The Cost of a Car

Morning or afternoon at least.  :) Today, is looking to be another quiet, but much looked forward to day of rest. I appreciate some of your wonderful comments and excitement of the story we've started in the last entry, but I have to think for a while about how to precede. While five of you thought the story fun, there were four who did not respond. We’re afraid we may have insulted people, or they may be just too busy and unable to respond, but we figure we should play it safe than sorry. So, we are on hold. Sorry for this delay.

The schemer in me still is thinking through ideas. I am having a very good time imagining what might happen to the green ghost, and I can assure you that Floralilia’s notice of the rose bushes is very tempting! We’ll continue figuring out a way that will be conducive to the well-being of any one who might read or wind up in the story. I know the safer route would be to make up fictional characters, but I would really like to figure out ways of tying in different events of J-landers. I see us as most often an observer. And, in general we’d like to highlight and promote some of the peoples’ stories we are running across. Plus, the fact that it is just a good challenge to our brain!

Maybe it will be better served and developed after I take some more time to work with the Hall of Fame. I fear I haven’t advanced that cause as much as I’d hoped to over the long weekend. This morning I received an email from my boss sort of reminding me that she was looking forward to my return, perhaps tomorrow? *Sigh*

I’m also trying to figure out what next to do with the purchasing of items mentioned previously in other entries. :) We’ve $2-3,000 we’ve set aside to spend on a small library collection of books. Hmm, lets take the next step. Some moments later ... We have our list of about 70 books well-thought out and waiting on hold at our Amazon wish list. We’ve looked at the list once again and have placed an email with one of our most trusted friends holding knowledge in the field of psychology. We figure our collection is in greater half defined around education concepts of teaching adults with developmental disabilities (DD) and the structure of being a general mid-level practitioner in the field. There was a facet played out in some popular "business-orientated" books for their practicality in management ideals. I think it is important to draw out the fact that people with DD and their staff are by innature,in need of following common structures.

The next level of books are in the fields of history, philosophy and psychology. This part makes us smile, a lot! Somewhere along the line, we’ve picked up the inclination to believe that how the mind, and in particular, the great minds through civilization have been at play is extremely important to the minds of folks in general, including those who find themselves with DD. We are not talking of memorizing details which confuse the best of us, but in the processes of feeling ourselves as live to our selves and significant to life and our place in history. Moreso, in that most of these folks will not live it through the procreation of children. I think we all need to sometimes step back and examine our direction, because without direction we tend to follow the story line of television sit-coms. I’m pretty serious in this thought.

If along the day, we are able to question a staff or client in saying of what reason have you given yourself for waking up each morning? What is your part in the play of life? I will have thought our day accomplished. For me, and us ... our professional role is leaning us in the direction of a teacher. We know that individuals come to our center and some of them, are assisted in becoming capable workers. But, what of the individuals who have to be told to sit down or stand up or that it is polite to take turns? We must be as concerned about their lives directly, or indirectly as any presidential candidate on a platform.

In general, I think our Center specifically teaches individuals to become more independent and out in the community, but it is still going to be as important to help them think through their roles as more significant than purchasers of services, food, and entertainment. I’d like for them to think conscientiously "what that is all about" and to be making choices that mean something to them other than "it feels good." Rather than focus on when I’m out of control emotionally at the age of 44, I am told to go to my bedroom, to think I go to my bedroom with purpose and I’m IN control within the freedom of my own space? What shall I do or think? How do I best channel my abilities to contribute to myself or others. How is it that I will "tune in."

Shoot, shoot, getting down off my soap box now. I’m sorry. It’s just that ever since I’ve been home, most of this week, I have not given much thought to my work. And now, it is coming back to me somewhat in that I have choices to make that will affect my course in life history. Am I ready, willing, and able to take the next step?

*Sigh* ok, ok ... next step. I will wait for that one last communication, then I will move forward on that note. Next decision that has to be made ... creature comforts.

As many of you know, I’ve done research on a few items, primarily living room pieces that will change the way I live and think about my immediate surroundings, especially since I spend 92% of my time in the living room where the computer is. We’re in bodily age 44, coming up quickly on 45 and have never bought living room items for myself. We’ve gotten the okie dokie from our doc, best computer friends, son and home friend. Pretty big deal to us, but has also been put off for a week or two. It’s time to make a few decisions in this direction.

The one thing that has held us up is in thinking that we should save this money for the purchase of a car later down the road. But, the fact of the matter is that when we checked on that with even 50% down, we were not able to afford the payments on the car we really liked and thought we deserved.

I just can’t see losing all the money on one item that is going to drive us into monthly debt. Maybe common sense would tell us that we should still do it and continue to save, but there are other needs to consider. There was another option in getting less expensive items for what we wanted to purchase. But, that didn’t sit well with us either. The one time in our life that we are going to purchase new, I didn’t want to accept the huge divide in what we saw as far 1rst and 2nd best.

