Going to Phoenix ... or is it Scottsdale?

*Giggling* now.  The pot's been simmerin!  Sr. Tess has decided that we are to receive the assistance of a CARF Standards and Practical Applications Workshop, even though we'll have to fly to get there!  Just couldn't be more pleased!  

The meeting will be going over input from persons served, accessibility, information management and performance improvement, rights of persons served, health and safety, human resources, leadership, legal requirements, and financial planning and management.  They'll also go over outcomes and risk management.

We're having a hard time grasping one of our older persons' view in being able to handle all these complicated thoughts, but we're trying real hard.  Transportation has been now planned and hotel arrangements made.  Guess we'll be staying at a resort/spa where the meetings will be held.  Man-o-man ... feelin good!  We'll be gone Sunday, December 7 through Wednesday, December 10.  The rooms have Internet cables, we checked!

In other news ... we had another meeting with Dr. M. last night.  There was some summary work done, but we focussed mainly on household billing and not being overwhelmed with CARF and her deadlines.  We made good progress.  We were able to pay a big medical bill and we opened the other mail.  Sr. Tess says we're to "simplify and finish CARF!"  Final deadline is in April.  *Sigh*

We also had an opportunity to talk more with Clear Sky about purchasing her real estate.  The next three steps are to first, see the place, second step is checking out the doability of the project, especially with Tanner.  We would need him to finance it.  Then, if that all went through, we would order an assessment of the property. 

We're keeping our fingers crossed.  Macadam will pick us up tomorrow to be going to Jacob's college football game.  He is a cheerleader.  We should be bringing them up to speed.  Busy couple of days coming up.  And, today is Halloween!  Our task will be to roam the events planned at the center to make sure everyone is having a good time!

Oh yeah, one more thing!  If you haven't seen Steven's (Sepintx) zinnias yet, go look!  (sometimes)photoblog

 

Back to the Thinking Group

Yesterday, with the Thinking Group, we decided to work through a session on how we relate to one another.  This is almost like physics, right?  We’ve been caught up lately with “behaviors,” so we initiated a means to explore the issue.  People in general like to understand what is happening in their world, within the others' worlds, and how those worlds intertwine.
 
We were very pleased to be listening to the group singing in chapel before coming to our group.  Sr. Tess was teaching a song about us all being companions on our journey to heaven and gaining strength of those who care by sharing love and hope.
 
Our session was about “problem behaviors" as being “differences in behavior.”  We used the group's current behaviors to exemplify the points.  As a group, they had come in riled and distracted with each other's behaviors.  We gave the group fun opportunities to settle into things.  Then, we had them demonstrate various behaviors.  We wanted them to appreciate their ability to self-control behaviors, as well, giving others time to work through their issues.   
 
They wanted to tell us that we should ignore people who were behaving badly and the other was at fault for causing them unease.  We introduced a change of thinking, in that, maybe we could be more “tolerant" of differences between self and other.  We are each unique, yet we share similar needs and success'.  Each day we are given opportunities to be responsible.  
 
We told them we felt that people shouldn’t be ignored because you would miss the opportunity of learning.  We could also hurt the other as we would be hurt if someone purposely shunned us.  Most often these different behaviors seem to be poorly communicated efforts to say, “Hey, I need a little attention here!”  Or, “Please stop!  This situation is too difficult for me and I’m feeling overwhelmed!” 
 
One example lead to another and after a short while they were creating examples of when they had been different and had needed assistance.  It was a very good session and hopefully broadened their “people” understanding a little more.  We have a lot of trust and faith in this group's ability to learn and care.

This Entry is for Erin

Peekaboo the turtle! you may be slow, but as long
as its sunny your ready for anything... youre
outgoing and have losta friends!!!

Ahh, Erin the secret is in BEING a cute fuzzy animal.  We found a site that will help you figure out which one you'll be!  As you can see ... We've become "Peekaboo Turtle!"

Whats your Fuzzy, cute LisaFrank character personality thingy? - Quizilla

 

On Reparation of the Weakest Link

Yesterday was spent focussing on the individual with so many behavioral problems.  To be fair his mother had called to reschedule a missed meeting, so the time was naturally going to be centered more on the individual. 
 
