After a Poet's Nudge

(To Continue ... Please press flower picture :) )

 

Just a little note …

 

We have had a few autumn surprises from a couple of my best friends.  Sr. also snapped at me for her computer Internet being a little messed up.  We are going to quickly forget about the that with a conscious choice to appreciate the fall splendor that is upon us!

 

It reminds of fall road trips taken with our friend to make love on top the open bluffs of Wisconsin overlooking the river sliding past down below.  What can one achieve better than blanket, picnic blanket and falling leaves on ones face as getting tickled by the play of frolic and covert!  Ahh, as if God were to whisper in my ear … I was just brought French Vanilla tea by yet another friend!  Now some gentle music and we're all set!  Ahh "Forest Morning"  Can't go wrong there!  Cheery good thoughts to one and all!  Life is dazzling!

 

 

Feeling Pretty good by now

Good morning. We’re up with just a little time left to write ... was having a very nice IM chat this morning, but alas all good things must come to an end.

It has been a couple of days since we have written. I think we were holding out because they haven’t been real good days. Have been going through self-destructive again, but feel we are coming out of it. More talking to the good Dr. M. than normal. *Sigh*

Yesterday was a special day, because we FINALLY after nearly a month, got our office back. I moved in all the stacks and stacks of stuff and hooked up the wires as well as I could. Everything went pretty good, but I only have one speaker out of the four operating proper, and I couldn’t get the printer up. I just know it has something to do with that blue cord. Our fix-it-up person is coming in on schedule today, so he will be able to check it out for me.

I can’t tell you what a relief it was to be back in familiar surroundings. I’ve been on record for my claims at loving my office. I really do. It’s like a very special place. Today, should be pretty easy ... the only things that NEED to be done is to prepare a few Qnotes and attend meetings. We’ll hope for something more! I’m still pretty backed up. I’m fairly sure that Sister liked that I had all of my things out of her office by the time chapel was over yesterday morning. Same goes for my three co-workers as my things piled up on top of their things! Hopefully, we will get a little extra done. I’m really looking forward to being back in the office. AND, for being back to some kind of well-health. I think we’ve been on a mis-mental holiday. :(

The weather here in Chicago has taken a turn for the cooler. It is now 46 degrees out there, and of course, we’re still thinking this is open balcony weather. The kitties have become more frisky, so that is very good. Chief doesn’t sleep as much and they play tag throughout the apartment. Good kitties. This is the time of year, one begins to think, "I better get the winter coat to the cleaners!" I’m looking forward to wearing her again. She’s soooo warm in the chilly weather. But, I can breath better, so I have no complaints against the cold. Hmm, I forgot. I got new boots last year too so that is all good.

Last night and this morning we broke new records in our dieting attempts. So that made us feel pretty good. We’re now within 6 pounds of catching up with our diet buddy. Since he’s a he ... itwill help us with our feelings of femininity not to be the heavier of the two. Though, of course, I’m about 6 inches shorter, so still looking quite the pudgier of the two. V sent in this mornings mail a cartoon of a woman looking in the mirror being thinner and appearing to see herself as being much fatter, and then there is a fat guy who seems to see when he looks in the mirror, a much thinner man. It made me giggle, although, I’m pretty sure when I see the fat woman in the mirror, the mirror is being painfully articulate! We’re working on that though!

Our friend was over again last night. Two nights in a row Wooo HOOOO! We didn’t do any quibbling as we had done the night before. His emphasis is on safety where unfortunately it hasn’t been our concern. But, I really think we’re closer on track than over the last two days. I feel it as a lightening of our mood and affect. Think good talking with people and getting office back helped a lot. I had through out the impression with Sr. That I was being an imposition. That’s never cool. First thing up, of course, was our internet, and soon behind that the music. WoW! Really missed not having that.

Another thing that we missed was talking to one of the other co-workers that also work back in the new addition. We had a nice ½ hour chat mostly about her family. I’ve heard a couple sets of stories about people with families that were way off the mark lately. Kind of makes me feel good that in my own life there is much less goofiness. The boys are doing fine, although Tanner still is not talking to us. In himself, he is being a successful person. Plus, since I do not deal with my me-being-the-child family ... I have to admit then that it follows all is well there. As long as I don’t have to be dealing with the craziness, we seem to be all good!  We just gotta keep US from being strange.

It is much nicer having survived the nightmares and to know that we’ve surrounded ourselves with sane people. Kind of makes me feel like the "system" is working.

By this time, I am starting to look more forward to school starting up again. Yesterday, I crossed some point and finally got down to the bottom of the book problem. I had indeed ordered the wrong edition, so I ordered the right one yesterday. The first book had been too cheap, I shouldn’t have believed that much good fortune. It had gone for only $6 including travel expenses. The book ordered yesterday was $45 which still compares nicely next to the $90 Amazon charging and the $105 theschool was charging. I went with a used sales store from Amazon. Seems to still be the right route. It will get here one to six days after the course starts, but the regular Amazon $90 book wasn’t promised to ship out until 1-3 weeks. So, I figure I’m in better luck than not. Hopefully, the old version book will get me through the first week. For $6 there is no way, I’m sending it back. Would cost me more in my hourly wage to go through return effort.  Yoo Hoo.  Yesterday, we wrote to the Amazon private book seller about the length of time and our scrunch.  He just wrote back saying he thinks we might get it just in time!!!

I am really looking forward to the course room opening early (tomorrow). I need to see what kind of workload and schedule I will be keeping and get myself geared up to where I should be. Maybe there will be advanced reading or writing I can get done over the weekend. It would do my nerves well to get a jump on things. I am looking more forward to the cognitve/emotion/behavior course than the multicultural. I think the multicultural will be very interesting, but we’re already so invested in that through work, that I guess I’m thinking that there will be less to keep my interest high, whereas I’ve never really had a psych cognitive course before. I’ve been thinking of late that it might be too hard, but I know I need to quit thinking that way as it will bog me down.

There is also a little intimidation as to who the new teachers are. The experience with the Writing teacher has left me a little soured. The grades still have not been posted as of this morning. But, am expecting something soon.

I enjoyed watching a little television last night. That has been slow in coming. I am not to the point of watching much beside Law & Order Special Victims and football. But, our friend fixed the horizontal line problem and we were able to stay up until a little after 7 pm. So, that was all good.

My biggest problem at the moment seems to be we are one day out of running out of coffee liners. It’s not time to go shopping yet, so we were trying to figure out if we’d be able to pick them up at the drug store. I think they will have them. I can’t figure out anything else we would get, except red licorice and we’re thinking we’re probably better off without that either. I don’t think its too high sugar, but again we’re not real good with proportion. Betterhold off on that one, right? I don’t know ... if the craving is still there ... I suppose we could look at the calories and see how terrible they are. I know yesterday we ate only one yogurt, and stole 3 tiny tomatoes from the garden. We were kind of tummy frustrated and hungry. But, we held out ... no bad stuff. Hmm, I wonder if that piece of carrot cakes should be put on the bad list. Better stay away from that too! Umm, just in case!  AHA!  My good luck is holding out ... as it turns out while getting the tea at work, we discovered we have two little stacks of coffee filters to take home! 

Just need to concentrate on doing work at work!

Well, I think that’s the top of the news hour report for today. Best get on top of the shower business now. :) Things will be ok, right? Tonight is a Dr. M. Night :):)

Happy Birthday V!!!!! (Please MAXIMIZE screen)

Me  and the kitties

wanted to tell you about "our" V

Long before any of us knew Vince he was an apple in someone's eye. then there was his Dad. 

 This was V when he was just months old ...

He was destined to be a special child.

Rumor has it that V. was born not only of special parents, but as well to a special home! 

