Just Goofin around

Good morning ... Ahhh, that’s much better! Breathing space!

Trying to think here. I think the last we wrote is Wednesday morning. I’m sure a whole lots happened by then. Maybe you better sit back or dismiss yourself, we’re thinking this might be a long entry. Where do we start? Hmm, maybe last night ... that’s not so far lost to our memory.

Last night we went out to dinner with our friend. We seem to have given him our regular hard time, because he was 20 minutes late.  I’m not sure why we always start out with the hard time, because in reality, we’re usually lookin forward to seeing him. Kind of a reminder of see how much I had to put up with while you were gone? Hate to think it’s just a woman thing!

We ended up going Polish. I may have been coerced by the fact that they served Amaretto Stone Sours.  As it turned out this was like only a 1 ½ star restaurant. It’s not that the food was all bad, but all they offered was a smorgasbord where the sign had boasted steak and shrimp. Strike one. Then upon entering this very large and luminous restaurant that had no atmosphere, we discovered we were customers 4 and 5. Strike two. There only appeared to be three employees the guy talking on the phone at the register, one cranky Polish waitress who hissed, "What do you want?" And, a neurotic cook who kept returning to rearrange the food and wipe down the buffet each time we or another customer used it. Strike three. 

Maybe next week Italian. Yay, Pasta!!!

Oh yeah last night ... we came home and had some fuzzy moments and then the next thing we knew it was morning! Wallah!

Since writing, we’ve had two more sessions of physical therapy. Made both of them on time. Our therapist gets there on time too. Our 45 minutes per day starts out on this big stretching table. Kind of reminds you of a square padded trampoline. Clean sheets are put down and I’m learning to start my stretches while the therapist is settling in. Then she is there to bend you in places you wouldn’t think going alone and after that, we try a couple of machines.

The big deal this last time is that it appears I’ve been accepted by the regulars ... Yahoo!!! One of them asked my name. This is a pretty big deal ... a very top notch crew. There is one guy who they all seem to tease. And there are like four older age to middle age black women.  I’ve been listening to them chat in and out of our exercises. They all seem to know what’s up and are pretty incredible. Two of them are in wheelchairs one is missing her legs. Sure, wouldn’t want to be the person to cross them though, they are tough! I love to hear the sound of their laughter. I was so taken up by my acceptance into the group, that I left repeating the words to myself, "I’m in! I’m in!" Hehe Better get back to doing those at home exercises!

There was no Dr M. Meeting on Thursday, because he was out of town at a meeting. But, on Wednesday, I had a 3:45 appointment at the U for nutrition. As it turns out, this meant that my regular doctor has turned control of my diabetes over to the health and wellness clinic. Sure didn’t go over well with me on that day. We came out kinda angry. This diabetes seems to be getting into the way all over the place.

I didn’t like the part of going through this much trouble for diabetes. The doc and me struck a wrong cord right away. After I’d gotten back to the exam room, he had come in to shake my hand, but then he said he would be sending in his associate. We were cranky already by then at having another long wait and having had to gone through blood tests, so we fairly animatedly complained, "Another resident???" He took this kind of negatively. He had a very large fake smile on and I could see him cringe.

So, then after a while the resident came in ... the guy had no personality whatsoever. Then, after leaving it was like another 45 minutes of waiting. Finally, they both came back ... and you could tell the doc was still miffed at me. He said, they had had a very long talk. Used to be a doctor would talk to you.  His end conclusion was that I should take diabetes classes and he went as far as talking about some silly support group.

In actuality, I had come out from the meeting saying the a****** wants me to take f***** reality classes. Let me tell you ... this was like the furthest thing from my imagination.

I’ve come enough in the last two days to be thinking ... ok, maybe I’m in Diabetic denial. But, I’m pretty serious about just that! D*** Maybe it’s a basic fact ... that I don’t WANT to be a diabetic. Hmpf! That’s all I’m going to say in this direction. Don’t be messing with MY reality.

Anyway ...

Yes, maybe it’s a lot for me still to be missing my Dr. M. Appointments ...

Just pretty grumpy about the whole thing by now. I can’t be happy that my body has pretty much abandoned me.

Ok ... ok ... we’rebetter. Chief decided we must have needed some calming down, because he came up to the table, laid down against my chest between me and the keyboard and insisted on a 20 minute pet. *Sigh* by now he’s done his work for the day, because we watched him going back toward his bedroom to have a nap.  :)

So, let’s look at the work week a little bit. Sometimes that helps more than not.