In addition, it hadn't been a good day for the individual.  He had purposely walked into a preoccupied bathroom, he blocked the door so the DSP couldn’t leave the room, he locked himself behind the three doors leading to our office, and then to wrap up the day he gave another individual an unwarrented kiss. 
 
In the 30-day review we wrote a paragraph listing general infractions.  He had hit nearly all the eight categories of maladaptive behaviors.  We also gave a summary of the last behavioral/human rights meeting where he was featured.
 
The mother seemed not to have been surprised, then she added, “We’re having the same problems at home.”  She said that they’d tried everything, but usually a quick tempered father would revert to screaming and yelling.  She then said, it really wasn’t helping because the behaviors repeat and repeat.”  We then confirmed what we had figured in that her role in the family was to most often be reassuring the individual of love.
 
Sr. Tess contributed that the situation would be given just 30 more days of evaluation but without significant changes, he would not be admitted to the program.  I feel as if this individual and his family desperately need assistance.  After the meeting, we talked to the individual’s psychiatrist who volunteered he would be willing to come in and personally talk to our staff.  The staff seem close to giving up.  We feel sad and somewhat angry.  We offer positive tools and techniques, but the staff is hard put toward using them.  Everything takes time, but the clock is ticking. 

I don't seem able to convince staff that this individual's group could all be a part of, learn from, and contribute toward the attention this individual merits.  This could be a win-win situation for all of us.  Our thinking remains that a chain is only as strong as the weakest link.  It seems most people just want to be angered over the behaviors instead of fixing things one small step at a time.  I think we need next prayers of divine intervention.  We all need to help.

Journal Friends

We’re running behind this morning.  We're sorry.  I think we picked up a “loss-of-time” bug at Vivian’s.  We figure that we should think things through over the next half hour, so we don’t worry to pieces after we get to work.  The worrying path is a mudslide!
 
This is our take on the morning so far, forgive us, but at heart … some of us within the system are “summarizerers!” We figure that between the groups of journalists we visit, we were shown a large set of dizzying emotions. 
 
We saw loneliness, silliness, blessedness, sadness, thoughtfulness, happiness, guilt, hurt, hope, anger, disappointment, self-deflation, frustration, thankfulness, earnestness, gratefulness, playfulness, helpfulness, deviousness, resourcefulness, imaginability, and heart brokenness. 
 
Each person we’d visited we were glad to have met again.  We figure each expression allows us a window view of another world.  There is no value judgment on “good” or “bad” emotions.  All of them are real and useful in our alivedness.  In-between these views we find sharing and supporting.  And it makes us feel happy to be a part of the whole.  Sometimes it seems to be a real test of our thinkerer parts.
 
If I were to slip on my work cap, I might think, “Ok, we’ve collected a lot of information, we’ve analyzed things down to a smaller workable unit … now do we continue to analyze, or do we respond?”  (We’re going to skip the part where we analyze our creativeness in developing new vocabularies.) 
 
Thinking there will be more time to analyze at another less rushed time.  Maybe just one group hug for now mixed with our encouragement of starting a brand new day.   Seems as if we’re all doing a pretty good gosh darn job at being human and we certainly didn’t see anyone who doesn’t care!  There is so much depth, a lot of effort, and a willingess to relate.  Love you guys!

Kayleen's Challenge

(Paraphrased) We should think about the person who has meant the most to us and their affect on our life, then ask ourselves, how have we affected their life, and last, write one thing we could do for this person and why.
 
We considered loves, friends, teachers, supporters, heroes and our stuffed dog, but we feel without a doubt our boys have meant the most.
 
Each of them is unique, though they share many things in common.  They are all intelligent and personable and share and support each other’s values.  Macadam's 22 and is fervent and loving.  Tanner's 21, and is remarkable and devoted.  Jacob's 19 and is grounded with spirit and thanks giving. 