Could this be one of V's poetic beauties.

V.'s just told us a little bit of his son.  But, you can be pretty sure ... he's pretty gosh darn important!  (Word is he has his mothers good looks!).

Right outside V's door he has a full mailbox from all the notices he gets to visit journals.

I personally think there is nothing that Vince could not accomplish.

I've had opportunities to look into our hero's mind.  It's a beauty.<A

V. had an uneventful childhood.

>

He grew in character and charm and has had a good fore-arm.

V. took no time to graduate.

V. came into the adult world with theories and theorems!

V has done his share to save mankind from themselves from beside his trusty psychoanalytic couch.

V. like no other journalist around has inundated J-Land in culture and fine arts.

He will be busy all through the days he teases the years from retirement.

V. has brought us poeticism to our thoughts, buthe's not all in raptured melancholy. 

After the party Vince had last year, I'm not sure if we should start up again. We know him and Vlad to be heavy party animal dudes.

I have to be honest, in that V. has made my kitties life a lot happier while I'm gone to work

As one of V.'s MANY friends

It is with much happiness we present this celebration entry for V.

V shares with all of us thousands of smiles because of who he is

More than Just becoming a butterfly, V. has helped us ALL to grow into butterflies.  Happy Metamorphosis V!!!!!

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND MANY MORE!!!!!!!

Talking about a Perfect Son

 

Good morning.  Just me.  It’s still early in the morning and I wanted to just write because it makes me happy.  So nothing really special going on here, except I had a very, very nice day yesterday.

 

Most important was that I had a chance to see Jacob.  What a sight for sorry eyes he was.  A blessing to this Earth!  He’s just so wonderful!

 

We met at 11 ... right on time.  I usually pull up to his school apartment (Like an overgrown dorm) and park.  Then I go to the lobby and pull up the first available chair.  Usually, because I get there a few minutes early, I am sitting at the chair at 5 minutes to the hour.  The elevator door might open a few times, but I know he is usually right on time too!  It never fails.  I sit in that chair and my son appears!

 

This time we didn’t go up to his room before or after, BUT he had brought down a paper for me to go over AND he said that his roommate was coming down in a few moments to meet me.  WoW!!!  That made feel pretty important.  At this point, I’d heard not much about him, except Jacob was getting along and the initial announcement that he was gay.  I thought Wonderful!  Good experience for my straight-laced son. 

 

I guess whatever initial thoughts were, by this time about a month and a half into school, they are getting along wonderfully.  Though I’ve learned that being a roommate actually only means sharing a common area that includes storage area and bathroom.  Each of them actually has their own room past the common area.  Pretty cool.  The room is big enough and along the outside wall is a large set of windows from one wall to another.  Jacob and James are on the 5th floor this year.  I was perfectly delighted with this young man from the start!  He has the ambition of being a doctorate in psychology, most likely he will go on to clinical.  WoW, you might imagine how exciting that is for me.  I’m like pretty much pro-psychologists at this point!

 

He would have come out to dinner with us, except he had a previous obligation to go home and do something with his dog. *Sigh* I felt a little bad about that, because Jacob said the roommate goes home almost every weekend, and I imagined that might leave Jacob feeling a little lonely.  No mother likes to hear that.  But, the thing is they’d been getting along superbly!  James has introduced Jacob to some of his friends and now Jacob is thinking that some of his old friends really weren’t great friends in that they didn’t reciprocate the relationship as much as could be.  Jacob has three very good old friends, and a half a dozen new friends, but James really impressed him.  They will both stop by the others room just to talk and it’s more real than just discussing games.  This is very, very cool.  I guess their favored conversation is on religion.  Wow!  Good Jacob!  I love it that he is discussing his values and such with someone who can meet him intellectually, and in spirit.  I don’t think James is the type to put too much stock in church activities, but Jacob has joined a club that is spiritually orientated, though not any particular denomination.  Cool, cool.  He says that he is going on a retreat in a couple of weekends and he is looking forward to meeting people.  Hehehe even the girl-kind!  I think James is the better studier between the two, but Jacob goes to more classes.  Eh, somewhere betwixt the two they are good students!

 

Jacob wanted to try something different this time for restaurants.  He said there were a strip of them in town and so we drove through them until he got to a steak one that he said had a good reputation.  It was VERY good.  Jacob had mostaccioli and I had a steak sandwich with all the right veggies on top like onions, tomato’s and mushrooms!  The plates were heaping AND we each had dessert.  Jacob had a Sunday and I had a strawberry cheesecake!  Yayyyy for healthy appetites.  Jacob ate the entire meal without looking back. Hehehe Good Jacob! 

 

We talked about some normal areas like his roommate and classes and such.  There was some discussion on his family, most especially his Grandfather who had just recently died.  I was glad that he was talking about it.  He was too close to his grandfather not to be.  We really didn’t talk much about his brothers.  That was a little different, but certainly acceptable.  I wanted the visit to be about him and him and I.  As it turned out, there was one certain surprise. 

 

Jacob had told me about a movie he had watched in one of his psychology courses.  He said it was a psychological thriller.  As it turns out the guy that was doing all the killing was a bad alter of someone with multiple personality disorders.  Yeekks!  I guess after the movie there was a discussion about multiple personalities.  Jacob decided to confront the situation by telling his teacher and peers that his mother was a multiple.  Holy Carismo! *giggle*  I was very glad the first thing he said was that his mother had never killed anyone.  YAYYYY Jacob!

 

But, the situation and all the questions his peers asked about it caused him to ask a lot more questions of me.  They were great questions like how did I decide who was out, how did we communicate and how were decisions arrived.  I did my best in answering, however many questions were like well, I think its like ... ‘cuz somethings even I don’t know.  Like I can hear other parts ask and answer questions, and I might guess if there were a hug within reach who might try to grab it, but there’s really no sense of how all the switches are made.  I know from our friend that if he starts to scold, we usually regress in age, or if we’re in trouble like confessing we ate fried mushrooms on Friday, that usually a younger to middle aged part will appear.  With Jacob though we talked about integration, which we don’t believe in and about taking responsibility.  I told him that if one of us killed, then we should all go to jail, because together, we have to face having one life.  If one of us graduates from school, we will all receive the diploma.  Hehehe, already I can hear a younger part ask, but we can’t color on it or nuthin, right?

 

Communication is something we do a lot better with now days than we had in the past.  Thank goodness for that.  We told him some stuff too about things that have been happening.  First, we started with Anna having locked us in the bathroom at Dr. M’s for 40 minutes.  Later, when we were much deeper into the conversation, we told him about the situation a couple of weeks ago with the Sex sites and the knife.  I don’t know if I’ve gone over board or scared him, but we figured that if anyone had the right to know, it was him.  We didn’t want to threaten him, but we also had a need to tell him that not all is like an easy piece of cake.  Mostly, we told him because it was a real situation that we’re still concerned about.  I know that he is listening, but he didn’t ask too many questions about it.  I imagine it would be something that he is going to discuss with James.  James appears to be very analytical, which is a good experience for jacob.  I will follow up mid-week maybe on Tuesday or Wednesday after he’s had a chance to think things over.  I’ll just want to know if he has any questions or needs any help to figure things out.  This is the kinda thing it’s fair for us to worry over some.  I’ve spent his lifetime trying to protect him from me, it seemed the right time to be more direct.

 

Whoops kitty has joined me.  This is the one who thinks he earns a second breakfast, just because he’s still up!  Hmm, a really good petting just took care of all that.  You know what I’m thinking?  I’m thinking that Chief has been on kitty vacation all summer.  He’s been so sleepy, but now that the weather is starting to be more nice, he seems to have come out of morning hibernation.  Maybe?  It is a theory?

