Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Order Please

Good morning. Just me. We’re up pretty early this morning. It’s almost 2 am. Maybe we’ll be able to go back to bed for a while. Most likely it is extra sugar in our system from having a couple of lemonades. Maybe a little bit of nerves. Not sure.

Yesterday, we went to our regular doctor’s visit. We’ve been cleared so that we don’t have to go back now for three months. Pretty good! There was a lot to talk about. We told her that we’d gone through surgery and that we’d had a couple of small problems, but the kind that clear up by themselves given time. We don’t need to go back to the surgeon unless something else comes up.

We talked about the last appointments with the eye doctor, physical therapy and the nutrition clinic. We admitted not getting the cholesterol check and so got that assignment again. We told her that next week we would take the lung test. She checked out a couple of general aches and pains and we caught her up with general depression and what comes with that. We also discussed our back and thyroid conditions. There just seems to be so many problems that we find ourselves overwhelmed by them.

A good part of the discussion went to our eating habits. She decided that we should have more at breakfast and lunch so that we didn’t get so hungry by dinner time. She’s pretty sure that we should have a lot more salad to fill ourselves up and vegetables in general. She also outlined how we could work on cutting our dinners in half. She also thought we could be drinking more water. The doctor suggested for the sugar cravings that we allow something, but in much smaller quantities. So that for now six mini donuts were better than a whole box. Hmm, go figure.

We also talked about our breathing improving which seemed to be helping our sleep patterns. Well, at least most nights. The medicines were checked out and our vital stuff was checked. Exercise in general was encouraged. And, she’s still in favor of us taking the glucose readings. She suggested that we might do at least one first thing in the morning before eating breakfast. That way, we would cut down on the problem we had of carrying or remembering to check the levels throughout the day.

I think that is about it. I still have quite a few appointments left between physical therapy, lung, eye doctor and psychiatry appointments. But, I feel good in all that I was able to get done over the last couple of months. So, I suppose it’s business as normal now. The next physical therapy appointment is today, but I don’t have to see another doctor, until next Wednesday.

So, all that’s done and I’m going to try resting it for a bit. A lot will depend on this next grocery shopping trip. I’ll have to study it. My friend dropped by last night just for a half hour to help get the clean clothes upstairs. He talked of helping by making big batches of his rice vegetable dinner that he uses. He’s encouraging that I try it for awhile. He’s saying that all I have to do is put it in the microwave and heat up. Maybe we can get a couple sets of those plastic bowls so that I’m cutting down on the quantities. Doctor says I should get a nutrition bar for 3 pm breaks. Yahoo!

So this is starting to look like a plan. Be even better yet if Dr. M. would come back. He’s being very missed and it’s only Wednesday. We’re still going to be missing three appointments. We had some problems with the multiplicity during the doctor appt. last night. Different parts come out to complain of certain things. Especially about getting angry at some of the doctors we’d visited, cutting down on food, and having to draw blood every day. There’s a lot of opinions within the system about all that. It be a nice goal to have lost like 15-20 pounds over the next three months before going back again. Hmm. Aha ... a goal.

Ok, ok ... enough ... we’re starting to intimidate parts. It’s ok ... it’s ok shhh

Work ok went ok, but there wasn’t enough time to get much done because we had to leave by 1:15 pm. Yesterday was better than the first day back. There were sooo many people coming in to complain about personal problems. Total, it took a couple hours out of regular work time. At work, they don’t usually hear me complain unless Sr. Tess is having a bad time with me. That’s our biggest hardship at work. Beside our friend, no one there really knows about my medical situation. They know I’ve been taking off from work for doctor appointments, they knew I had surgery, and they know about our multiplicity. But, they don’t know many details. It’s at a level they ask how I’m doing. And, I say something like fine getting better, or hard week.

I think the long weekend was hard on staff because of the issues they are dealing with. There are a couple that are taking care of sick and aging parents. A couple that have relationship issues of either just married, or soon getting married. One was sick and another is having a hard time with unwanted phone calls. Almost all are having some kind of diet issues. I guess we all need someone to talk about at some time. I’m pretty lucky that I’ve got good support with some of my issues or even talking here through this medium, so that when I go to work, I can put them aside to be listening.

The actual work portion is still being concentrated on Staff Training. Yesterday, there was a communications exercise, a section on admission, progress reports, and exit and lastly, we went through time on abuse and neglect. The DSP spent some of her vacation time writing up the weekly reports. She saved two weeks to do all together so was a little overwhelmed with all the writing. She didn’t have time to work on her lesson plans, so we’ve been starting each morning by writing up plans for the day. It takes about a half hour if you are on top of it. Sometimes, there is a little extra preparation like yesterday, we made a clock for her with the Printshop. We had lines connecting to all the numbers so she could have the clients fill in the hours that she was presenting.

We thought we were doing ok, with all that ... had it ready about the time they were getting back from chapel. But, then within a few minutes we were learning that there’d been an accident with three of the clients on the way to the center. There are ADA Paratransit vehicles and cabs that bring in the majority of the clients. The one car with three were going to pick up the fourth and were broadsided in an intersection. I knew the other Q wasn’t in and I got a response from the secretary that made me cringe. She just said, well the driver who brought them in said it wasn’t anything. Yeah, right. I’m sure that’s what the parents want to hear when their sons and daughters go home and start complaining at the end of the day.

So, we figured it was going to be up to us. We checked on each of them and got their stories, wrote up three separate reports, contacted the manager of the transportation company, then got a hold of parents. Police report is to be coming in today and we’ll distribute them too. That took up almost a couple of hours. Fortunately, both clients and transportation company had said it was a light hit. We gave the reports in the end to the Sr. who was "in charge." We presented in a package from start to finish. We knew that she wouldn’t have the faintest clue and it was frustrating to hear at the end of the day that she was telling everyone she knew of the accident. It was pure gossip at her end and at that she was elevating what had happened in a way that I knew Sr. Tess would cringe. She was like, those poor dollies. That kind of language and thought make ME cringe. My friend had been in the office and was using Sr. Tess’s computer as she was passing along the message on the phone to the people she is in contact with. Blah!

The last portion of the day was with one my client who I have so much problem with. Monday, we’d help to finalize his housing deal. Under emergency conditions, he was being given housing other than his family. He is the first of our clients to do so. We’ve been working on this since last September. Yesterday, was his first day back in the center after hearing there was a move date on Sunday. So we asked him to come in to the office and we went through about two pages of conversation as to all the things that he would need to expect such as safety, pocket money, not placing a chair in front of his door and sharing responsibilities like cooking, cleaning and getting his bed made. I had taken notes, so the last half hour, we typed it up and distributed copies to his DSP and father. We knew that both would need to know more of what the change was going to mean to the client.

Left the day feeling pretty good. It felt like everyone was taken care of. Oh yeah, there was one not so good communication with the sister of one of the clients. Sr. Tess had placed her under a funding deadline and the sister had skipped the deadline and then complained about why she should be under a deadline. She couldn’t understand that her situation had been fought for at a Senator level down in Springfield. Strings had been pulled and the compensation was a special condition. It was very frustrating that she decided to complain instead of act. It was like ... well, here is the situation, I was told the deadline, we can’t guarantee the funding at this point without you having followed up your requirements. It’s pretty frustrating in general. She claims not to be getting funding for her sister, but sister has proof higher up with SSI stating she’s getting a double income for her sister. In the last 3/4 year, she’s taken four trips though including Hawaii. WITHOUT our client. In consideration of her sister, she’s not even paid the bill for over 6 months. Terrible care taking.

So, that’s been our week so far. Today, is our one day of the week without staff training so there will be a lot to take care of. I thinkwe’re going to start by going through some of the client chronological notes to make sure that everything has been taken care of with them. We’d like to finish up some work with the Thursday meeting of all the staff for their general training. There hasn’t been a session due to special programming or vacations over the last couple of weeks, but before I’d done some research and pulled together a session, so that will need to be reviewed. I’d like to advance the cause of getting a few more psychologicals through to the local university and, of course, there will be CARF work that has been neglected the past couple of days.

There is a little on my conscious about the nun that was left in Sr.’s place. She’s got a couple of responsibilities while sister is gone. BUT, we’ve heard for two days now her saying things like ... well, I talked to [the other Q] and she said ... Not sure what to do with that. She and the other Q have worked out situations where the nun has left earlier than she is supposed to be and has released herself from lunch duty one day. The other Q is encouraging this by saying, I will cover for you. But, the truth of the matter is that if Sr. Tess had wanted the other Q to be "taking over" she would have set it up that way. The deal is that when Sr. leaves, she very specifically wants each of the staff to be covering ONLY the tasks that are her responsibility. Both of these people are "cheating" the system.

I feel this the same as I did on Monday with the Sister and the DSPs. The sister had decided that it was a nice day so the clients should go out for the half an hour after lunch. BUT, the fact of the matter is that the schedules are set. It took quite a bit of work between Sr and myself to get them in order and the this extra nun was deciding that an extra half hour of play time would be a good change of schedule. We KNOW sister doesn’t want anything changed while she was gone. It is one thing that the subbing sister has given the staff specific art projects she wants done, it is another thing to change scheduling.

We had walked back into staff training at noon after lunch to find the whole center outside playing ball and chasing each other like kindergartners will do. I told the DSP I was working on it was time to call her people in. She said, well the others are getting free time. We told her in no uncertain terms what we thought of that idea. At that time, one of the other DSPs came through the room, so we asked her very firmly why she had her group outside. She said, "Well Sr. ..." I asked her what she was missing by having her group do play time instead of work and if Sr. Tess would have liked her to change the schedule while she was gone. The DSP backtracked and both of them called in their people. With the other two groups soon following suit.

Thing is by not doing what they are supposed to do, puts me into an "authority" role. BUT, it is not my job to be authority. We got into conflict with one other issue. The DSP in charge of collecting the planning calendars once a month was telling the DSP in training that she didn’t have to hand hers in cuz Sr. had said not to pressure her. We told her that it was no pressure that the DSP had done a very good job of filling in her planner and that she should follow protocol. The DSP claimed, "well Sr. Said." Then she went on to say that she could turn in the planner this next week. It was like DUH, isn’t that what we’re talking about. She’d gotten into her head that there was two months of calanders where the DSP’s first day was February 28th (one day of last month).

