Nuttier than a Fruitcake

Good morning. Just me. I’m up early this morning and need some time to run-off excess anxiety. I think I should be doing better in a moment, because I finally figured out how to get rid of the sliver that was at the top of my 4th finger. Man ... can that make a person testy first thing!

We’ve had a little excitement over the last 24 hours. I did go to work yesterday, but as it turns out ... we, had to spend the day in the ER room. For those of you who may have forgotten this experience, it is about the absolute most dullest thing you can do. Especially, if your predicament isn’t really a big deal.

I had woke up from a nap on Sunday after noon and I’d had a new big red (sun-burned) looking area (12"x8") on my abdomen AND what looked like another hernia (3"x2") where the last one had been. The first three doctors all guessed wrong, but finally my surgeon was out of surgery and looked at it and declared I had Cellulitis (skin infection) and a Seroma (a mass or swelling). Modern medicine ... you gotta love it. It was an 7 hour ordeal, because my doctor was the Chief of Surgery and it takes awhile to get them guys out of the operating room to diagnose an infection.

So, I’m on anti-biotics *giggle*. He said the Seroma was just fluid that had gathered in the hernia "sack" (I know gross) and that it would gradually be absorbed back into my system. Then, because surgery is obviously more fangled than I had realized, he took out his pen, drew a large circle around the infection and said if it gets worse/bigger come back to ER. Thought ok, we can play that game. Sort of just slightly less complicated than tic-tac-toe!

This morning now we have another umm lump under one of the sutures, but we’re going to wait on this and just take anti-biotics. It’s just like an inchxinch. Figured it would be ok, since we have a follow-up visit on Friday. I know we had to go to ER, because that is what the surgery nurse told us to do, but I wouldn’t volunteer for that experience just "for fun!" They didn’t even feed me!

Fortunately, our friend took heart. He stopped by twice. The first time he looked at me and asked if I were being a little bit of a baby and I guess he figured by my INNOCENT smile, I might have been a little more competent to handle ER without him. So I got a kiss on the top of my head and he left. The second trip was only for about 3 minutes. He brought me two big chocolate cookies and gave me another kiss. It’s terrible how well he knows me. *Giggle*

So, that was about it, except when I started my car to go home, both the oil and anti-freeze light came on. I was feeling pretty put out by then, of course. But, I stopped and fixed that too. Was like the most UNPRODUCTIVE DAY!

I did however get a first hour back at work. That was pretty scary enough. My mailbox was full, and my desk had literally a foot high pile of "stuff." My boss caught me in the beginning and said I should get comfortable and come back for a few notes. I brought my legal pad. She gave me 10 priority items and said that’s enough to get you started. Yeah, like right. The next thing, or course, was that I went back to my office and ate my super snicker’s bar. I have to do something over my privacy, because the DSP two rooms away, yelled out, "Are you eating something in there?" MAN, busted! Hit me like a ton of bricks. "I WAS BACK!"

They must have missed me! I leafed through the mail and made mental notes. I’d gotten a package of cards from the clients and someone had left a cute white fuzzy monkey hanging from my door. "Bout the neatest thing that caught my attention first was that my new computer program and book had come in. This was the one to help me with my filing. YAYYYYYY! So, I downloaded that. I only got about 15 minutes to play though, before I had to do the other ER stuff, but for sure we’re looking forward to going back.

The biggest change ... this always happens while your gone ... but, the biggest change is that my biggest head-ache DSP is leaving at the end of the week. She QUIT!!! Wow, what a relief! We’ve been waiting for this for four long years. Actually, the grape vine is so ripe at our work, I knew about it over the weekend, but I wasn’t going to tell that to my boss. We’re really not a very big place.

It is going to mean more On-the-job training though. Sr. says I’m to give the new DSP my mornings. Actually, she’s a woman hired by sister 3-4 weeks ago part time and for substitutions. She’ll go full time now. I like her already and it will be a great change for the group. We’ll start next week.

YAYYYYY V-ster time! He gets the best of our complainin! :)

Soooo, brand new day ahead. Yesterday in the short hourandahalf time at work, there were a lot of people interruptions. I felt real welcomed back as well as being presented all kinds of interesting problems. Heheh there was fun stuff though too. One of the DSPs came back twice just to show us the art work her group had completed. Awe!!

Think we’ll leave early today ... Need to get the prescriptions and stop for gas. Barely used up anything last week.

Really folks, I have absolutely nothing on my mind except getting back into ordering my work life. V says I should come home on time, but I know I’m going to want to stay late. Will NEED to get everything in order. I haven’t even made a list of all the stuff I gotta do yet! That pile of papers promises plenty of stuff!

I don’t know why I don’t get droopy over the amount of work. I think though that I’m one of those people who feel needed when there is something to do. That’s the whole housework problem. No one NEEdS me to do that! "Cept kitties .. They like clean litter box, but beside that? Hmm, well one thing more. Someone, I don’t know who? But, someone taught my brand new four year old granddaughter to recognize the difference between a vacuumed and pre-vacuumed carpet! Well, like what was the deal there?? YEEKS!

Sure would have been nice to think of bringing home the new organizing book. What am I going to do to calm myself down? What would my boss do if I showed up an hour early? Hmm... Question, would she mind if I caught her in her Pj’s? Hmm, might interupt her from morning prayers. Maybe just a half hour early, I know there are clients who get there then. YAAAYYY. I know, I know ... nuttier than a fruitcake.

Hmm, did we take our slow-down pills last night? 

First Thing Tuesday Morning

1. Design an input form which will outline changes each month. Keep it simple. Include Persons served and list other relevant stakeholders. Look for their expectations and preferences. Collect information from surveys, groups, face-to-face meetings, conferences, and past input folder.

2. Continually analyze the data from the perspective of the stakeholders and integrate it into the following business practices. Create a new folder for each and establish report formats. Ask with each, are we meeting current needs, are we offering relevant services, and are we identifying potential new opportunities of growth and development. Decisions could be made from this and other information to develop, revise, change, improve, or eliminate services; short/long term planning, or identifying personnel training needs.

a. Program planning - 13 different program areas

b. Performance improvement - results from last report

c. Strategic planning - Sr.’s annual and 3 year plan, Business improvement reports

d. Organizational advocacy - mission statement of independence and community, meetings internal/external

e. Financial planning - planning and maintaining budgets and generation of income

f. Resource planning - materials, supplies, equipment, furniture, staff, and stakeholders

3. The leadership responds (listens, learns and is familiar with information) directly from stakeholders and reports and internal processes. They will either immediately give it attention or direct it to other functional parts of the system. They are collecting from:

a. Input forums - list means stakeholders communicate

b. Surveys - individuals served, parents, CSO, staff

c. Complaint, grievance, or incident summaries - From Administration meeting and incident reports

d. Performance improvement - Report conclusion

e. Strategic planning - Goals for next year and three years

f. Program/service development - Staff and training meetings and from annual report.