 

Anyway ... after Jacob and I left the restaurant ... Jacob said after about 5 time the busboy gave up on the thought we were leaving.  Think we spent about 4 ½ hours there.  Anyway, after we went to the bank because I wanted to give him a little cash AND he had a check to deposit yet from working over the summer.  I gave him a little more than we thought we would because the machine said we had to take more money than the middle amount we had figured.  It was just one of those moments where we thought we wanted to give him everything in the world.  Still happy that we did it, but I suppose I should check my account?  Oh good!  There’s still money in there with enough to take Macadam out today.  YAYYYY!  I asked Jacob and he told me how much was in his account.  He’s at about $1500.  I’m not sure though if that includes the money he owes for rent or food.  I’ll have to check that part out for sure.  I think his father will give him a couple of thousand dollars for next semester.  The money is money that is owed to Jacob for work completed over the summer.  His dad has an exterior painting business, and you can be sure Jacob was up with him before the crack of dawn!  Hehe  I needed to know if he was going to be ok.  He really needs to get this financial aid for next semester or he’s going to have problems.  He gave me a piece of paper that needs to be filled out by my university to verify that I’m a student also, and that will help him gain better financial aid.  So, I’m pretty glad to help him there.  I just have to mail something to my school. 

 

Ok, feel better now.  I sent an email to my financial aid person.  He’s out of the office until Wednesday, but his auto response left the extension of someone I can call on Monday for an address and contact person.  YAYYYY!!!

 

The last part of the visit was a little sad.  Because I had to say good-bye, but even that is nice, because I get a Jacob-hug. :) That’s a very good thing.  This time as I watched him walk away, he turned around to say “I love you.”  Shoot, if that doesn’t turn one’s heart to jelly, I don’t know what would.  Wiping away the tears again.  Shoot.  Just a big ol jellyfish, I am!

 

*Sigh* Maybe we need a little more coffee...  Break!

 

Ahh, had a little refresment too!  My friend came over and he brought amongst other things pickels and a 2-liter pop!  YAYYYYY!

 

Hehe that’s the other fun story, because indeed he was over!  I think he got here about 5:30 and stayed for about 3 hours.  He had already eaten with his son, but he brought me a small sandwich AND POTATO SALAD!!  YAYYYY!!!  My friend is an excellent person to talk to, but sometimes we tend to baby him a little.  We know when he has his worried face on ... he has too many troubles and needs to spill them out!  He’s worried about everyone ... His brother needs a job, his mother is going blind, and his daughter and her mother got together, then the daughter took up issue with her father on why he should spend $1,100 on exploratory surgery for her cat.  YEEEEEKKKS!!!  I don’t even know if he is on first name basis with the cat!  AND, it’s just one of her strays.  Boy-oy-boy, I could tell you what I would say!  I told him when I start having astronomical medical bills, to put me under!  I think if my own kitties who aren’t “walk-ins” but steady companions for over the last 7 years were to need $1,100 hundred exploratory surgery, I might need to let them die.  This may sound like a very cruel thing, but fact of the matter is I couldn’t just raise $1,100 on my own.  I bring down my financial account to nearly zero each month.  Just couldn’t do it. *Sigh* More likely though, I would go through the same thing as his daughter, I’d probably go to him too. :(

 

So, we went back to the drawing board and thought, HMMMM, what would relieve his stress?!  Hehehe, ANYWAY....

 

It was a very nice visit.  I’m left thinking of his last few moments here.  We nearly always let the Casies be to say good night.  He tucks us in, but they’ve been having a hard time letting him go.  I can still here her squeaming, “I came untucked, I came untucked!”  Umm, she can be just a little demanding!  But, alas, he is gentle and patient. :)

 

So, that is pretty much our day, except the parts already written yesterday morning.  Like I may have noted previously ... it was a wonderful, wonderful day!

 

We’re now up to the part, we are wondering if V is ever going to wake up!  It’s 4:30 am.  And by our clock, he is at least 10 minutes late!  AHA!  More Tom Foolery! *Sigh*

Ok, We're on Our Way

 

Good morning, Everybody ok? :) Hope so, at least.  Things feel a little shaky, in that we’ve spent quite a few hours watching ABC News on-line.  I think we stayed up until 8:30 pm, woke up once around 1:30 AM and am up now about 6:00 am.  We feel like we’re on alert. 

 

The best thing is that the hurricane wasn’t as strong as it could have been, but the situation on the expressways was pretty terrible and will be discussed further by all.  I think to make the matters worse was that people were told to get off the expressway and go to shelters and it seemed that some of the shelters had to close because they weren’t prepared.  It would seem threatening to have gone through that kind of ordeal out on the road, just to get off and be turned away. 

 

Whoops ... somehow lost time ... It’s about 8 am now.  We figure that we should be in the shower in about an hour.  We want to be leaving by 9:45 for Jacob’s!!!  Hmm, just had a snuggly with chief, but then he hopped down and said, “so now should we consider a second breakfast?”  Boooo ... I’ve been used!

 

Hmm, somebody’s almost out of medicine ... how’d that happen?  We emailed Dr. M.  Seems we got prescriptions for most except one for depression and one for the diabetes.  Frumpy face!

 

Well, let me pre-warn you that nothing important is going to said during the rest of this entry. :) Fortunately, you won’t have to listen for long.  I feel a little tired.  Mostly because of listening to the news.  I’m in one of those stages, where I don’t feel I can turn it off.  We keep pausing to hear reports.  I’m not sure why.  I don’t know anyone in the area except I used to know the boys aunt and her family in Houston.  I think our concern is more for people in general.  My safety signals have been confused.  Maybe its that Mom in me looking out for things of danger.  I’m not sure ... maybe just my obsessiveness, or some combination. 

 

I had a chance to IM with my friend this morning.  He says he just miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight be out my direction this evening AND, he maaaaaaaaaaaaaaay be bringing his smoocherinism with him!  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!  Not sure if I won’t get back until just before that.  After 3 or 4 hours, Jacob is going to get tired of me and anxious to get back to the games.  Then too, it’s an hour 15 minute drive each way.

 

I think I’ve got gas ... but, will have to check for the return trip.  Maybe I will feel better after the medicine has gotten a chance to work AND this kitty starts to leave me alone!  I don’t know what’s gotten into him where he wants to be fed more often than normal.  Hmm, now he’s jumped up back on my table and is rubbing against my right elbow looking at me.  It’s gotten to be rather personal.  If I stop to pet him, he will take over again!  Silly Cat!  Ok, ok ... I’m going to pet him.  Shoot, he’s pretty needy this morning.  Have to shoe him away cuz after getting his petting, he started to mess with some of my piles in search of rubber bands. 

 

Oh dear ... time just sliding past ... only 10 minutes now ... But I can tell you bout anything on Ritanews.  Poor journalists look tired.  They seem to have not gotten so much sleep.  Not only are their faces dragging, but also they are repeating themselves, just to fill in.  Hmm, a few new reports on the differences between federal, state, and local concerns.  I think Bush is going to be given more credit, but it seems to make his concerns over New orleans that much worse.  They just showed again a picture of the stadium after New Orleans where people were sitting on curbs yelling for food and water.  Shoot that was just terrible.  They talked about mortuary people being sent from New Orleans to Texas, but beside those poor 24 lost souls on the bus, I haven’t really heard of too many deaths.  Hmm, a couple older people Galveston were like on the expressway for 36 hours and then when they got to their locations died of a heart attack.  That’s not good.  At this time the worst of it is in Jasper and lufkin.  They are going to be ok, right?

 

Shoot, shoot going to have to go.  I really do want to see Jacob, just at this point, it doesn’t seem real.  I’ve almost gotten my mind to visualize leaving my neighborhood.  Maybe after we start driving, we won’t feel so confused.  Well, let me catch the shower, I’ll be right back after that. 