It isn’t such a big deal, but she’d decided to take a perch that was just plain silly by converting "pressure" into the act of something that was no pressure, because it had been completed "on time." This was one of the things this DSP in training had been trained by me to do. I guess I felt insulted by something that shouldn’t been. Like this DSPs work and mine had been invalidated. I believe that the DSP is upset, because Sr. Tess had told me to train the DSP with this work rather the DSP "in charge" of collecting. I knew the only reason that DSP was being given that responsibility was because of the difficulty collecting the planners from the DSP who had left. She’s actually not got any respect or authority of "looking over" the reports from the other DSPs. They already know how to do their work, so no the DSP is playing games with it.

In each of these situations, there’s been breaches in protocol by people thinking they are going to "change the rules." But, I know what’s supposed to happen. By contradicting what they are doing, then it puts me in an unwelcomed light of "showing" my authority. The authority doesn’t come from me being the boss. We are each supposed to be doing our jobs, so that no one has to "take over." But, after being there for six years in a position of responsibility it is difficult to just let things slide by people making decisions other than what Sister Tess has established as protocol. I am not going to consent to loosing two and a half hours of staff training, think it’s ok that people are switching responsibilities, or not training a DSP how to write a plan, because people are bucking the establishment. If they want to be this bold ... do it while Sr.s here, not to prove a point when she is not here. I feel very loyal to her in this regard, because without, there is chaos. Not talking like an upcoming Tsunami or anything, but in general.

It’s funny how much I am able to respect Sister’s order when she is not there. Everything has a specific place with or without understanding the rhyme or reason. It’s almost like a piece of art in that for each situation that might come up there is a written or verbal entity that is to occur next and next. When it comes to the safety of the center there needs to be an established order so that it works seamlessly without a specific authority figure in her place. It’s like being drilled over and over again to prepare for emergencies. Except this drill is to cover the normalcy.

I also know that there will be a debriefing when Sr. gets back. I certainly don’t want to be taken down for doing the wrong thing. This is a part of my "little girl" training in that it is better to do what you are supposed to be doing. I’ve always been a rebellious child, so it feels strange of me to be touting authority lines. I will continue to rebel after sister gets back, not under the covers when she is gone. I rebel now in my adulthood against things like people telling me that I am less than I am. By people being disrespectful of me. Throw that in with my sense of perfectionism there are reasons Sr. and I don’t get along all the time. But, while she is gone, I don’t want to be put in being in agreement with staff situations of things being done without her consent. Maybe for no more a good reason than I hate to be yelled at or thought of as not having "common" sense. Sometimes it seems as if we all turn into kids with or without her present. BUT, I KNOW I need ORDER.

Shoot, shoot ... I guess I am feeling more pressure with her being gone than I had thought.

Ahh better, quick chat, nap and we’re about out the door ... BE NICE!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Grumbly morning

Good morning. This is me ... just a short while. Half an hour to shower. Been up this morning Iming and such. Chief woke up for an extra stretch. Thought he’d get in an extra petting on the day. Schwoo, you just can’t change all the routines like this ... it’ll lead to chaos!

Woo, Word isn’t liking me this morning. All kinds of red and green marks. Hmm, it doesn’t seem to like any of my sentences. Well, that one got by. Having trouble with Word in the journal and with WordPerfect at work. Hmm.

There, just started over again in WordPerfect. Better for entries, I am going to try remembering to bring WordPerfect disk to work. I’ll load it to that machine so we have full versatility. Another trick we use if there isn’t too much mark-up is to copy/paste to AOL email, compose as plain text, then open up in the other word processor. Not sure if I want a whole lot of WordPerfect documents at work, though it seems that save sends documents to the same place, just indicates an icon difference. That works for me, no more complicated than switching to a spreadsheet. Hmm, did I check word data base? Hold on...

Hmm, that’s going to take some studying. Managed a little playing though. Most of my time was used up. Going to need getting in that shower in a few moments. Then maybe a half hour before work left. Not sure of moving here. I just started writing. Hmm. No, I’m not saying anything significant. Just to stall might be in our nature. Not remembering now if the doctor appointment was earlier or later. Think the schedule is in trunk of car. It’ll either be like 9 am or 2:30-3:00. I guess that would mean that I could get in over an hour of work if it was the earlier time. Be much more fun to stay at home and play hooky. *Sigh* Come on that’s not very professional. I know, I know ... was just saying ... I know ... forget it. Ok, sorry.

Might as well take the shower then brb.

Ahh, it’s always so nice after the shower is taken ... why is it that it takes so much pushing to get us in? Poor Missy, she’s all crabby, because the garbage men have just been by. She needed a good pet too. Hmm, think she’s calming down. She’s sitting quietly by the open door now.

Think we need to stop at the little store this morning. Better plan on leaving pretty soon. Had to do some switching around with files. Can I drink another cup of coffee before leaving? One more smoke. Need to relax. Think we got a little upset with garbage men too. Very unsettling. Oh yeah ... need shoes on. Tough getting ready in morning.

*Sigh* few more minutes. Too many doctor appointments! This one is going to look at my numbers :( She doesn’t always say something. Sometimes, she looks at her papers and just frowns. Then she thinks of something else terrible to do to me. There was a couple of things we didn’t do either. We haven’t gotten the lung test or the carbohydrates test. One is scheduling the other is being avoided because it requires 12 hour fast. To be fair though, I did have surgery, got my eyes checked, started physical therapy and went to the nutrition place. I’m no Super Woman! Hmpf, was even in the Emergency Room. That ought to account for something! Grumble, grumble...

I know, I know numbers off ... shoot forgot to do that glucose testing too. Started too, but between being another thing that hurt, I couldn’t get used to needing to carry a purse to get it back and forth from home to work. Can’t we just say there is room for improvement?  AND, my psychiatrist is outta town!

Shoot, better get going ... bye. :( 

Monday, March 28, 2005

Weekend Wrap Up

Good morning, good morning! Feeling in a real good mood. Since I don’t have Dr. M. this morning and I’m not expected in until 9:30, I’ve got some time. Pretty good since I didn’t wake up until about 5 am. It’s 6:30 now. Let’s see leave at 8:30, shower at 8 am. That means a whole 1 ½ hours YAYYYYY! Better set timer right away. K ... that’s done.

We had just a short chance to talk in IM this morning. But, as we’d been doing that it occurred to us to load the DVD disk of our work files into our computer. Couldn’t tell you how I did this, but the point is ... IT WORKED!!! Hundred’s and hundred’s of documents and pictures are now available to me at home. Really happy about that! I feel so much more in control.

I didn’t do much yesterday except sleep, I’m afraid, so there wasn’t any progress to the grant project. I had a nap in the morning, then pretty much slept through 1:30 to the next morning with only a couple of hours up to watch the games. I even fell asleep in double overtime of the Michigan game. Just don’t know how this is possible, unless its because we forgot to take our medicine until 5 pm or so. *sigh* I think unconsciously our mind requires us to take small medicine breaks, just to see who we are without the drugs. Don’t dare to go like that for long though, because we get very depressed, very quickly. I’m thinking now that we tend to sleep when depressed. Hmm...

Everything back as scheduled this morning. Whoops, let the kitty out. I hear it’s going to be beautiful this week. Even up to the 70's!

Need to recalculate where we are with the grant this morning. We’d gone through quite a bit of material on Saturday, but it wasn’t sticking to its place because there was so much of it. Somehow or another, we wrote out about three paragraphs while trying to explain who we were to the grantmaker in the form of a letter of inquiry. It became much too formal though. I’m not sure what to do with it now. There has to be someway we can put it in order so that we can follow step by step directions on what to do ... It sure does help to have the work files at home though. Even the Excel sheets copied over! This was the first part. Figured we better break it down to outline form. This makes it easier for us to understand

Letters of Inquiry

If you are seeking support for the first timeor if you are a returning grantee seeking support for a new program, we highly recommend that you

send us a letter ofinquiry before you submit a full proposal. This would allow us to give you preliminary feedback concerning your request and its potential fit within our funding priorities.

Letters of inquiry should include a brief description of the proposed project,

a project budget, and

other projected sources of support.

Proposals

This will provide not only an explanation of what will occur during the grant period, but also a picture of the intended effect.

Program activities should lead to short-term outcomes that result in the proposed long-term impact.

By identifying tangible and realistic outcomes at the outset, an agency can conduct an informed assessment at the end of a program year and

provide early feedback on a program's likely long-term direction.

Proposals should include a description of three basic elements of a project:

program activities,

A description of program activities should provide details about what will occur during the grant period. Such details include

information about the type of activities planned and

their frequency and duration, and should

identify the participants or beneficiaries of the program.

In a welfare-to-work program, for example, the activities might include

enrolling women in the program,

providing adult education classes,

job readiness workshops,

support groups,

on-site day care and

making linkages to job training programs.

A detailed description of each program component serves not only to delineate activities which are intended to occur during a program year, it also provides a context for assessing the program's implementation at year-end.

short-term outcomes,

Before implementing a project, an agency should outline measurable short-term outcomes that will demonstrate the change expected to occur as a result of the program activities.

In the example of a welfare-to-work project, short-term outcomes would include

the number of participants who became employed, as well as

many outcomes preceding that objective, such as

increased literacy rates,

participation in and completion of job training programs and

job search activities.

This type of information provides important benchmarks for determining if a program is creating the desired results which will leadto its ultimate goal.

long-term impact The long term impact of a project is reflected in the cumulative or lasting changes it effects.

For a welfare-to-work project, the ability to keep participants off of welfare and in sustainable employment is an obvious long-term goal.

While long-term tracking may be difficult, preliminary indicators that may be used to estimate long term outcomes can be helpful. For instance,

client progress can be tracked at intervals following program completion to determine if employment is maintained at 60, 90 or 120 days.

Establishing tangible, long-term goals and identifying indicators of success helps to

guide the direction of a program and

provides a framework for assessing its effectiveness over time.

For our purposes, we should be working to submit the grant by June 1, to be considered by their Board of Directors by August 1.

Your Inquiry Letter should condense all of the key information into the following main

elements:

1. Organization Overview/Purpose

2. State Reason for and Amount of Funding Request

3. Describe Needs or Problem (including target population, statistics, examples)

4. Describe Project or Program

5. List other Project Funders (prospective and committed)

6. Request Funding Application

Typical inquiry letters, usually a maximum of 2-3 pages, include the following components:

COVERSHEET:

Organization Name,

Address,

City,

State:,

Zip Code,

Country,

Contact

Name,

Title,

Telephone,

Fax,

E-mail Address

INTRODUCTION:

.. The mission of your organization (one paragraph)

.. The purpose of your request (one paragraph)

.. How your request fits the grantmaker's funding priorities (one sentence)

.. Total annual general operating budget

.. Fiscal Year

.. Total proposed project/program budget (if other than general support)

.. Grant amount being requested

.. Matching funds committed from other funding sources

.. Proposed grant project/program time frame (beginning and ending dates)

.. Tax exempt status

NARRATIVE (maximum of 1/2 page)

A concise narrative or a synopsis of the proposed project/program, that generally covers

the following:

.. The purpose of the request (project or program)

.. The problem or need being addressed, and how you will address he identified

problem or need

.. The population or community served by your organization

.. How your project or program will promote long-term change

FINANCIAL INFORMATION

For project or program finding requests, you will usually need to submit both a

project/program budget and a general operating budget. However, for general support

requests, you will usually only need to submit a general operating budget.