1. Design input form (one file)

2. Analyze info and report in each six areas (six files)

3. Write communications flowchart and line item each appropriately of originating through concluding course. Design one report from the above six areas. (One file)

Let's Get Organized Here

Good morning. We’re up kinda late this morning. We had a nice visit from our friend pretty late last night. We knew it was coming so napped a bit first. Then we watched the movie "The Terminal." Well most of it ... we kind of didn’t make it all the way to the end. We’d found a nice cozy space next to him and was lulled to sleep. *Sigh*

This morning is our Granddaughter’s birthday. There is a big party for her. She turned four years old. We don’t usually attend, because it is mostly my ex-husband and his family. We had some help this morning sending some wonderful e-greetings though. I really hope it is a wonderful day for her.

We were going to see our youngest son today, but the we’re not yet quite stable from surgery ... painwise. We were afraid of the hour drive and distances we were going to have to walk after getting there. Maybe next week? We’ll see.

So, with all that said and done, we’re about caught up with the present. Well mostly. We’ve had a good couple of days go by where we were able to get done with some reading. One on the organizational stuff and the second on going through the CARF book. We had a little surprise in that we found out that Monday is an off day at work, so we have an extra bit of time. Like to make the most of it, but unsure at this point what to do next.

Hmm, washroom, another cup of coffee? Maybe, maybe ....

Pshwoo. Ok, next?

Already closing in on 10 am. Don’t think there is anything that I "have" to do. Well, beside clothes should go into the cleaners, but that would require stairs and driving and lifting. Don’t think that going to happen today. Same with things should be picked up around here again, but again that would take moving around. Better, plan yet another day of just being around the computer. YAYYY, or favorite kind of days.

I’ve been doing enough reading that I figure I’d like to write some to balance things off. I’m not sure what to write about though. I am having a little hard time being away from the office, because that’s where things really need to be done. I suppose we’ll read more from Harold’s work ... that leaves just a blur of things we ought to concentrate on while we get back to work. He says things like how not to procrastinate and setting up of goals and not being perfectionistic.

They are handy things to keep in back of mind. We find that a lot of his work is kind of repetitive. We’ gone through four of his books and have started the 5th. The 6th one that is free to read is on salesmanship, and I probably won’t go through that one. Still have the tape recorder too which we haven’t used much over this holiday. I dislike our minds being muddled with global, but not specific. Need to do (think) of something concrete that will advance the system.

Maybe I should check out the paper tiger software site. That should be in this week. I wonder if I could learn something more in advance.

Ahh, found some good reading over at the Paper Tiger. She has a stack of newsletters that are pretty good. Will head over there for a bit. Need some more coffee though. Easy to drift asleep.

Well, that happened for long enough. It’s now just after 1:00 pm. I read all the Barbara Hemphill articles back through 2002. Through her site I found something called Ezine which had 1000's of articles of all nature, but after reading a few, we found the quality less than stellar. Cut off at that point.

Let’s see back to working through goals. Again the mission statement was to ...

"I will respect myself by being honest with my thoughts and feelings.  I will love myself, my God, my family, my friends, and people I meet along my path.  I will honor my freedom and independence and cherish my right to make choices.  I will strive to be capable.  I will be responsible for happiness, and I will share whatever wisdom I learn in offering help to others."

Let’s go over that line of loving all those along my path. What exactly is my path? As of the last month, I would say it is to get organized, but that is only a tool toward another end.

When I look directly at what I would like to accomplish it would be reading, research, and writing. I like most to interact and study relationships, and in particular would like to build a specialty around adults who are developmentally disabled, but interested in progressing themselves. I like to learn and I like to teach and consult. I would like to develop a level of expertise. I would like the title of Program Director and I’d have built in a comfortable income. My office and home would be ordered and conducive to study. I would have just a few very good relationships and I would be healthier. To do this I need to set some goals.

My immediate business goals are to "catch-up" at work over the next month. Continue getting to know and advise clients. Begin to master CARF by structuring tasks that need to be completed. I would be successful with staff training and convey positive learning goals and avenues of satisfaction. The Thinking Group would have developed and it would have established a defined direction. And, I would begin to read, research, and write in the field, perhaps starting with some of the CARF reports. One of the first tasks is to complete a new order of my work and home resources so that they would be easily useable to me. I need to release myself from clutter and faulty thinking.

OK, ok ... we are pretty clear so far. Maybe it would be best to look into CARF then. This is a huge over encompassing project that will need to be broken down. Maybe it would help if we first decluttered the table we were working on. Yes, back to the basics. Hold on.

Hmm, that wasn’t so bad. Releasing clutter helps. Now as far as CARF. Most likely there won’t be anyone who is going to outright tell me what I should be doing. I know that most of my work will be following the structure of the "Employment and Community Services Standards Manual (July 2004 - June 2005. This is the manual we read over on Friday. So, we have a basic understanding of the book.

The work is divided into sections. The first section is "Business Practices" and it is divided into nine criterion. The second section is "Standards for Quality Individualized Services" Parts A & B. Section three is Standards for Community Services and Integration. The hardest part is the nine criterion in the Business Practices. They encompass 1) Input from Persons Served, 2) Accessibility, 3) Information Management and Performance Improvement, 4) Rights, 5) Health & Safety, 6) Human Resources, 7) Leadership, 8) Legal Requirements, and 9) Financial Planning and Management.

So. From here we start. The hardest criterion by far is 3) Information Management and Performance Improvement. Along with other tasks, it requires me to write eleven Business improvement reports and one Annual Performance Analysis Report. That’s the one that could scare the Hell out of anyone!

I’m not sure if I should start with Criterion One or Criterion three. Could even start with Criterion two.

Let’s see Criterion One is about soliciting, collecting, analyzing and using input from persons served and other relevant stakeholders. It would seem from that collected information, CARF wants us to produce proof of program planning, performance improvement, strategic planning, organizational advocacy, financial planning, and resource planning. This is going to get a little tricky. We have to figure out what format, we are already doing this, or we have to develop a format to cover this information.

One at a time. Program Planning. I do that. I should think clearly here then. I will have to collect data from the payroll system that indicates the DSPs’ program utilized. That means comparing data from the previous year 2002-2003 with the current report year of 2003-2004. Is this correct? Hmm, would think I need the QMRP Quarterly data then too. Last year’s Performance Improvement Report allowed us to generate Benchmark figures for the program goals. From that, schedules were changed for each of the DSPs. Unfortunately, that was done during 2003-2004, so that benefits of changing schedules might not have had an impact yet.

Program planning and Performance Improvement are about the same thing. Maybe it would be represented by the difference of two reports. Program planning would be developed by the Performance Improvement results. Hmm, these would then be Performance Goals. It be interesting and a little fun to summarize up the program plan. Might also use the results of the Program Guide and Welcoming Packet.

Strategic Planning. That directly sounds like the three year strategic plan, but it could also include the results from the Accessibility report which is the sum total of the meeting notes from the Administrative team.

Organizational Advocacy. Hmm, that’s a new term. It could mean a couple of different things. Either how the organization advocates for the individuals served, or how the organization advocates for ourselves to better assist the individuals served. Hmm, could those two be combined. Let’s keep an open thought here.

Financial Planning ... that always sounds like a budget issue. Note here. Should we start collecting and of the financial reports or just wait for the end result. Hmm, like end result. It would help us on a few reports to show efficiency. Again that would be part of the Accessibility Report.

Resource Planning. This could include the financial end of things, or maybe that the financial end has to be attached to the plan. But, it could also have to do with other resources such as inventory, staff or other stakeholders.