 

Pshwoo!  That’s done!  Sparkly clean Yooo HOOO!  It makes my skin smile!

 

Now, I have about 20 minutes before I have to do the next thing.  Hmm, there’s a helicopter that’s still out there ... He was there before I got into my shower.  I wonder why?  I found out too that both kitties were outside.  They are being pretty brave.  Think its those good looking birdies in the tree next door. 

 

I feel a little more like seeing jacob is going to happen.  Better gather his pillows.  He forgot those last time.  YAYYYY!  Dr. M. Wrote and the prescriptions have been placed.  Better plan on some extra time to stop by the walgreens and place the orders.  Welllllll, I guess then that it is time.  I can do this, I can do this.  Cuz then there is Jacob!!!

Whoops to much sleepin ... better get to work!

 

Good morning!  And, welcome back mere!  It’s nice to see you again :) Your thoughtfulness is always held in high regard!

 

We’re up pretty early this morning, so I’m thinking this may be a rather long exaggerated entry.  Sorry ‘bout that :) I’m in a strange mood ... Listening to Elvis Presley sing “Don’t Cry Daddy.”  Yep, yep ... this is where I’m at in life ... I’ve lined up 300 Elvis songs.  That ought to take me well into tomorrow :)

 

I’m up to about 25 singers on my playlist.  I know I’m in a growth period when I go out looking for more, but to do that I need to look through the list to see who I might miss by listening to someone else.  This must be something people do regularly, but music still seems new to me.

 

Hehehe, ok, maybe we should start with something a little slower, hmm, interesting never really heard Cher out ... we’ll try that for awhile.  Hehe 200 songs?  Eh, it’s a life...

 

Hmm, just been sitting here for 3-4 songs letting time go by ... darn ‘ner squandering it!  Feeling good, in ecstacy.  Lulled by the music and sounds of rain. 

 

Feel a little bad, because today is the day of the miniature golf event.  Word is its supposed to rain all day.  Eh, it’ll just force everyone inside to the game room.  They’re all supposed to get about $20.00 of tokens.  And, for the real reward they can sell back points and earn plastic spiders, fake fingers, and pearly plastic necklaces.  Yayyyy, time doesn’t really change.  They were giving out the same stuff in our day.

 

We had a visitor last night, well, yes it’s the same visitor we always have, but we sure do like the visits!  He was in a mushy talky way ... YAYYYYY!!!  Oh lordy, if he ever knew how much we’ve journaled of him over the years hehehe.  For the stories that will never be told *double sigh*...  This person leaves me feeling stunned!  And, you know what??  This time, I got a back rub!!  Woo Hooo!  He made sure to let me know though that this back rub might one day work away from the time I have to be giving HIM backrubs. *giggle* how does that all work out??  Hmm, maybe it is still better to give than to receive?

 

Hmm, this Cher person making me feel mushy all over again... AHA!! Perfect!

 

Ok, ok ... so this writing idea may have been a fluke.  Been listening and listening ... Damn!  She’s been fun!  Awe a sad song...

 

Hey, Maybe V. Will be up soon!!!  V!??!

 

What?  Something important??  NAW!  Not much of that around here.  Where hanging around irrelevant this morning.   It be the style!

 

Well, maybe a little something about yesterday.  I had a real nice day at work.  Sr. Was at a doctor’s appointment all morning, but I still felt like working.  So, I did.  Been working on CARF last few days.  I got some good stuff done.  After a while, I tested it ... its WONDERFUL!  I wish I could explain it so you understood.  It’s sorta like using the Internet, but more personal, because it is pulling up things we’re already invested in.  Yesterday I figured I could enter phrases.  I don’t think I’d figured out that part before.  So, I could say something like “client file” and everything in the client file will show up.  We’ve made sure to capture a lot of lists within each search set.  Pretty much table of contents.  And, everything is referenced, so I can get back directly to the spot in such and such book or drawer.  Same with items in the book we keep on the stuff for state inspections and so forth.  So, like I can say “organizational Chart,” and the five points of reference (location) will show up, the people on the chart will show up, the three times I mentioned it in reports will show up, and maybe the accreditation letter where it was referred to might show up.  Just soooo cool.  The CARf surveyor could ask, “What to you think of client rights?”  And, I could type in a couple of words, that bring up the clues.  Well, we say in such and such policy dated 2003 blah, blah, blah...  Or during a meeting held by the parent’s club, we ... and so on.  Just such a neat concept, because of all the background work that has already been done. 

 

I finished the second book yesterday and got a good start I the third book.  I found myself typing out in detail a half dozen flowchart contents, so that when I type in 30 day review, the flowchart diagraming it into our regular routines will show up, yes ok all we need to do is go to section 1.3.12.a.1-3 of our CARF references.  Or, I could put in regulation 119.250 and sure enough out it sprouts!  Just so gosh darn handy.  Or, if I type in “regulation” all 40 of them will pop up.  Same with Policies and procedures.  You should of seen all the neat citations when I pressed the simple word, “issues.”  Even the materials we researched are within the system, so we can pull up past, current and future issues, such as low staff pay, or perhaps client discipline.  Pretty, pretty neat!

 

I don’t know why this kind of stuff excites me so much.  But, the first image I get when saying this is to remember the Kate Hepburn movie called, “desk Set.”  That is the one where the reference librarians are required to compete against the computer.  I loved that movie!  I know that as much as my computer is an aid, because it is so gosh darn fast with pulling up citations, it works handily with the person who interprets, such as well ... the contents of the first aid kit are listed in ... and, they were used in compiling a list of necessary items for the car, and the business report states, that 3 were purchased on such an such a date ... hehehe ok, I am getting nutty here.  But, I’m pretty sure that not many people out there being surveyed have put together something like this.  I think I would like to carry out the concept no matter what business I would find myself.  But, I have to admit that our center is pretty well situated with ideas, and concepts and paperwork to keep me entertained.  I could type in the word, “value” and ten citations might show up.  By reading the descriptions in the listing I can cross-reference values as something we list in the materials we teach the new staff trainees, and it could be something we teach in sex education.  and, it could be something discussed in the integration policy, or listed in our mission statement.   Yup, yup it gets that detailed.  Hehehe.

 

I know, been here for a while, need to move on.  Hmm, 4:37 am.  Where is that V-person??  He’s sneakin in extra sleepin time!  This is the peril of people who are thinking they are in partial retirement.  Just start relaxing the schedules!  Sheesh!

 

As a little side note ... we got the grade on our final presentation for the writing course yesterday.  She gave us an 83% ... Well, you know ... I figure it’s that %(#*&  learning curve she placed me on.  Somewhere in her mind she’s placed be as a b/c student and that is where I get stuck.  BUTTTTT, I got a chance to write my review of her.  Do you think, she got an “A” rating???  Only one more thing I need for her.  She has to get in my final grade.  I think if she gives me a “C” I will have a meltdown.  But, as V would say, “It’s over, let’s move on!”  Ok, V, you are right, just trying to wrap this all up in my head.  We’re another step down the road :)

 

more Cher, yep a cher morning.  But, we’re feeling a little tired.  Think we may lay down for a little bit.  YAWWWWN, yep TWO can play at that sleepy game!

 

Umm, we're up again ... lucky I slept past time.  My friend wrote and said he'll be in an hour past my regular goto work time to check the air in my tires.  One seems to be pretty low.  Someone on the expressway honked at me and pointed to the tires.  God Bless strangers AND friends!