Copyright © SeaCoast Web Design. All rights reserved.

 

Pshwoo, that’s enough information for one morning. We started the Letter of Inquiry yesterday.

I can’t write it out here because it contains too much information about the Center, but for practical purposes I am cutting/pasting it here now. I will then be able to go over it today when I can get to work and print it out. This contains those three questionable paragraphs though :(

I am inserting here also the work done in coming up with a job description for Job Developer. We might have to go into a little more depth with this in the actual proposal, but for now the list stands.

1. Inventory or surveywork skill needs and preferences of all individuals served at the center
2. Establish structured pre/post educational and job skills programs for individuals who are job ready or working in conjunction with other staff
3. Attend job fairs
4. Establish self as marketer for our program and individuals with Developmental Disabilities in general
5. Develop a working contact and mailing directory through cold calls and leads
6. Log Door-to-door job searches and networking efforts within the community
7. Gain information through the Internet and establish from it a job search resource guide
8. Assist job coach(es) with methods for their training work with the individuals served
9. Establish working rapport with the job sites and on-the-job training with the individual’s served
10. Attend in-house and community meetings
11. Write effective evaluative and business reports
12. Communicate efficiently with the Administrator and the Administrative Team
13. Be accountable for all facets of job skills program development and follow-through

Hmm, it doesn’t seem as frightful this morning ... but, I think we’ve veered past the outline. Will check this out better at work.

So forty minutes left of the early morning. What’s next? I know that I have to just print this out and set it aside at work, because I have to make grant work an "At home" affair. Just have to gear my minds properly. Hmm, there was some financial stuff I’d worked though. Better get that in print too. Hold on...

Let’s see ...

29,700.00 Job Developer position ($15 per hour)

8,910.00 Job Coach half year ($9 per hour)

2,574.00 Transportation (60 miles=3 gal.= $6.60 per day x 5 days x 1 ½ employees)

2,100.00 Supplies (I forget formula used - whoops)

44,284.00

Also, shielded from view is a list I’m adding here of the twelve clients I would think are ready for some kind of work and their nationalities since this grantmaker hopes

* Potential workers (select 12 with 3 alternatives)

Good, good ... everything back in some semblance of order.  We've emailed ourselves a copy of the work we want printed out.  Might have to do two copies and give one to our partner to see if we haven't scared the hell out of him yet.  Just I know he's going to be on a totally different track.  Hmm, we better learn to work with him.  That seems the best path.  How about a compromise.  We'll give him a copy only if he is there to go through it with us face to face.  Yep, yep might work.

Time for one more smoke before shower.  I guess its starting to feel about time to get back to work.  Whoops there's the timer.  Need to calm down ... maybe medicine would help?  Yep, yep.  Better get on with it then.  Thanks for Skimming through this effort so far.  :)  Our best!

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Ahem...

Good morning! Happy Easter!!! Special morning, special day. Thinking of long ago and waking up to find a few small gifts and Easter egg and basket hunting. We were pretty small. This wasn’t much earlier than we would go to church. Used to go to the 8 am service. I have a sense of all the beautiful new dresses of my peers and thinking it must surely be spring. Yayy, no coats! Strange, but now I’m remember a book I read. It was a picture book. I just remember the last page where the sketched and happy family was walking into the church together. It was an important image to hold onto. At the time, it seemed to make going to church special because I wanted to be as happy as the girl in the picture. Hmm, like a good memory :)

My memories afterward came from the boys. My sons enjoyed the baskets and eggs. We followed the tradition of my ex’s family by hiding small change with the eggs. Hehe, one of my favorite memories was after the older two boys found most the eggs, they would lead my youngest son toward the last few because he wasn’t as quick as them. Then, later the older son took over hiding eggs for the younger two, just to keep the tradition going. I was blessed with the amount of caring the boys have always done with each other. The boys had their own code of honor and respect. It was based on loyalty and fairness. For the earlier years there was a long period of the older two having more common interests and the younger one who was more independent, then the middle son switched his loyalties and he spent more time with the younger son and the older son became more independent. Now, things are divided between the three, so that the older two work together and the younger two play together. Still day-to-day close. Kinda neat.

Yesterday, I was very happy to get an IM from my younger son, Jacob. He wanted to know if I was interested in going out to eat. I smiled from ear to ear and said, something like, "Yes! Wonderful!" It was decided that I would go out to his college an hour west of here. LOL, but then there was a second IM from Macadam, my older son. He teased saying he was going to mess up my plans. We said, "Sure, go ahead and try." They definitely changed, but I wouldn’t say messed up! I ended up having dinner with TWO sons and a granddaughter. Cool, cool.

The ride out to Jacob’s school was pretty good, except at one point, I took the express lane caused by construction on one of the highways and it took me a few seconds to realize I was driving too fast for the conditions because I was allowing myself to feel pressure from the car in back of me. It scared me as did the heavy seam between the road and shoulder. I was thinking that it was going to skew my steering right into the wall. I was very happy when Jacob said he would drive back. I didn’t tell him I had been scared, but the relief of not driving is all good. I arrived just at the time we had agreed to. The community area didn’t have a phone and I didn’t remember which floor he stayed on, even if I asked a passing by student to let me up, so I sat down and waited. It wasn’t more than five minutes that Jacob came down. All my boys amaze me with their physiques and good looks on first approach.

We talked primarily on the drive back about computers. Apparently, the same three or four days I was having so much trouble getting on-line, Jacob was going through the same thing. I think he was still a little spooked by it, and I could sure empathize. Macadam could handle being without computers longer than Jacob, Tanner and Me. We each live on computers. Well, I wouldn’t push Macadam for more than a week, but he is more apt to be spending time with his family or watching ball games or movies than being on computer all day. The conversation with Jacob was too shortly lived before we needed to stop so Macadam could give us directions as to where we’d meet. Neither Jacob or us is good with directions, so we pretty much found a parking lot and asked Macadam to come find us! Funny how that works. Hehe

We went to a Friday’s which was fine. A little more expensive, but I liked the place for a change of pace. I didn’t order a drink, because Jacob is so strongly against drinking. No one’s happy with our smoking, so we didn’t do that either. The first to arrive was the pop that had been ordered. Sparkly princess noted that Uncle Jacob had a cherry and she didn’t. Pretty big deal for a four year old, so the waitress was asked if she couldn’t bring a few cherries which seemed to calm the waters. Then, came a triple layered appetizer with chicken, ribs, and shrimp with Jack Daniels dipping sauce. Very good. And last, we had our meals. Macadam and me tend to eat like royalty when wego out where Jacob is frugally set on no more than a hamburger. And, our pleasing petunia ... of course, ye olde standbye ... chicken fingers and fries. *giggle* One day she’ll outgrow it and I’ll probably be reflective like and a little sad. Hmm, but then there’s me and the Chinese place we eat at every Thursday. "Yes, please ... the regular!"

Oh yeah ... there was one more important conversation with Jacob before getting to the restaurant. We talked a little about "politics." Nothing overly heavy, because I’m not that good of a political person. I was curious however, because Jacob was pretty sure he was a conservative. He didn’t seem quite pinned down between Republican or Democrat, but seemed to be leading toward the other side. Think most of his family and extended family are Republican. It seemed strange to hear the words coming from him, "I am very conservative." I thought here is a young man in his prime, how could he hold this position so severely. Then I thought of his values and didn’t feel as surprised. He is the one who has decided against traditional improprieties such as the above mentioned and in not doing umm, everything under the sheets. Whoops, are mothers supposed to know this. We forget...

Anyway ... in my way of thinking ... I was a Republican for many years, but more so because of family ties. But, then somewhere along the way, I figured Democrats are more supportive of social programs that assist the disadvantaged. That’s not something the Republicans favor. They seem more sure that government shouldn’t be spending for much of anything beside taking care of the wealthy and supporting war. Maybe these thoughts differ from yours. Not sure. We’re not here to make converts, neither were we with Jacob. I turned out to be a liberal Democrat though. I think they are more supportive of people who are different and/or aren’t as able to help themselves. Guess we’ll let it go at that.

Hehe Abby wanting a cherry like Uncle Jacob. Maybe, she’ll be socially aware! Let’s see ... what could it mean that we ordered some cherries for her. AHA socialist thought ... there are enough to go around if you present your need! Sure didn’t like it toward the end when the waitress told her she could have more cherries if she ate everything on her plate. So far she doesn’t have a weight problem, AND she should be treated by strangers well because she is wonderful. She certainly shouldn’t have been trying to get something "out of her." Thinking drive-by car with a man,trench coat, and suckers. I thought kids could be bribed, don’t get me wrong, but I always told them straight up when I was going to bribe them. Different when you’re a Mom. I would give them such and such FOR such and such. Then they had a real choice. They had to weigh their "values" over our "values" no judgment held. LOL Then when they got older, they’d figured out us and cherry slurpees. They’d come back and say, "Mom, do you want this nice tall cherry slurpee as much as we want to have our friends for an overnight?" To which the proper response would be "Do you want pizza as much as I want you to clean up the place first? And, did you get me a straw?" It all balances out.

Anyway dinner out with the kids is always good ... There conversation was lite this time. Abbe had some trouble. She sees Uncle Jacob and I think she figured that it was then time to play. I can’t remember if it was that or something else that got everyone stirring pop fast. Hehe maybe she’ll grow up to be a scientist! Toward the end she sat up on the low edge of a divider with thumb in mouth, blanky and watching people. AHA a psychologist!! Well, maybe after she outgrows her oral fixation stage. Heheh. Jacob talked in a little more depth about his computer and Macadam talked about getting a replacement for his phone. About evened out there. It was decided pretty obviously that we weren’t going to get to keep Jacob over night. Think that’s my wishful thinking more than anyone else’s. Us and Macadam kind of went over that all before the "pick-up." It seemed more like the two women arguing over one baby in King Solomon’s Court. ‘Cept, we were both willing to give him up without cutting him in half. Yes, then too we figured Jacob should have a choice, but by then we already knew he had slipped away. Macadam’s place is HOT! *Sigh*

I drove home by myself and did pretty well, ‘cept I hold the steering wheel tighter than a constricting snake. Pretty much what we’ve figured out is that we can’t see buildings to our left or right. And, we can only see about 40-50 feet into the dark. Signs? Yeah, uh huh. We thank heavens above for making those reflecting thingies to divide lanes. And, often we get behind another driver so we get hints as to which way the road is going to wind. I’m terrified of streets without lights. I know I shouldn’t be driving at night. But,am just not willing to give up this luxury of freedom. Someone’s going to decide I needto be put in an old person’s home. Ok, Ok Enough of that!

