Skip this One ... Just Venting Frustration

Morning! Think so at least ... hmm, yes ... all indicators are here!

Well, we’d have to say that yesterday was rather a down day after all the commotion. I think mostly, because Sr. Tess was in such a very bad mood. Fortunately, we had a Dr. M. appointment immediately after the work day had ended, so we had a chance to talk things out. We’d become very angry too.

The first thing we need to say, is that, Sister Tess’ Mother has died less than three weeks ago. I know you all know that, but we need to keep remembering. We’re figurin that is playing heavily into things. Last night we talked almost the whole time of what she was projecting out in anger toward us, the staff, and others she comes in contact with.

Thing is, she doesn’t see it. She’s become very bitter, but seems to think she is as cool as a cucumber and very rational. My father was like that too. I had to put distance between us, because his negativity was very damaging to our psyches. I guess the only thing I can really do with Sr. Tess is put distance in the form of boundaries drawn. I don’t know ... yesterday, I told Sr. Flo that I tried to be very respectful of Sr. Tess, but she said, see that might be part of the problem. Sr. Tess thought I was too respectful. *Sigh* Sometimes its too much? Having a hard time with that one.

At times like this ... everyone, I think, in their own way, tries to figure out the boss. Some in fear of her maybe, but others because we know although she would never say it, she’s hurting. We’ve had these kind of discussions with Dr. M. ever since we came to the Center. Personally, I’ve come to believe she’s not real strong in handling her emotions. She’s got an explosive personality. And, that has an affect. I try to stay calm and not let it affect us personally, but I don’t always succeed. I think when I am calm and maintain my professionalism, like I did with CARF, it makes her even angrier. What good is all her efforts on projecting anger on us, if we don’t get angry.

*Sigh* So, yesterday we got angry. But, pretty much only at Dr. M’s.

There was stuff happening. I think the worst of it, was in the morning, first half hour. She told us that she was pretty sure, she was going to take away my Saturday work. We tried to rationalize in our behalf with her for about 7-8 minutes, before she ended the discussion. Overtime had started one, because we were so behind and there was so much work to do, but two because I had to start paying 10% of my take home pay in insurance. I wasn’t making it financially.

Sister’s logic was that without a CARF inspection looming, I would have like practically no work to be doing. I wanted to scream. The whole thing this next year was to keep up the CARF projects so that we’d never get behind again. Same with the Qnotes and Annuals, we would try to be doing them on time. Plus she still expects me to work on case load, program development, intake, maintaining the programs computer usage, groups, etc. Sr. seems to be disregarding also that I wanted to take over staff development, because the other Q is so demeaning to the staff and program. One way or another, I was now being expected to do all this in a third less of the time and with 17% less money, while knowing that I was being already underpaid for overtime or for my qualifications of getting hard work accomplished.

Yesterday was also a bad day, because she started doing the things I’d worked myself away from. I was once again covering for missing staff, covering for staff who weren’t on time, and even answering the doors. It made me very angry. Then, she called me to say that she wanted me to help get the van in for a repair. All of this while we were supposed to be getting the CARF problems taken care of, catching up with Qnotes, and attending intake.

I was also yelled at for having said "No," to one of my lower functioning clients when she tried to take away another client’s game, which sent the thieving client into an outrage. Sr. said, I must have done something wrong, because she didn’t seem to act like that anymore. She threw a full blown temper tantrum. I am fairly sure it was because the client has been neglected of any proper attention. She does as she pleases. She’s got the staff trained so that if they even talk to her, she starts to cry. Just terrible stuff. I didn’t know the protocol was to appease the clients!

I’m sorry, sorry ... starting to feel that anger again. I’ll be calm. I’ll be calm.

I figure that for a while, if she decides to take away the extra paid time to be doing 8 hours of the work, that I will also take away the 12.50 free hours I do by working late each night. This is how frustrated I am. She still has not responded either to my offer of giving the Center a professional collection of books. So, we figure the next thing to do would be to get the books anyway and begin to study them with my extra time as I would have if she had cared. I won’t let 20 extra hours of time go to waste. Nor, would I settle for becoming less a person or take on less a course of action, so that I can maintain a lesser position as a Q., when I’m smart enough to do so much more.

I figure in 2-3 years, I could become 60 or so books more intelligent in the field. If Sr. has no plans to advance me or pay me for that matter, I’ll be in a better position to look elsewhere. I won’t accept being deadlocked into a position which I don’t respect. She also did something else that made us angry. After repeatedly telling us the CARF Surveyor position was our own decision which she would have nothing to do with, we took the position offered (as far as requesting the application) on Tuesday and told her about it on Wednesday. By Thursday, she began the project of angrily telling us we couldn’t do the work of CARF. I knew this would happen. Could see it coming, though didn’t expect it so fast.

Big Deep Breath ... It'll be ok, it'll be ok ... We don't have to feel threatened here.  We belong...

Do you know ... there wasn't from work one "Thank You," one "Nice Job," or one "Congratulations for earning an CARF Exemplary, or for having passed 97% of the standards?"  I guess this kind of stuff might matter to a person?  How does a person though not take it personally?