These people have added seismic proportion to our life.  They affect us in intensity as a rainbow floating above its pot of gold.  I hope I affect them by the sharing of our love.
 
If we could give them one thing (and we’re trying), it would be our happiness.  We would want them to know their unrelenting love has not been lost on us.  We love them incredibly.

Annotated Responce to Reading #1 - Multiplicity

Some of us,who have withstood severe and overwhelming trauma, dissociate which then causes a breach in our core part's identity formation and memory.  We sublimate this by being able-minded parts whose primary purpose is to protect our core.

The majority of multiples are traumatized by physical and sexual abuse before the age of four.  Usually, at least one "trusted" family member caused this horrendous internal distress. Oftentimes, there are other strict religious or mystical belief inclinations in the family.

The core personality normally has a good working memory, above average intelligence and creativity. Usually, they are predisposed to love, but have a capacity to dissociate when challenged by overwhelming contradictions. The trauma is normally frequent, unpredictable, inconsistent and severe.

The experience of abuse is personal, interpersonal, and situational. The dissociation is reinforced by the family dynamics and subsequent life experiences. The core personality would be in great peril if not for this ability to dissassociate from the disrupted personal boundaries of self and other, but in return must forgo memory independent of state and mood. 

The traumatized child introjects, internalizes, and identifies with the abuse through imaginary companions who are of more trusted value than the outsiders.  Outward communication is not allowed, so the dissociation becomes further fixed. As the individual matures, pseudo relationships will be avoided at all costs and ideal circumstances sought to reassociate to life. The goal of therapy is to trust conscious and co-consciousness of self(ves) and others' purpose and motivation.

As a multiple, we have found a life albeit dissociated.  Our abusers were my maternal grandfather and mother and they were supported by my maternal grandmother, father, siblings, and one uncle.  They are/were dogmatic Lutherans.  My paternal grandmother provided us with love.  Our traumas witnessed in silence affected all internal and external relationships.

We are not yet able to constructively handle well false relationships.  We are learning to accept ourselves and others through trusting key relationships.  Our safer world is found through the security of reading and writing.

 

Oh Man-O-Man

Yesterday, we found a fantastic new site!  It is a wonderful, wonderful on-line library called, Questia.

http://www.questia.com/

We know this is also an extra cost, but we joined for one year because it was the same cost as 5 months of a monthly rate. We're not a literal student, but we would like to do research, particularly in the areas of developmental disability and the psychology as it relates to humanism and multiplicity. We’ve been looking for a good resource because we've missed the services of a university library. There are on-line literature sites, but we don’t have time just yet to be developing our interests in classical fiction. Web searching is very useful for gaining information, but this is nothing like doing scholarly research!

It appears ...

"...that the Questia library includes books and articles in all areas of the humanities and social sciences. Subjects covered include literature, history, psychology, education, sociology, philosophy, political science, art, music, economics, and many more."

When we typed in "mental retardation," we found 3,204 listings. It includes 1,332 books, 1,644 journals, 143 magazines, 62 newspapers, an 22 encyclopedia listings. Man-o-man!  That'll keep us busy ... and, it includes 2,990 books with Honore Balzac, 12,672 on Plato, and 672 books on "The Great Books" including a 404 page book by Adler on, "How to Read a Book," and Will Durant’s, "Philosophy and the Social Problem!"

They claim ... Scholarly books and journal articles selected by librarians, complete books cover to cover - read or search any page or all of the book, credible sources from hundreds of respected publishers, tools to create your references and bibliography, never having overdue fees and pages are printed for free, the library is open 24/7, and you can highlight, scribble on the books, and leave countless notes.

It’s like waking up and finding yourself in heaven! I would gladly pay this $100 a year to have all these works available to us. Just spinning here! We’re thinking that we might open a new journal just to talk about what we could be reading and writing. Shoot need to slow down here and think! Whadda we goin to do first!  Research writing in psychology has been a dream of lifelong passion!  There is a God looking out for us!!!

The Center's - Group IV

Yesterday, we spent the morning looking after the center's fourth group. This group is for people who are low functioning. There were four people (two were gone for the day) and their DSP was at a funeral.