Some day, we will need a new car I suppose, but we’re going to bank on the part where our car is only at 72,000 miles and has good tires. Maybe we’ll get 3-4 more years from her. At that time, we’ll just have to figure on doing it like everyone else. Put down some money and finance the best we can. Most likely the car we were looking at is way past our real budget anyway. When the time comes, we’ll make a more reasonable choice within our means. *Sigh*

Single people’s incomes are yuch!

Hmm, I didn’t know that ... I just found out that my bank card has a $3,000 limit/day on it. Shoot, and we were on a spending spree too! Ahh well, it did do one thing ... gave us another chance to look over the finances. I ran the "big" account down with the costs of all the things I want to purchase and it came out ... thereis still money in the bank :) Then we went through our account and added up the cost of everything we need to pay each month. AND, it turns out we’ve a little allowance :)

My friend called too, so that was handy. We went over it out loud one more time, and I THINK I have enough to pay for minimal housekeeping services :) We’re talking not too expensive stuff, but like 5 hours every other week. Besides the fact that I’m not inclined toward housework, point still lies clear that I can’t stand up or walk for more than 5-7 minutes due to spinal arthritis. It’s one of the reasons that I spend so much of my time logged onto this computer.

I figure if I can keep up with the few dishes, picking up and kitty litter, maybe she can do the rest. I know most often what’s been happening is my friend will come in and help when the carpet or floors get too far gone. Things like dusting don’t happen at all. I feel terrible in wasting his busy schedule in making sure things get taken care of. Leaves me feeling pretty helpless. I’d feel much more comfortable paying for the help.

You know ... part and parcel, I think that’s the main thing I’m going for right now. I want to live in a life style that I feel comfortable in. I know most of my friends are computer friends. But, I’d like it to be where I feel comfortable in bringing my granddaughter over without embarrassment. I know 3 year olds are too young too be judgmental, but I have my ideals with what kind of world I would like to share with her.

There’s still one huge deficit that I’m living ... we’ve pulled our "thing" together as far as food goes (healthy life style for a diabetic), but we still have to deal with our smoking. What’s the use of having beautiful couches, drapes, and bookshelves if we’re going to inundate them with lousy odors? Plus, it is no small matter that we are putting out nearly $200 month expense. In reality, I am putting into the atmosphere money I should be setting aside for a future car.

If I quit smoking and started saving the smoke money, in 3 years time I could have minimally, at least $7,200 to put down on a new vehicle ... without cramping our style! Oh, please keep our mind positive on this one! I don’t think the couch is going to get here much sooner than one month from now. Puts us at the first or second week of August. Truly this is the only money that I’m spending on luxury that isn’t reasonable. My other extra luxuries are really the costof maintaining my presence on the computer and the cost of my reading. I consider both of those well worthy expenses that suit my life and life style ... I don’t think I’ve ever really had need for much more than those two items, nor will I ever.

I say that while still lighting up another cigarette. Shoot, how am I going to do this?? I’ve been a smoker for almost 25 years now. No, I won’t do the math on that expense. Oh man oh man ... I couldn’t help myself. If the cost of smoking had always been $200 a month, the cost of an adulthood worth of smoking thus far would have run me a waste of $60,000. Oh man oh man, that makes me want to cry. I’ve got no one though to shoot, beside myself.

Ok, ok ... we’re going to be positive here. Hmm, its half way through the day and I still haven’t had lunch. That would be something to look forward too. Might explain the dizziness I’m feeling too. Hmm. Go figure. Maybe a yogurt is in order. Yep, yep ... this be the good part of light. You know ... I’ve never eaten a low-fat yogurt where I didn’t feel like I wasn’t doing something good for myself :) AND, it pleases us more than ice cream at this point! That’s something to vote for, right?

Maybe, somebody could spend time figuring out the stop-smoking thing with Dr. M tomorrow and spend less time being angry at him? Hmm, works for me! Ok, ok ... let’s get on with it then! :)

Two Salads and a Nut Tray

Evening! At least that is what my computer clock is telling us. Shoot, a whole day has gone by and we never got past reading journals and responding to emails. This is about the best and most relaxing kind of day we know! AND ... I feel a little better caught up though it seems like people are pretty otherwise busy today. I think this is a good sign. :)

Nothing much to "report" from this end. Nothing exciting has happened ... hmm, well we ate a couple of salads over the last 24 hour period. Guess that’s new! Hehe - I know, I know ... we hear the little Floralilia-eyed clock ticking in our brain. She’s STILL looking for succinct! I’m not sure which map she’s using, but its likely we don’t have an outfit in that size or color! Lordy, lordy ... she must be a married woman with children asking to be fed, entertained, and burped! There’s no clear line of thinking in that direction. No spare time to flutter away in aynie whimical manner possible! Shudder the thought! Say, that’s it Floralilia must be jealous of us!

LOL - I don’t want to hear now that ugly comment, "She must have a life!" We’ve done our share of all that. There’s a time in a woman’s life it is more logical to disband. Sort of like throwing out all of those stretched out bras! See that’s the truth Floralilia ... I’d done my time picking up the umpteenth dirty sock from the living room. It’s now up to the new generation of love struck owls. Gone are those wonder woman years where one took out the garbage while four perfectly healthy males shouted exclamations in their preference to playing Nintendo games. *Shudder* Oh, let’s not even go there!