Before we left the others, we had a special surprise ... Jacob now has a nifty neato digital camera. It’s pretty cool. So cool, he even let us use it to get a picture of the three of them. Then there’s one of us with Jacob and Abbe, and one with us, Macadam and Abby. Really cool stuff. We hope that Joe doesn’t forget to download her into Macadam’s computer today before he starts taking other pictures. Macadam and Lee, especially Lee are hosting an Easter party for the other two sides of the family. He said about 20 people. There was rumor that Tanner was considering it. The guys we’re hoping I think to get a look at his new Corvette. Hehe ... that be my boys!

To finish a wonderful, evening, we turned on the Illinois-Arizona game when we walked in the door. There was about 9 minutes left. I watched in horror as Illinois sunk 15 points behind Arizona. But, was on my feet yipping and yapping in the last two minutes of the regular game and into overtime. WoW! What a run they had! At first it seemed they couldn’t get close to the painted area and the announcer was saying more that half their baskets we’re three pointers. Then like they became aggressive and in their face. Is there anyone who doesn’t know we come from Chicago? Gee, I sure hope Bill skips this entry. Pretty sure he was going for Arizona, his home state. *Sigh* Took a few Law and Orders before we were ready for bed after all that. *Giggle* think it’s pretty convenient that this show is all new to me and seems to be on at least three channels every night.

Yep, yep a dream of a night. And, now it’s a holiday and still morning! YAYYYYYY! Naptime!

Nodding toward that direction

We’re figurin that not before long, we’ll do some work on the grant, but for this first few journal minutes ... we’re going to fly high unimpeded. Can’t believe the difference in my nervousness and attitude from first signing on this morning and now. I feel at peace with the world. Kind of like there are so many things to do again, we don’t know which way to go first, so we just lean back in the chair with our hands behind our head and just rock.

Our friend at home here had a lot to do with getting us back on line. He not only lent his phone, but he gave up an hour and a half of his time to talk to the fixer-upper people. And then, if that was not enough he washed dishes. We treated him to a very good dinner and the bestest kind of massage. I don’t think with our friends, we ever come out even. We feel very blessed.

Today, we’re going to clear the dust and get back on the horse.

Hmm, even opened the drapes and door, although we’re wearing a well placed blanket that Macadam and family got for us. Just enough to keep the toes warm. Kitties have been well fed and we’ve already been into the leftovers. And, the coffee’s still hot! Maybe God wanted to relax me for a couple of days without Internet?

Maybe we should think a bit about what we’d like to do ... not sure we’re going to be able to maintain without forward movement. Whoops, forgot to add Thursdays, entry. So we took a couple of minutes to post that and reread. Think there was a lot of thoughts going through our head that day in relation to the grant work. I think today we would like to go over the grant site and enter information into the Paper Tiger program. I think that could be done within a couple of hours. Then, I think we have to go over step by step what their list of requirements meant. We’d found on Wednesday a site that will help explain what many of those steps are, but in more detail. I feel good in that I like the Job Developer job description. That means I know what I want the money for which is a pretty good idea to have! Let’s do this one more time ... just to focus.

 

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Forgot to add this entry from 24th (before we got real bad)

Good morning. It’s already 8:30 so I’m not sure where we’re going with this. We were up twice earlier, but then went back to bed each time. By the time we got up this last time, we had found that our Internet service was out again. They were saying we were still having firewall problems, but then after checking Internet Explorer, it would seem that we might need to get some payment into our cable provider. You think you are cruising then reality seeps in. With all the work for Macadam getting through the new house purchase, bill paying was left to the side. Might be Friday when our friend checks in before we can do something about it. I don’t think I would be able to use a pay phone for the long wait in getting phone service. Need phone. The only other option of using someone else’s phone, might be to go to Macadam’s house. Never done this without prior arrangements. We’ll see how desperate the situation becomes. I’m not real sure of his hours. Hmm, that’s a thought ... we’re going in to see Dr. M. tonight. Maybe we could take care of it there! AHA! Good thinking!

So, where does this leave us? We’ve still got a whole day and it IS the first day of vacation. We just got done reviewing a document that we brought home for work. It is the Paper Tiger work we’ve been doing on the CARF material. It’s small print and already up to 17 pages. It contains nearly 100 documents and we’re only about a third of the way done with our first book of 15. Quite some ways yet to go. There are a couple of documents misfiled, in that we now realize that if you add a space before a title, the program places the document at the head of the list. Need to watch that. Just a tiny fixable error. But, otherwise it looks GREAT! The report that we printed out includes the location, item name, detailed list of keywords, category, and action date. Really sharp looking report.

I am over glorified with the amount of detail I can add and the results because of that. I think that it is pretty foolproof. And, I’m getting used to zipping through the documents looking for keywords. It’s an extremely quick program so that my items searched for are found within seconds of thought. Yesterday, I entered the word behavior and got about a dozen documents, so then I typed in maladaptive and whoosh four documents! Yippee! So, if I wanted to write a new policy or report on maladaptive behavior I would zoom into all documents that might need to be altered. Or, Icould type in tornado and maybe three documents would show up. I am simply not getting over the profoundness in having everything appearing so quickly within a keyword. Especially, since I know how comprehensive these CARF records are.

It would be nice to think that I could turn the work over to the secretary, but there is no way she would be able to figure out my thinking through the keywords entered. And, it seems like the more I enter, the better I am at pinpointing my level of thoughts that are pertinent to the way I would like my minds to work. It satisfies a deep yearning over a kind of perfectionist that I am. Just need to pick up the speed, because there is going to be quite a bit more material that needs to be entered. Might take a couple of years even. Shoot, that’s a long time. I think this particular book has more entries though in that so far I’ve had to input all the policies and procedures, safety handbook, and IDHS regulations. That was a lot of detail. Ok, ok ... how do I get my mind from going over the swirling sensation we are giving ourselves. What a flurry of thought. Need to calm down here ... there won’t be much we can do with these thoughts until after getting back to work.

Whoops, definitely cable. Thought we could put on some soft music, but it appears we don’t get TV anymore either. Hmm.

Ok, getting on with things. I did bring home a lot of material to be reading for the grant work. I suppose I should start on that in a little bit. Need to accustom myself to not being on the computer though. That’s going to be pretty tough. We could load the Paper Tiger program onto this computer, but I’m not quite sure where to start with all that. It would be interesting to put the grant material on the paper tiger. Easier access, but I’m not sure about the difference between home and work. I will be doing most the grant writing from home, but I’ll need the references at work. Hmm. Maybe I should take a look at the files.

Hmm, ok we’ve had our first introduction to Grant #1. It seems as if it is a local grantmaker who is especially interested in helping the poor seek jobs. They cap off their projects at about $25,000. That seems to me to be the cost of a new job developer. We would really like to see that end of our business grow. Nothing against the lady working the position of job coach now, she’s one of my best friends, it’s just that her education is very low as is her ability. She shares this position with being the transportation person and housekeeping. Not to mention shoveling snow and cutting grass. Not really a great developmental person. She has also has trouble speaking English, and cannot write at all. She makes up for a lot by having a great heart, but it’s not the same as really getting our people out working. She just visits sites and offers assistance.

I had a hard time reading the copy I have printed out, because eight or nine letters are being cut off the side of the page by printing it out. I wouldn’t be able to do much with it until I had access to the web pages themselves. That’s ok, it allows me today to work on strategy. Shoot, I forgot that information on grant writing is stuck in email heaven as far as the day goes. Let me think ...

Shoot, just thinking of all my work from the Hall of Fame Journal Draft is stuck for good on my old computer. Eh, at least we have the on-line version. It will become more important over the years. Don’t see no limit to the amount of time we’re going to be connected to AOL. Fortunately, that has an auto payment devise :)

Let’s see which medium would be most helpful for the home work of Grants? Would seem that it would be helpful to put the program into at least the word processor. It still be nice to have a find feature. Seems to me it be nice to be using a data base on this one. That’s why the Paper Tiger has been so useful. There’s some trouble though in that there is really no locations, hmm, but I could copy/paste information over to a word processor, then use page numbers for locations. Hmm, would I use one document for each Grant? It could be hundred’s of pages long if I included web information and actual writing. Would though keep things nice and tidy. Hmm. I like the thought of building one resource which would be the Paper Tiger to keep track of each of the grants as their own location. Maybe this is good then so far. Sure wish we had up our Internet. Hmm. V’s going to be worried! Ok, ok ... we can fix that this afternoon. More planning!

I wonder. Hmm, I was thinking that maybe we could copy/paste whole pages or topics into the Paper Tiger, but there is a lot of repetitive words not useable. Maybe we could input the whole mission statement, but foundation history might not be of real use. Plus, there would be the realization that more documents could come from the company through mail or hard copy without being able to copy/paste from word. I think we could do something though with finding keywords in material written ... there really isn’t too much there. And, I think that since we’re going to do the work from home, that we’ll have to utilize our program here. I’m a little cautious of thought thinking how able we are to transfer information from computer to computer. We didn’t get good vibes from talking this last week to the lady trying to sell us more from the Paper Tiger Side Site. She was a little frustrated to know I’d used the CD to add both to my home and work computer. It was kind like ... get real!

Let’s see I could instead of adding page numbers, I could use location numbers by sections. Each new piece of information received would be another section. So on one page introduction, mission statement, and foundation history, could be 1-3. That seems reasonable. Now ... think again. Would I mix their written material with my writing toward grant including rough drafts? I’m not so sure about that. It isn’t my normal tendency, but what it is is to place documents one beside the other so that I could compare, or write from one in regard to the other. I’m not only a button pusher as my friend discovered last night, I am an inherent open windower. Yep, yep, it’s the truth. I love to leave windows open as I’m working on the computer. That’s the beauty of having so much space ... easy access. Hmm, on the paper tiger, I could categorize things as rough draft, final draft, or information given by grantmaker. That would work. Should I label each new thing by number, or skip a series of numbers to distinguish my work from there’s? Nope, won’t separate. I think that is the program filing system at its best. We can mix things up and still have order. Hmm, think I should load the program onto new computer. Hold on.

