we saw Dr. M. Pretty simple so far. Maybe I’ll think through from start to finish and see what comes up.
Let’s see ... hmm, did we lose a day? I wonder if we forgot to post yesterday’s work before erasing the WordPerfect document. I’m not sure about this part. Trying to collect now a thought of what we did yesterday morning. It seems as if we were up doing something. *Sigh* Let it go. Maybe we did something else?
Well, there was the drive to work. That was pretty uneventful, except the part where we saw the Miller Lite truck. Not sure if we mentioned that before. We figure if we see that truck on our morning trip to work, we are going to have good luck all day :) Usually, we’re not superstitious, but it doesn’t hurt to have one or two imperfections laying about...
I don’t know what we thought about on the way to work. We figure those thoughts are usually pretty fleeting. I can’t say as to whether or not we were thinking about work, because quite honestly, beside knowing we were going to have a staffing, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember exactly what we did for work. Wasn’t even sure how to put together a staffing. Yep, yep ... nice break, and maybe because of that, we still felt relaxed. Most likely we thought nothing more than the immediate car in front of us. Oh yeah, and traffic was kind of smooth!
I think we hesitated for only a moment before putting out the last smoke after we’d gotten there. One of our clients is the door opener and has a habit of gushing welcomes. Hehe ... It was a nice greeting, but we’d more hoped to slide right in sneakily. Takes a second to warm up. But, before we got to our mail box in the secretaries office next to Sr’s office, we were greeted with five more hello’s and welcome backs. I guess that kind of thing settles into your heart some how. I think I’d miss going to work if people didn’t take notice of us for just being there.
The mailbox was very full, but we were feeling light-hearted. Sr. Tess was just around the corner by her side desk and computer. I think she was glad to see us too, but perhaps a little cautious/worried. We’d sent her an email the day before telling her about the 10 am staffing (annual meeting for one of the clients) and that we’d leave after that for a noon doctor meeting, then hopefully come back. She had known we weren’t prepared for the meeting yet, so excused us with an "we’ll talk later." Felt some relief there.
It was a wonderful feeling walking back into our office. We took a minute or two to just look around, because we’d forgotten what that was all about too. It was like spotting one object after another and thinking, "Oh yeah, oh yeah ... I remember now." We paused on things to bring up recall of them to jar our memory. Like, I saw again the blue dolphins that one of my sons had gotten from a trip and I thought I sure do like those dolphins. I noted my stuff bears in the cubby hole were placed slightly differently and thought, hmm, Margarita must have cleaned in here while we were gone. She even dusts! I noted the brief case sitting on one of the guest chairs and thinking, hmm, I wonder what’s in there? Maybe she should have come home with me? Nah. She’s fine where she is at!
We also took note of where things were on the desks. The computer desk looked pretty clear, but there was a side stack gathering over on top of the second computer (sits on our writing desk). Thought, hmm, that looks like trouble. Also, the secretary had "dared" to drop a whole bunch of folders on our desk for staff training. Thought, hmm better get them off. We’re going to need that space. So, I sat the 8-10 inches of folders next to the briefcase. Figured we better keep one guest chair open :). We set down our lunch, coffee cup, keys and mail and turned on the small desk light.
It wasn’t until later that day when it got dark and rainy that we realized we had never bothered to turn on the main light. I think we do that pretty unconsciously so that nobody figures we’re home. :) We did open the blinds on our long set of windows. And, sure to form ... we were greeted by one of the clients. He sees us coming, uses a side door out onto the smaller courtyard and startles us by knocking on our window with a big smile and wave. This never fails to startle me. Feels like we’re in a fish bowl and someone is knocking on the glass!
We’d sat down in our chair. Man, did that feel sweet. It swivels and slides back and forth between the two desks. By this time ... we were feeling a bit of the fish out of water. Had needs to get back to the computer and AOL proper, but just to check in though. I knew we were going to have to figure out the staffing situation. It was going to be a very quick effort to put things together. I’d gotten to work at 7:30, so just had 2 ½ hours before the meeting. I started the hard process of rebooting my memory.
