Not So Sure Anymore

Figurin we have to be moving early today.  We're going to look at another place of Clear Sky's.  She's trying to convince to move in to her house.  It's a two flat and the upper unit has just become available.  Not sure. 

On the plus side, it would be only 5 minutes from work, it has three bedrooms, I'd be living near a friend, it would be less money, I wouldn't have to worry Tanner about being an expense to him.  On the negative side, I would have to park on a busy, big city street, I would lose some of my privacy, I'm not sure about what it would mean to break a lease, it wouldn't be the same as home ownership.

I figure in some ways, this move would be one more of self-sacrifice.  We feel secure where we're living now, though it is costly.  We're thinking that the only way to really know is to take a look at the place and see how we feel about it. 

Otherwise, we are doin fine.  The bills went out yesterday and we made a couple of calls that we'd been having troubles with.  We needed to get our user name and passwords for both the on-line bank account and our on-line grocery store.  In both instances, we'd forgotten what we're supposed to be able to remember.  Hopefully, we can do some ordering of things we need. 

I think our memory is playin a big part of our concerns over where we are living.  I think we're too young to have Alzheimer's, but this is worrying us quite a bit.  44 is too young, right?  Our favorite grandmother developed it, but not sure how old she was.  

I'd taken comfort only in that, toward the end when she couldn't remember her son, she seemed to sense us.  She asked, "Now who is this pretty young girl?"  I believe it was this grandmother who taught us love, patience, and kindness. 

Maybe it is time to ask Dr. M. more directly, if there isn't to go to have our memory checked.  Do normal doctor's do this?  I'm very happy to say that I can still think pretty well, just am terribly worried about not being able to remember where we put the car, or what we're doing at work.  I can think through CARF, but can't remember simple things like how many business reports out of 11 that we've written.  Keep having to check the source.

Hmm, Need to Be Serious Here For a Few Moments (Part 1 of 2)

We have to give up reading entry's for one day, until we can be taking care of ourselves first.  We're supposed to use the timer, so we remember to stop writing and finish paying the bills.  This is a new, "Kate rule" posted on the bulletin board.

Did we ever talk about "our room?"  For as long as we remember, we've always been able to create better places to be.  Anniemi had her own school room for Casey and KC, Sarah's got a whole castle, and, Lissa has created a music conservatory.  The Kasies themselves did a lot of early imaginative work with Barbie dolls and stuffed animals, though I think, they'd rather be visiting.  Sometimes they get the younger parts to play in the nursery.

Anyway, it wasn't too hard to come up with a meeting place idea that would work for us at an older age.  With the help of Dr. W., there came to be a "conference room."  There is a large black board/white board/cork board combination along the whole east wall.  The north wall has a large 6 foot credenza and hutch for the computer, and that has two matching 2' wide tall triangular bookshelves along either side.  Next to that there is a tall wooden four-drawer horizontal file.  Along the south wall there is a video conference set up. 

There is a mahogany table with 7 cushy wood framed burgandy upholstered chairs on each side of the 18 x 5 foot table and there is armed chairs at each end.  The room opens on the west side to a wonderful seating area.

The seating area is more comfortable than formal.  It is between the table and the west wall fireplace.  The back of the long couch parallels the conference table.  Directly back of the couch is a long, low toybox.  There is also a smaller couch, two cushy wing chairs, and a rocker.  The seating area furniture matches the conference room.  But the burgandy is mixed in a floral pattern with deep olive greens and browns. 

There's additional "private" seating along the north wall with small U-shaped arrangement of loveseat, two more wing chairs, a couple of small tables and two small lamps.

Hmm, Need to Be Serious Here For a Few Moments (Part 2 of 2)

Between the two couches (shaped like an L) and between the two wing chairs (across the big couch) there are low tables with lamps.  Another low table and a good reading lamp sit next to the rocker which is on the south side of the room across from the small couch and in front of the double windows.  There is also a large square coffee table in the center. There are lot's of leafy things growing and scattered around the room and candles.  We're hoping to bring in a recliner pretty soon.  There is a high chair, two infant swings, and a couple of bean bag chairs.  NO playpens! 