Usually we advocate the individuals making their own choices.  We get frustrated when people push "teaching/learning."  We try only to help when they get stuck.

For example, one of the females (22 years old) is learning to take off her outerwear and place it in the closet. After two verbal prompts, we figured she needed more help. She gave us her hand and she walked the 7-8 steps to the closet with us. We tapped on the door handle and we asked her positively, but firmly to open the door. After about 8 minutes she'd managed to put away her things. We gave her a big hug! She smiled.

The room has one male (23 years old).  He is sedentary, but is negotiating a learning process.  He's trying to trust a stuffed bird.  He picks it up and puts it down in an endless, but consistent pattern.  There is another female (23 years old) with trust issues, but she accepted a pencil from us.

The individual who received the most attention is a female who is 36 year old and diapered. She was having a terrible time yesterday. Her verbal abilities include whimpering and crying out. Twice she tried to take our hand and lead us out of the room, but we redirected her.

By the third time, the other Q had gotten in to watch the others, so we let the individual lead us out of the room. It is unusual behavior for her to be interested in things outside the room. We went through one room, down the hall and back up again three times. She wanted to go in other rooms that had groups of people.  Usually she stays to her self. 

We figured she might be lonely and looking for the three missing people.  She's upset with change.

After we tried to leave, she followed us down the hall to our office.  I had sat down, but she grabbed our wrists and pulled us up. Then she put our hands on her shoulder and lead us back to her room. I felt very bad when the other Q took it upon herself to pry the individual’s fingers from their tight grasp on our wrist. It is fair to say, this group has an affect on us. Sometimes we cry.

Just Doin Some More Thinkin

Clear Sky was able to spend some time with us today before leaving for her other job. We soon were talking about her cashing out of one of her investment properties. We've been sympathizing with her troubles. During our married life, we had investment properties, so we could understand. 

The house is only two houses away from the center!  It’s a yellow two-flat with a porch on a fairly quiet residential street and it has a two car garage. Clear Sky used to live in the downstairs apartment with her family, but they bought another investment property 5 minutes away.

I could live in either the two or three bedroom apartment and rent out the other apartment for an extra income starting out at $500-600. When and if we could use more space (i.e. for the respite idea), we could take over the whole building.

The place is nothing fancy, all of my neighbors speak Spanish and I don't, but the majority of them are good family people. We would need to get a new heating system, the kitchens and bathrooms need to be updated, I’d like central air and a security system, and tall wrought iron fence. Think the electrical is good, and the roof has been replaced, but the water drainage system might need checking into. We’d have to have an appraiser come look at it, but Clear Sky is thinking she’d sell it to us for $100,000. 

We'd have to talk with our son Tanner. He’s only 21, but he would be able to finance the house outright in cash. That would save us $52,000 in interest over 15 years and $116,000 over 30 years.  Tanner has said he already has what he needs with a half million dollar house, BMW, and a Hummer. Tanner has been more than generous in the past, but this is a lot and I’m not sure he would want his mother living in such a "rough" neighborhood. The center or Clear Sky hasn't had direct problems, but the gangs are around.  

I don’t know ... with what I’m paying now for rent and the gaining of a tenant would allow $1,200-1,500 to go back into the building each month, plus we could get a cleaning lady and the guy next door does professional lawn maintenance. *Giggling* Think of the savings in insurance, gas, wear and tear on the car, and time/stress of not having to drive to work! I’ve still got about 20 or so years to be putting into direct workin for others.

Yep, yep this would suit me fine!

Corey's Summary of a Multiple Day (12)

Yesterday went pretty well. We had the thinking group first thing, then in the afternoon we worked on CARF.

*Chuckling* We brought in the stuffed bears we keep in a nook in our office hutch. There is a very nonstressed father, mother, brother, and sister bear. We gave the bears to different individuals and had them measuring distances from one nose to another.

Then after that, we had them place the bears in different room locations and they figured out for one bear to get to another bear, they would have to count 8 steps south, 3 steps east, etc. For the individuals who don’t understand the concepts of measuring, they had fun with the idea of father bear looking for mama bear and the babies. We had them writing down the measurements throughout. 