Let’s see with that thought ... and clearly hmm, 3 ½ hours to do absolutely anything imaginable ... we should do something to bother the hell out of Floralilia! Let’s see ... what would get her goat? We could perhaps write the novel of our life? Sure, there’s some spare time here! Perhaps just a chapter ...

Chapter 1

It was a clear blue sky day when the moving van entered the tree-lined street which would now label our home address. There were children on the street playing and riding bikes. It was still mid-morning. I noted the falling leaves and acorns falling on clean swept lawns as if mounting a collection in the Sunday plate. I stood alone on the porch, but not short of spirit or joy. The relator had stated that this was a happy, friendly town. It went by the name of Jayland.

I had slept that first night on the floor in the living room. I was ok without a bed, and felt very young at heart. My comforter, washcloth, bucket, broom, coffee pot, mug and my laptop computer were the only items that personally escorted me by small car to journey’s end. The only concern was if the cable company had made their magical connection which would have reassured that all luxury be maintained. I didn’t necessarily get around to unpacking the items of washcloth and bucket, but the broom took a stance next to me on the porch.

I was excited to see the headlights of the moving truck glance down our driveway as it smoothly edged over the graceful dip. I loved the thought that I could live in an imperfect world. The lead mover greeted me confidently with a packing slip in hand.  He was a strapping young man.  He told me that all I had to do was sign, then step away as they completed the task of unpacking the truck. The boxes were each marked and the rooms all clearly labeled.

I was appreciative that the first few items out of the truck were my outside wicker table and set of four natural straw wicker chairs. I motioned for them to be set down in the corner behind me. I dodged a mover to recapture my mug. I was very happy in that the cable company had followed instructions splaying one cord to the living room and one cord out to the area my table now sat. A few twists of the wrist and I was reconnected to my known world.

I heard the familiar whirring of the small machine as it booted and twinkled before me. The relator, whose name was John had given us a special Internet address along with a few handy suggestions. He said the people round town had gotten together to form a small presence on the web. I hadn’t had a chance to look in on this, but now the moment no longer withstood me.

The welcoming page was warm and colorful in colors of leaf green, earth brown and sky blue. But, before I could clearly focus on the tabs and links, I caught motion from the corner of my eye. At first I thought it one ofthe friendly gray squirrels. But the movement was followed by a beautiful melodic voice. I looked up to see a woman crossing the grass. She was holding what looked like bakery andthat which turned out to be cherry cobbler! I was pleased as punch with the sudden awareness that I was being greeted by my first friendly new neighbor. She was a beautiful woman with wise eyes. She was older than me, by perhaps six or seven years. She was on the plump side like me, but flowed freely in a silky sexy hot red kimono.

She introduced herself as Vivian and she didn’t stop talking once she had begun. She appeared very excited about a celebration that she was confident that would be more fun than anything I had ever imagined. She went on about floats and parades and games and entertainment and in so doing noted more names than I could identify to events. She seemed very, very smart! By now of course, she had set down her pastry gift and had begun to cutting pieces for both myself and her. She was quite sure that I would be hungry while all the while, affording no rest in her speech. She told me that the recipe had come from a wonderful lady named Pam. Apparently this Pam woman had woven together a directory the folks round town. Vivian noted quickly that Pam would be over before lunch to go over some of the local customs. Apparently, these two women had lived in the town before the age of civilization.

It was about this time that another new neighbor happened by. Vivian held up an outstretch hand and waved a man toward us she called, Vince. She stated in a low whisper that Vince often took long walks about the neighborhood and that he spread much warmth. Vince appeared to be a man of few words and chose the ones he used carefully. He didn’t wait for an invitation to sit down as Vivian was already handing him a small paper plate with a piece of the cherry cobbler. Vivian asked quitedirectly, if I could make a fresh pot of coffee. I said, "sure wait just one moment."

I looked around the living room to discover the sectional couch I’d just bought was creatively placed by the moving men. I hadn’t figure that all out yet. The young one, who wore his cap backward was just putting together the last of the six new bookcases. I moved out of their way and into the kitchen. "Damn," I thought, I should have scrubbed the stains off the coffee pot before having placed it in the car. No time for regrets now, I thought. Time often slipped past me without much adieu. We hoped that our new friends wouldn’t mind that we didn’t have a ready supply of cream nor sugar.

I walked back onto the porch to discover that a few more people had joined the group who went by the names of Steven and Jeanne. Steven had slung around his neck a camera with a large lense. Jeanne apparently been gardening because she still was wearing her worn dirty gardening gloves. She was speaking to the group. She stated that she’d started her Victory garden and was discussing with Steven how to keep out the red wasps. Steven appeared to be a calm, relaxed young man, who apologized for not having the answer to that one. He backed off the porch nearly missing a mover and appeared to fixate his concentration on something moving near the porch trellis. He snapped a half a dozen pictures, then looked up as if pleased. "No time now ... sun’s just about right!" He disappeared around a corner without a second glance. Jeanne too looked uncomfortable in settling down. She said, "I have to clean up now, there’s kids coming over for lessons in a few moments" She whisked herself down the block.