 

Cher's still singing her heart out.  She's gone through 77 songs already this morning!  Go Cher, I think that's where I'll start when I get to work.  Sr.'s system doesn't have the great speakers, but will sure do in a pinch.  Come on friend, please be here soon.  If I put Sr. late for leaving, she'll have my neck.  I sure do hope the secretary is on time.  I'm going to be pretty close to the time they gotta leave.  If I don't get there by 9 am, I'll be locked out.  Shoot, shoot AHHH friend is here later!!!

 

WoW - Did you hear!??

Good mornin.  Thanks Deb for the nice comments you always give.  And on the side, I hope your Mom and son are doing better :) You are being a pretty nice Mom and daughter ... someone should tell you this often!  Just don’t let it be known I get out visiting.  It would ruin my reputation! *silly grin*

 

A warm welcome to V too!  Are you back to 100% now?  And, where’s the steak???

 

*Sigh* It’s just nice to be here this morning.  STILL on vacation!  There has been only a couple of things that has happened between last post and this ... first is Dr. M. Appointment ... little folks won out.  But, it wasn’t too bad.  ‘Cept Anna locked herself in bathroom on the way out.  Casey said she couldn’t help it, she saw the dark room and ran out.  It put us 40 minutes behind schedule, and late for dinner.  Fortunately that was an easy adjustment.  Small deal.

 

I guess it serves us right.  Casey, Anna and Annemarie were the ones out during the meeting.  Anna got left in the corner and Casey had to be persuaded to thinking that it wasn’t a good idea to leave her there, but time ran out ... I guess then Anna at least got out of the corner. :) So, let’s think of this as happy news :)

 

We went through a lot of anxiety to get to the point of going in the appointment.  And, then it is over and there is kind of a sad feeling for not getting to be the one that was there.  I do know that Casey talked about touching Dr. M.’s cheek with her cheek ... but, I think it was a hard thing for her to say, not exactly sure how all that went, but pretty sure Dr. M. Was as calm and happy as he always is.  He’s such a nice guy. 

 

We also got a chance to talk to Jane.  She decided to take another job, so we’re officially wishing her well!!  I’m thinking one bird in the hand is worth two in the bush here.  Really glad she has something :)

 

Think that is all my news, except Chief was just up suggesting he have two breakfasts this morning.  Well, ok, Maybe this isn’t real news :/

 

I’m feeling pretty darn good.  V. Keeps reminding me were on vacation and to prove that point ... I have a perfectly good hour not to be doing anything much before I take my shower for work.  I think I am going in the rest of this week.  So that will probably add some stability to my life.  Monday when we were in ... we spent the whole day working on our CARF accreditation.  I got about 80% through the big book on accessibility.  It’s been so long, I think I should say that what I am doing for the time being is referencing all the 13 CARF books in a computer software program, so that the material will be found more easily.  I’ve put the project OFF for many many months, so it is good to finally be making some progress.  It is a good project for being in Sr.’s office, because there are soooo many interruptions with her and everyone else going through the office.  On Monday, the secretary was gone so I was listening in on all phone conversations and door ringings as Sr. Getting up and down to take care of it.  I don’t mind really, it’s just that it makes things hard to concentrate.  I will REALLLLY appreciate my nice quiet office when we get back!  I don’t know if Sr. Was able to schedule in the deep cleaning and polishing yesterday while I was not there.  But, we’re going to hope for the best. 

 

I’ve had enough break to appreciate also going back into work.  There is something very steady about being around the people.  There I have a very certain role.  I think the most important part of my job is just being nice to people.  I think I am the best one there for understanding everyone’s perspectives.  I can usually lighten people’s loads.  I’m the figurerer-outer person :)

 

Hmm, today is like Wednesday Hmm...  About now we’re wondering how our friend has been doing. Haven’t seen to much of him since last Friday.  He’s been keeping himself pretty busy and traditionally, he is not in on Wednesdays.  Most likely he was there yesterday. *Sigh* So, not too much news from that direction.

 

OH WOW!! How’s this for news.  Macadam just IM’d me with news.  It turns out the city I grew up in - til 18, Blaine, MN is getting the new Vikings Stadium.  Like WOW...  I sure wish my step-mother could have heard this ... She and my dad both died two years ago, but sandy was a huge fan of the MN Vikings.  Season tickets and all.  She and my father stayed in blaine after my parents split-up until their deaths.  Wow!! All I can say!  Everytime I went back up the city was changing.  It will be nothing like I know by a few years from now.  Well, all I can say is, Good for them!  Hehe when I was growing up it was on the edge of known civilization.  After Blaine it was all forests and lakes.  Now it’s going to be the center of the MN world.  Go figure!  I’ll add this to my Happier memories of Blaine. :)

 

V??  Did you hear!??

 

Now when I tell somebody, they might know where I am talking of ... we’re on the map!

 

Ok, ok ... calming down.  Listening to Charlotte Church ... Been a while.  I can calm down.  Only 10 minutes before work now ... Guess we’re close enough ... time for shower!  Be taking care!!

'Scuse us ... we're just rambling now.

  
I don’t usually do this ... but, I’m going to continue the general entry one more time.  It seems that we are not destined to be doing much reading of new material today.  There is about an hour and a half left before we need to get moving, but we are having such a nice relaxed day, I’d like to give ourselves permission for it to continue.  Usually, what happens when we read the “Good stuff,” we have tendencies to over-excite our mind.  Usually, this is a good thing, but thinking of V reminding us were on vacation! :) 

So, since we’re here and still tuned into our Dr. M. Thoughts ... we’re going to try processing a few more thoughts.  I know, I know ... I can be tiresome :)

Well, the truth of the matter is that we started going backward in reading over the entries we have been writing starting with yesterday.  Went all the way back to entry written July 1rst.  I wanted to see where we have been.  Man, came as almost complete surprise the stuff we’ve been going through, and I had no idea we’d written only 10 entries over two months time.  No wonder Deb was worried over us!  We just had no idea ... we’ve gone through something psychological over this last period of time. 

My first inclination was to try going back far enough to figure out why it happened.  Things seemed hectic, but going along the first part of July.  At the time I remember now there being a week or two where we were loaded down with 3 courses.  But, the things is ... we also wrote something of a few of the sessions with Dr. M.   It seems at this point to think that there was about 3 things going on.  Our relationships to him, school, and just trying to get through the basics.  Oh yeah ... and we lost time with the sex stuff.  Friendships were good, except at the end when V got sick.  There was two visits to jacob in there and one to Macadam.  So all that was fine.  I didn’t realize that most times we leave the house we’re counting backward in time.  Seems like a pattern.  Maybe that is part of the “marker” system ... No matter who is up and out, at 3 pm, someone has to take a shower.  Maybe then it is kinda of a bidding game.  Who wants it?  We didn’t really talk about work much except the problems the poor staff was having in the fourth group.  She was in an aide position.  I hadn’t realized when I had written about wanting to help her out that she had already turned in two weeks notice.  I guess that’s why Sister has an opening.  Hadn’t figured that out.  Shoot, feel real dense here.  The poor lady never established control over the group. 

The school part has been doing its part in two ways.  One is that it keeps our stress levels high, and the other part is that we seemed to be challenged by the material throughout, but especially the male/female relationships and sexuality/sensuality toward the end.  Somehow it seems we’ve garbled up that with the relationships of my abusive grandfather and Dr. M.  I’m wondering how he did with all that.  The only thing really written is a couple times he was talking in his low voice to very young parts who were acting up and that seems to have threatened the system along with whatever else might have been adding to that.  Can’t help to think here that I’m a bit curious as to what was happening in those appointments.  We didn’t seem to know back then either.  I know that Kelsie, Corey and Lissa went off a deep end and Casey is reported to be upset by Dr. M.  That and we caused ourselves all that grief with the sex sites.  What I remember of all that is pretty foggy.  I know it is something we did.  Little embarrassed by the whole thing, more confused than anything.  I think looking at what happened now.  The turning point might have been that someone was feeling very out of control enough to be threatening the system and Dr. M. With another hospitalization through self-violence.  Oh, that’s another thing ... V said in there something that he thought the sex stuff was being self-violent too.  I’m definitely agreeing with that.  I don’t want to hash out all that happened, I would like to think through the next part as to what is happening in the therapy sessions.  Especially now, since we only have an hour before starting down that path again.

