Dr. M and Friend

Exerpt...

 

Friend [6:42 A.M]:  yeah,   been busy, how are you doin
Aynetal3 [6:43 A.M]:  umm pretty good ... a little down another hard session with Dr. M 
Friend [6:43 A.M.]:  well they are probably hard to get the info out. 
Aynetal3 [6:44 A.M]:  Seems like there is a new focus on grandfather stuff.  Annemarie is showing pictures to Casey who then gets upset, then we all feel bad
Friend [6:44 A.M.]:  real pictures
Aynetal3 [6:46 A.M.]:  she is seeing stuff that grandfather is doing, but time disorientation.  Dr. M. spending time trying to convince little parts that it isn’t happening real in the present.  Casey and him called the police and had him arrested after she couldn't be convince he wasn't going to hurt her
Friend [6:46 A.M.]:  I see,   maybe you need to add some adult supervision of the situation.
Aynetal3 [6:46 A.M.]:  He said, that he couldn't hurt her and when she couldn't tell him (too big) then Dr. M said he would because Dr. M. said so
Friend [6:47 A.M.]:  but I defer to the Dr
Aynetal3 [6:47 A.M.]:  corey was out at the very end, and jaime came out to drive home.  Casey had started the session feeling pretty bad about not getting chinese and having to eat cauliflower, so we got her a smoothie as a reward
Friend [6:48 A.M.]:  a very handsome reward
Aynetal3 [6:48 A.M.]:  yep pineapple and orange juice :)
Friend [6:48 A.M.]:  I go for that.
Aynetal3 [6:48 A.M.]:  Ahh
Friend [6:49 A.M.]:  well you stay cool, and try to think logical.  That is why I thought adult supervision
Friend [6:49 A.M.]:  you get your homework done
Aynetal3 [6:50 A.M.]:  We're getting a's in psychology, studying specifically critical thinking ... very logical!
Aynetal3 [6:50 A.M.]:  yes dear

 

Now, we are at work.  We are still feeling down … trying not to get scared by things.  Feel tired and sad even though we slept extra time this morning.  We can see pictures too, but they are quick and elusive.  We get the gist of things.  Just want to say a few things and clear our minds somewhat.  First thought that comes to mind.  Incest is wrong.  Sexual abuse is wrong.  Hurting small children is wrong.  There is no possible excuse for this kind of behavior.  It really messes people up. 

 

I feel fortunate in that having “parts” has been a blessing in our life.  I cannot imagine life any other way.  However, what happened to create the dissociation was very, very wrong.  I do not know how to get over the guilt, fear, sense of hopelessness and anger for what we see the younger parts going through.  I feel as if we are letting these feelings in just a tiny bit and have no comprehension of their enormity on our life.  I know they need time and especially with Dr. M. and we need to accept their truths as our own.  I cannot take away what has happened.  I can empathetically help in taking care of ourselves in the present.  This is going to take some time in sorting out. 

 

Thank you for allowing me to say this much.  I am sorry for the elusiveness.  We are committed.  However, we will try hard not to let one part of our life overcome the others.  If we are going to do this … we are going to need balance.

 

Ok, ok … that feels better.  Someone came in the office for something, so while our concentration had been shifted, we made it out to all the rooms to say, “Good morning.”  It is somewhat hard to be sad around our groups.  There are many happy folks.

 

Maybe what needs to happen with the other is to accept we are going to need time where it is ok to feel bad, but maybe not at work … we should at least try hard?