The floor is an old wood, but there is a fancy inlaid wood border near the walls and entrance ways.  It has seven different kinds of wood!  There is a very large and colorful oriental rug in the center of the seating area and another huge rug underneath the conference table area.  The ceiling on both sides of the room is an old fashioned tin ceiling which has a white lacy bridal pattern.  There is a large chandelier and two smaller chandeliers over the conference table and one large chandelier over the coffee table.

The walls are painted a dark olive green under the chair rail and a rich colored floral wall paper floats above it.  The background is brown.  There are not enough pictures, but over the fireplace centered between the mantel, columns, and top piece is a magnificent oval beveled mirror.  There is large double windows covered with cream colored drapes near both the south end of the conference room and the seating area.  When the drapes are pulled back by the cream colored bell cords, you can notice the lace sheers. 

There is a balcony door that leads out over the front door.  The balcony is surrounded on three sides by tall black wrought iron rails and it is fully furnished with black wrought iron outdoor furniture, more green leafy things and flowers. The Balcony is for cooling down tempers, relaxing at both ends of the day, and for the smokers. 

Shoot!  I know, I know ... I'm being told bills!  I'll tell you about the kitchen later!  Shoot, almost forgot, on the floor by the head chair (south side) there is a buzzer.  This is how Kate summons for the hired help!

Dr. M.?

Our sleeping was badly handled.  We forgot the medicine and had fallen asleep about 7 pm., woke up at 10:30 pm, and stayed up ‘til 3 am, then slept again until about 6 am.  We’ve had a lot on our mind. 
 
We figure we should talk about the personal response we had toward the multiple reading and summary we wrote.   
 
It’ll be much easier to talk about the excitement with the boys.  We also advanced the house buying issue.  Macadam says we should wait to talk to Tanner about it until after we find how he is doing past the end of the year.  So, we’re resolved! 
 
We’re somewhat worried about our spending.  About 2 am, we were at Amazon buying our digital camera and accessories.  There was also unfounded joy in having made the decision.  Our ex-mother-in-law and ex-husband had brain washed us to thinking, throughout the boys’ childhood, that it would be a waste of money to get a camera, because she had a very good camera and would take “the better family pictures.” 
 
I can’t say enough thanks to Steven for getting us past this dilemma.  It has been his joy in taking pictures that got us over the hump.  Our memory isn’t turning out well enough to compensate.  We’re now grieving for the loss of so many opportunities missed.  But we’re thinking the FlyLady would tell us, “You’re never behind, just jump in where you are at!” 
 
We’ll have to go over the bill paying too.  We’ve advanced, in that, we entered the bills in our new financial journals and wrote out the checks.  But, we were at work and didn’t have the actual bills and account numbers with us.  This is not so good in that we couldn’t tolerate looking at the project over the weekend.
 
Then, of course, there’s work pressure.  There will be a staffing immediately after we get to work.  Sr. Tess cancelled the Thinking Group this week, due to CARF time constraints.  *Sigh* it’ll be ok?

Responce to Reading #2 - Multiplicity

Our body was 25 years old when we recognized that we needed help dealing with our issues, but it wasn’t until we were 31 that we became aware of the multiplicity.  Our disassociation included the normal periods of amnesia, not remembering our behaviors, and messing up with general “reality.” 
 
The mom in us caught our self(ves) in the act of being abusive toward our incredible four year old son, Macadam. We had picked him up and were shaking him.  We were shocked and horrified.  We thought we’d gone crazy, in that, we were imitating our mother’s which we had vowed never, never to do.  We then opened the phone book and sought “emergency” counseling. 
 
We were overwhelmed with depression, anxiety, and feelings of terror, helplessness, and rage.  A year later we discussed with the therapist the possibility of having been sexually abused by our grandfather.  We were more aware of the parent’s physical and psychological abuse.
 
We had felt safer after high school.  We went away to college.  We were avid readers and fitted our selves to psychology and human development.  We were trying to figure things out.  We also found great satisfaction that year with being out in the wonder of nature.  The campus was located on a beautiful bluff.
 
Before college, countless hours were spent away with friends or up at the school.  Directly with family, we hid behind the closed door and confinement of our bedroom.  We were terrified of upsetting people, though outwardly we were rebellious, defiant, and forgetful.  At school, we were at the top of our class and active in studies, business, athletics, music, and scouts.
 