The biggest piece of our week went into staff training. We’ve been having a pretty good time of it, although we’re working very hard.   She’s very motivated at this point to be doing good work.  She's fighting the part that there should be an objective. She wanted again to revert to what had been done instead of what should be done. She’s mellowed though over the week.

She’s gotten much better this week at realizing that the group should be starting at 8:30 sharp. Anywhere from 7:30 to 8:30 people are coming in and the group has gotten used to they work on puzzles and lightly chat between themselves. I’m a firm believer that the program runs only between 8:30 and 2:30 ... six hours. Other time SHOULD be preparation.

Hmm, just thinking. I wonder if next week, we could bring in our laptop and type directly, instead of copying over notes after the sessions? Might be a great idea! Save some time and I think I’m quicker on the keyboard than writing by hand.

There are still a lot of things going on within the group while she is concentrating on getting the lessons completed.  It’s also good for me in being able to analyze what is happening in both her learning skills and group dynamics.

As far as my own development, I think it is good for me to have an established system and clear path where she gets to know what I know without me overly teaching what she may or may not be ready to learn. Plus, I like that everything is being written out so that there is no question as to what I am implying.

I’ve had a little time to do CARF this week, but not as much as I would have liked to. The notes have taken too long to get out.

We continued over dependency in the Thinking Group.  I had to change horses midstream. Instead of talking of the negative side of "being over dependent," we began to go through lessons of what happens when people aren’t overly dependent. We used lots of volunteers.

 For example, I might wantthem to learn a concept of sharing respect. So, I called for three volunteers. I chose two of the guys who are known for their respectable manners. Then I chose a low functioning client who smiles a lot, but doesn’t talk. It’s important to include everyone. I put the two guys in the middle of the room in chairs next to each other. And the girl stood in front of them by me. I told the group that I was the bus driver, then I asked them, "Who’s riding on my bus." Most are happy to answer loudly, the two guys.  Then we turned to the girl and told them she was a new passenger who just got on the bus. Then, we asked, "What is the first thing that should happen when a female get’s on the bus and is left standing?" One of the volunteers who was seated said, "We should offer her a seat!" So, then I said, "Wonderful, go ahead." Then I brought to their attention as to how both parties felt. Each, of course, had felt great. So, then we concluded that they those good feelings each had for the other was shared respect!  Cool stuff.

There were a couple of behavior problems, which were about the same as the week previous. We still are working with the popular group in back trying to run their own show. We have to keep them listening when some of the other members of the more common group are up and the back table group don’t have center stage.

The first guy only comes a few days a week, so he figures he's missing out. The last two weeks he has feigned attention by pretending to be asleep which gets the girls that are close to him all concerned. We talked out loud about positive attention and negative attention. We gave a couple of examples.

We acted out with volunteers giving positive accolades for them having done something really well. Then we asked if they had gotten our attention. The group said, "Yes, she had." I said was it because they had done something good or bad? They got this one too. Then I tried one more ... Is this positive or negative? They knew this was positive.

Then, we walked over to where the guy was pretending to be asleep. And, we gestured over him is this a good thing or a bad thing that he is pretending to sleep. And, the group was able to answer, "It’s a bad thing. Then we asked, "Are we giving him attention? They thought for a second and then said, "Yes." I said right, because we are all noticing him and his behavior. So we concluded this is negative attention. "What is betterpositive attention or negative attention?" Yup, yup they had gotten it! YAY positive attention is still in favor!

About five minutes the guy suddenly "woke up" and was asking to volunteer. Hehe. Yay!!!

One of the lower functioning clients who doesn't, but makes sounds and gestures was getting up a lot and being disruptive.  I think he tries to copy my behavior because he sees that I’m the center of attention and he wants that role. So, we set him up as a volunteer and put him in a position of getting everyone's positive support.  We made sure the group knew that it wasn’t a bad thing to want attention, it’s just it’s better to get it from doing good things than acting out in a bad way.  This way he had his chance to sparkle and collect some good feelings which decreased his need to act out!

I think sometimes we get off course with some of our lessons, but we try very hard to work with what is being presented to us.

I feel very gratified that so many of the individuals pass by me through the week confirming I will be here on Friday and that the Thinking Group is coming up again. I see the excitement build as I pass their groups. It’s a kind of funny thing to hear them say, "There’s Miss Ann, it’s almost time for the Thinking Group!" Maybe it’s vanity on my part, but I sure like to think they are getting something out of it.