In thought of collecting information ... we still have to compile records of anything that was compiled of the year previous including policies and procedures. The identification of relevant stakeholders would be based on the previous list. Make a note that we might have to produce a few more surveys for information. Could we some how utilize CSO Report. Yes, that would be good. It would combine the results of both QMRP’s efforts. Also, it is a quarterly report which might be very useful for more frequent surveys.

Ok, then monthly client surveys, family surveys, case managers and staff. We should systemize not only surveys, but reports and meetings. The meetings would include Behavioral, Rights, Staff, Advisory, Administration, Safety, and Governance. Reports all listed in Business Improvement. What we would be looking for is to determine expectations and preferences of the stakeholders. Maybe this section should conclude with a checklist from all of the resources as to this. Hmm, wonder if we should try putting out an expectation/preference list in the Newsletter again? That didn’t work out so well last year. We might be able to put out a list for the intake families though. We’d have to identify those folks before they became enlisted parents. This might be difficult unless there was a presentation. I don’t think Sr. is going that way this year.

Hmm, let’s think through a moment on the suggestions CARF offers as means of collecting information. We do collect written surveys, advisory groups, face-to-face meetings (a wide bevy here), conferences, and telephone conversations. The other suggestions aren’t easily implented and of these that are ... we need to think through how we collect conference information and phone calls. I believe most of it would still be done through Administration meeting. I suppose this will have to be good enough? But, how does this thought impact our collection of data on the cards. Thinking that its good to have it categorized, could this somehow be utilized without collecting data from the other members of Administration Team.

Interesting thought here. CARF is defining a difference this year of Management and leadership. Sister Tess, as Administer would be definitely Management, could we than suppose ourselves as leadership? The point of being on the Administration Team would seem to confer that, but as well since we are the major source of anything CARF, could we hold special methods to be collecting information. In a sense, put out a CARF Newsletter and of course, special files almost as a separate department. Thinking set-up for lower right-hand drawer.

It seems a critical point to think that this to maintain CARF yearly, we are going to need on-going global sense of purpose and in our own order specific action files, PLUS a priority of what happens first, next and next. The whole standards manual needing of course to be begun and ended in any given year. How then will this file system parallel the big books. Maybe the reason this is seeming important at this time is so that we can orchestrate a sense of control over actual procedings. Perhaps more than just to show CARF at end of the three years. It would mean the difference of looking over-seeing the big project on a timely basis as well as handling the separate functions. Could we hold it this well in mind?

I like the idea of a newsletter ... it would be a review of topics covered during each month. It would be presented at each Administrative meeting and it could be extended past that to other stakeholders. It would mean keeping track of articles (projects). I’d have to do it efficiently so as not to upset any powers to be.

There is something very satisfying with these thoughts and the concept CARF is reaching for in that information is being continually analyzed and that is integrated into the business practices. A monthly newsletter would do all that. It would assure that all needs were being met, services would be relevant and potential opportunities identified for the program and service. AHA ... continuous cycle of quality improvement.

Then CARF suggests that we have input forums (that could be comments back from the monthly newsletter) or maybe results of people realizing what has happened from the past month. This might have to be specifically different than notes from the Administration meeting since directly it doesn’t influence CARF until reports are written. Surveys are obvious ... and more of these could be considered in the individual staff training. Complaint or grievances would have to be coming from the Admin meeting too, but the question would arise, will Sr. Tess want this publically exposed. A good organization could handle it. Summary of incidents would be easy enough.

Hmm, now performance improvement. We would have to include "how often?" Hmm, better still narrow this down to annually. It would include a summary of programs completed through payroll, and it would include Q-Quarterly reports and it would include ICAP data. We could use the States reports to cover in time following services. Interesting new development. It’s like they are now working for us. The performance Improvement Report is still going to need finishing by June 30th.

Strategic planning ... that would be tied into Sister’s new plans written for the Annual Report and further elaborated in the three year plan. Program/service development would be having used the results from the performance improvement to be guiding the following year. Basically, are there any substantial changes.

The last thing that is to be kept in mind is the prompt action of data. This means is the information collected something that can wait for an upcoming report or committee, or is it something that needs to be responded to immediately. The key will be collecting (summarizing) information regularly. Which means I’m going to need a better format or means of keeping up with things. That then shall be my next concern. I have to develop a map of sorts or an outline.

Fair enough ... good first meeting of my own CARF Board. It might be a good idea to go back through the entry now to pickup with the recorder and immediate action items. Summarize, summarize, summarize.

Over in a Day

Good morning. Just me. We’re up early again this morning, but the difference is that I am on "Vacation!" Well sort of ... we’re on sick leave. The big difference is "No work!" An entire four more days off, Yipeeeee!

LOL - we’ve had easier breaks though. We did some baby surgery yesterday. We were at the hospital by 7 and home by 4 with a couple of Subway sandwiches AND the required milk shake! Mmmm, just remembered our friend had put some ice cream in our fridge. Perfect! Turns out to be M&M vanilla fudge! YAYYYYY!

We didn’t understand the part of what the Doctors did. We had a hernia and he had said before hand that it was a classic and they’d be making 3 small holes in my abdomen, but after surgery, it was obvious that there were at least 12 holes, maybe one or two more. The doctor wasn’t available afterward, so I don’t know might have to wait two weeks for checkup to figure it out? Or, maybe I can call his nurse when I get to a phone on Monday. At this point, it would seem the hernia was a lot bigger than he may have imagined. Just not sure.

The pain is something that can be negotiated. It is present only slightly when just sitting (not straining), but when straining it hurts. Today, isn’t as bad as yesterday if I don’t have to bend all the way to the ground. Course that may be something do to the happy pill they’ve given. I think its called Vicodin. Not, a real strong one maybe, but I know I’m going to make it. I walk kind of funny though, kind of bent over in an old person fashion. I don’t think I’m going to make my psychiatry appointment today. It’s a long ... almost a couple of blocks walk. I think that would be pushing it. Maybe Monday, before I return to work. The best case scenario would be that my friend comes back in time and I can use his phone. We’ll have to see.

The experience wasn’t so bad in itself. I had to be there at 7 am and surgery started on schedule at 8:30 am. Couple of hour procedure, then recovery. That was a little longer ... kept falling back to sleep. The nurses were pretty good and there was a sense of moving forward. I think the whole thing went more smoothly than a trip to the emergency room. The deal was I could go home as soon as I could use the washroom. They couldn’t give me a bigger person’s wheelchair so I ended up walking to the car (shortcut) and then it was all over. Sweet!

When we got home our friend said that we didn’t have to bring my work up from the car. We didn’t argue much, though I think in a day or so sitting around watching TV might get old. At least, and especially the good part is that I can sit at the computer. The nurse said that as long as I was up, I should stand-up and walk around a bit. So, that is good enough for me. Whoops, already coffee is ready, hold on :)

Ahh washroom stop and picked up a warm blanket too. Might as well be comfortable!

So, beside all that ... oh yeah, there is another medical update.