It makes sense to ask Dr. M. What had happened during those sessions, but I’m thinking now someone already might have done that, because I’m getting a message that he had talked to them something about being safe in his office.  Maybe that is a key.  It appears that we were not feeling safe with the little parts out.  We’re not scared of Dr. M. As much as we are scared of them.  A lot of energy was being released through school.  Seems we kept up differences the entire semester with the writing teacher.  Eh, she’s gone now.

I don’t know how to quite think through the fear of having little parts out.  Somewhere I am being confused with the thought that those little parts are us.  But, that would seem way to crazy.  Hmm, there was something there too.  We were having trouble wanting to be in reality.  That would seem to be a real thing.  Wow, something written in our textbook of Growing up.  That certainly must have threatened the hell out of us. 

So where are we shoot that thought is familiar too.  We thought we were going crazy ... back to needing Dr. M. To reign us back in.  Hmm, someone started the dishwasher ... good.

Battling with the confusion feeling coming over me again.  Shoot, that’s the kind of thing that was happening then too.  Wow.  It seems now just like that except I am stronger ... I think we were then too trying to figure out our relationship with Dr. M.  It seems to be a contrast between wanting to see him and not wanting to see him.  And, this seems to lead us into sidling up to that grandfather relationship again.  Shoot, you all must be tired of this by now.  Always being on the tip of things, never clearly understanding.  Maybe this next course will really help.

This was the first quote I took from the reading. 
"Emotions in humans are normally characterized by the presence of four major components:  a cognitive component, a motivational-behavioral component, a somantic component, and a subjective-experiential component" (Clore & Ortony, 2000, p. 24).

I think thinking about some of this stuff is most likely going to bring new thoughts to mind.  Have no idea the direction they are going to take.  I am grateful for Dr. M’s knowledge of psychology in helping me keep on track.  It’s kind of weird, but just acknowledging now that wherever we have gone, he’s kept pace.  Don’t know how he does it, but feel grateful. 

Hmm, next paragraph talks about people having their own “perceived world.”  Yup yup that’s gotta be true.  I think the cognitive part of it is in finding meaning of the important emotional stuff.  Wow!  Motivation-behavior is concerned with the way we are inclined to act ... thinking now of the ledge we stepped off before.  We sensed the danger, but went forward anyway.  The subjective component is in being aware of the combination of feelings, beliefs, desires, and bodily sensations.  WoW!  What a thought.  Now thinking of the younger parts out on the couch and that sense.  Except you don’t know their beliefs and desires.  Well, maybe they have a desire to connect with Dr. M. I think that is pretty sure.  But, if we were going to guess on a feeling it would be fear.  We think the younger parts are trying to reach out to him.  The concept of bodily sensation is part of what scares us.  The younger parts use our body differently than we do.  It’s more wild and impulsive.  Almost as if filled with their own separate energy systems.  I am much more comfortable sitting in front of the keyboard where the fingers rarely leave the keyboard unless were taking a drink or having a smoke.  You all know already how obsessed we get in not moving around so much.  Funny, feel that fearful place of watching the clock, like when we are at Dr. M.’s A good many of us know the hands positions in relationship to how much time left.  Usually is like the difference in opening and shutting valves.  We never know what is going to happen next, but we’re real good about getting someone out to “save the day” hehe I mean walk out the door.  The difference in being a multiple is that there is more variety I think in where we are going to go next.  Small within our small life, but we never know who’s going to come out at what moment and what their perception of the situation is going to be.  Like with the appointment tonight.  The system knows that there is an open-door policy where anyone could show up at Dr. M’s office.  Just that we have to be able to walk out the door within an hour.  Dr. M. Said something in the last set of conversations sort like we can turn off the urgency we are feeling by turning away from the computer.  That was what might have happened to have prevented that last nasty situation.  Since, we’re pretty tense now ... I think that’s what we’re going to do.  Maybe take that shower earlier ... that’s what our friend would tell us ... Ok, ok going for it!

AHHHH!  Nice!  It always feels nice when we get out.  Sure wish it were a little easier getting in. 

Hmm, ok fresh breath.  There is an hour left to go.  Hmm, went over by the door ... felt fresh breeze.  It’s ok temp ... looks sunny.  Pretty bright.  Ok, we’re going to try feeling normal for an hour.  How would we do that and still be able to express ourselves.  Listening to cotton Tail - Still Ella.  I think reading is a little too much for us at the moment.  Maybe break it in lightly ... like go to work.  Eh, tomorrow.  We told Sr. We would be in for the rest of the day.  Hmm, she just opened our letter 20 minutes ago. *Sigh* Ok, ok enough work thoughts.

Hmm, just thought ... with this late appointment of 5 pm, we are going to be pretty close to unmedicated.  Usually we take the evening dose around 5 pm.  That’s the ideal at least.  Hmm, we can be calm, we can be calm.  It’s not that I would ever tell a part she couldn’t be out, but does she have to be so strange??  Ok, ok that’s not nice.  Hmm, so what is the question out on the table?  Can we be normal with Dr. M.  HA!  We don’t own any!  Shoot.

Ya know ... it’s not like we haven’t been to an appointment before.  Been seeing someone for the last 15 years!  Shoot, where has time gone.  Six years later, Dr. M. Is still feeling like the new guy.  Hmm, there was a thought.  He said something to us, maybe a younger part?  Something I think like he cared for us.  That was way to huge a statement.  We haven’t dealt with it yet.  What’s to deal with??  HA!  It’s the kind of thing could really mess you up!  Why?  Shoot, I dunno.  Wait, let me think.  First image is fourth grade playground.  Took a split second to get us here.  Standing behind a corner of the building with Terry Mead ... Wow what ever happened to her!  Anyway she was telling us in secret that a few of the boys had liked me.  That might have been the biggest moment in my whole fourth grade life.  That and Sarah dying.  What a funny thought.  We thought while we were in the shower how close we were to death.  Remember for a couple moments concentrating on just not wanting to be scared of it.  We knew it was going to happen.  Shoot don’t want to open that door ... Back out!  Hmm, let’s try it again.  Dr. M. Cares about me, the fourth grade boys cared about me.  That was before Sarah died.  Sshhhh.  Ok, enough of that ... Next paragraph.

Let’s try harder.  Dr. M. Cares about me, the 4th grade boys cared, and anyone else?  Dr. W., yes he cared that’s a safe thought.  Just because our grandfather walked us to see some ducks, didn’t mean he cared!!!  Shhh ... Ok, enough of this ... No?  Ok, go with that ... It is very threatening when someone cares about you.  Well, except Rich.  Ok, and V. Too.  The boys?  Well yes, they can care.  I’m probably confusing granddaughter by now.  Shhh...  Ok, about these other folk not caring who gives a hoot?  Let’s stay on the positive.  What would Dr. M. Want with me if he cared?  Hmm, that’s not real positive!  Damn.  Ok, let me try it again.  He might just want to be nice.  He’s always nice!  Pet turtle nice?  Hmm, yep yep that nice.  Remembering now the walk on the beach.  Maybe he would take us somewhere else.  Hmm, where would we go?  PlayGROUND!!!  Sure did like the jungle gym.  Used to have a real nice one up at city hall.  Shoot, then there was that idea with the x-country girls to build homes up in the city hall water tower.  Ok, ok this is going along fine.  Parks are safe.  Right?  Lot of time spent on softball field.  That was nice.  And, of course the ski trail park.  AND, remember the tank?  Yes, yes ... that was one of our favorites places.  I know buried Embry there.  We’re going to stay away from death.  Yes, yes, I know and the minister’s wife.  Shhhh, let it go.  No no ... not going to think of Sr. Tess.