The other group experience is the Staff Training. This week we set out to complete the training of Developmental aspects of mental retardation that we’d started the week before. Basically, we went over these six personality problems for people with MR and then concluded with looking over the "Support Evaluation."

1. Over-dependence on adults in the immediate environment

2. Wariness in initial interactions with adults

3. Lowered expectancy of success

4. Increased reliance on others for solutions to problems (outer-directed - rewards come from others)

5. Diminished pleasure in solving difficult problems and a preference for tangible as opposed to intangible rewards

6. Less differentiated self-concepts couple with lower ideal images of themselves

I gave an example that you should never need to tell a group more than twice what you expected from them.  Many are still dependent on getting attention by negative means like non-compliance.

My way of thinking of it, is that the first time you tell an individual oragroup something, such as put away your materials, they should respond, and a great many do. But, some don’t. They continue working on whatever it was they were working on. So, I feel that in due respect, you can say it again ... perhaps in another way, or directed more toward those few individuals who may have not heard or understood. But, that should be it. If they aren’t responding, I figure, they need attention and it should be direct without giving more assistance than is needed.  

What people should do is act independently without further direction.  If it were your boss, after giving you a task, you would automatically follow through.  With our groups, I think they are more used to being nagged and we don't want to do that.  If the individual isn't responding independently, the next level is verbal. That means verbally we walk them through the steps needed. We say, "Put the pencil on the table. Close your book. Pick up the book and put it on the shelf, put the pencil in the cup." Except, we don’t do all that at once. That would be a four step process that he likely isn't able to do.  

If the individual is not able to do verbal then you walk over to the individual and give him all your attention.  You would point at the pencil and then at the table while saying put the pencil on the table. This is what is meant as gestures. The fourth step is physical. You put your hand on the back of hers and lower it to the table assisting her in placing the pencil on the table.

Usually with the higher groups, you don’t need to go down to the 4th step. And, if the individual has a specific problem with the command they are likely to tell you. For example, they might say, "I just want to finish writing the date." To which you say, "ok, that’s a good idea." But, after that? I would like you to put your things away. Usually, they say, "Ok." It’s kind of a negotiated thing.

With the lowest group where ability to understand the spoken language is often the case there is much more physical prompting (or cuing). You follow the same steps, but may often finding yourself physically holding their hand and leading them to the bathroom.  Or hand over hand you might need to together hold the marker or mold the clay.  Or sometimes, you model the behavior.  "Watch, do this."  It seems most people want to do things on their own.   

Sometimes, a person will getdefensive with you touching their "things." Hehe particularly if it’s their lunch! In this case, you try to remain positive. Saying something like, "Ahh, I see you want to put away your own lunch box.  You can almost feel them thinking, "Uh huh!" Then you can ask, "Are you going to be finished soon? They might say, "I want to finish my pop." You say, "Sure, that is reasonable, I’ll come back in five minutes to see how you are doing."

Does this all seem crazy? It’s seeming kind of weird to me right now, but I know this is the kind of stuff I teach. In the example, above we sometimes run into people who have gone past lunch time and need to return to their group, but the individual is stalling or requiring extra attention. Maybe they are having a bad day. 

Whatever it is it still has to be worked through.  It's not ethical of us to just leave the person stuck.  When someone flags for this extra attention by "rebelling" against general order, they need help.  The general rule is that lunch in the multi-purpose room lasts for only 30 minutes, then you have to be responsive toward other group processes.

In this situation, I would have returned to the individual after five minutes sat down and asked, "How are you doing?" "Usually, the response is, "Fine." So, we continue, "We’re you able to almost finish?" From here you get a yes or a no.  You've given them a chance to work things on their own and are again stuck. So, next you begin to feel things out. "What’s happening, what kind of a day have you been having? You getting along with your DSP? Anyone bothering you? How’s the family? Is there anything you need help with?"

Life sometimes seems like a merry-go-round.  Sometimes we step off and either don't want to get back on or don't know how.  I’m ok with this for a few moments, but my actual task is helping you back to work. Often given attention you can help get the person back in touch with life.  I resent the kind of "support" where the supporter is yelling things like, "I don’t have time for this kind of behavior." 

Sometimes pretty crummy things happen like threateningly saying, "I’d hate to call your mother." Or place guilt like "You’ll be sorry if you miss out on the fun." Or, let off a whole long steaming bit of rhetoric, like "You’ve been causing me problems all day! You make me mad and frustratedand I’ll show you what happens then!"