I made it to the doctor's appointment Monday. It seems as if there will be a few more things to do after surgery. I'm having trouble keeping it all in my mind, but the doctor wants to now check my lungs and for sleep apnea. She's running some more tests, one that will require a 12 hour fast. I'm still having trouble with my back due to the arthritis and feet and she's worrying over left leg for something. She's pretty sure I should be on an 1800 calorie diet, she's added a couple new medicines, and I'm going to have to start glucose testing again. This is in addition to still keeping appointments for my eyes, nutrition, and physical therapy. Diabetes, cholesterol, and thyroid seem to be going along as fine as can be expected. No way of getting out of being a multiple, but the anxiety and depression that goes with it is pretty stable. Think that’s all the problems. *Sigh*

I know ... one thing at a time. I can do this.

I’ve gotten over the toughest part now ... well, maybe that and an 1800 calorie diet. That seems pretty not fun. I know, I know ... life change, only a life change.

Need to get out of this frame of mind for a while. I AM on vacation! Think I would like to write little and read a lot. We’re very happy to be reading yet on organizing. All the costs incurred this past couple of weeks in setting up the program, seem to have gone through the bank. So, we’re all set up and ready to go. Hopefully, by the time we get back on Monday, the last part will have come in. That’s the Paper Tiger software we’d talked about last entry. I think on that one we went the free delivery in 7-10 business days.

We spent some time on Monday and Tuesday setting things up and working it out. I was making good use of the time and I got a few small projects accomplished which made me feel good. I love the new order on my desk. I made the divider cards for all of my different work areas, and we added one more group of divider cards. We listed out our day in time segments. I think we’re going with 7:30-9:00, 9:00-11:30, 11:30-12:00, 12:00-1:00, 1:00-2:00, 2:00-2:30, 2:30-4:00 and 4 and beyond. It works out in my head and includes natural breaks that are going on with the clients and other staff. So, the new idea is not only to take certain cards out of the pile for accomplishment that day, but to estimate by time segments goals for each task. That’s Howard’s idea. He distinctly separates to do lists for those tasks that get scheduled in a planner. It has to do with making a commitment to get things done.

The key work area where we’re going to be shutting our door is the period between 9:00-11:30. That I think is going to get reserved for CARF as soon as we finish the last annual report to be written up. That makes me feel good. I found our CARF manuscript too before leaving. That will be the first project brought up from the car. We need to be planning on what to do there first. I know there is a couple of Reports to finish, not sure if I’ll do them first or something else. For those of you newer to our journal, CARF is a major project of ours to take care of our center’s accreditation. It’s a pretty encompassing project. Lot of time, but its been put on hold while preparing for the State inspection that is now over. Always something next and next on the schedule. I don’t have one of those jobs that is ever completable.

I’m not sure how my plans for staff training have faired out. I used Sunday to set up a 17 week course of events. It involves spending a private half hour with each of the eight DSPs going over job improvement material. I decided that we could use each of the terms in the employee evaluation tools. The first one is quality of work. So, from the Internet we pulled some stuff together and made a 30 statement survey. Beside that, we made up personal "I can" statements that corresponded to the first. So that if you wanted to strongly agree with a statement (be very positive), you would follow a path of taking personal responsibility.

I left the project with Sr. Tess on Monday, so we’ll find out how that goes when we get back. We’ll see, we’ll see. I think it was good thinking though. Hope, hope ...

Whoops, more coffee and V’s on-line ... YaYYYYYYYYY

Whew, next time put blanket up on couch. Bending sucks!

Hmm, back again. Whoops nother stretch/cup o’coffee. Maybe go wake up that lazy cat of mine in th back bedroom snoozin! Ohh, he’s up!! Maybehe was laying on my blanket. Ahh, good coffee, good stretch. And, good kitty pet. Hmm, kitty treats on the house!

Well, what else is there to think up this morning? Kind of getting excited to get back into the organizational stuff, but not sure if I shouldn’t take a nap first. Hmm. Maybe first reading ... just 30 pages left of the book I’m reading. Yep, yep ... that THEN nap. :)

Pretty good, pretty good!

All in a week or two!

Ahh, good morning! Just me. We’ve been up playing with our buddy the last couple of hours. Leaves a big grin on our face! But, we figured we should get into some "work" as well. Well, at least as much work as free writing gets!

Not sure as where to start with the day. Maybe I should clear up a few things. First, the house. Macadam and I talked about it and we pretty much decided that we were going to have to let it go. We got hung-up with my second son Tanner. A few years ago, I’d co-signed a car loan with him. The mortgage company needed proof from him that it was he that was paying the loan not me. This became an impossible feat for son. PLUS, I can’t get past the point of how worried Macadam is that I’ll have enough money for everything. There’s a small chance that something still could go through, but not likely.

Next, is the State Inspection on Tuesday. That seemed to go very well. Well, almost. Sister is frustrated because we only got 98%. 2% was lost with the DSP deal where her background wasn’t coming up right. We knew that was going to be a trouble spot from the start. I’m very relieved it was only a couple of points, and not our license!

Between this and the staffing on Wednesday, I was a pretty relieved girl by Thursday! I did, however, not like how the staffing went. The Administrator, DSP, and rep. from the state decided to all trigger my client. They kept repeating especially the state rep ... If you do this ... then you are going to jail! He kept saying I won’t do that, I don’t want to go to jail. Please stop. BUT, the lady continued to badger harshly as might a prosecutor.

She doesn’t even know him or what he’s capable of processing or how much difficulty it will cause his mind. She had no business doing that. PLUS, we got into this literal discussion. I was saying that her tactic was "aversive" where I’d been trying positive reinforcement. We were both sure our own the better. BUT, I know by regs and accreditation, I’m in the right! There is nothing to back up the poor practice of terrifying a client to get your point across. BLAH! I’m not against letting him know consequence, but it should be done if anything ... matter of factly, not hard-line accusatory and threatening. Dumb stuff!

Anyway as I was saying ... we’re over those major hurdles. We won’t have to go through State Inspection for another year, AND I’ve no more annual meetings until middle of June. YAYYYYYYY

So, where does that leave us? HEHE PLAY!!! LOL well, sorta. I’d like to say without that much pressure and stress, work again DOES feel like play. And, doing that we are.

For the last month and a half, we’ve been trying to work through some bugs in our own system. The last two weeks we’ve inundated ourselves with concern. You see first Friday of January, we had an Administration meeting. At that time, I’d been dropping the ball as far as follow-up on some of my obligations. My boss chose the forum of the meeting to throw out on the table how displeased she was with me. I’m not saying that was the right format, but it did catch my attention. PLUS, I knew I was slipping up. Couldn’t keep everything attuned. I’d let go of my organization. I thought I was too busy to keep up with it. Alas, that’s not the right way to go.

So, I’ve been figuring and figuring. PLUS, the government was nice enough to deposit a small return to my bank which allowed a few purchases. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy shopping on the Internet? Hehe

The first thing I got was a new program. It’s still in the mail, but at least now on its way. The program is called, "Taming the Paper Tiger." It has to do with using your computer and files together. You got it ... a new SYSTEM!!!! Can’t tell you how much we LOVE new systems! A couple of weeks back, we’d already started to prepare. We’d watched all the training videos of how this program worked, so we’d reordered our main file drawer on the left side of my desk. We still need to get rid of the dead files in the credenaza/computer desk AND I’ve got ineffective records on the right side of the desk. But, the point is we started.