Hmm, did some loading. Might have to hold on ... Yahoo ... package left downstairs for us. We downloaded our OneNote program, can’t find the new Lotus program, Loaded our Catz program and SimCity 2000, but it’s not taking our SimCity 4's second disk. Now ... let’s see what we have! Damm ... only PrintShop. This is a great program and we did order it, BUT it’s only good if your Internet is on. :(

Ahh, seems to be working without Internet, however, I had no interest in completing a project with no Internet to share my creation. *sigh*

After loading the program, I figured I should also load Symantec anti-virus from work. That seems to be working and is already scanning my C drive. :) I also found when I opened that disk a copy of my lotus Smartsuite. Yayy! But it is from 2000 Boo. I will have to use the older organizer, until I can find that disk. Could be anywhere, it was a floater used to install many organizers into various computers. We’ll see, eventually it will show up.

Hmm, what’s next. Hmm, about lunch time ... better do that quick while we’re still thinking about it. Ready for a break. Ahh, yogurt!

Hmm, which does a traditional data base like Lotus Approach hold any advantages over the Paper Tiger? Maybe if I wanted to set something up in form status. Is that necessary. The blanks can only go up to 254 characters. That might have limitations. Just that I have these programs, and I should avail myself to be using them. Hmm, maybe Microsoft will have a data base too. I think the Lotus one is out dated. I’d too like to use the OneNote, but I had a little trouble with its search functions. Maybe I should check that out again.

I wonder if the other DHS program will arrive today. Maybe before we go to Dr. M.’s? The next package, I am waiting for Microsoft Professional. That has a couple great programs too, thought we’re wondering if it contains the one to make projects. Not sure. We’ll see. I think it came with the program last time we installed.

Hmm, did some playing around with it. Maybe there is another OneNote on the new program. This one still has issues with certain words I try to look up in find. It be a great organizing tool for the project, but would it be better than word? Maybe type in word, then add to OneNote. I’m used to writing directly into a word processor, because it helps me see the format as I’m typing. But, there is still the issue of retrieving work and organizing. For that OneNote may be better. Although I still may need to bring it from there back to Word if I were to be printing out for anyone other than myself. Hmm, that’s doable. Maybe I better explore the other program a few more moments.

Shoo, that took up some time. DHS came back and delivered my CD’s, DVD’s, and Microsoft Professional Programs. LOL My computer is like super charged now! About the only thing I know I’m missing for sure is the diet program thing for counting calories. Might have to purchase that over again, because I think it was done online, hmm, didn’t I get protection plus for that? It’ll have to wait until after we get back on-line.

Shoot, the day’s gone by fast. It’s already 1:30. Should get ready for Dr. M’s by about three, better set my timer.

Got so much stuff to work with, not sure where to step off first. I guess there a couple of final decisions. I need to figure out what to do, between the three main programs. I guess this Microsoft new stuff contains One-Note. I like the format it allows you as if you were working from a note book. And, if I had the right connection, I like that it would allow me to enter data through audio. Real neat feature, we really haven’t tried out yet. We’ll have to see what is needed. We have the tape recorder part now. Mmm, maybe later.

Poor V. He’ll be wondering what happened to us by now ...

Ok, concentrate here ... Information comes in, this gets recorded to ... see here’s the thing. OneNote is better for information off the Internet, Paper Tiger is best for information off hard data. I can turn the Internet stuff to hard data and add it to PT, but I can’t take hard data and place it into ON. So, it would seem logical that we use PT. BUT, PT only has one format where ON is very creative. Hmm, can I add from PT to ON? Nope, couldn’t do that. Maybe, I am going to need reformatting our brain so that we would allow our usage of multiple programs? Hmm, I need my flowcharting program now. Initial information comes in and we add it to PT, including information over the Internet. How is that information then used? Let’s see ... my job is to not only write documents as required by the grant, I also have to develop what the grant is to be used for ... like the job developer. How do I go about doing that? How to I set up our need for this? Hmm, it could be part of the argument through CARF that we as an agency work to place individuals back into the community. It could also be that we’ve been successful with placing people in the past. What kind of a program would this job developer run? I think that Rich would have ideas on that. He would have to develop a contact list either by making cold calls or letters, or by going door-to-door. He also could get contacts from attending the local job fairs. He should need to put together a sales package. What do they call that? Umm, oh yeah marketing. He would also need to be a good manager, because if he were successful down the line more job coaches would have to be hired. He would have a position over the present job person. An Internet search for "Job Developer" would sure come in handy here. Maybe we’ll have to wait. Shoot, what else can I clarify now?

Seems as where we went wrong with the last one is that the Administrators didn’t apply themselves with much direction for him. The guy was on his own and we’re pretty sure on the days, he did check in, that he was home watching cartoons. Nobody established a specific structure. And, he took advantage of that. The next person also has to be a writer! The guy before had 8th grade writing skills. So, there wasn’t any accountability. He avoided it like a passion. Hmm, so one part of the grant might be writing a job description. Ok, that part is good, what’s next?

We would have to present a complete package that would sell itself. How would this position assist the community in job placement. Hmm, I think too there has to be some client training involved. Again, the last guy made a farce out of this. We would have to have a formatted program that we knew would serve the needs of our people. It’s important that he/she doesn’t think so much of themselves, that they only deal with the clients on a minimal basis, instead of as a teacher. Hmm, have to write up a help wanted ad for the newspapers.

Ok, so far: Job Developer, 25,000

Inventory or survey work skill needs and preferences of all individuals served at the center

Establish structured pre/post educational and job skills programs for individuals who are job ready or working in conjunction with other staff

Attend job fairs

Establish self as marketer for our program and individuals w/Developmental Disabilities in general

Develop a working contact and mailing directory through cold calls and leads

Log Door-to-door job searches and networking efforts within the community

Gain information through the Internet and establish from it a job search resource guide

Assistjob coach(es) with methods for their training work with the individuals served

Establish working rapport with the job sites and on-the-job training with the individual’s served

Attend in-house and community meetings

Write effective evaluative and business reports

Communicate efficiently with the Administrator and the Administrative Team

Be accountable for all facets of job skills program development and follow-through

Wow! That sounds pretty good, we amaze ourselves! Pretty fairly sums up my expectations for this person!

Casie and us

Yesterday

Good morning.  This is me again.  Someday, we hope to get on line … maybe this afternoon.  If you are reading this, I made it! 

 

I’ve tried a lot of things … we thought it was just that I hadn’t paid the cable bill.  That did seem to be part of the problem, cuz it took out the TV too.  But, we took care of that while we were at Dr. M’s last night.  There are little tricks in living without telephones.  When we got back, the TV was working, but the computer still wasn’t.  We even went so far as using restore, but it says it can’t go back to the beginning.  It is very frustrating.  This afternoon, I think our friend will be coming over, so I’m pretty sure he’ll let us use his cell phone.  I’m not sure who to call first between American Online, Comcast, or Dell.  I guess we’ll go down the line in that order.  *Sigh* 

 

We were already at physical therapy this morning, so we’d like to think we’re on a positive track.  In three and a half hours though, we need to go back for follow-up on the surgery.  Then there is a silly appointment right afterward for podiatry.  I’m not sure if that was a mistake or whether that nutrition doctor, I didn’t care for, scheduled it.  I know his resident looked at my feet, and when the doctor came in, he asked about my feet.  We answered through frustration and told him they were ok.  They really aren’t, but I’m not sure he would have made an appointment without notifying me direct.  It just showed up on my schedule.  At this point, it is just something keeping me from getting on the Internet.  I’d double booked with my friend.  He was going to help me clean L All I wanted to do was have a nice vacation day.  *sigh* Well, at least we have the next few hours.

 

Ahh, well done!  We remembered to start dinner in the slow cooker.  We can have chicken and potatoes tonight.  Good stuff!

 

Well, you are caught up to the basics of the day.  We turned the TV on lite music and now have to relax.  Hehe, first thing is to do a little button pushing.  I’m a little disappointed in that I was sold Microsoft 2003.  I would have thought they’d come out with a new version.  Chances are then I’ll miss the next version out for quite some time.  We’re thinking that we also might want to update Lotus since I have a 2000 version and can’t even find my copy of the Organizer 2003.  More money spending … hmm, maybe we better catch up with bills first.  Ok, we’re not going to whimper.

 

Sure do miss V.  Maybe he misses me too ?

 

We’re going the wrong direction.  Cool.  Did you know whimper in French is gemir, deindre; or pleurnicher?  See V would have known that!  And I can do this ∑ .

 

Shoot, maybe we shouldn’t mess with all the buttons before saving.  Hmm, we’re pretty aimless now.  Guess we’re having a moment.  Ok, Ok.  One big Whimper… Get it off your chest!

 

What happened to our time?  Oh, that’s right, we wanted to relax.  Good thinking. 

 

Funny, now when I think of Internet I get a big blank thought.  I tried everything I could going through help.  Wow!  There’s a good place to get confused!  No, we’re going to wait and get live help.  Let it go.

 

Did we mention that Dr. M. is going to be gone for a while?  Actually, we are going to miss the next four regular scheduled appointments.  But, he said week after next, he would make arrangements to see us that Friday at 4 pm.  Let’s see that would be not til April 8th.  L  Since Sr. is going to be gone next week too, it’s going to be a very strange week.  Just need to get through it, right?  Shoot, we’re kinda mope.  I feel like I can only think with the Internet on.  Is life missing me?  Ahh, Missy woke up … she knows I’m real.  Normally, about this time, we’d be taking a nap or getting invested in a project, but there’s not enough time for that … Only 45 minutes left.  I’m crabby, and the project I want to work on is … I know no Internet.  I know … maybe I could make Dr. M. a picture.  That way when we have email, we’ll have something to send him.

 

That’s all … cuz we’re back to mope.

 

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Good lookin day

  Good morning.  Just me.  Woke up a few moments earlier than I have been.  I blame this late wakening to the problem of just recently discovering prime time police shows or the like.  I do better if I start watching at 6 pm.  Then it’s a better chance of me falling asleep earlier.  See that’s the thing ... I really do like getting up at the earlier time.  Life’s a puzzle.  