My last semester of high school my grandfather died, my mother fell for a stranger, and my father was hospitalized for suicidal ideation.  Then, my mother moved out and they were divorced.  My tormenting brother had already left for college, so we stayed with my narcisstic younger sister and the “family’s house.”  My father was away driving truck four days a week.
 
The breakdown was a husband and three babies later.  We've never stopped therapy since then.  Our body is now 44.

Et Al's Journal of Psychological Research

 

The Most "Funnest" Day

Oh Man!  We just had the BEST time yesterday!  Macadam had gone to the Bulls game the night before with friends, but about 11 am the next day, he picked us up for Jacob's football game.  We'd never been, although this was his second year.  Before we hadn't been able to walk to the stadium seats because of the weight and arthritis.  This time we were able and were with Macadam before, during, and after the game and he was stupendous! 

Jacob gets free tickets and because of our physical disability, we had the luxury of sitting on the 40 yard line, first row off the field.  Eight feet in back of us was the marching band, and more directly the drums.  We were pulsating with their beat.  The weather was fall sensational!  There were a bevy of football things happening on the field, not sure of all what happened, but Jacob's team won 48-23.  Macadam said they now have an 8-1 record. 

Most of our time, we kept our eye on Jacob and one of his best friends, Aldon.  They were sooo wonderful!  There were 8 other male cheerleaders and 20 females.  They never stopped moving.  The announcer guy said there were 24,126 people in the stands, but that didn't seem to phase him a bit! 

With ease Jacob and Aldon did backflips and cartwheels, put pretty girls in the air, and yelled into nifty-neato tall black megaphones!  After touchdowns, three of the cheerleaders would get the featured and adoptable huskies (school mascot) and run them around the field.  There was one time during the introductions where the cheerleaders circled the team and they were running so fast that Macadam had to point out that Jacob was carrying the lead flag!

There was so much vibrancy, our mind is still a flurry!  Couldn't begin to explain pride!  Jacob and Aldon had found us early before the game started.  Once Jacob came directly to us to reach up and high-five Macadam, then when the cheerleaders were throwing free things in the stands, Jacob and Aldan made sure we were tossed a frisbee and small football. 

After the game, Macadam helped us treat Jacob and Aldon to dinner at Bennigan's and we were joined by Macadam's wife, Lee and daughter, Abby (pretty soon 3).  In all, we were terrifically and sizematically sensory whelmed!  Could we redefine the word, "alive?!"

$50.55 More Monies Out

Last night, we bought postage stamps, large envelopes, 5 highlighters, an eraser, a staple remover, a check organizer, 4 of our favorite blue Pilot Precise roller pens, and one red, rubber bands and an organizer for our purse. 
 
There are 40 stamps because we figured yesterday that we have 22 bills to mail.  The large envelopes seemed more practical then the smaller ones we’d been using and we found they now come in self-adhesive flaps.  The highlighters are an extra nicety, and the eraser was a must.  We’ve nearly used up the little ones that come with the automatic pencils.  The staple remover was a .69 cent “deal,” the check organizer part of a solution for our retention/poor memory needs. 
 
We figured after one of our work pens ran out, we needed another, plus we are giving into our extravagance to have the same trusted writing utensil at each of our four writing stations.  We write from this computer table, the kitchen table, our at-work computer desk, and our at-work writing desk.  The red pen was just an impulse buy and we figured for another .69 cents the rubber bands were quite the deal.
 
The organizer is black with a snap and looks like leather.  It contains a place for cash, a place for cards, a calculator, a lined note pad, a 3 plastic sleeves to hold receipts, a zippered hiding place, a pen, and dividers for the calendar, to do list, notes, information, and addresses.  Oh, and there is a small plastic straight edge that cross dresses as a page marker.  All told, pretty spiffy, we figure! 
 
We haven’t had anything like a “wallet,” for the last couple of years.  Our old one had fallen apart; we’ve been using the smaller pouch on our backpack/purse which seems unefficient now.  We haven’t maintained a real address book for the last seven years.  Best we’ve done is to list a few numbers in the computer, but we were scared when we had thought we’d lost our computer.
 
Ok, breathe.  It'll be ok.  Maybe we should budget for shopping too?  We don't usually like to, especially in real stores, but of late we've just been having the most tremendous fun.  Feels like being in "the present" and we do love making choices.