We got a stack of hanging files and numbered them one through 31. Then for the time being, I set up my laptop on my writing desk and noted the papers that were going in these files. So, it’s like having a chart of accounts. This is an action file. Only things going here were things that were still open and in need of processing. With this technique it allowed me to get rid of all that odd paperwork that was on my desk and incomplete. I also moved around the things on my desk so the laptop was directly in front of me and could be pulled forward or back AND I put the calculator to the right which freed up some desk space. I also have on this desk a candy dish of loose pop change, a little owl statue, a desk light, a picture, and my 3x5 cards. That’s it. It’s a nice size desk and holds all of these well.

On the 3x5 cards, I’ve set them up so there is a marker card for each day of the week and one card for things more than a week away. At the top left of the card in a box, I write the category the card falls such as clients, administrative, annual meeting, whatever. Then I write date and time. Then if there is any corresponding paperwork, I right in the top right corner the action file number that goes with it. Then I write a title under the subject, such as a client’s name, or for example a computer subject could be titled, "Paper Tiger." Then, I write a summary of the individual task and its steps, or other detailed information. A lot of cards require extra notes or responses which we write on the back of the card in the process of processing. It becomes a great hard copy of single tasks from start to finish.

The task could come from anywhere. Sometimes it’s the boss, a client or a staff. Sometimes it comes through the mail, our regular routine tasks, or a personal observation. Wherever. Then the cards are sorted according to day I think I can process them. Inevitably things change, new duties are added, tasks are completed, or put off due to more time needed. But, the system is very flexible. I’m learning to pick up a new blank card any time something new is presented.

Now this next week, we’ll refine the new system even more. We ordered (and it came in last night) a long 14" file box for the completed 3x5 cards. We also ordered a new sorter file that includes numbers 1-31 and the month’s of a year. Plus there are some colored tabs. The sorter is going to be the new way of sorting the day to day cards with tasks written on them. It won’t be such a clutter to my desk because I’ll keep it in the upper left hand desk drawer and I’ll be able to better plan out into the future with it. The box will sit next to the wall behind the calculator. I write completed on the cards with a highlighter marker along with the date, which gives me a great sense of pleasure. The cards will be filed behind tabbed cards with the different category names. Yes, this is how my mind processes! *Silly grin*

I have in mind from other attempts at order the proper categories which go with all my job functions. Plus each of the clients will have there own tabbed section. As well, part of the processing of a card made on a client is that on the big computer we keep what is called, QMRP chrononotes. This is a summary of all the major changes orinteractions with the clients. This will eventually make it to the client’s file and will be discussed while writing the monthly Qnotes.

Now comes a fine point of distinction. Back to the laptop. I have a really fine, fine "organizer" already on both my computers and I can transfer info to one computer and get it to the next. But, pretty much I use the organizer on the laptop or at least that is the screen left up on it the most.

The organizer allows me several different avenues of action.  One of the most important is this camilian calendar which switches 7-8 different views including two page planner, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and yearly views.  I use many of them, but usually start off with two page planner.  On one side you schedule hours in a day.  On the other side appears your to-do list, projects, outgoing phone calls, and a little notepad.  Pretty damn cool.  There are a lot of card to-do things, but for the bigger projects it will be important to schedule them for 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours a day.  Hmm, the organizer has a planner too.  For up to 15 categories you can schedule in 4 major projects a day ... Have to give that more thought.  It's going to be really important that whatever is written and then filed on those cards (beside client data) is that I don't have to write anything twice.  Hmm, as long as we have the planner for projects, maybe we could use the two-page deal to include a loose list of what ACTUALLY happens during the day.  Sometimes that's a big difference than what was planned.  Thinking that sounds pretty good.  Because it would allow us to analyze how things are actually going.  Like if one day a DSP shows up 5 times.  That's the kind of thing you want to discourage!

Lordy only knows how I ended up with two computers. Hehehe. Think it started out when my big one was down. I took one of the extras. We’d ordered 11 laptops through a grant at the same time I got my big one. Six eventually went to staff and the remaining four are being used by a set of 8 clients. Bingo! Two computers for Mwa! Since nobody complained, we thought just ... well, marvelous!

Most of the writing and Internet usage or anything permanent like projects and such I do is on the big computer, but it is very convenient to have on my main desk something to take notes with in general or from the phone or people walking in. It also keeps my phone numbers. We’re going to go back to using the organizer more fully, and the laptop will also host the Paper Tiger software for my new filing system. It is very nice to be able to use it without having to turn around and skirt the five feet back to the other desk (credenza with tall back cabinet).

Anyway back to the new system ... The paper tiger ... now that’s where the beauty lies. Basically, one of the reasons I got the colored tabs was that the product people say that anything that can be numbered can be added easily to the program. The filing system boasts that its not about putting things away as much as retrieving information as necessary. This is going to be a wonderful, wonderful thing. Especially, due to our poor memory.

I’ve worked with client files for a long time and that system is all good. Basically, each client has a hard one inch plastic hanger file and they sit beautifully in a very assessable two drawer lateral file between the two desks. As an aside, on top of the lateral file is a "kick-ass" printer and my hole puncher and on the credenza alongside the computer is this nifty scanner. This for us middle of the world management people is a dream come true.

It is not big office, but one that is very, very accommodating of a good work flow and aesthetics. Nice view outside, pictures and a few plants. About the only other thing in it is the coat rack, two guest chairs, a long window ledge of books, and a garbage can. I think I’m going to make a play for getting the paper shredder back in our office. Think it was taken out when it was still flooding, but its not getting properly used cuz its now too far away. Hmm good idea.

Ooh Ooh!!! I just used one of my next play items that also came with the UPS guy last night. I bought a little Phillips pocket recorder called Memo 381. With that I bought a dozen ½ hour tapes. The idea is to record my thoughts away from the office that can be used for the office. This way while at home, driving, or at the doctor’s office, or any place in general, if I have an idea ... we can, then later recall it back at the office where it’ll be more productive! I guess you could say that this is my 3x5" cards while I’m on the move. YAYYYY! Life’s so fun!

Wish there was someway I could carry it around easily without my coat on so I could take notes when I’m out of the office getting tasks from the Administrator or staff. Hmm, have to think on that some.

Anyway, back to the Paper Tiger software ... There are quite a few screens I haven’t seen, but the main deal is an open screen with tabs across the top. Each tab represents a location with items. Items can be files, folders, magazines, books, archived storage, whatever. The key is that any one of these locations can hold things that are numbered.

Each item is then recorded with information such as, it’s title, it’s due date if any, and key words that you may later associate with it. Like one set of key words could be "client, the name of the client, Annual report, incomplete, due date 2-20-05, The thing that makes this program soooo much fun is that you can enter any one of these key words and the information and its location will automatically present itself through the find feature.

It can also list reports of things such as all the items in one location, or all the items pulled up with a keyword. You can also have anyone including a peer, the boss, a secretary, or a new person taking over the office a very easy key to finding absolutely anything. But, let’s say that I keep this job for the next 20 years. If they would allow me, believe me I would do this. I have that great of a job and office. 20 years give me a lot of time to be filing!

I know, I know ... what fun is that??? Man-o-man ... It is like having everything you hold in written resource available to you as easily as it is to owning your own personal Internet!!! Eventually, the system would hold all 80 feet of the books I own! So, even if I become daffier, I will still access the knowledge that surrounds me in reading material. I’ve always wanted to catalogue, but this is that and so much more. She laughs maniacally!