Yesterday was an ok day at work, but today ... what to say, last day before four day break ... can’t beat that!   Pretty much like a regular day.  Staff training followed by trying to get myself back into desk work.  There were too many interruptions to think I was real productive.  One of my clients decided to cry and scream for a reason that wasn’t deciphered.  Just has to be worked through.  Distraction was the method of choice.  She’s at a 1 ½ to 2 year level and is generally an angry, isolated person.  You do the best you can.  Her family hasn’t been willing to go in for treatment.  Sad story. 

Then not everything was done for staff training in the morning, so had to be completed in the afternoon.   There was preparation too for some weekend work.  I’ll be picking up a little work attempting to write grants.  I may have mentioned this before.  It’s a kind of intimidating at first glance, because it will involve some very creative writing.  I would like to be good at it.  Just not sure yet because its all so new to me.  I have contributed to a few projects.  Don’t know how to do it other then to jump in with both feet.  I sure wish we were further along with CARF project.  It would be nice to use it as a reference point.   

Just as a side note ... V YOU ARE OUR HERO!!! :) Missy says so too!   Whadda day, quite some day!   Hehehe, ok next? 

Ahh, coffee!   Today is physical therapy.  I sure hope she’s kept my appointment after our no show on Friday.  Been worrying over that quite a bit.  Too scared to call.    Ok, we’ll just go and see ... hope for the best.   What’s next?  Did we mention last day before vacation?  AND, Sister goes on retreat all next week starting tomorrow.  YaYYYYYYYYY!!  I hope she gets good rest!  She deserves a break.  Barely even has sick days.  She was in a great mood yesterday.  She usually gives the staff Easter Lilies, but because of our kitties eating plants, she got us this beautiful Waterford Crystal egg!  I’m pretty sure she went overboard on that one, but am very proud that she thought of me with this.  We’ve got a little cubbyhole within the open cabinet over our credenza (for big computer).  We set it there.  There are a few other nice things and our bears are up there.  Feels good!  

Hmm, that’s a nice song, “I will follow Him.”  Kind of upbeat ... I would like to have that played at my funeral I think.  Let’s hope it is though a long time in coming.  

All’s right with the morning.  Feeling pretty good and am minutes away from the shower.  Think we’re setting ourselves to leave about 10 after ... don’t want to mess with the time this time. 

Hmm, kitties don’t like it when you leave stuff on their spaces.  This morning, Chief knocked off brush on “his” side of the bathroom sink, so he could lie down and now Missy knocked off a paper on “Her” chair.  This is creating a little extra bending today ... better watch the placement of “Our” things.  Wouldn’t do to have crabby kitties!  

Have we mentioned yet how happy we are to be typing on the new computer?  Still thrilled with that.  I lovvvvve new computers!  Just think of all that extra space to fill!  I worked yesterday on copying to my first DVD from the work computer.  It took a while so I’m figuring I did it right.  I don’t have Word in yet though, so I can’t try it out at home.  If it works, I will have all my work documents here at home.  Not sure if the pictures and the old stuff from Works will transfer over, but I’m hoping I did it right.  Next thing then will to learn copying other programs, or music maybe.  I know behind the times!  It’s ok ... thing is it “IS” now the time.  Was never sure of the memory on laptop to have chanced filling it up like this.  Yahooo!!  

Hmm, noticing that I have a vacancy of problems this morning.  Things seem to be in fairly good shape.  Nothing to complain about!  And, thinking I could be having all kinds of new thoughts today.  Isn’t that kind of cool! 

Have to admit, I’m looking forward to the Grant work.  There will be a bit of reading first.  Our partner copied out a lot of information from the grant site.  I guess the thing to do is follow their lead and language and accommodate our needs to their willingness to supply funding.  I’m a little worried in that I know grants are hard to come by.  But, the goal is to, at least, put out a dozen over the next year.  After a while, we’ll get more used to the formatting and even if we got only one of the dozen, it would be better than the year before when we hadn’t gotten the funding.  We’re supposed look for money for operational expenses like staff wages.  Could be interesting.   

Ok, ok ... little dip here ... shower.   Ahh, refreshed!   Funny, how when I get in the shower, I am able to not think about real life too much.  I mellow in the hot water just thinking about how good it feels.  Then afterward we’re just thinking “pat here, pat there.”  Sometimes, we feel a little guilty though ... I know that not all people are given the luxury of each morning stepping into their own bathroom for this luxury.  Not enough guilt though to protest this world wide inequality.  Just step in where you are and help in any way possible.   

Needed to turn channels on the music match ... I guess you can’t listen to the “On Demand” feature for more than an hour without paying.  So, now we’re into the golden oldies.  Hehehe Mathis, Bennett, and Doris Day.  Talk about mellow.  There is a curiosity to hear how each of these songs go.  WoW speakers!  Almost too pleased with the day to get into it.  One thing seems better than the next.  And, all of a sudden the fluffy clouds are lifting us into the air. *Giggle* Maybe oldies music makes us feel sappy!  Eh, what have you.  

Umm, yep nothing important to talk of today ... well, except for being in a good mood.  We’re in the grace period before we get charged for the new computer through monthly payments.  I’m kinda getting into the rocking of the monitor too.  Funny, we want to see now if we can get it to rock in time to the music.  Almost straight out of a cartoon like dancing hippopotamuses.  Wow!  Andy Williams!  It’s been years and years ... what great vocals!  Expect to be hearing Bing Crosby any minute. 

Hehe   Well, maybe not.  Should be taking off about now.  Well, let’s see what the day holds.  Could be pretty cool.   One more, “Yayyyyyyyyyy, V!”

Oh yes, "I take happy pills :)" 

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

First Day Thoughts

Good morning. *Big bright smile*   This is the first document and entry using the new Dell computer.  She’s working smooth.  Can’t say so much for AOL after I added perhaps a little too much protection.  Seems like I’ve locked out a few things necessary to get into the Internet proper through AOL.  Fortunately, there is Internet Explorer.   At least enough to try out a few music stations.  Had to experience the new speakers!  :) They’re very nice.  Especially after listening to sound on laptop for the last six years.  YAYYY!  This morning we’re into smooth jazz.  It’s sure nice.   

I can’t tell you how pleased we are to get the new machine.  Aha!  Just found the right place to change how big everything was.  Brought her down to 75% ... that’s about what we are used to, although I know as we start to grow blind, we can now make things bigger.  Good deal.  For now, we loaded in WordPerfect.  The Word program is on its way through DHL.  Good, good ... we’ll have two programs.  I’m a little disappointed with the fact that as we type fast, the screen jiggles.  Maybe there is a solution for that?  We’re working on a regular table, so cannot drop the keyboard.  Hmm, s’pose I’ll get used to it.  Maybe partly to do because it’s a flat panel and has a small base.  Not enough to ship her back :)   

I’m going to have a hard time leaving her for the first few days, but by then we’ll be on a four day vacation.  YAYYYY!  That will give us some time with her.  Think it’s hard for me to go the in-between time of no computer.  By that, I mean driving.  You have to know that the first thing we do when we get into work is turn on those two computers.  Ahh, like fresh air!  Shoot shoot, going to have to leave for a few minutes already to take our shower.  That will be like a baby test.  Last night after sitting down in the recliner before bed, we needed to turn the chair just to see her sitting so pretty.  She’s mostly black with a little silver.  Ahh, appropriately the song plays, “Take My Heart!”  

Mmm, that’s done!  Still have 14 minutes :)   Seems like we’re a far ways away from work thoughts, maybe we’re going to need concentrating on that for a few moments.  Let’s see work.  Need to bring back work computer. Good, good.  Backto CARF :) Think we need to do staff training today too. *Sigh* that’s getting old. Like to be back in the office.  3-4 hours away each day is a strain.  Well, actually it’s nice to be around the clients, but it is a different kind of work.  Watching that fine balancing line between what they are doing and are supposed to be doing.  It will be nice that there aren’t any groups this week due to being gone Thursday and Friday on Easter break.    We’ll have to see, of course, what is in the mail box.  Hopefully not too much.  Think I went home with a messy desk last week.  Straighten that up and go over staff training notes.  Shouldn’t be too bad.  Need to prepare myself for Sr. Tess.  She won’t be real happy we were gone yesterday.  Can’t rewrite that.  Work toward being back in the office.  Yayy!   

Ok, ok ... enough work thoughts.  I’m going to have to leave ... I can do this, right?

Monday, March 21, 2005

Dear Dr. M.

Feeling bad we can't come in.  We just wrote a note to Sr. Tess saying the same.  I don't think there is any way to avoid it though.  Getting the computer in is pretty important.  Have to give them credit though.  I only ordered the computer on Wednesday and by Friday they were delivering?  Must have started putting it together as we were talking on the phone from work.  Hehehe       

We ARE pretty excited to be getting her.  I will have to do some cleaning up around here so we are ready proper.  I'm hoping and hoping that UPS delivers to our floor.  I think there is a weight restriction of 70 pounds, but we're under that.  They said there will be three boxes so I figure processor, monitor and keyboard, and then speakers.  I think that the little things like sofware are coming slower ... DHS.  That will be ok ... they said it comes with AOL and that's the biggest deal. 

Yesterday, I tried and tried to move my Library program.  I've done only 48 books, but it was like the equivilent of a month's work.  It says it can import and export, or I thought at least I could save on CD then transfer over, but I'm not sure if it was working in safe mode.  I got to the part it says my file is ready to be saved to disk, but then it says there is no CD in the D drive although there is.  I'm going to need finding a regular floppy disk to see if that might work.  Don't know if it will hold all the information.  We'll try though.      

Beside that, yesterday was a very good day.  I went out to Macadam's new place about 1 pm and got home about 7:30 pm.  It's about a 30 minute drive.  The drive home was hard though, because I can't see down the road very far so the bends and turns were a little terrifying.  There was one place where they'd marked my exit off of the highway and I pulled off to the right, but it turned out it was the driveway for some shopping places.  Just can't see it proper.      

The visit was great, although Lee was working the entire time.  Between, Macadam, Abby and two kitties our time was very occupied.  In general, beside a lot of talking and listening and asking questions, we took a long tour, then ordered out, spent about 20 minutes outside admiring the backyard (smoked), then the food came (Italian) and then we watched the movie, "The Incredibles."  Pretty sure you have already seen it.  You seem to get out pretty fast.  Before I left, Macadam took me back to the computer room/office.  He wanted to show me a picture of Tanner's new car.  His lease on the SUV (three years) is only a couple of months from ending.  So quite naturally, he bought himself an '05 Corvette.  Yeah right ...He said something about Tanner's girlfriend driving race cars and she's teaching Tanner the stick.  Macadam says the girl isn't in school or working, but she does drop off and pick up Tanner from work each day and she does most of the domestic things.  Go figure.  I guess it works for him.      