Vivian was looking preoccupied. I hesitated, but then said, "I’m afraid I don’t have any cream or sugar to share." Vivian laughed and chuckled saying, "Of course not dear. You are moving!" She leaned forward and fumbled around her loose fitting clothing saying, "Now wear did I put that phone?" I looked toward Vince, but he just leaned back in his chair and said, "Uh-huh." I wondered what he was up to because I could see clipped on his waist a cell phone. Why haddened he offered it to his friend?  It took Vivian a few moments, but she located the phone and was already pushing its tiny buttons. She was soon talking to a lady she named Sam. Vivian was saying, "Sam, Sam ... well, of course dear, how are you? Oh yes, I certainly do know how busy you are. Yes, ok I have time to answer one quick question, what is it dear?" Vivian held the phone close to her ear and stated several times, "uhuh, uhuh." She gave a few directives and then hung up. Apparently Sam was in the middle of the a committee meeting to get faster lawn care service in picking up the leaves.

Just then Vivian’s phone rang. I lost track of the conversation, because I’d noticed the strangest green car rolling slowly down the street. My gosh, I thought that man certainly does need a new muffler! I had also noticed that there were a couple of other people who were moving this same weekend. I asked Vince and he let me know that there was a new family named, Slo-something ... it was a pretty name ... And, yet another young family. He wasn’t sure of the family’s name but the woman who had opened the door for him was named Shana. Apparently, one was coming in from Texas while the other one appeared from Georgia. Vince let us know ... that each had young children who might attend the same play group. I thought my oh my ... this Vince fella has a lot of good information!

The next event nearly crashed all my clearer senses of what had been previously thought of as fairly normal. I hadn’t seen the woman at first, but there she was as plain as day. But, the really amazing thing about this woman was that she was hanging upside down in my new Elm tree. I thought, "What the hell is all that?!" Vince may or may not have realized that I was staring quite strongly, but he said nothing about what I thought must be my overactive imagination! Then I heard the woman yodel out a sound that was quite remarkably like the mating call of a lost goose! I was construct with the thought that she was saying, "Welcome, neighbor!" I sunk in my chair. "Oh Lordy, Lordy! What had I gotten myself into!??"

Viv looked up for a moment and seemed to recognize my dumbfoundedness. She followed my eyes over toward where the blond haired daredevil was stripping leaves off a close branch. I asked out loud, "What the hell is she doing?" Vince looked at Viv and Viv looked and Vince, then Vince stated very matter of fact ... She’s just letting you know she likes both you AND your tree. I was feeling a little squeamish by this time and I thought to ask if this woman they were now referring to as Floralilia did this kind of thing often. Vince chuckled as he reached for another sip of coffee. "Oh no ... no, not very often" said he. "Usually she prefers oak trees!"  I thought, "Yep, yep, its done happened. I’ve moved next to a nut!!"

End Chapter 1

 

 

Open letter to Viv and the Community

Dear Vivian,       

We started this email as a personal one from us to you, but we've decided to make it open, because the thoughts you raise could possibly be on the minds of others as well.  We know your quick perception races ahead, but where you lead, others will follow.  This is due, most likely to your warm reception toward people.       

We offer you our heart felt thanks for giving us acknowledgement such as you have in both the journal and in personal note.  I had just finished showing our friend who had been over a picture of you at the B2B International Site.  My words in describing you to him were far from complete.  I told him that, "This woman means the world to me!"  Which brings tears to my eyes.       

You wouldn't be the first to worry over us propelling into one project or another.  You've heard us talk about Sr. Tess all along and that it had come to a point, where she gave us the extra bonus, because it was her chosen means of thanking us for this same effort.  We walked away from it more humbled, but also more confident in that we had made a difference.  If we asked for anything it would be in the form of a very small, "Thank you" which you've accomplished a hundred times over!           

In you Viv, we find inspiration ...       

It's pretty much the basic need for our type of work.  The tendencies throughout our life have been to find key people along the way, most often leadership, and afix ourselves to them in best manners possible.  We're not talking surrogate mothers, because I resent someone trying to tuck me under their arm to "protect" or "guide" us.  It is important that we learn to trust each of us within to appreciate fully our own growing ability to self-nurture.  We've learned how to do this from our heroes.       

You've become one of our heroes :)       

I don't mean this in a way that I going to put you on a pedestal that tips, but in a way that I'll do anything within our power to assist in your dreams and visions, because these acts pull people forward.  Your dreams become my dreams and other people's dreams as well.  

We mirror onto one another as to spirit and enthusiasm.  By the exchange of "good done in this world," we find ourselves conquering negativity of hate, anger, mistrust and isolation.   These were the lessons taught to us through our youth.  Most likely we'll always fight ghosts and shadows, because through the abuses, doors and windows were opened in our brain and minds that are not easily closed.        