One reason a person would do such a thing is because they were darn right crazy ... but there are other reasons too? I get frustrated at not being able to recall important resources when there is so much information around me. Some of my books go back generally over 30 years. Some of the information is outdated, but I like to think that more of it was what led people to new conclusions.

For example, I might have a book on group dynamics that was very good 25 years ago. It is still going to have key elements that are applicable today, or at least give me the vocabulary to update myself via the real Internet. Right now, I can’t recall what was in it. But, I could list key words from the chapter or first paragraphs of each chapter, so that now I’d be able to enter key word, "play therapy." and I wouldn’t have to look through every book to find it.

Might be a real nice asset if I were to be writing a report on one of the lower levels of clients who are processing at this level. Or, if I were presenting at a staff training meeting why I might choose to interact with a client in one way or another. I can’t tell you enough of how much I like to write and think and discuss. Sure, sure come in handy. I want to be able to provide information that is usable to them.

I’ve been working and working at trying to think through how to build a bridge between my knowledge or potential knowledge and the DSP’s. We’re talking of a group of people who have barely finished high school. It seems that half of the staff, I’ve got 8, can hardly write. But, if I knew the material well enough, I would be able to condense and make things simple. As well, my interactions with the clients.

With the responsibilities of CARF where they were always looking for new modes of excellence in the field, I might someday contribute quite a lot. I was very encouraged the last accreditation where my series of Business reports received special merit. Those reports were good because of all the information they included about actual Center practices. To now throw in a little knowledge!?? Wow!!!

Oh yeah ... something I’d forgotten. We got in the mail this week an invitation to a series of meetings down at Springfield (Illinois Capitol). The meetings would take place for one week each over the next three years. After attending the meetings, you would carry the extra title of being a community programmer. This would be a very big deal in that it is a very strong element of what all CARF is about. Getting people with developmental disabilities out working with or in the community. It would fit nicely with the grass roots effort I’ve been involved with the past on the citie’s south side network. They look for projects to support which would give me the ability to do something for a greater good. Pretty neat, hmm?

Hmm, I just recorded into memo an idea for future thought. Wouldn’t it be great if we used the client and their laptops which could be networked into the same paper tiger system keywords for developmental disabilities. What a nice contribution to the community. Hmm, have to think of it thought next to the speed I could do the same as we’ve been discussing. Hmm, just a thought.

Not sure where we are now. Felt a little megalomania like for a second.

Ok, Ok ... there is one more big subject that I’d like to discuss that is included of this new world order we are trying to invent for ourselves. See the last projects are very important because I want to be a productive person in society and this concept of order fits into personal broad lifelong goals. It’s what career thinking is all about.

Hmm, another aside ... we, came across this again this week. It is our personal mission statement we made a few years back. Still feels pretty good.

"I will respect myself by being honest with my thoughts and feelings.  I will love myself, my God, my family, my friends, and people I meet along my path.  I will honor my freedom and independence and cherish my right to make choices.  I will strive to be capable.  I will be responsible for happiness, and I will share whatever wisdom I learn in offering help to others."

You see ... this is what feels most important to me. And, all our thoughts now are saying Yeah! Go for it!

Well, you see the last part of our thoughts this week went to another system. We joined a club. It’s called the "Taylor Time Club." I don’t see it any differently as our membership in another professional organization, "AAMR". The club is headed by Harold Taylor who is an "Effective Time Management" Consultant. In the last 25 years, he has written 15 books and about 50 other projects sold in 38 countries. WooHoo! He’s like a Hall of Fame guy in Canada as far as author’s go and in his industry he’s at the top, or at least has made a site on the Internet that is supposed to carry the most information on time management there is. We saw a presentation where he was talking before 1,500 business people ... we figure that’s good enough to make us listen.

You get some special deals with being a member (at cost - Thank you Uncle Sam). It includes 200 articles, audios, 6 books, booklets, courses, manuals, guides, reports, tips, newsletter, video, and training instruments. I’m just floored with how productive this guy really is. So for awhile, we are going to allow ourselves to be under his guroship! We were referred to him through the Paper Tiger presentations. For all simple purposes, he shall now be called, "Harold."

This is kinda like, really, a pretty big deal. We’d like to think of it as a major life marker development. As in our mission statement we are going to strive to be capable. You see ... there is absolutely nothing standing in our way. We’ve got conducive values, job, family, friends, etc. and no one is holding us back! Beside the two kitties I’m under no personal obligation to be taking care of anything, except what’s running in my mind at the moment. Why not make it spectacular!??

LOL as one last aside ... I think Harold meet FlyLady, Flylady, Harold. Let's go make babies!!!

Be nice now V. I'm not REALLY overworking this, *innocent look*

Back again! Sorry, we’ve been so fickle with our writing. Pretty much figurin not much to say that hasn’t been heard before, but this dismisses the fact we love to write and am planning to write a very long entry. Maybe after Tuesday’s State meeting, we’ll get back to our "story," but for now SUPERBOWL 39! Yayyyyy Eagles! Been in Jacksonville all morning with the Reporters of ESPN. I will probably be so ecstatic by the time the game’s on we’ll fall asleep.

Wanted to say a word of appreciation that although we haven’t been writing, the people we still read are out there writing. Very pleasurable to sit down and catch up on where everyone is at. And, Barb ... if you read this entry ... Megan should call the police! There, I feel my conscious has been cleared!

We had a bad work week the latter part of this week. But, for a half good reason toward personal inroads. Macadam and his wife made an offer on a house and it was accepted. This happened on Wednesday and my mind’s been going ever since. He’s selling his condo which is more our price range than the place he is getting. Well at least, close to our price range. Still a real expensive thought. His new place closes on March 4th, and we’re trying to arrange some (pre-approval) financing before anyone beats us to the deal. If they do it will be fair. We’re offering $5,000 less. It’s necessary for us especially because the cost of their condo association is so high, but if he gets a better deal, he really might have to take it. He still has to be concerned on money needed to put down on his new place. It’s one of those things where it will either happen or not. Gives us a chance in the meantime to flex our abilities on some higher-minded number crunching.

Trying not to look too far forward, but we’ve gone through a process this week of querying, "Is this really what we want? How would it work? Can we do this?" No one can really make this choice, but us. By this time, it feels like more an opportunity than not, but things are happening to allow us to slow down and think it out.

I feel good in that our supportive circle of friends and family are positively strong. The people we talk to and trust are encouraging with the thoughts of going for it. And, it provoked us to get our taxes done early. No loss there, even though it meant we only came up with a $400 tax "bonus," but that’s about half a mover’s cost. Just can worry about one thing at a time. It turns out there are loans out there for people like me who have had credit problems in the past where we can purchase houses for no money down or for not having closing costs. This is kind of a scary thought all by itself. I do have other things going for me ... like an income and no credit card debt. Biggest financial decision having to be made is that I’d have to give up smokes to maintain the "extra" spending I like. By extra we’re talking enough to keep ourselves slightly in the black by about a hundred or two and taking ourselves out to dinner once a week. LOL - vacations? What the h*** is that! Better our mainstay is good.

I would be more concerned, but it seems that no matter what, we’ve been making it on our own this way for the last 11 years. No reason to think we won’t continue.

