Wow What a DAY - FIVE JOURNAL ENTRIES WOOO HOOO!!!

Dr. M.

We've been on this track of ordering things since 5 am now 3 pm, with time out only to get more smokes and bring in laundry and have early lunch at 11.    It is very, very hard to put this down, keep checking and checking it to assure myself could work out and be excellent.  I keep thinking we can build the perfect system.  Maybe, though we could just resolve to have one that's pretty darn efficient?  School has taken a back burner all week.  I imagine in my panic over work I've given myself reason to panic over school.  Just I've been feeling so lost and it is horrible to be so far behind in what I'm supposed to be doing all round.  I took an extra anxiety pill at noon. 

Everything is being run so methodically.  I am not sure who each of the parts are that contributed to the MPD journal.  This is the way it is for us though, someone says something, asks a question then some other part, we think Jesse answers the questions.  They are very workable complex systems of thought, but we have no doubt, but to listen.  I think Kelsie is still the main one asking questions, but it was hard for her to sort thoughts without the dialogue and support of Jesse.  It amazes us that we can think through abstract problems and come up with what for us is a total package plan.  Mostly, because questions are answered.  Not unique though, because we see you doing it.  You are responsive around the board.  We are still learning to be like you.  We're also working hard on weight.  We are around the 289 mark ... that be closing in a couple pounds toward 25 lost. 

Still everything takes time.  While I am working on whatever I am working on, it feels good.  I like processing thoughts, it's just I have to be more efficient ... think more globally.  Like decide now that even though I might get a B instead of an A I'm going to use remainder of weekend to get caught up, without being carried into detail.  I WANT so desperately to be on-time with everything.  I want to think good thoughts of myself again.  I'm not sure how though to get from the point of writing you now to studying.  At least writing to you got me past editing the MPD journal.   

Ok, have to concentrate.  It's pretty close to an early dinner.  Wouldn't want to start next project without being ready to go forward.  Maybe if I set a goal.  I would like to get some reading done in multi next ... I have to set my mind at ease that It means I'm still behind in Cog.  I think we are expected to get in outline tonight for major project and I have one more cog assignment due, but I will be tomorrow behind maybe up to four assignments in multi.  I'm afraid to look.  Ok, ok can't be scared right?  Maybe I could wait with you for an early dinner tonight?  Maybe?  Thanks,    We are having some tomato sandwiches for dinner. 

Our friend is out of town fishing and V is out for the evening.  I am still not ahold of Macadam.  He hasn't signed on, but I know he knows where to get me.  I guess we're not going over there today.  V's been around most of day :) ... we were both up about 4 am.  I went out about an hour or two ago to get smokes, money for laundry and laundry to cleaners.  I will have to pick it up tomorrow.  I think I will be able to pay rent, but otherwise now down to 0 in my checking account with ten more days to pay day.  That's not so good.  I got out $20 extra in cash to pay parking at the U.  So, my account balance isn't charged $30 for $5 expense.  I'm at about 3/4 tank.  That might be a breaking overdraft problem, plus knowing carton won't last full ten days.  We are running on average about 3 days short a pack a day.  Maybe I'll have to borrow $20 from either friend or over draw on account toward end of week.  No more groceries for now until next check comes in.  I think we have enough to about make it.  We have kitty food, coffee, rice dishes, yogurt and apples.  For this next part, we even still have milk and cereal!  I know though that our friend will let me owe him for ten days on that.  At this moment we're paid up.  

I was just thinking of something ... it had come up a few moments ago when we noted the weight.  Although, it is slow in coming and we're way up toward the top yet.  There is now a sense of hope and more a feeling of control.  I just scoffed at the thought of buying a sweet when picking up smokes and I got onto our friend badly, when he tried to convince me Dunkin Donut glazed apple fritters only 300 calories.  One of our ideal images was in working like what we did at JVS eight years ago.  Although it is a long time now, we were in good shape, if not mentally, at least, physically.  I will never have that again because of the back, but because of needing to be moving more with Mirza and gaining the type office system as we had back then, I am strongly motivated to being able to once again stand as we are moving things around, because we are going too fast to sit.  I was very quick and process motivated.  And, I had that certain feeling of command and presence.  I miss that.  Ok, I confirmed that apple fritter is stated as being 300 calories.  They list a chocolate eclair at 270 calories and a glazed donut at 180 calories.  Is this real??  Boston Creme donut 240??  Maybe donuts are bad, just cuz you never have just one?  Well, you might ... think though you said you didn't like sweets.  AHA!  Apple fritter at Krispy Cremes 400 calories!   