Let’s try it again .. Dr. M. Cares about us ... what do we think about that?  No memories!  Well that’s good ... it’s kinda nice.  Bunny rabbit nice.  No, no remember he’s married.  Yep, snuggled elsewhere.  Shoot, this path feels kind of iffy.  Try another?

Can we let it be ok that he cares?  Seems like he barely knows us!  Shoot, 6 years, he must know something!  Ya ... but, it feels different.  It feels like when we go in there we’re always trying to get down to the real me.  Have no idea who that is.  Hmm, maybe we’re having an identity crisis.  Shoot, another crisis??  Ok, let’s not have a crisis.  I wonder who wants to talk to Dr. M. The most.  There seems to be a real longing yearning part in there.   Oh Girl!  You got too much time on your hands.  Just a half hour more.  Ok, ok as long as no one is getting crazy.  Hehe sure lotta people might talk to themselves.  I wonder if they get answers too.  Maybe, think of writers they know all the parts.  Hmm, maybe we’re kinda like a writer.  Certainly seems we do enough of it.  AND, we got that space-bar callous on our thumb just to prove it!  Ok, ladies let’s not be frivolous!  Why not?  Ok, I’m serious I know protection.  Ya know he isn’t being our psychiatrist so he can hurt us!  Hmm, that made us sit back.  What is it he’s helping us with?  Maybe he can find safety for us?  Shoot that one really slowed us down.  Went pretty blank, except to play with rubber band on cup handle.  That Dr. M. ... he’s pretty much a go forward kinda person.  He’s ready to jump into near anything!  What are we willing to work on.  Been kinda relaxing day.  Maybe something a little tougher.  There is a sense of wanting to get to the important stuff without knowing what that is.  It doesn’t have to be a younger part.  Maybe we as older parts could have time to figure something out. 

Hmm, better remind him that we’ve been having trouble with our resistences.  Seems in general, we have to go forward, but am giving life a hard time.  I feel like when standing in front of my favorite troublemaker.  We’ll go through garbage man once, but then we tell him, Tell me something new.  He usually does.  And, afterward is happy with his conversation.  It seems to calm him. 

Ok, you ... think of something new!  Wow remembering the days long ago where we didn’t know how to talk to people.  Not a pro now, but at the time we didn’t trust that any voice would come out.  I know Lissa.  How’s she doing.  Still concerned with that knife behind the cabinet.  Oh oh ... here we go again.  If there is going to be any death talk it has to be with Dr. M.!  Just 15 more minutes left.  Better put on shoes.  Hold on.

Ahh, hair feels cool and soft.  Glad we took shower early.  Thanks!  No CHINESE!  Remember diet.  Hmm, think wallet still down in car.  Just one slim dollar in it.  Money in bank ... we’re ok with parking.  Didn’t bring book bag up.  We’re fine on gas, smokes.  We’ve been having a little problem with our driving.  Just that its been feeling strange lately.  Hehe thinking of the steering wheel, you all must think we have the strongest fingers.  At least strong typer-woman fingers.  Feeling a little sore now though.  Feels at this moment as if its safe to look forward.  Just have to adjust to being outside.  Shhh... it’s ok.  Hmm, I wonder ... are we really sure this is what a multiple thinks like.  Still that lone thought ... maybe someone made a mistake.  Better ask Dr. M.  Ok, ok ... see there ya go.  An Agenda!

Just Clearing My Thoughts

Morning, it's just me again! As you might note, our Internet is up and working again!! YAYYY! I talked to the cable company. It turns out I was fine on the bill (though paid another month just to be sure) and the guy gave me a suggestion. I should have thought it out myself. I had to turn off the computer and unplug the cable box for a few moments. I’ve had to do this before. Yup, that got me moving in the right direction. Then V sent me a link to ad-aware that worked well too. It got rid of 468 of the nasty buggers. Seems the computer is working fine now and I’m not getting all the pop-ups when I’m on the Internet. YAYYY!! We will still run my co-workers Ad-ware program tomorrow to doubly make sure she’s all cleaned-up.

 

I would have to go to work to do that though. Sr. And I figured I could work from home again today. About once a month (today) she has the bookkeeper come in and take care of those matters. She will need to use the desk in sister’s office I was borrowing. The next alternative is to take the laptop into the staff dining room, However everything has to be moved at lunch time and the other Q has a staffing in there today. So, wallah! I’m at home!

 

Ok, ok, I admit one of the first things I did early this morning was to go take a nap! Woo-Hoo!! I was up at 2:30 am, but slept again from 5:30-8:00. Nice! Today, I plan on doing pre-work on the next semester. I want to get a little jump on all that. I think its going to be harder, because I don’t know much about cognition and affective behaviors. I don’t think the multi-cultural course will be as tough. I was looking through the first extra reading. It mentioned the word Neuroscience in the title which was a little intimidating. It’s a 40 page paper, so I hope to finish that by the end of the day. I could read 50 pages of a novel in an hour, but this stuff has to be studied. Yeeks! I think I will be ok after I get used to some of the terminology they are using. Keeping my on-line dictionary in business.

 

Hmm, think we’ll listen to a little Ella Fitzgerald this morning. I like to listen to her when I’ve got the time or want to maintain mellow. Hehehe her first song is "In a Mellow Tone!" She says that’s the

way to live. :)

 

Today, we have FINALLY an appointment with dr. M. YAYYY!!! It feels like we haven’t seen him in a year. We have trouble remembering things in-between long stretches. All I remember of the last session was Casey getting mad at him for abandoning her. I don’t know if she’ll be still angry. Often what happens is we get in the office and refuse to talk to him for the first 5-8 minutes and we wear our growly face. Hehehe that’s how we know Casey is mad.

 

Most sessions we are at a lost to know what to talk about. But, after we start, things seem to roll along. We had a dream of Dr. M. While he has been gone this week. The important element of the dream was that we were pretty small and somehow we let him be close enough to us so that he rubbed our cheek with his cheek. This is pretty phenomenal considering there we’ve established a strong guard against even being on the same side of the room as him. He sits opposite of us so we’re on one end of the couch and he’s on the further chair.  Hmm, this is an extra side-note added later.  I was trying to get a gist of where we've been by back-reading entries.  Just recently, we went through the thought of holding the stuffed dog close to our left cheek as a safety measure.  Maybe this had something to do with dreaming of Dr. M. in this position!  Maybe a good thing that wasn't supposed to startle us.  I wonder what he'll think of being matched up to a critter full of soft squishy material :)  Umm, back again ... we read even further down ... it appears that we've just lately brought up my grandfather rubbing cheeks too.  Difference is we hated when he did it and we liked when we dreamed Dr. M. did it (like both dog and the Lassie dog).  So, we're sticking with this as a good thing.  :)

 

This morning when we were reading the other material we came across this section that says that emotions need to be connected to an object. They stated free-flow feelings like our anxiety do not have an object, so to deal with it whatever crosses our path could become an object. This might help to explain our fear of getting and opening mail. The Mail becomes the object of our anxiety. As you might guess, this doesn’t have to be rational. Not a requirement. Most often Dr. M. Becomes the object of our fears leftover from having been abused. So, we become intimidated by the good doc. I’m hoping that one day our cognitive ability of thinking this through will get us to the point of comprehending it with our affect. We also learned this morning though that free-flowing anxiety can be caused by neuro-imbalance. Hence the idea of taking the anxiety medicine we take. Theoretically, the difference affects differences in coping.