The act of owning a house is something we went through in our journal back in November as far as planning for our future. But, at that time I’d convinced myself there wasn’t available housing that could be bought in our price range. On Thursday, we were approved for a loan, but the company is costing us out at a higher rate than normal, because of a debt we’ve been paying for on an overpayment from the government. We’re restricting ourselves. What they offer financially should not be an option to us. It’s TOO much. Think the company is looking more at their bottom line than our own self interest. From what I understand, this other mortgage lender isn’t viewing it the same way. We’ll have to see. We have to finish gathering some papers before going back to work tomorrow and that will go to the underwriters. After that, we’ll learn their "deal." This second lender has asked for more things, but have been fairer and more humanistic with them, where the other company asked for few things, but were tougher and stingier. *Sigh* It’ll either happen or it won’t. It’s a game of wait and see. I’d like to have been the gamers that had coined the board game name of "Risk."

Now we are in an apartment that rents out pretty high. We made decisions before of living at a certain quality of life that included a second bedroom and balcony, plus some nice furnishings. The condo would offer us the same. It’s more economical doing a condo that includes some major maintenance costs than purchasing a single home with our lame back. The balcony looks over this nice green expanse of land and its been noticed that it would lead our kitties to a "goose" show. I look out at our wonderful bistro table and chairs and think, "Yes, I could retire with these images." We’ve decided we would get the necessary confluence that we needed to improve our lifestyle.

The condo is six miles further out from work and toward city traffic, I’ll have to make adjustments, but the new place would be right down the road from the expressway I need to take, so we figure that’s ok. Big thing is that we’d own our own place and be putting money into our future. We’d have to take out a 30 year loan and that is bothersome in that in 20 years I’ll want to retire and will have to worry about household income and payments. But, the way Bush is messin around we’re all going to worry in 20 years. I figure there will be at least two options. I will either rent out the other bed room eventually, or we’ll look at one of those backward loans where older people sell back their profits for a current income. I would have had worse troubles with this in an apartment, because there is no potential savings. The best case scenario would be that I have a little something to pass down to kids.

The condo is also a little bit smaller than the apartment I’m now in. But, given the conditions of my disabilities - especially ability to clean and move around, maybe smaller is better. AND, it is just slight. I’ve figured out the only thing I may have to let go of is the extra set of bedroom dresser and desk. I would make that choice if I couldn’t fit in the second (computer) table in the second bedroom. I’m thinking that might be necessary considering I’m going to want to keep a full bed in the 2nd room. I get some relieve in moving from third floor down to second. Still thinking we need tall enough so that we can allow balcony door open for kitties without fear of them getting loose. Anyone know if a kitty will jump down from 2nd floor? If lured by live meandering geese on the lawn? They sure do love to bird-watch!

Couch was one of the first major considerations. But, it turns out the living room is 17x12 and the L-shaped couch is 12x8. Gives us, of course, 5 ft on one wall and 4 on the other. This is good, because we didn’t want the living room sticking out in the hallway, or having to jump over the couch to get into the living room. :) I LOVE the couch!

I also really love the way my apartment works out now. If you’d been around the last half year, you would know that we redecorated our place. I’ve got furniture, drapes, pictures, shelves and such all where I would ideally want them. But, then I figure as long as everything fit ... the good part, all this stuff, will look beautiful no matter what the order we put them. Drapes of course will go from one set of balcony doors to the other. Might shoot ourselves if we had to give them up. I love them! Also figure that the spare living room and dining room will hold the six sets of bookshelves.

Hmm, just thinking I could keep the 2nd bedroom furniture AND tables if the deal falls though on the walking equipment. Not sure how that work out. Tanner is offering this exercise equipment if we can get it out of the house and put it together again. He moved into a smaller place this last month and couldn’t take it all with him. Macadam has volunteered to help which I appreciate tremendously. He said it is a $2,700 machine and it would be wasteful to lose it. Believe me, I could really use it. If I keep this place, its going to end up in our living room in front of the sliding glass doors and if we got the new place it would end up in the master bedroom. Fortunately it’s a nice room, 17x11. Shoot, sure hope Macadam gets to talk to his brother this weekend about the car loan documents that I will need. It’s a leftover from having co-signed a car loan with him.

There are some other advantages too. Bath has just been done and the fridge and oven are new. Chances are we’d be left the dishwasher too. That be a Yahoo! I’m pretty sure I saw a built-in at Macadam’s new place. The place was painted not too long ago, but Macadam said he would help fix up a few things with us. That be real nice. I’d still have to worry about new floors or carpet, but what’s there is definitely liveable. Think I might have to be more economical in the kitchen. Less cupboard/counter room. But, I wouldn’t use much of the front hall closet across from the kitchen. Could add a little pantry with some shelving. Lord knows, we don’t use too much storage space with our food. Same with the double closet in the bedroom. We really have few clothes and shoes. Hmm, it be our own place. Wonder if we could put in a washer dryer? Hmm better ask Macadam.

There is another thought that we’ve been having. The last apartment we lived in Minnesota was smaller. The condo is bigger than that, but there was a feeling in that apartment of being very economical in movement. There wasn’t any extra clutter ... the lines were clean and simple. There was a place for everything. Not much more than that, but we were happy. Content with what was our life. There is one last side issue too with the news place, in that when our granddaughter would come to stay over, she’d find herself back in her old room. Like to give her that security. Hmm, maybe we’ll have to borrow some toys though. Oh yeah, we’ve got our computer! Smart kid!!

*Sigh* But, then it might not work out. I’d have to look at it as no pain, no gain. Would kick myself later if I’d neglected to check things out. Hope, hope, hope for the best!

In other news, things are pretty much the same, except the major deadline is now upon us. Tuesday to be exact. I really need to put in some time today on the project, but am still fighting it. Been trying to work through mind crinkles on the project. Basically, I need to have four good files ready for the inspector’s to look at. I chose my four files (the one’s that looked the best), but I still have some Qnotes to finish up on them. Just now, I’m not sure I like the Qnotes for one of the women. I’d realized late Friday that the DSP really messed them up. She did not write goals for the last 5 months on one of the goals. I had 12 files that are also doable, but weren’t as perfect as the first set of files. It depends, in that they are clear for the inspection, but close to expiration. By that I mean physicals would be ok on the 8th, but by the 11th, they’d be expired. Not sure if that won’t mess us up. Probably won’t, but didn’t want to take the original risk. *Sigh* On the good side, a couple of those files belong to people who have already had most the Qnote complete. Wouldn’t be as much a crunch on Monday if I changed over.

There is no way to escape the fact that once yearly inspection date is the worst day of the year. Feels like raw nerves. It wouldn’t have to be that way, but sister’s expectations are high. She’s not settled with 97%. She wants 100%. I’m already riding a rail, in that I know I didn’t do the goal work as the state might like. I did it as our DSPs could handle it, and at that, some of the DSPs AREN’T handling it yet. Part of the nerviness is that we’ve had to hide them from inspector’s view.

Sister’s added also a little more pressure on the game. It again has to do with DSP’s. There are five regular DSP’s and two assistants. Four out of the Five DSPs are disgruntled (near quitting or have already put in notice) and they are sharing bad attitudes with the new assistants. Sister is threatening to take away the assistants that the DSPs aren’t appreciating which believe me ... isn’t going to help resolve the situation.