Through the process of childhood we learned to internalize the acts done upon us, particularly with Annemarie, our Dear Heart, whom we believe to be our core.  Dr. M. pointed out yesterday that if we internalize these disasters, we sometimes have a sense of being able to control outcomes.  Sometimes power runs so amuck in families that it is the children who actually do take over responsibilities for the household. 

It is a happenstance that this week, communication became a problem with Dr. M.  We still don't know why this was happening, though it is most likely a step forward to be angry at Dr. M., rather than self destructedly toward ourselves.    

We believe as with most things ... God lends a hand.  We are no different than others who have suffered under destructive people.  We do our best each day to not only survive, but prosper.            

I believe at this point, the efforts toward the anniversary and Hall of Fame have been a part of where we traveled within our minds this week.  But, only in a good sense.  We did something very bold of us in volunteering to do work outside ourselves that we hoped was going to be beneficial to the J-land community.  Again, we thank Floralilia for this initial start.  Our project is our gift back to the community.  It seems to happen that when we are being very strong and able, such as the J-work impels, then that is the time the lesser functioning parts expose themselves toward our attention as well. 

This is all natural, well and good.  We have the means to see our way through the challenges presented.  

We do apologize for any confusion it may be for people to see us at what may seem like outstanding differences in our personality, abilities and tasks, but that's the nature of multiplicity.  There are 20 parts within the system that continue to have needs met, no matter where the whole of us lay.  We took courage as we looked around and saw that others were handling personal and extraneous needs through their journaling efforts this week, so we did the same.  We continue our feelings of having been blessed.  So, at last Dear Viv ... let us just continue ... to move forward! 

All in a Day's Good Work

Good morning ... though now a late one. I wanted to say thank you to you all for commenting in our journal yesterday when we were having such problems. It means a lot to me to know that people care. I care too :)

We are back on the normal schedule of taking medicines and we saw Dr. M. last night. It wasn’t a great session in that there were negative emotions being acted out by some of our parts, but as a few of you have noted ... at least we went.

There were at least four parts out. Annemarie was out first thing and seemed to take the most time. She is very angry and absolutely forbid herself from having much contact with Dr. M. except her statement of stony anger expressed through her body stance. Then two of the younger parts, Ana and Casey, were out. They were pretty much scared. Ana had images of Annemarie throwing things at her. Casey looked intimidated to either being there, or not being there.

Then Jaime was out, who is an older part, but she seemed grumbly about the whole situation. She is a very strong protector of younger parts, but did not have time to communicate or establish new safeties. By then though the hour was up. We need to cross our own bridges within our head so that we can agree to the extra appointment Dr. M. is offering due to the holidays on Monday. Hmm, maybe we should take care of that right now. Hold on.

Ok, that is done. There is still confusion and anger due to limits he is placing on some of the communication resources. We’re not sure if we are reading correctly what he is saying though, so we’re asking for clarification. We don’t mean to be as mad about it as is being acted out, not sure of where all of these feelings came from.

It is a safe guess that our minds are confusing things that have happened in the past when there were very intense feelings with things that are going on in the present. We know that some of our parts, particularly Dear Heart has confusion of separating past from present.

From the images from last night, we’re guessing at some point in Dear Heart’s life, that communications were cut off from important family members conscientiously. We’re thinking now that maybe because some of us are at such a terrifically "high" place with the Hall of Fame Journal and in meeting so many people that some of this other "stuff" is coming up now because the majority of us are feeling so strong and are in better shape to handle negativities.

Our guess is that whatDear Heart is going through is a period when our sexually abusive grandfather left us alone with our physically abusive mother. This appears at best to have been extremely traumatic and terrifying. At least this is our best guess at the moment. It is also our best guess that in holding a line of anger, temptations to cross the line were drawn. Most likely, it was her means of establishing safety from danger or vulnerability.

The thing about the multiplicity is that some of the parts are still dealing with initial upsets while most of us have skipped that part and gone on to a far more healthy life. Now we are all being held accountable to support the "system" as a whole. We are not angry at Dear Heart, we are trying to understand her. We also feel responsibility over younger parts who are living in fear. We often think the statement, "You are only as strong as your weakest link."

Hmm, interesting ... our brain has been processing. The thought just occurred to us that this communication situation, the acceptance of "self-isolation" might have something to do directly with suicidal ideation we are known to have. It’s like Dear Heart is screaming, "FINE, THEN I WON’T BE HERE THEN!!!"

There is also some thoughts on the word, "invisible." We’ve used this word often to describe our feeling in being around the family. We felt invisible to them. The double-sided picture is that ... Dear Heart, as the core, has been as well as from the original family, primarily invisible to us. It is unusual for her to be such a strong presence in our day to day life. Normally, we are very functional, go to work, hold a responsible position, and love our dear sons and friends.

This week, work has been too difficult and last night, Annemarie was a strong presence in the session. I think often we try to avoid her space, because she seems so dangerous. She seemed dangerous to the younger parts last night, and we are guessing that she may have seemed dangerous to family members, that would have helped to keep the isolation intact.

*Sigh* So much in a day.