First thought was that, we’re going to need an agenda. Took a second to remember that I kept copies of all the meetings’ agendas somewhere on our computer. So, we figured out all that. Difficulty was pretty high. Fortunately, there was a block of them, so they caught my attention. I really have had a terrible year for computer files. The titles are ok, but they are pretty much just dumped into a couple of big files. Thought to ourselves. Hmm, it is time we start up a new file for the year 2004-2005, but we’re going to keep it organized this year. Are you starting to see some slight pattern starting already, in that no thought was very direct? We were kind of like all over the place.
It took us a couple of efforts before we found one of the newer agendas then we had to figure out what the day was so I could date it. We had to read the line items of a general meeting one at a time before we could understand it. Seemed like this was going to cause some trouble. But, we knew we were on economy speed and would have to really cut down to the basics. We thought, hmm, some kind of report needs to be done. Then we thought of the new standards and that an outside agency would now be represented at the meetings. Thought ... we’re going to have to do this a little more official. Better not do that report until we’ve talked to everyone. Unfortunately, not the client though. She is unable to communicate in words. And, just nods her head yes to any question or statement put in front of her.
We then thought of the Personal Preference Interview we send out to the parents. Figured that clue me into their general wishes for the next year’s goals. Thought, hmm, better take a look at that mail. We’d skimmed it when we first sat down and I hadn’t recalled this client’s envelope coming back with the survey. It’s a long one ... 15 pages. Thought, eh ... this mother wouldn’t have bothered to see the direction that said send it in before the meeting. She’s pretty possessive. Thought, hmm ... wonder if the Direct Support Person (DSP) is in yet. ‘Bout that time. Sure enough ... she was just coming in the door. She was standing there talking to another DSP sitting by the door. We waited patiently for their conversation to stop, then we put our arm around her stating that she was our new best friend :)
Hehe - then of course, we reminded her of the importance of the day toward staffing. She looked a little panicked as I knew she would be. She’s behind in her work too. So, we made gestures to her that we were going to take this calmly. I did have to ask what had been done and hadn’t been done and what she could give me orally. We’d walked together the long length of the hall and were back in our office by then. She sat down resolutely. I thought, how nice. She’s feeling much more comfortable with us and our office than she once had been. I think staff sometimes gets a little intimidated by us, because they don’t know how we can think of the stuff we do. It’s taken a long time for them to trust that we weren’t going to "hurt them."
We talked for a half hour straight and in the process we took notes of old goals and new goals. We usually choose three goals. For this client, we let go of the goals from the year previous. One was very ineffective by now, and the other too never got past 34% and 43% completed. What was decided was to offer one goal in regard to a cashier/change program the client had found with a great deal of interest, one goal to do with the community, in that for being so low key ... this client seemed to sparkle when taken out on trips, even if only the dollar store or library. And then, the last goal would be tied to athletics. She had put on 60 pounds over the last 5-6 years and was just starting to come out of her shell by being involved in ball games. The staff had said out of her 9 people this shy and unassuming woman was by now the 4th best shot in basketball! We figured that seemed pretty good. By our areas, we’d covered the domains of achievement, community, and personal. Good, good.
The next 75 minutes were spent in review of goals from the previous year. We like to write up a summary of all that was done and how the client had progressed through her work. I wasn’t caught up on monthly reports, but from the majority that had been done and the DSP having given me her disk on weekly reports, we were able to summarize pretty SUCCINCTLY. Hehe. We can do a year in two pages :) We use a lot of commas in a list format. We also did a pretty quick ICAP which is an assessment of adaptive and maladaptive behavior. We finished in such good time, we were able to pull forms that needed to be signed and do copies with 5 minutes to spare for a smoke.