We always have our individual with extra needs sitting up front at "our" table.  Yesterday, he gave us his/our first hug!  We anticipate general behavioral flare ups with some of the other individuals as well, but by moving around, we find ourselves able to handle them pretty efficiently. Usually it’s a matter of moving people around so their space is not being invaded.

We did one more lesson on measuring feelings, but this one was a little muddled.  We had them measuring by arm lengths, if "Tyler" made "Jennifer" this angry ----------> because he fell asleep when she was talking, then how much more angry would she be ... I was going for displacement, but we missed our mark.

In the afternoon, we worked on CARF reports. The job is going slowly.  We're having trouble letting go of one project to concentrate on another. We’re figuring now that our core, Dear Heart, might be using the time to being out at work.  This is a transition for all of us.  We're going to have to do some more figurin in this direction.  What are the consequences and how do we make things run more smoothly?

Some of the familiar signs of Dear Heart being around is that we are more tired, we want to smoke more, and we have low abilities to do the work. We've been struggling to work from this switched position, but our writing becomes garbled. We want to commend Dear Heart for trying, but we also have to acknowledge our deadlines.  How might she contribute? We’ll talk to Dr. M. about it tonight. Oh yeah! Finally a Dr. M. Day. We’ve lots to talk about!

The First Budget Breaker

Yesterday, we worked with an individual who has the most demanding problems in the center.  Although his mother missed the staffing, we had planned on having a goal setting meeting.

This individual is a 21 year old male.  The DSP had given me a list of 15 problem behaviors and as well he is reported to be obsessive and stimulated by his senses (such as the need to touch, smell, see, taste, and hear), which partially explains the habit of slamming doors.  Very gratifying noise!

At one point of the day, we had found he'd suddenly run out the door and had stopped at the corner of the courtyard gate.  We said to the dismayed DSP, "Umm, we'll get this one."

We've been working on gaining his trust, so we promised we wouldn't take the ball from him.  This decision got him to leave the corner.  He figured it was important for him to play basketball so we negotiated the time. "How many minutes?"  We both agreed to five minutes and we set a timer.  After three negotiations he peacefully rejoined his group and put the basketball away.  A win-win situation!

As far as a goal, we thought of marbles because they'd be very stimulating, especially if there were a variety.  We figured he should wash the marbles in exchange for more negative behaviors.  After all they'd get fingerprints and many adults have collections, right? 

Hence ... the purchase of 1,450 small 16 mm. colored marbles grouped by 58 bags of 25 marbles each.  We figure the goal should last for a year and each week he will receive one new bag.  We'll give one bag each to his peers, so the individual will have an opportunity to interact with them by asking to wash their marbles too! 

The individual will have to negotiate getting the marbles with the DSP.  He will have to write 20 times the newest marble's name.  For example a marble could be named banana swirl, black panther, or bumblebee.  At present, he spends most of his time writing the names of his favorite restaurants.

We showed the individual a large picture of the above and asked him if he would be interested.  Man!  Did his face pick up an outstanding glow!  Hehe, the marbles will be here by Friday.  What's a budget for if not to break?!  

Corey's Summary of a Multiple Day (11) - Also refer back to work role entry of August 31

And, no I'm not too stressed!  Just refilling the coffee!  So, move over Jamie and stop with the "Writing Goddess" stuff!

Yesterday, Kate was taking notes with Dr. M. She says she wants us to take our time with the many projects because we're going to do it right!  She’s reminding us as well that there’s still annuals, physics, and volunteer work to be accounted for.

Kelsie has been working over time. Kate, Ayn, and Jamie have been trying to ease her a bit so as to get all things accomplished without crushing dreams or spirit.

Jamie’s done most the billing process work. She enjoys the columns/figures and has more patience than me with editing the formal writing projects.

Ayn  is worrying about our concentration, especially with Anniemi, Lissa, Kelsie and me.  She says, we're all to relax some.