On a much happier note ... After last night’s mailings, there are now 115 acceptances!! One of them is an author by the name of Frances McFate (fanniemae3@aol.com), who has published a book called, "The Demon Plague" with her co-author.

Pretty cool, hmm? Check it out by clicking here ... The Demon Plague.

There was another great development! Christina (C82trinity@aol.com) has volunteered to do some publicity work by posting an announcement in her journal,

"Christinas Photos and Thoughts"

Every part helps in getting the word out there. We’re trying to include as many journalists as we can. We all deserve a hand of applause for putting our thoughts and feelings out there for the world to see! Each of our journals are special and unique and deserve recognition :)

With that thought, maybe it is time to get back to work. Like to get out another set of 50 journals today. We are now up to the "H’s" in Pam’s Directory :)

Our best to you and yours!!

Just one last thought ... have any of you thought of the comparison in AOL journals, at least in small measure, to the hayday of starving artists in Paris, France?  Hehe, ok ... ok ... just a thought!

Graphic created by Aunty Lyn :)

Struggling

Mornin. How is everyone at this junction? We’re doing better. We had some difficulty with some of our parts yesterday, but the happy feelings of doing the Hall of Fame work helped out.

Maybe someone should say to us periodically, "Are you on time with your medications?" Yeeks! Sometimes, I think we get to feeling that we’re feeling so good that we don’t need them, then it turns around and bites us in the rear end. It was one of those kinds of days yesterday. It was causing us problems, especially in that we were not able to wake up properly for quite a while, then at that needed extra naps.

We were still able to progress the work at hand with the new journal ... somewhere inside a glow has been set in motion that is hard to ignore.

We’ve been in places where we had need to reconsider going in for our appointment today with Dr. M. earlier during the week, because we’d felt some pretty strong negative emotions. I’d slept through the time necessary to make the early Monday appointment. We experienced feelings of having been crushed by the fact that he no longer does phone appointments. I think in general, people struggle with trust issues when things like this happen and in particular we have feelings of rejection and abandonment that we need to be dealing with as well.

Maybe then too it has to do with some of the issues that we’d been working on the week previous. It had been the first week that our youngest part was out with some of the other younger parts. In our early childhood, there were eight parts created by the age of five. Most often we are now able to maintain adult parts, but this time the going was kind of difficult. I think too, we were dealing with feelings of rejection due to so many important people in our life being away on vacation.

I don’t feel quite out of the woods yet though. I know enough intellectually that we’ve tendencies to act things out. Nowadays, the kids call this being "drama queens." Our point of reference is that although we had help last night getting the proper medicine, we still don’t feel able to make the appointment this afternoon with Dr. M. And, we’re still having difficulties with the concept of going in to work. Sometimes, it is very difficult for us to leave the security of the house.

Shoot ... been a half hour now. And, we still haven’t gotten it figured out. Things build up and it feels a point of inner crises. There are parts that know the right thing to do would be to take the morning medicine, go to work, then at 4 pm, cut over to make the appointment with Dr. M. That’s the scheduled events, but, there are other parts like screaming, "NO, NO, NO! I won’t go, I won’t!" Hmm, Dr. M. would say if he were here that we should compromise. Maybe if we could just take the medicine? Shoot, why are we being so stubborn. It feels very confusing. Lot of tension.

Oh dear ... then the tiredness hits again and we’re unable to hardly keep our eyes open. We just drift.

Shoot ... now it’s a couple of hours later .. I guess we missed work ... still feel groggy. We haven’t had this kind of problem for a year.

Nightmares too. This time we could barely move our body and became homeless. We were trying to scoot ourselves along in a makeshift wheelchair made of the bottom of an old office chair. The Events of the dream took place around some version of the college we had attended in real life, but we’d aged considerably ... maybe about 20-25 years. We were fully groggy in the dream as well. Hmm, remember too that we were placed in a position of watching someone’s infant granddaughter. Fortunately, we’d gotten along very well with the baby. She seemed to take to us. We had watched her while she watched them emptying a big metal roll-off trash container with a loud machine and magnet. We figured the infant was pretty smart. But then after we turned from the Grandmother, she skipped town leaving us to hunt down our few possessions.

As most our college dreams, much of the time is spent wandering around and around trying to figure out as in a maze where we are and how to get to the place we want to go. Fortunately, this one had a fairly good ending ... the cranky house mistress had us following her up old rickety stairs that were very narrow. Upstairs was a very large dry attic and the maintenance staff disappeared then came out of a hidden closet and threw over our "belongings" which included the car keys. There was a broken fishing pole too and a sleeping bag. Go figure, hmm?

We had a full 8 hours sleep last night too ... So does this mean ... we’re going to be able to leave the house??

Top of the Morning

Morning ... How’s everyone? I’m sorry, it appears we’ve been away from the journal for the last couple of days. We’ve been pretty busy over at the "Hall of Fame" Journal. Pshwew! Yesterday, we needed to take our last vacation day or lose it to the new year. It turned out to be a very productive day here at home!