We didn't spend too much time talking about the brothers though.  There was soooo much information to learn about the new place.  He has a lot of hopes and dreams for it.  Macadam was finishing up from his shower when we got in, so Abby entertained.  Macadam has an extra couch in the living room (there are three), so angel face showed us how she could jump from one to another.  Then she showed me all that could be done with a strip of a dozen pillows on the floor end to end.  She jumps, she runs, she can act like a dog, and she somersaults.  Yahooo!!!      

I brought with a small bag of $3-4 change.  So then we played with that too.  I guess her piggies haven't been unpacked yet.  Seems I get the littler pile and we are to see how high we can build them.  She also took time to get them in and out of an empty cabinet drawer.  The grey kitty needed some attention right away too.  He figured out soon we were excellent kitty petters and he followed me around the rest of the time.  The black one only came over to share my water with me.  They are pretty gosh darn cute.  And Abby can be bouncing on the same couch with them and they barely budge.  At one time, she was hovering completely over one keeping him in the dark and he didn't even mind!  Perfect kitties for their family.       

After Macadam came out ... he had a little trouble wanting to share me.  But, that was ok too.  He is very affectionate and interactive with Abby and doesn't let her questions go unanswered.  She is pretty sure she likes the new house better :)  Lotsa room.  That was the neatest thing about the new house.  There are rooms galore.  There is an upper floor and a lower floor.  The upper has a "L" shape living room/dining room.  Then it has a kitchen 1 1/2 baths and three bedrooms.  There are closets everywhere you look.  The downstairs has a nice size family room/playroom, an office, a weight room, laundry, and large storage room that will become Lee's dark room.  Again closets and storage all over the place.  They even have a small cubbyhole room under the stairs to keep their extra decorations.         

Everything is a pretty good size, but there are tons of boxes all over the place and Macadam says there are still a lot more left at the condo.  He recognized that they had a lot of stuff, but they aren't ready to part with it yet.  *Sigh* They'll learn.  Give them a few moves :)  The people on the other half of the Duplex seem nice enough.  Macadam says they haven't seen them too often.  He says they own a dog and the back yard had land mines all over, but before Macadam and family moved in the neighbor cleaned it up and they've been seen out walking the dog often.  He says the one side is the son and daughter-in-law and 15 year old boy and that Macadam's half used to belong to the son's Mother and aunt.  But, apparently they've both died now over the last couple of years.  I'm sure this is a big change for the family.

That's about it for now ... there's a ton more fuzzy feelings stuff that I haven't yet worked through in our mind.  I am always pleased to go out and Macadam's and Abby always make me feel welcomed.  It's a phenemonal improvement in their lifes.  At the old place, they were all over each other.  Not much privacy.  Now at the new place, they could be at completely different ends of the place and barely recognize the other is at home.  Or, they can all squish up on the same couch.  They're a squishy family like this.  It will take a while to get everything put away, the walls painted, and the pictures up, but for first glance, we'll give it two thumbs up.      

It's about quarter after 6 now and we think we should get going pretty soon.  We've only got a half pack of cigarettes left and figure we should get to the store before 7 am.  Don't want to miss new computer delivery.  I don't know if it will be at the end of the day as we were Friday, or if they'll drop off the older packages first.  Chances are it will be at the end, but I don't want to be caught not here.  We're a little too giddy to concentrate well though, not sure what we'll do on line this morning.  Guess, we'll have to start to figure that out.  Thanks for being you.  It helps.  

Us 

AHA Lite Bulb moment ... pick up living room, nap, then pick up back of the house ... A "brilliant" plan!

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Just Goofin around

Good morning ... Ahhh, that’s much better! Breathing space!

Trying to think here. I think the last we wrote is Wednesday morning. I’m sure a whole lots happened by then. Maybe you better sit back or dismiss yourself, we’re thinking this might be a long entry. Where do we start? Hmm, maybe last night ... that’s not so far lost to our memory.

Last night we went out to dinner with our friend. We seem to have given him our regular hard time, because he was 20 minutes late.  I’m not sure why we always start out with the hard time, because in reality, we’re usually lookin forward to seeing him. Kind of a reminder of see how much I had to put up with while you were gone? Hate to think it’s just a woman thing!

We ended up going Polish. I may have been coerced by the fact that they served Amaretto Stone Sours.  As it turned out this was like only a 1 ½ star restaurant. It’s not that the food was all bad, but all they offered was a smorgasbord where the sign had boasted steak and shrimp. Strike one. Then upon entering this very large and luminous restaurant that had no atmosphere, we discovered we were customers 4 and 5. Strike two. There only appeared to be three employees the guy talking on the phone at the register, one cranky Polish waitress who hissed, "What do you want?" And, a neurotic cook who kept returning to rearrange the food and wipe down the buffet each time we or another customer used it. Strike three. 

Maybe next week Italian. Yay, Pasta!!!

Oh yeah last night ... we came home and had some fuzzy moments and then the next thing we knew it was morning! Wallah!

Since writing, we’ve had two more sessions of physical therapy. Made both of them on time. Our therapist gets there on time too. Our 45 minutes per day starts out on this big stretching table. Kind of reminds you of a square padded trampoline. Clean sheets are put down and I’m learning to start my stretches while the therapist is settling in. Then she is there to bend you in places you wouldn’t think going alone and after that, we try a couple of machines.

The big deal this last time is that it appears I’ve been accepted by the regulars ... Yahoo!!! One of them asked my name. This is a pretty big deal ... a very top notch crew. There is one guy who they all seem to tease. And there are like four older age to middle age black women.  I’ve been listening to them chat in and out of our exercises. They all seem to know what’s up and are pretty incredible. Two of them are in wheelchairs one is missing her legs. Sure, wouldn’t want to be the person to cross them though, they are tough! I love to hear the sound of their laughter. I was so taken up by my acceptance into the group, that I left repeating the words to myself, "I’m in! I’m in!" Hehe Better get back to doing those at home exercises!

There was no Dr M. Meeting on Thursday, because he was out of town at a meeting. But, on Wednesday, I had a 3:45 appointment at the U for nutrition. As it turns out, this meant that my regular doctor has turned control of my diabetes over to the health and wellness clinic. Sure didn’t go over well with me on that day. We came out kinda angry. This diabetes seems to be getting into the way all over the place.

I didn’t like the part of going through this much trouble for diabetes. The doc and me struck a wrong cord right away. After I’d gotten back to the exam room, he had come in to shake my hand, but then he said he would be sending in his associate. We were cranky already by then at having another long wait and having had to gone through blood tests, so we fairly animatedly complained, "Another resident???" He took this kind of negatively. He had a very large fake smile on and I could see him cringe.

So, then after a while the resident came in ... the guy had no personality whatsoever. Then, after leaving it was like another 45 minutes of waiting. Finally, they both came back ... and you could tell the doc was still miffed at me. He said, they had had a very long talk. Used to be a doctor would talk to you.  His end conclusion was that I should take diabetes classes and he went as far as talking about some silly support group.

In actuality, I had come out from the meeting saying the a****** wants me to take f***** reality classes. Let me tell you ... this was like the furthest thing from my imagination.

I’ve come enough in the last two days to be thinking ... ok, maybe I’m in Diabetic denial. But, I’m pretty serious about just that! D*** Maybe it’s a basic fact ... that I don’t WANT to be a diabetic. Hmpf! That’s all I’m going to say in this direction. Don’t be messing with MY reality.

Anyway ...

Yes, maybe it’s a lot for me still to be missing my Dr. M. Appointments ...

Just pretty grumpy about the whole thing by now. I can’t be happy that my body has pretty much abandoned me.

Ok ... ok ... we’rebetter. Chief decided we must have needed some calming down, because he came up to the table, laid down against my chest between me and the keyboard and insisted on a 20 minute pet. *Sigh* by now he’s done his work for the day, because we watched him going back toward his bedroom to have a nap.  :)

So, let’s look at the work week a little bit. Sometimes that helps more than not.

The biggest piece of our week went into staff training. We’ve been having a pretty good time of it, although we’re working very hard.   She’s very motivated at this point to be doing good work.  She's fighting the part that there should be an objective. She wanted again to revert to what had been done instead of what should be done. She’s mellowed though over the week.

She’s gotten much better this week at realizing that the group should be starting at 8:30 sharp. Anywhere from 7:30 to 8:30 people are coming in and the group has gotten used to they work on puzzles and lightly chat between themselves. I’m a firm believer that the program runs only between 8:30 and 2:30 ... six hours. Other time SHOULD be preparation.

Hmm, just thinking. I wonder if next week, we could bring in our laptop and type directly, instead of copying over notes after the sessions? Might be a great idea! Save some time and I think I’m quicker on the keyboard than writing by hand.

There are still a lot of things going on within the group while she is concentrating on getting the lessons completed.  It’s also good for me in being able to analyze what is happening in both her learning skills and group dynamics.

As far as my own development, I think it is good for me to have an established system and clear path where she gets to know what I know without me overly teaching what she may or may not be ready to learn. Plus, I like that everything is being written out so that there is no question as to what I am implying.

I’ve had a little time to do CARF this week, but not as much as I would have liked to. The notes have taken too long to get out.

We continued over dependency in the Thinking Group.  I had to change horses midstream. Instead of talking of the negative side of "being over dependent," we began to go through lessons of what happens when people aren’t overly dependent. We used lots of volunteers.

 For example, I might wantthem to learn a concept of sharing respect. So, I called for three volunteers. I chose two of the guys who are known for their respectable manners. Then I chose a low functioning client who smiles a lot, but doesn’t talk. It’s important to include everyone. I put the two guys in the middle of the room in chairs next to each other. And the girl stood in front of them by me. I told the group that I was the bus driver, then I asked them, "Who’s riding on my bus." Most are happy to answer loudly, the two guys.  Then we turned to the girl and told them she was a new passenger who just got on the bus. Then, we asked, "What is the first thing that should happen when a female get’s on the bus and is left standing?" One of the volunteers who was seated said, "We should offer her a seat!" So, then I said, "Wonderful, go ahead." Then I brought to their attention as to how both parties felt. Each, of course, had felt great. So, then we concluded that they those good feelings each had for the other was shared respect!  Cool stuff.

There were a couple of behavior problems, which were about the same as the week previous. We still are working with the popular group in back trying to run their own show. We have to keep them listening when some of the other members of the more common group are up and the back table group don’t have center stage.

The first guy only comes a few days a week, so he figures he's missing out. The last two weeks he has feigned attention by pretending to be asleep which gets the girls that are close to him all concerned. We talked out loud about positive attention and negative attention. We gave a couple of examples.