Because Sister was mad at me for so much of the second half of last year, she allowed me minimum contact with the DSPs, even though I was the DSP Trainer. There has been practically no contact with the new people (Assistants). Sister’s view at the time was that she didn’t want me, "messing" with them and that HER DSPs could train their own help. She stated she didn’t want me talking with them, AND she stated she didn’t want me giving anybody anything in writing without her approval. She also built up "us against her" scenario. By that I mean, she developed relationships with DSPs to speak against me anytime they felt a whim or I pressured them, because she was looking for ammunition against to feed her anger at my perfectionism and desires to be a person of personal and professional worth.

We apparently have been in a joint power struggle. She asked them for the proof she wanted to discredit me and they got used to not making the DSPs deal with anything that was uncomfortable. Left to their own, they developed negative ideas like hers and complained the work was too hard, the client’s too impossible, and the paid hours not enough. They complained even though they got extra help. But, by now that has come back to bite her. But, she’s not allowing that. Without losing a beat, she is now blaming her mess on me. She says, "You’re the trainer, this is your problem. She says, "Get in there and fix it! I shouldn’t have to do everything!" ARGHHHHH!

Most the time, I took the advise of the consultant. He said just to continue doing good work. Nose to the grindstone thinking. I wasn’t perfect, but I know I’m as close as she got as to what should be happening. I still have problems protesting the workload in that when I get overwhelmed emotionally, I slow down to care for my bruised feelings, so then only the minimal gets accomplished. This is no good. I lack this amount of professionalism. I feel less than good too, in that ... part of my job is to cover the center’s shortages. She allows the DSPs to continue not completing their work which I then cover. And, she tried to make up for that by cutting my staff training sessions so that DSPs had more time to complete their work. DSPs took advantage of that and spent time wasted on mostly griping to one another. And, in the meantime, I had to now cover for all the training sessions that weren’t happening.

So, that pretty much brings us up today. I think the way the winds blown now, Sister and us find ourselves having to rely on one another more with not much trust between us. During this last couple of weeks, there have been some compromises. She’s been stopping by at my office to "talk things out." Which means we start resolving the problems she complains about. She still wants to have all the right opinions, but she is allowing for us to give input into the unstructured situation the center is now in. I wouldn’t dare tell her that she’s made mistakes, but that is fine ... she’s still the boss and I don’t have to go there. I can respect her position. I’m not sure yet, if after we get past this next couple of days, I won’t again find myself in the Administrative Dog House. Seems she keeps it rented out to somebody or another. We’ve taken on our share which has made the others staff happy, but things can’t go on as they were, or NOTHING will get done.

That’s the point ... how do we fix things ... with or without help. Fortunately, one of the factors in our favor was that I figured out before the pressure was on literally, that certain tasks were needed to be completed. I put my client files in order and wrote a staff training manual. I also developed an order that made it more difficult for us to forget the little things we were dropping due to our poor memory. Think this is self-sabotage as was not completing Qnotes over our available time during the Christmas vacation. We were at a "f***it point" ... me first thinking. If somebody is going to hurt me, damn, I’ll do it myself before giving other the satisfaction. Horrible business attitude. The kind we were trying to fight against with the others.

We were a little more hard pressed to hand over our accomplishment with the staff training manual (self-satisfaction - opposed to agencies), but one day I figured I would have to anti-up. It was a bad day where three different DSPs had come to me complaining. Each offered me information on how Sister had downed me with them in exchange for help figuring out their personal dilemmas with her. I know, I know ... this is really kind of sh**** display of thoughts. I’m not sure if this is how all business’ work, but it happens at our job and more importantly with me. Work has to be accomplished while personalities and egos clash. It’s the entity of the Center that we all NEED to direct our attention, because if we don’t do that ... we’ll have no forum for our idiosyncracies. This becomes our own SUPERBOWL come Tuesday. Need to be pulling our stuff together ... hence all the sudden writing. Need to work through it. Sure think we’d like the security of holding a job, especially if we were to get a new place!

Shoot, sure am writing a lot ... I hope that’s ok. Still got some more work to do. I figure that if we’re not part of the solution, we’re part of the problem. So, thus saying ... we’ve got to figure out how to get us, staff and Administrator back on track. Hmm, is that my job? One thing I’m pretty sure of ... everyone is going to want control over their own part. Think that’s one of the places I lost it with the Sister. She wrote on my last job evaluation that she couldn’t keep up with me, so I was supposed to stop moving forward. She actually stated, "do not think of anything new." I was giving her too many things to do, look over, or decide. Although, she went on to say my ideas were excellent, she stated she couldn’t keep up with all the things I was putting on her desk. Probably, because when I was real mad I would work very hard. Sometimes because I thought the work was necessary, but also sometimes to intimidate her. It was my way of saying, "Back-off!" I couldn’t tolerate she was restricting me to be less so she wouldn’t have to deal with me. Like paying me a huge bonus rather than saying thank you and sharing a meal. She micro-manages rather than allow people to think and confront her ideas. We acted out like an angry scorpion. There are no boundaries. She intrudes on each step or each role that she says we’re responsible for. Each becomes responsible, but with no authority.

The natural outcome of all that should be to develop then more depth on tasks already out there, like doing the dumb Qnotes. I know, I know they’re not dumb. But, they are like all the documents. She has no value in them, except she knows they have to be done for State or CARF. I knew this was a fascade. I resent working for no more than face value. I want my work to mean something. The difference was that she wanted me to do more with staff training, CARF accreditation, and client services without bothering her or the other staff with it. She asked for no change, but to look excellent in the eyes of the State and CARF. Everything I was doing was on paper and what is valued out in the community, but no follow-through in reality. Hell of job to have staff training when you aren’t allowed to talk with staff. Like making sweet lemonade out of no lemons. She wasn’t willing to share the power she wields in the making of corrections or balancing compromises. We knew her power to be unwieldy. With not only us, but the staff her decisions and control change with the wind to whatever her immediate thought is to maintain her concept of always being right. Staff is gun shy because of her unpredictability. For example, it doesn’t always pay off to question or try hard, because eventually whatever you do is going to make her angry and bitter. And, you can darn well bet, you’ll be yelled at or have privileges removed. People have trouble respecting their work, when they aren’t being respected.

For us, there was more to it. I figure we are working for a 78 year old nun who has already told us that it comes straight from Italy, that after she leaves there are no guarantees that the center will remain open because there are not enough nuns to go around. My only way of dealing with this was to do real work so that I’ll learn from my time put in. I want something to sell to whomever might get me next. I want to do things the right way because it is the right thing to do and doing this promotes positive change and real help to clients and world. I don’t want to get to the next company and say, "I am an excellent cheater. I know nothing of real work or connections, but I can bend all sorts of rules and work tight deadlines, can I help you out!"

Shoot, shoot ... still angry.

Be nice. Vince is going to have a heart attack reading all these negative thoughts. My psychiatrist is going to say, but you already knew your boss is cranky, and although intelligent, is an ineffective leader. And, the people who should read this, being my boss or friend/consultant aren’t going to get close to reading "my" truths, because they’re trying to hold on tightly to their own.

So, knowing all this ... what am I going to do? Bottom line is that I’m still going to have to do something or I’ll go nutty.

Coming Soon

Press Picture for Tour of PA and GroundHog Adventure!