Hehe - eh, almost. We ran in to another client’s father who was busting in the seams. His daughter has profound retardation, but figured out instantaneously how to walk on an exercise tread mill! This was really, really great news especially due to her current size. But, mostly amazing, because her mind adapted soooo quickly! And, she seemed to love it! He said, that he didn’t want to push her so had only done 3-4 minutes, but he tested her on two speeds. He said also, that she was smiling as she looked down at her feet and had started to laugh. Pretty good for a person not capable of speaking and needed to be told to stand up or sit down!! We also told him that she’d watched the rest of the group running an obstacle course and when the DSP gave her a chance, she ran the course as well! He was a very proud father!
Alas, the parents were on time for the staffing although the other agency was a no show. It ran pretty smoothly even with the fact that this mother tends to talk on and on about things that are not relevant. We were pretty efficient at keeping to the agenda. We felt bad that Sr. had taken the DSP down for not talking more of her program, but the DSP came back on two feet. :) Everything else went according to general schedule. For our part, I was just so relieved that after we had started the project that it had all come back to us.
After that, we had to go to our other meeting with the doctor, but at least we’d survived the first half of the day.
You all know us by now, in that, it is hard for us to recall much of the meetings with Dr. M. Hard to access the thinking of other parts. Much easier to describe the behavior and a few of the things we heard. Pretty much only two parts were out. Anniemi and Casey. Casey only had the last 10 minutes or so. During the rest of the time Anniemie did the best she could in dealing with the direct issues of anger with Dr. M the week before. What happened with her is kind of weird though. Well, many of our parts can’t look directly at Dr. M. It has to do with being trained as a child to never, never look my mother directly in the face. We were taught to lower our head and eyes in a slave like fashion. Anniemi was no exception. Her voice was low and she seemed to wait long periods of time before talking and would only answer direct questions. She wouldn’t respond to statements that inferred that she continue talking on her own.
The weird part is ... whatever he was asking her, she seemed to have an explanation. I’m not saying that all her thoughts were right ... many of the thought processes actually seemed to be only distantly correct, in that, although we’ve known Dr. M. for five years, she couldn’t separate her distrust from the mother from how she was now responding to Dr. M. But, even at this ... she seemed to be conscious of these thoughts and able to verbalize things such as she was seeing two pictures at the same time. She didn’t seem able to trust either. Pretty much ... shoot trying to think here. She ... the main point of contention seemed to revolve around lack of communication that Dr. M. had unintentionally put out the week before and having been closed off from communication from the grandfather and the mother. Seems there was a pretty big divide in not being allowed a direct "casual" conversation with either of them.
Now, it is hitting me like this might seem pretty strange. Things said, like "hi, how are you?" or "how was your day?" Were never asked. The best or closest we had was a list of chores to follow or the random beatings for not having completed a task. No one said, "Can I help you with ..." or "Have a good night’s sleep." Just wasn’t done. Hmm, stepping away from this now ... it’s hurting my head to think this hard. Just one last thought. We thought Anniemi was presenting herself as a rock. She wouldn’t allow movement or show any type of emotion. Well two thoughts. Between now and Thursday, we have to look at the situation and figure out how closely Anniemi seems to Annemarie. I’m not sure if there wasn’t some kind of blending of parts.
As far as Casey ... I think pretty much she needed reassurances that things were going to be ok. I don’t know if he really thought of it or not, but there was one thing Dr. M. said that seems to make all the night and day difference. He told her in someway that we all have a sense of that it was going to be ok. For that, we are sincerely grateful.
By then (after an hour), it was back to work.
Right as we’d pulled up to the Center, our friend was pulling up as well. We only talked a second before entering the building. He went down to his office and we headed in toward Sr. Tess’ office. We knew after these other two events were done, she’d want to quickly catch us up. I think she gave 3-4 projects that needed immediate attention. We went over the status of intake with her, staff training, state funding, and staff hiring. She said after this 20-30 minutes was over that she’d wait on some of the other things, until I’d taken care of some of these issues. I remember just listening and commenting, but thinking hmm, this is an interesting business. She seemed to think I could understand everything that she was saying. And, I guess at the time we were. Just its not sticking in our head at this point that all that is important although intellectually I know it is. Just don’t feel real "into" work yet.