 

Being with dr. M. is a form of coping with our strangenesses. Being cautious here not to accept the victim position. I’m thinking that the neurosis’ is also a coping mechanism, although perhaps at this state of the game not as efficient as it once was. Thinking now though that V. Would call it a defense. Have to figure that one out. :) Coping sounds more positive than defense. V??

 

We will have a lot to learn today. Maybe, we’ll read about new cool stuff, then we will be able to talk to Dr. M. About it. That be cool. I think I’m in the same position of a freshman ... I’m still studying psychology primarily to figure myselfout. I sure hope it is also going to help other people one day, cuz this is a pretty expensive way to do it! Hehehe.

 

Thinking now though of the last thinking group on Friday. I told the group that I was going to take all their anger and hold it inside me. In this way instead of being mad at each other for whatever reason, like "she called me stupid," it was going to be me who called the other stupid. I became the universal bad guy. Then as a group I gave them a chance to handle me as the bad guy. It worked out pretty good. They had me pinned as being the one to hurt feelings, but they refused to stop loving me. Whata group! The other part of the lesson was that I showed them the affect of carrying all that anger and how It gets messed with. I think of it as the Zapping experience. I was pretty animated in not only swallowing all their anger, I later went back as a spreader of the "bad stuff." I

 

demonstrated by pointing at people and Zapping them! Then I would move to their position and zap the next guy. I played out arguments such as two of the women nitpicking each other by zapping each other and expressing, "Zap! Each time the position switched. "Zap There take that!" "No, Zap! Take that" did that for 4-5 rounds, there were smiles starting to gather because they were able to see the sense of it through the humor being used. But like me it will take longer to be worked through affect. In this morning’s new thoughts, I had become there object of attention. Pretty cool, pretty cool. I’ve used this method before. Don’t think I really had its terminology.

 

My favorite trouble-maker comes to mind. He says "He did this to me!" Somehow I convey that other guy is no longer here ... deal with me in regard to your anger. Let’s see if we can’t handle it a little more functionally. I want them, and they are doing it, to "TALK" about their anger (functionality) instead of causing a "Zapping" war. A lot of theory with this group is in conveying the message of "Letting it go." This has to be done after we de-personalize the situation. I say ... that other person has a problem. You don’t have to make it your problem. Hehehe psychology seems simplified after it goes through our minds. ;) Mostly, because it has to be understood not only by the clients we are working with, but as well our younger parts.

 

The only thing I am missing today is being there for my guy on garbage day. He is obsessed with talking to the garbage men. We had worked itout that someone would walk him out so that it was safe. I’m trying to convey to him that any staff could walk out with him. I sure hope he has a successful experience with this today. I know he and a few other of my clients can hardly wait until I get my office back. They haven’t enjoyed me taking so many days at home, or in sister’s office. Pretty soon. Sister spent some good time yesterday trying to contact the people for the floors. About once a year, she gets them deep cleaned and waxed. With all the furniture displaced, it is the perfect time to get to the back rooms.

 

The other thing sister was working through yesterday beside tootsie-Roll Fundraiser was the staff appreciation luncheon. It will be the first Friday of October. I guess the place we were going is now under new management and has lost its good reputation. So, now it seems we are going to a rib place. She says they offer a full menu, but I might have to change my priority to rib tips instead of steak and shrimp. I learned long time ago, always go with the house specialty :) The rest of the day sister will give a presentation (usually, toward a religious expression), and then we’ll stop at the teacher’s store as a group. She gives everyone a small allowance to spend on whatever we would like. I’ll be looking for a Spanish Cultural Book for one of my guys to read. He’s pretty slow ... like three minutes a paragraph, but as long as he has the interest, I’d like to play it out.

 

I should be getting to the reading, but I have such a strong interest in free-thinking ... having trouble switching gears. I’m to the point of really having to think to find something of interest to me. I am wide-awake and ready to rumba! Hmm, Let’s give me about ½ hour, then we’ll go to the hard stuff of reading.

 

I’m still getting along super with my friend. We haven’t seen him since last Friday. What a night! Ok, ok ... don’t be snoopy that’s all I am going to say about that! ;)

 

Let’s see any other small subjects not covered? Let’s go back to Jane. We still don’t know if she’ll get the job. We talked back and forth a little yesterday morning. I’m trying to make it easier for both parties to work well together. I’ll have to be careful I don’t step into meddling. There were some good signs, in that although, Sr. Didn’t have the time yesterday to thoroughly think it through, she was giving it pre-conscious thought. She’d be doing something else, and then she would make comments, such as, I suppose she could work three days a week. Then she’d go back to something else, then she’s say something like, Maybe we could put her in Group 4. Those are good signs that are encouraged by me. I say simple things like Ahh, that’s a good idea. But, I have to be careful to wait for her lead and not to push. It has to be her decision. Hehe she wouldn’t have it any other way. Maybe today, while I’m out she will get back to it. I know the slow down point now is that the interview would have to wait until next week. Tomorrow she has a doctor appointment, the next day is the miniature golf outing, and the next day she has to make a trip north trying to get home placement for one of the clients whose parents are becoming very old. Hopefully, she will look at the paperwork sent in and call Jane back today to make an appointment for next week. The good thought is thatshe likes to start new people on the first of the month. So maybe that’ll push her forward. She isn’t apt to keep things on back burner for long. She sometimes cuts out people after talking to them on the phone, or if things go well, she’ll invite them in. It will be up to Jane to respond well to the situation. Go Jane! You have to be ready to respond to the negatives Sister we’ll put out as feelers. It really is a situation where the job seeker needs to sell herself. She has to help Sr. Build bridges that cover gaps such as lack of experience, or whatever. Hehehe Sr. Has never been easy! But, after she’s accepted you, she is willing to work with her staff. That’s the good part.

 

Ok, next? Still haven’t checked my books. Better take a moment for that, hold on. Ok, first step taken. The books I am looking for has a picture of top of someone’s head and the other has shadow hands touching each other. We’llnever remember the titles. Now, we have to gather new books left between work, home and car. I don’t know if I’ve seen these two or not, but can at least key into it. Task completed.

 

In the process we checked the courseroom. Neither final assignment has been graded yet, so no final course grades as of yet. Be patient, we knew this would be early for that expectation.

 

Ohh, and one more thought. We dared checked our weight, which hasn’t been done recently, and we found we were at 298.8. As extremely heavy as this might seem to others out there, it means we are at least back to under 300. No complaints there. We’ve passed up a mess of candy bars, shakes, and donuts to get this far. We should make another goal. Let’s say 292 by Monday morning. Hmm, should be easy ... just we haven’t done it yet. That’s like a pound a day. We will have to focus. Diet buddy will like to hear that!

 

We’re ok on household tasks, but should get back to the laundry by Sunday. Hmm, maybe drop off on way to Macadam's and pick-up on the way back. Sounds like a plan. Need structures!

 

We’ve been doing pretty good at picking up. By the end of the day, we should start the dishwasher again. Maybe we could make that a goal before leaving to Dr. M’s. let’s see ... appt at 5, leave by 3:45. Bring book.  Let’s say dishes at 3:30 after shower. Ok, that’s doable.  We filled up with gas last night. Good us. It’s like down to 2.67. YAYYYY. BUT, it still cost $33. Ugh! What else, what else. This is like clearing the floor.

 

Yeeks, it IS 10:30 ... that’s a ½ hour. I guess, I should be moving on to the reading. That’ll be fun after we get into it. Just a little rusty in the transition. Ok, ok ... we can do this! Later!!