There’s a warning for the moment ... we’re a little fuzzy, due to just waking up. We went to bed and woke up 3 times during the night.  This last time it was due to vivid dreams of a family reunion. Hmm, go figure! Its that kind of thing that happens, that suggest that some of us could manage to spill the old coffee grounds taking them over the few feet to the garbage. *Sigh*

We’re very happy to report that the results have been excellent! We added more journals after we’d made the count to be 55, and it appears now there’s been more than a dozen journals added since we fell asleep. *Giggle* that’s not including Viv’s email ... we snuck a peek and found that she had also responded back to the email asking for permission to publish a listing. We hadn’t realized though, she has 10 journals! What a gal!! We teased back that, "Now we have our Tuesday work set out before us" :)

We were also very happy to find that yesterday Mr. Scalzi saw fit to add us as a link in his journal. It was in regard to our list made out in this journal on Saturday. Couldn’t have been more pleased!  Thank you Mr. Scalzi!!

Most of our pleasure though falls between two areas realized yesterday. The first is the initial excitement opening up so many journals that are brand new to us in the collecting process. I think the wealth of journals that are out there is truly the most amazing thing.

The other takes place while still sending out mail.  You all have been very quick to respond.  And, it behooves us in all thrilldom to be saying, "Thanks!!"

It should be noted that Pam’s list has become international! We’re still giggling in pleasure over one of the journalists who’sbeing highlighted by Gregg. This new UK leader sports on his first entry page a picture of himself wrestling with an alligator! There are so many wonderful surprises coming up!

There is enough to be doing that we are really trying not to read the journals as we go, or we’d never finish, but sometimes this is pretty nearly impossible. One of our favorites is about this poor woman who is called by loudspeakers at a grocery store. Seems her young son is happily half undressed and, ... well, we’ll let that story unfold on its own!

Some of the people who write to say they’d like to be in the Hall of Fame Journal stop to talk a moment. I felt in the midst of a celebrity to find that one of the journalists was is a semi-finalist in the "All-Star Blogger!" We say, "Go Jerry, you Nascar Nut!!"

Hmm, that’s about it for the morning ... I would like to add one more note! I want to thank personally two people, both Viv and Pam for being so much fun to work with over the last couple of days! There is so much positive energy coming from these two woman that it could make a girl want to cry! I look forward with wondrous pleasure to guess what is coming up next between them and everyone involved in the First Year Anniversary. Just has to restore your faith in humanity!!

That’s it pretty much it for our morning writing ... *giggle* Might turn out that the boss would still appreciate us coming in :) Take care of the day, my friends!  And, thank you again ... it's terrific fun to be meeting you! 

Post note:  We have managed our way to work and the boss looked happy to see us :)  To our most welcome surprise, Charlie is joining the Hall of Fame journal too!  He is so far, and most likely, the oldest active AOL journaler!!  Most kind thoughts to you Charlie!  Way to go!!!

 

Man-o-man Viv - Look What You Done Started!

Mornin! Mornin!! Yeeks, maybe we should be saying ... "Afternoon!" Sorry ... this whole new idea of having off on Saturdays has caught on like wildfire over here! Can’t place enough exclamation marks! 

We are very psyched and into the day. First thing has been to get around to your all’s journals. Oh, the pleasures you inspire! I have a real sense of visiting with coffee mug in hand. That old "left key under the rug" sense. There’s been lately some real nice emails, Ims, and shoot, what do they call those cute little notes that pop up reminding you the j-doorbell has been rung? Just love those! Nothing at work can keep me from turning around to see whose visiting besides the boss visiting in my office directly. :)

Really feeling a sense of belonging ... We find ourselves breathing in each moment, exhilarated to be starting the next. Oh, yeah ... let’s see the hands ... I know this is happening to you guys too! And, if it isn’t, it should!!

Ok, cutting down on the exclamation. Calm down...

Well ... I gotta tell ‘ya ... I’ve nothing much more important to be talking about than the One year celebration. My gosh ... like one day later and at least 5 different journals has publicized the event that we’re covering. That’s pretty exciting! 

You could guess that we’re overly detail-minded, or at best a little nutty.  But we assure you it is a valid necessity. Sometimes the chatter gets to be so much as a multiple that it has to be "channeled," just to avoid flight." We find that when we totally focus on one thing or another, we are able to progress the issue pretty quickly.

Then sometimes, I think I’m the result of a head on crash with the blue bird of happiness :)

I’m in need of some focusing now?  This might be long (Floralilia slumps in her chair now).  Ok,deep breath. I think I’m going to frighten anyone who doesn’t already know us. Deep breath.

First thing I want to say ... is something really nice about Vivian as head of this celebration. I think she’s about the smartest intuitive person that is out here. How else to explain the wonderment of her mind for having come up with an event to further tie hundreds of on-line friends tighter as a large group. AND, this isn’t the first time that she has done it!

If I remember correctly, the thing to do though is try to impress that she has to take naps and sleep at night, and that maybe it is a good idea to start thinking maid service again. I’ve always thought my position to be best at encouraging those of whom are natural leaders. We’ve had this discussion before ... it’s not that any of us can afford to schluff off responsibilities on one other, but it is like having a wonderful head of household that everyone bolts together to support, cuz ... you just want to see her happy! Needless to say, I think everyone feels close to Viv as if in one close extended family. Think this credit goes to Viv’s Mom and Pop for having placed Viv in the middle of a large loving family.