Maybe these are things that happen to other people who aren’t mentally retarded, but it’s especially problematic in our field. People are on schedules and in the best of situations working hard, with few materials, on tight time schedule, and in large groups that are not always adaptable to the individual. People with MR are are always in situations where someone is overseeing their life.  .

Shoot soap boxing. 

They come to us from their homes to learn independence and community.  Independence isn't doing whatever you want.  In a social world, it includes being responsible for doing your part.  So, we set up a set of experiences, or live with them through one's they are working through.  

It’s actually pretty cool. I think that the more the individual learns to trust their DSP, the more interesting the DSP becomes to the individual and the more the individual learns about all there is offered at the center and in life, and the less likely he is to sit around complaining or staring at the TV when he goes home. There’s all kinds of cool things to be doing and thinking and relating. It’s all in all very developmentally based.

During the staff training this week, one of the DSPs brought one of her own stuck points.  I think this is common in the staff training sessions. It’s kind of what they’re all about ... helping the people. 

This particular staff had a client who is middle aged female in an upper group that had had a very bad set of physical situations happen to her. She had left the program for about a year, because she had become sick, nearly died and had become almost paraplegic from neck down. We don’t really deal with a lot of physical problems so I could be empathetic with the DSP frustration, but there are limits.  The DSP was saying things like, the woman couldn't particpate because she couldn't see well, and she’s got a cane that interferres with getting around, and she’s always needing extra time and attention.

So, we tried to expand her mindset.  We said from going through not walking, being taught to chew and brush her hair was incredibly an amazing journey. We held out are hand and said, she started way down here, and now she is way up her indicating great length between ourhands. The DSP said, well I kind of see what you mean, but I can’t teach her anything here.

We asked her what the goals were for this client and if they matched the DSPs objectives. She stated pretty simply she didn’t have any and furthermore kinda felt sorry for the client. We went through a whole lot talking at this point. We challenged, "aren't their things this person could need?" Was she at the pinaccle of her life?  We asked her how does the client fit in? The DSP said, "Well, actually she doesn’t." We didn't want to be a part of "failure to thrive" due to neglect

Fortunately, this staff decided to talk over some realistic goals with the Administrator, but was nice enough to say thanks for helping her get to that point. 

I may have talked about it before, but one of my favorite psychological concept is "cognitive dissonance." I don’t have a very evolved concept of what this means, but my interpretation of it is that there is a difference in most people from their ideals and their actual thoughts and behaviors. When the difference between them get tooo big, you start to get some pretty crummy feelings.

When the DSP felt too much pressure in not being able to "help" this client it caused her to seek help rather than to let the situation suffer.

We like building bridges.  People including me are worth all the attention that can be mustered. 

I really feel pity on poor V. Cuz, we know he’s the only one that ALWAYS reads what we have to say. And, this proving out to be quite lengthy by our standards. He’s our [Top fan]. But, before we rest his eyes we have one more thing to write about this week.

We just want to mention that the other thing that has messed with our attention this last couple of days has been the Paper Tiger program. We didn’t get much done on the CARF, but we did progress the home library. We are just a couple books short of finishing the first shelf. Well, this is less than 3% of our library, but it is a definite start.

We’ve been having some strange thoughts over this last week. We keep imagining my ex-husband back into the picture. It’s like where is he in our mind? And, what does he think about?  Since contacting Jacob a few weeks ago, he’s been sneaking back into our thoughts. Maybe a little more dissonance. I know that a goodmany books Ipurchased, but some of the books I respect were his.  Like the one on top of my pile now ... Views from the Real World of Gurdjieff.

Listen to this introduction...

"... he is recognized today as a great spiritual force, who saw clearly the direction modern civilization is taking and who set to work behind the scenes to prepare people in the West to discover for themselves and eventually to diffuse among mankind the certainty that Being is the only indestructible reality."

What a terrific concept!

He was born in 1877 and in 1922, he opened an Institute for the Harmonious Development of Man.

Wow! My ex had great perspective 25 years ago! This is kind of getting me a little excited.  Kind of makes me think his real purpose in life was to give me smart kids and a great library!

Hmm, maybe it's time I should quietly tuck myself into the couch under a good light tucked into my big white down blanket! 

Just like to say, thanks for being so patient as to get through this long set of thoughts.  Maybe nothing so directly important, but its a good exercise for me to write and think at the same time.  Maybe next bigger thoughts?  Need to read.  I am being thrilled to pieces when I read through the many Tables of Context.  Shoot, there is just so much to be learning.  It's as enjoyable as to play.