Ok, so much for our resolve.  Doesn't mean we got to get them, right?  Ok, it is like 4 pm now and we're done with dinner AND after dinner smoke.  We could set a goal now to work for like 3-4 hours.  Lighter stuff like multi-class.  It would make us feel better to get something in.  Like at work the feeling of movement as we are processing something.  It won't be so bad after we start, right?  Not too much time left in day.  It is going to be hard to put fingers somewhere else beside keyboard.  I've been writing for a long time.  They are sorta tired.  Hmm, maybe since dinner early, we should take night time medicine early too.  AND, no tv ... that will keep us up. 

If we process school the rest of the evening, it would be easier to get up early tomorrow and start seriously on the day.    Ok, so how do I break away without feeling impending doom.  We've been knocking our ability to get things done of late, including school.  Just have to concentrate?  Hmm, medicine hold on.  k, that's done 4:12 pm.  Feeling kinda tired.  Too early for bed yet.  Maybe if I just bring the book a little closer?  Hmm, only 6 pages to finish chapter.  Don't remember though what rest of chapter was about.  Maybe if I just go over high lighted parts.  Think something about counseling African Americans.  

Ok, so far, just took less than 10 minutes and material seems kinda familiar.  As I read, I know I'd gone through that information before.  So, it is somewhere close in my memory :)  Hmm, kitty is pushing for a break.  But, just working hard now to take care.    Five minutes of kitty petting, clear table of dishes and garbage, get ice water, and start dishwasher.  This is all good, right.  Did something physical.  Now, something student?  Shoot back hurts.  Nother tiny break, to regain focus.  Nother smoke, no I'm not too nervous.   

We're going to try a break in music too.  We've listened to 162 George Winston Piano songs in a row.  We turned it to our super soothing Enya.  We only have 66 of her songs, so the music is only going to last about 5 1/2 hours.  Sounds nice to hear dish washer running.  Big sigh.  About half an hour of medicine in system.  Maybe you could stay around a little longer.  Like if I read like 6 pages, you'll wait right here?  Gotta look down and pick up pink highlighter.  I got on my scrunchy eyebrows.  Nother long sigh.  Ok, I can do this ... take hands off keyboard!   

Yoo hoo, I finished this tiny goal.  I had to get through some yawning at first and Chief wanted another petting.  It's now 5:08 pm.  Still should be up a couple more hours.  I'm not sure if I am able to write yet, but that would be next on the agenda.  Ok, so what would that entail.  I would have to go to school and read the assignment.  Pshwoo.  That's a biggie.  Ok, one foot forward ... let's make it the right one. 

Ok, I went in ... read a few messages and came back out after copy pasting two assignments from week before this.  I was a little too intimidated to read what I had to do with them, but chapter just completed reading had to do with these two assignments.  I was in a hurry to get out of the room.  Felt uncomfortable in there, although I realize that there are quite a few students behind as well.  That seems to help.  Ok, light up another smoke.  Take a few deep breaths.  5:22 pm.   

Ok, I'm going to need to read the questions for the papers.  I can do this, right?  Shoot, looked fast ... seems hard.  Heavy sigh.  What would you tell me at this point?  Maybe it would be ok to take a break, but I feel I have to accomplish something.  Maybe put in two hours on two papers?  Would that be really rushing things?  We need to figure out our new global position.  I think that is the one V would vote for.  He said, take the B, no long-in-depth reports.  He said I should try hard at that.  Maybe if I frame in the questions according to pages in the book, I could pace myself and answer just what is asked of me. 

Ok, still not looking hard at questions seems between two assignments there are seven literal questions and in breaking down words that need defining or interpreting to answer questions, I need to look up reference 10 things.  Let's say then no more than 12-15 minutes per section.  Might go up to 8 pm though, in order to frame out where answers lay in text.  I think we should give ourselves time to structure what we are looking for.  It might be better to list specifics of questions rather than sort out all the questions at once.  Than I have key words to search for.  I can keep them up on the screen while I am searching.  Let's give this task 5 minutes.  Go.   