Hmm, next is to think of the list Sam has presented this morning. I love lists! Wanted for a moment to progress those thoughts. Think Sam had a wonderful idea that was very organized. I hadn’t been aware of all these things that were going on. Sam says,

"Every Blogger on AOL journals is invited to our One-year old Birthday Party." 

This is where the list begins and the resources grow...

1) comment in this entry:   [viv] Pretty sure the reference is to this entry ...

or if not that one ...

this one ...

2) comment in this entry:  [scalzi] He's into something BIG here!

think Slo’s going to be pretty supportive on the 24 hour thing, Slo be the one ... signed on also for Frank’s dedication, graphics, and I think she’s voluteered for reunion committee!

3) comment inthis entry:  [gregg]

that one was pretty easy ... wow ... lots of excited people!

Take a note ... Awards Journal

Awards Graphics:

4) comment in this entry:  [flora]

5) send a photo here:          [carly] or Here

Hmm, Carly is working on the piece for Frank too! Hmm, Think Mara as well.

6) and here:                         [gregg]  Major hi-way

7) send e-mail here:           [JLandAnniversary@aol.com]

8) and/or here:                    [haiku contest] or Here

9) and/or here:                   [ Funniest Home Typos ]

Sam - is a pretty "on-time" kinda gal!

10) register here:                  [Pam's Directory]

11)  register here:                   [B2BInt'l group link]

12) visit here:                        [Hall of Fame-Ayn]

13) display one or all of these logos:             [b2b/anniversary/torch/fever/I'm in! images]

14) order t-shirt here:          [CafePress address]

15) nominate journals here: [gregg]

listed above, but as well - think also Lisa has offered to do some pimping

and I think Andrea has volunteered to help Gregg with writing

16) then vote here:               [gregg] same

17) enter your float here:     [tracy]

Hmm, not sure about a tracy ... I think hemp is stacy, maybe this is her?  Please someone help me out here.

I really need to go to the popular journals more often.

Hmm, this TJ person seems to be involved. Whew! This TJ person’s bringing ...

"the worlds largest avacado filled to the top with dip and laying on abed of colorful chips!"

18) enter your quilt square here: [Penny]

Not sure if Penny wasn’t volunteered by Sam in the following comment section. Hehe

19) write about it in your journal  

Anyone else ... ?Ahh, man ... a few more at least!  Vince has got to be the best gatherer of people!

The Slack of course, he’ll Paint, Pote, Bounce, Join & Exposit @ length...filosofically, perhaps.

Pam of course is the historian

Barb for the prayer

Vince for the poem

Marcia Ellen will accept a role, hmm? Maybe she'll do a short story?

Whew! I guess Karen is the "hot" person in town? Bet she has connections!

Hmm, Gemini person is private

Kathy’s pretty cool - good with graphics ... web page too! Shoot match her up with Slo!

Jeff got humor covered

Steven ... I hear your already doing a camera project ... maybe others will join too!

Jennifer - volunteered for clean-up committee *Giggle*

hmm, this Barbara person sounds like a sweety ... signed on as volunteer!

Yay ... nother volunteer ... and Hillary is moving to boot!

Interesting Robin says she can do show tunes - I’d sign her up for a cake too!

Don’t let Rose get away ... she says she’ll do a celebration entry, but wow ... her journal is beautiful ... What a creator!

Ahh, and than all the partygoers who have sent in their RSVP

First there is Christina and

Mrs. Linkletter’s coming (ask her to bring some tuna Tetrazzini casserole!)

Maybe Lisa - could speak to the issues of our environment

Lisa is on board as well ... shoot ... two Lisa's in a row, pretty sure confusion is setting in...

Think Karen might be private

Mary - seems a good candidate volunteer for the convention group

Babyshark - shoot - there is need for literature expertise here somewhere ... a consultant if I ever saw one!

Cool Peachy is hosting a block party with a regional collage!

Heheh - Fairplay is all over the chimpanzees and wheat germ!

20) suggest stuff to AOL here:    AOLHometown@aol.com These people always say to give them a shout!

Hmm, this has turned out to be quite a list ... Viv, can we just forward it over to you? Not sure what is here that you don’t already have ... but I figure that I’ve got my seat nailed to the parade route! :) Can’t imagine how much more you’re getting in email, but there’s reasons some of us take on more simpler packages.  I do have to say, I think I have a better handle on things than I had. Maybe it will be useful to others too?  Just so many new faces to meet. Brings tears to my eyes to be a part... Thank you Viv! Oh, and Floralilia? That’s only 10,350 words!! 

Oh man ... if I've missed anyone or messed up here ... please just shoot me!  Umm, or leave a kind note?  I'm willing to correct anything until the next person steps up to progress this even further :)

Sam - This one is for you too!  Without your work ... well, Good job Sam, Thanks for letting us share.  We love to figure things out ... its like "our" thing.