We did leave her office and figure out we had some work to do. But, that took us a little while getting back into it. We found our way back to our office and couldn’t help but notice how much paperwork was all over the writing desk. So, we started to sort and organize. There was a nice thing that happened though. Margarita found a few free moments to come say hi, and welcome back. This is always a nice thing. She’d asked how we were, but pretty much needed to talk over things that had been going on with her on-the-job clients. One actually had rode the bus by himself for the first time! He’s in his young 40's. I guess he had trouble pulling the cord at the right time, but I know plenty of adults without DD who would have the same difficulty. *Silly Grin*
Through Margarita we also get a sense of what’s going on "underneath" the agencies floor. Like by now I pretty much had a grasp that one of the DSPs (The highest Group) was leaving. I figured, "Eh, we could do better!" This staff had been the last one on board and had trouble aligning herself to other people’s thinking, plus, she treated the clients as if they were second priority to what was going on in her mind. She would say things like, "I’m having a bad day, so don’t be bothering me" It’s going to mean a whole lot of staff training though. We’ll have to put in 80 hours of on-the-job training with TWO new people. Yeeks!
It also occurred to us that while Margarita was in our office talking, that we’d not had lunch although it was already past 2 pm. So, we opened our drawer found our peanut butter and "chowed down." :) Hmm, we must have gotten some personal talk in too, because I remember showing Margarita the couches that we’d just bought. Hehe AND, we made plenty sure to thank her for the work she’d donein our office. And, then of course, we had to be lectured for leaving our coffee cup dirty. Eh, it all balances out... More than anyone else, we let Margarita take care of us a little. :)
After she left, we went back to work and stayed working 5 hours. We left about a 7:30 pm (twelve hours later). We spent about a half hour talking to Sister Janice on the way out past the copy machine. She was pretty wound up. She talked about things that she was trying to attend to at her Center while staying as company for Sr. Tess. Remember, this is the nun we’d had so much fun with the week before while Sr. was out. She is the one who we giggled at for having caught running down the hall. We’re pretty sure, she’s older than 50! Those nuns!!
We attended to a few projects like clearing the desk, organizing the next task to do on the annual just completed and preparing for the next one. We went through all the intake folders and updated them for Sr. directly, and secondarily for the secretary to retype. We’d pulled out chapters we were going to need retyped for the new CARF book Sr. Tess is borrowing from Sr. Janice, and we made a couple of calls. Seems to me ... we did something else too ... hmm ... I think we did some more work on getting our book order ready to place. Yes, maybe that is it. Shoot, something else too ... a little more directly orientated to work and all those piles on our desk. Perhaps it will come to us on the way to work or after we get there. Eh, can’t be too important.
Guess that’s pretty much of our day. We did stop for a sandwich and some chilli on the way home. Maybe we shouldn’t have, but it was a pretty tense drive home. Somewhere in all that ... it had started to rain pretty hard. It’s one thing where you don’t feel comfortable driving any faster than 50 on the expressway, but the real hard part is going under the viaducts. There were two really bad ones that were flooding over before we left Chicago proper. But, you see other cars ahead of you going through and think, eh, I can make it. We’re pretty sure the water was very high. When you go through it, you see the waves hitting the car and the splatter up higher than the roof and you wonder what you would do if suddenly your car were to stop, because you know your car would be flooded if you had to open your door.
*Sigh* And then you are home, stretching out on the bed ... and none of anything else seems to have mattered! Then you awake, write a little, and its ..Already time for the next day ... So, with that, I guess we should be getting on with things :) Have a nice one too, you here?!
Feelin pretty good for saving 20% of our available space :) Sure do like to write!