Wow, it took me 14 minutes to frame and understand questions being asked.  Put them in outline format.  It would be now more efficient if I could list answers in a few words to answer questions, and then next frame them in sentence format.  I am still assuming that I am going to get answers from the book directly.  Only a 15 page chapter, lets keep this light.   Ok, outline page up, search beginning first page.  YAYYYY done with that part ... pretty easy although generic responses straight from book, I may have to relay some experiences with clients.  It is now 7:11.  That part of the task took one hour 13 minutes. 

Rest, Rest ... Maybe a little fruit treat?  Double YAYYY!  Hey, there are clean dishes out there!  Our friend got us a few tiny fruit cups.  This one is little baby mandarin type oranges in sweet juice!  Wonderful for dry throat.  The slices are only about one inch big!  Ahh, that was great!  I'm figuring by now I'm going to post this email, just because it is turning out to be more procedural than survival.  This is a good thing, right?  Still having trouble taking fingers off keyboard.    Ok, outline page up, search beginning first page. 

YAYYYY done with that part ... pretty easy although generic responses straight from book, I may have to relay some experiences with clients.  It is now 7:11.  That part of the task took one hour 13 minutes.  Rest, Rest ... Maybe a little fruit treat?  Double YAYYY!  Hey, there are clean dishes out there!  Our friend got us a few tiny fruit cups.  This one is little baby mandarin type oranges in sweet juice!  Wonderful for dry throat.  The slices are only about one inch big!  Ahh, that was great! 

I'm figuring by now I'm going to post this email, just because it is turning out to be more procedural than survival.  This is a good thing, right?  Still having trouble taking fingers off keyboard.    This next part is tough.  It is almost 7:30 now.  I have two options.  I can either finish the double paper now and give me a later bed time than expected, or I can go to bed now at perfect time and save paper work for early tomorrow morning.  Hmm, tough call.  How am I feeling? 

Let me look over the notes one more time.  Doesn't seem to be a real hard project.  I am tired, but could push self to go on.  Be sure nice to get a couple papers done, but there are 3 pages of notes.  Hmm, exactly 7:30 now.  I'm thinking in the back of my mind that I could finish these two tonight, get up early and catch up other two for multi-cultural.  Shoot that's not going to happen soon ... Have to read again.  Lets look into that.  Ok, just one chapter and that's umm... Wow another 15 page chapter.  We will be moving on to Asian Americans. 

We could set a goal to be done reading then and writing by let's say 9 am.  It will depend on when I could get to bed.  But, that would leave me able to complete last Saturday's paper in cog.  I can't remember, but it might be another paper on memory.  I could shoot for a six hour goal on that.  There will be some time spent on resting.  Perhaps, I could go faster, not sure. 

V might say ... I bet you could finish that by noon - 3 hours!  Max!  Wow that would only leave one more assignment past due.  We could put in 7-8 hours trying to work through our final project outline for cog.  That is what is due tonight.  We could add another 3-4 hours more Monday morning.  Shoot for a Six am delivery date.  Need to count some time in here sometime for commenting too.  That takes some time.  I'd like to go in to work early, been trying that last couple of days, it feels great!  We're not talking real early, just like 15 minutes.  Makes a whole lot of difference.  We get in there before DSP 1A gets there, so can focus on tasks better.    Oh shoot, this isn't getting done very fast.  Maybe I better get cracking.  BRB.  Lets say Two papers ONE HOUR!!!  They are pretty much self written, just need to make it look pretty.  Ok, here we go jumping in!  7:45 pm.  Set timer! 

Whoops here comes go to bed kitty.  She'll have to be put off.  Can't go to bed yet.  Ok, re-estimate we are on pace to be doing ten minute paragraphs.  That means we finish the papers by 9:15, plus two comments.  Let's aim for 10 pm bedtime, regardless of where we are.  We're losing serious time.  Won't wake up until 5 or 6 am.  Frowny face.  Ok you!  Back at it ... no use crying over spilt milk.  You have tasks to be doing!  Yes ma'am.   

WooHoo ... finished writing the papers.  Last on only took 50 minutes, however, it is 10 pm, my witching hour.  I am going to post the papers, then go back in the morning to write comments.  It is time for me to say enough.  Hold on let me take care of that little task.  AHA!  Ran into the V-ster.  He tied for first place with his journals for stories and poetry (Annual AOL journal people thing).  YayYYYYY him!  Ok, we've stretched her pretty late tonight and Missy on table between me and computer saying bed time!  YAYYY, WE DID IT~!  TWO PAPERS FINISHED!!!!  Smooches on the house!  Thank you, thank you for all your help!