Struggling

Mornin. How is everyone at this junction? We’re doing better. We had some difficulty with some of our parts yesterday, but the happy feelings of doing the Hall of Fame work helped out.

Maybe someone should say to us periodically, "Are you on time with your medications?" Yeeks! Sometimes, I think we get to feeling that we’re feeling so good that we don’t need them, then it turns around and bites us in the rear end. It was one of those kinds of days yesterday. It was causing us problems, especially in that we were not able to wake up properly for quite a while, then at that needed extra naps.

We were still able to progress the work at hand with the new journal ... somewhere inside a glow has been set in motion that is hard to ignore.

We’ve been in places where we had need to reconsider going in for our appointment today with Dr. M. earlier during the week, because we’d felt some pretty strong negative emotions. I’d slept through the time necessary to make the early Monday appointment. We experienced feelings of having been crushed by the fact that he no longer does phone appointments. I think in general, people struggle with trust issues when things like this happen and in particular we have feelings of rejection and abandonment that we need to be dealing with as well.

Maybe then too it has to do with some of the issues that we’d been working on the week previous. It had been the first week that our youngest part was out with some of the other younger parts. In our early childhood, there were eight parts created by the age of five. Most often we are now able to maintain adult parts, but this time the going was kind of difficult. I think too, we were dealing with feelings of rejection due to so many important people in our life being away on vacation.

I don’t feel quite out of the woods yet though. I know enough intellectually that we’ve tendencies to act things out. Nowadays, the kids call this being "drama queens." Our point of reference is that although we had help last night getting the proper medicine, we still don’t feel able to make the appointment this afternoon with Dr. M. And, we’re still having difficulties with the concept of going in to work. Sometimes, it is very difficult for us to leave the security of the house.

Shoot ... been a half hour now. And, we still haven’t gotten it figured out. Things build up and it feels a point of inner crises. There are parts that know the right thing to do would be to take the morning medicine, go to work, then at 4 pm, cut over to make the appointment with Dr. M. That’s the scheduled events, but, there are other parts like screaming, "NO, NO, NO! I won’t go, I won’t!" Hmm, Dr. M. would say if he were here that we should compromise. Maybe if we could just take the medicine? Shoot, why are we being so stubborn. It feels very confusing. Lot of tension.

Oh dear ... then the tiredness hits again and we’re unable to hardly keep our eyes open. We just drift.

Shoot ... now it’s a couple of hours later .. I guess we missed work ... still feel groggy. We haven’t had this kind of problem for a year.

Nightmares too. This time we could barely move our body and became homeless. We were trying to scoot ourselves along in a makeshift wheelchair made of the bottom of an old office chair. The Events of the dream took place around some version of the college we had attended in real life, but we’d aged considerably ... maybe about 20-25 years. We were fully groggy in the dream as well. Hmm, remember too that we were placed in a position of watching someone’s infant granddaughter. Fortunately, we’d gotten along very well with the baby. She seemed to take to us. We had watched her while she watched them emptying a big metal roll-off trash container with a loud machine and magnet. We figured the infant was pretty smart. But then after we turned from the Grandmother, she skipped town leaving us to hunt down our few possessions.

As most our college dreams, much of the time is spent wandering around and around trying to figure out as in a maze where we are and how to get to the place we want to go. Fortunately, this one had a fairly good ending ... the cranky house mistress had us following her up old rickety stairs that were very narrow. Upstairs was a very large dry attic and the maintenance staff disappeared then came out of a hidden closet and threw over our "belongings" which included the car keys. There was a broken fishing pole too and a sleeping bag. Go figure, hmm?

We had a full 8 hours sleep last night too ... So does this mean ... we’re going to be able to leave the house??