Bring in the Tomatoes

Good morning. We’re up early this morning. I’d like to think it is because we want to be up rather than blaming whoever it is on our buddy list that has the sound of a woman screaming. Hmm, that’s a sound that would get a person’s attention. Not sure ... might have had something to do also with our nightmare.

One never remembers all of it, but the gist of the nightmare was that we were going to have a meal at our grandmother’s. And, someone decided for old time sake to open my grandfather’s flat stone casket. Apparently, my grandmother did that often enough because there was this part where the skeleton (partially rotting flesh) turned around and sat up. My grandmother told us that he normally did just that. She scoffed at and scolded my grandfather and reminded him of his condition and he laid down again. We had the impression that he was waiting for her. He died 27 years ago and my Grandmother is actually still alive and in her late 90's now.

In the meantime, my brother and sister had started taking out of the casket/shrine objects in a display-type scenario to "count their blessings." Our role seemed to be to be putting away the relics that were Egyptian like. There were statues, small gold boxes, and metal weapons such as blunt instruments and swords. We knew the only way the casket would be closed and put away was to gather and return all the items. Some of the items rested or were propped on a fire place mantel close to the body. It was all just off the right of the dining room table that had been adorned with a silk tablecloth, thin candles, and white dishes.

Some of the items had come to life and made the task more difficult. There was one figure who was princess-like who had unlocked the door of a hidden vault and had laid down on the floor. This was at the other end of a long hall full of relics. It seemed like something we would find in the Chicago Art Museum. When older family members came to retrieve the woman they discovered she was in a room of gold, coins and jewelry. I had the feeling that the room was going to be pillaged, but it was about that time that I woke up to the sound of the screaming woman sound byte on our buddy list.

I know, I know morbid and gross, right?

I’m going to try and leave this whole mind mess alone now for a few moments. It’s weighted heavily in our mind, but Dr. M. Is FINALLY going to be back tomorrow. We’ll hope he’ll help us with it.

I’m pretty sure we are to blame in that we read about 50 pages of our object relations book on self and others yesterday afternoon. The first short 4 chapters were difficult, because the author was laying out snarly terms and definitions for his key words. This included a synopsis of other psychologist’s work. The terms were the object, the self, self-object, and the ego. We’re on Part II of the book where it talks of developing object relations. That part is divided in two. The first part being separation and individuation and the second part psychological mechanisms.

This is the first theory book we’ve read on object relations. Our broadest idea of object relations going into the book is that people’s psyche are terribly influenced by their first relationships and that one of the first objects of attention is the mother.

To be quite up-front, I had a terrible, terrible relationship with my mother from the start and that never improved. She was cold, angry, and rejecting. In addition, during the first four years, I had a primary relationship with my sexually abusive grandfather and to some degree my two grandmothers and a primarily missing father. To continue over simplifying, one of the grandmothers (the one in the dream who is still alive) was very strict and controlling and the other grandmother was loving and apt to spoil us. The loving grandmother’s husband, my second grandfather, had died a month before we were to be born.

Ok ... break here. We’ve been for the last 15 minutes or so trying to reread and conceptualize what we’ve just said to no avail. I think my best Vince like thoughts and figure that I can step away ... "Hey, how about that Philly-Chicago game this afternoon?" Mmm, I bet coffee is ready now.

It’s kind of strange actually ... cuz in our best Dr. M. thoughts he might remind me the difference between past and present. Even the nightmare is something that is completed. The feelings we’ve had since picking up the book yesterday is that our past is merely a thought away. We do worry a bit about the tension that we feel in our body right now. For the most part, yesterday, we had little images happening according to what we were reading. The nice part is that we were able to look up and around to see that our beautiful new living room was surrounding us and that our wonderful sleek Mr. Kitty was laying by our side.

I had read earlier in the afternoon while listening to opera ... that turned out to be way over stimulating. I’d had tostop because I’d been too high. We’re talking drugs here. No, I hadn’t taken drugs, but the feelings were if I had. Very out of control. That seems something that our Kelsie had led us through. Later, we read while listening to the White Sox loose to Kansas City. That allowed us to be much more tempered in emotion.

Hmm, ‘bout now were bablin... Feeling kind of worn out all of a sudden ... Thinking we might try laying down again ... Hmm, look at that ... Frost advisory ... They are saying that Chicago area, specially toward the Lake has hit about 30. But, our local weather says its about 42 here ... eh, nothing to worry about right? Bring in those tomatoes though, k?