We acted out with volunteers giving positive accolades for them having done something really well. Then we asked if they had gotten our attention. The group said, "Yes, she had." I said was it because they had done something good or bad? They got this one too. Then I tried one more ... Is this positive or negative? They knew this was positive.

Then, we walked over to where the guy was pretending to be asleep. And, we gestured over him is this a good thing or a bad thing that he is pretending to sleep. And, the group was able to answer, "It’s a bad thing. Then we asked, "Are we giving him attention? They thought for a second and then said, "Yes." I said right, because we are all noticing him and his behavior. So we concluded this is negative attention. "What is betterpositive attention or negative attention?" Yup, yup they had gotten it! YAY positive attention is still in favor!

About five minutes the guy suddenly "woke up" and was asking to volunteer. Hehe. Yay!!!

One of the lower functioning clients who doesn't, but makes sounds and gestures was getting up a lot and being disruptive.  I think he tries to copy my behavior because he sees that I’m the center of attention and he wants that role. So, we set him up as a volunteer and put him in a position of getting everyone's positive support.  We made sure the group knew that it wasn’t a bad thing to want attention, it’s just it’s better to get it from doing good things than acting out in a bad way.  This way he had his chance to sparkle and collect some good feelings which decreased his need to act out!

I think sometimes we get off course with some of our lessons, but we try very hard to work with what is being presented to us.

I feel very gratified that so many of the individuals pass by me through the week confirming I will be here on Friday and that the Thinking Group is coming up again. I see the excitement build as I pass their groups. It’s a kind of funny thing to hear them say, "There’s Miss Ann, it’s almost time for the Thinking Group!" Maybe it’s vanity on my part, but I sure like to think they are getting something out of it.

The other group experience is the Staff Training. This week we set out to complete the training of Developmental aspects of mental retardation that we’d started the week before. Basically, we went over these six personality problems for people with MR and then concluded with looking over the "Support Evaluation."

1. Over-dependence on adults in the immediate environment

2. Wariness in initial interactions with adults

3. Lowered expectancy of success

4. Increased reliance on others for solutions to problems (outer-directed - rewards come from others)

5. Diminished pleasure in solving difficult problems and a preference for tangible as opposed to intangible rewards

6. Less differentiated self-concepts couple with lower ideal images of themselves

I gave an example that you should never need to tell a group more than twice what you expected from them.  Many are still dependent on getting attention by negative means like non-compliance.

My way of thinking of it, is that the first time you tell an individual oragroup something, such as put away your materials, they should respond, and a great many do. But, some don’t. They continue working on whatever it was they were working on. So, I feel that in due respect, you can say it again ... perhaps in another way, or directed more toward those few individuals who may have not heard or understood. But, that should be it. If they aren’t responding, I figure, they need attention and it should be direct without giving more assistance than is needed.  

What people should do is act independently without further direction.  If it were your boss, after giving you a task, you would automatically follow through.  With our groups, I think they are more used to being nagged and we don't want to do that.  If the individual isn't responding independently, the next level is verbal. That means verbally we walk them through the steps needed. We say, "Put the pencil on the table. Close your book. Pick up the book and put it on the shelf, put the pencil in the cup." Except, we don’t do all that at once. That would be a four step process that he likely isn't able to do.  

If the individual is not able to do verbal then you walk over to the individual and give him all your attention.  You would point at the pencil and then at the table while saying put the pencil on the table. This is what is meant as gestures. The fourth step is physical. You put your hand on the back of hers and lower it to the table assisting her in placing the pencil on the table.

Usually with the higher groups, you don’t need to go down to the 4th step. And, if the individual has a specific problem with the command they are likely to tell you. For example, they might say, "I just want to finish writing the date." To which you say, "ok, that’s a good idea." But, after that? I would like you to put your things away. Usually, they say, "Ok." It’s kind of a negotiated thing.

With the lowest group where ability to understand the spoken language is often the case there is much more physical prompting (or cuing). You follow the same steps, but may often finding yourself physically holding their hand and leading them to the bathroom.  Or hand over hand you might need to together hold the marker or mold the clay.  Or sometimes, you model the behavior.  "Watch, do this."  It seems most people want to do things on their own.   

Sometimes, a person will getdefensive with you touching their "things." Hehe particularly if it’s their lunch! In this case, you try to remain positive. Saying something like, "Ahh, I see you want to put away your own lunch box.  You can almost feel them thinking, "Uh huh!" Then you can ask, "Are you going to be finished soon? They might say, "I want to finish my pop." You say, "Sure, that is reasonable, I’ll come back in five minutes to see how you are doing."

Does this all seem crazy? It’s seeming kind of weird to me right now, but I know this is the kind of stuff I teach. In the example, above we sometimes run into people who have gone past lunch time and need to return to their group, but the individual is stalling or requiring extra attention. Maybe they are having a bad day. 

Whatever it is it still has to be worked through.  It's not ethical of us to just leave the person stuck.  When someone flags for this extra attention by "rebelling" against general order, they need help.  The general rule is that lunch in the multi-purpose room lasts for only 30 minutes, then you have to be responsive toward other group processes.

In this situation, I would have returned to the individual after five minutes sat down and asked, "How are you doing?" "Usually, the response is, "Fine." So, we continue, "We’re you able to almost finish?" From here you get a yes or a no.  You've given them a chance to work things on their own and are again stuck. So, next you begin to feel things out. "What’s happening, what kind of a day have you been having? You getting along with your DSP? Anyone bothering you? How’s the family? Is there anything you need help with?"

Life sometimes seems like a merry-go-round.  Sometimes we step off and either don't want to get back on or don't know how.  I’m ok with this for a few moments, but my actual task is helping you back to work. Often given attention you can help get the person back in touch with life.  I resent the kind of "support" where the supporter is yelling things like, "I don’t have time for this kind of behavior." 

Sometimes pretty crummy things happen like threateningly saying, "I’d hate to call your mother." Or place guilt like "You’ll be sorry if you miss out on the fun." Or, let off a whole long steaming bit of rhetoric, like "You’ve been causing me problems all day! You make me mad and frustratedand I’ll show you what happens then!"

Maybe these are things that happen to other people who aren’t mentally retarded, but it’s especially problematic in our field. People are on schedules and in the best of situations working hard, with few materials, on tight time schedule, and in large groups that are not always adaptable to the individual. People with MR are are always in situations where someone is overseeing their life.  .

Shoot soap boxing. 

They come to us from their homes to learn independence and community.  Independence isn't doing whatever you want.  In a social world, it includes being responsible for doing your part.  So, we set up a set of experiences, or live with them through one's they are working through.  

It’s actually pretty cool. I think that the more the individual learns to trust their DSP, the more interesting the DSP becomes to the individual and the more the individual learns about all there is offered at the center and in life, and the less likely he is to sit around complaining or staring at the TV when he goes home. There’s all kinds of cool things to be doing and thinking and relating. It’s all in all very developmentally based.

During the staff training this week, one of the DSPs brought one of her own stuck points.  I think this is common in the staff training sessions. It’s kind of what they’re all about ... helping the people. 

This particular staff had a client who is middle aged female in an upper group that had had a very bad set of physical situations happen to her. She had left the program for about a year, because she had become sick, nearly died and had become almost paraplegic from neck down. We don’t really deal with a lot of physical problems so I could be empathetic with the DSP frustration, but there are limits.  The DSP was saying things like, the woman couldn't particpate because she couldn't see well, and she’s got a cane that interferres with getting around, and she’s always needing extra time and attention.

So, we tried to expand her mindset.  We said from going through not walking, being taught to chew and brush her hair was incredibly an amazing journey. We held out are hand and said, she started way down here, and now she is way up her indicating great length between ourhands. The DSP said, well I kind of see what you mean, but I can’t teach her anything here.

We asked her what the goals were for this client and if they matched the DSPs objectives. She stated pretty simply she didn’t have any and furthermore kinda felt sorry for the client. We went through a whole lot talking at this point. We challenged, "aren't their things this person could need?" Was she at the pinaccle of her life?  We asked her how does the client fit in? The DSP said, "Well, actually she doesn’t." We didn't want to be a part of "failure to thrive" due to neglect

Fortunately, this staff decided to talk over some realistic goals with the Administrator, but was nice enough to say thanks for helping her get to that point. 

I may have talked about it before, but one of my favorite psychological concept is "cognitive dissonance." I don’t have a very evolved concept of what this means, but my interpretation of it is that there is a difference in most people from their ideals and their actual thoughts and behaviors. When the difference between them get tooo big, you start to get some pretty crummy feelings.

When the DSP felt too much pressure in not being able to "help" this client it caused her to seek help rather than to let the situation suffer.

We like building bridges.  People including me are worth all the attention that can be mustered. 

I really feel pity on poor V. Cuz, we know he’s the only one that ALWAYS reads what we have to say. And, this proving out to be quite lengthy by our standards. He’s our [Top fan]. But, before we rest his eyes we have one more thing to write about this week.

We just want to mention that the other thing that has messed with our attention this last couple of days has been the Paper Tiger program. We didn’t get much done on the CARF, but we did progress the home library. We are just a couple books short of finishing the first shelf. Well, this is less than 3% of our library, but it is a definite start.

We’ve been having some strange thoughts over this last week. We keep imagining my ex-husband back into the picture. It’s like where is he in our mind? And, what does he think about?  Since contacting Jacob a few weeks ago, he’s been sneaking back into our thoughts. Maybe a little more dissonance. I know that a goodmany books Ipurchased, but some of the books I respect were his.  Like the one on top of my pile now ... Views from the Real World of Gurdjieff.

Listen to this introduction...

"... he is recognized today as a great spiritual force, who saw clearly the direction modern civilization is taking and who set to work behind the scenes to prepare people in the West to discover for themselves and eventually to diffuse among mankind the certainty that Being is the only indestructible reality."

What a terrific concept!

He was born in 1877 and in 1922, he opened an Institute for the Harmonious Development of Man.

Wow! My ex had great perspective 25 years ago! This is kind of getting me a little excited.  Kind of makes me think his real purpose in life was to give me smart kids and a great library!

Hmm, maybe it's time I should quietly tuck myself into the couch under a good light tucked into my big white down blanket! 

Just like to say, thanks for being so patient as to get through this long set of thoughts.  Maybe nothing so directly important, but its a good exercise for me to write and think at the same time.  Maybe next bigger thoughts?  Need to read.  I am being thrilled to pieces when I read through the many Tables of Context.  Shoot, there is just so much to be learning.  It's as enjoyable as to play.