Lissa is tremendously exited about the new home project and the grant writing. She’s pushing a stonewall now, because of frustration needing to "be done" with work, rather than "lovin the h*ll out of it." 

Ann's been concerned with how we've been progressing with the boys.  She's afraid we'll overwhelm them (and some of you).

Anniemi has been trying to negotiate with Forest Path and Sr. Tess, but she says their lack of patience is driving her bonkers!

Jessie has been real strong lately and has been challenging our new roles with some of the externals.  She and Kate want yet more self-reliance.

We figure Marie is on a crusade! She’s diligent at resolving trust issues, especially with Dear Heart and Dr. M.

Casie and KC are biting at the bullet in wanting to help with the new finances. They were very pleased to be signing their names to papers and for having been allowed to use three times the new red marker!

Sarah has been sharing Kelsie’s highs and has been doing behind the scene work with the diet and regular doses of orange juice. She also took the younger ones out to see, feel, smell, touch and hear the fall foliage.

Henry’s been lending his hand to the household work. He is a Godsend with leading and encouraging Dear Heart.  He and Marie are the most patient people!

And, you all should know, as much as the system loves the individuals at work, much of our work is in still a devotion to Embry, may she rest in peace.

Grant Project Summary (Cuz There Really is No Magic Wands!)

This self-sustaining project will provide a much needed respite service to the 50 individuals with developmental disabilities and their families at *** Center.  *** Center is an adult day training center for a low income, ethnic neighborhood (Spanish and African American) located on the South side of *** at *** and *** Streets. The grant fund of $150,000 will cover the cost of purchasing a home in the neighborhood and initial repairs.  ***, the grantee, will live at the project site and maintain the program.  She is an experienced home owner and is currently employed by *** Center as a QMRP (Qualified Mental Retardation Professional).

All of the individuals who attend *** Center live with their families and often aging parents.  At the present time, the individuals do not have opportunities to practice being independent and living away from their family and the families do not have opportunities to experience a relief in their care giving.  The program would support a much needed and valuable community service.  The grantee, rather than *** Center would be independently responsible for the project and program, but *** Center would have first right to purchase the home if it were to be sold and would be direct beneficiary of the home and program.

The program would operate from 5 pm week nights and Saturdays to the following day at either 7:00 am or 11 am Sunday.  The program would support one to three individuals a session by providing personal living space, guidance, and education.  The program would include dinner in the community at a moderately priced restaurant, snacks and a video which would be chosen by the individuals served, self-served breakfast, and the completion of several tailored household tasks.  The individuals or their families would pay a nominal cost of $60 per weeknight or $75 Saturday to cover immediate and long-term benefits.  Home improvements, repair, and taxes on the home, and all other program needs would be contributed by the project grantee for a minimum of five years.  Housekeeping services, lawn service, and snow removal would be paid for by the service fee or by the grantee if necessary.

Hmm, What About Getting a House?

I'm not sure what lead us here last night, but we found a house we could live with (we didn't even know we were looking!).  It's a lot different than the house we had when we were married.  That house was a Victorian.  But this one is reasonably half the size with 9 rooms and 2 baths.  There is a living room (14x12), dining room (14x13), 2 kitchens (13x12 and unsure), and 5 bedrooms (various sizes). 

The description says that it's a family home with a possible in-law arrangement.  It's only $135,000 and the monthly payments with 10% down and taxes would be $861 a month.  That's less than we're paying for rent.  If a magic wand were waved and I were to receive $135,000, then all I'd have to worry about is $133 a month for taxes!  Then I could save $730 a month toward repairs and upkeep!  This is easy!

Hmm, with that kind of a deal, we could save $250 a month for a cleaning lady, although I'm not at all sure what the going cost is.  I'd like her in 3 times a week for 2-3 hours each time. Plus, I'd get someone to do the little yard.

Is 5 bedrooms/2 kitchens/2 baths a necessity?  Absolutely!  The way we figure it, we could then have sleepovers!  See the individual's at work don't get out very often, nor do their families get much of a break from them.  I figure that I could be offering a respite service.  We'd charge $60 for a weeknight, or $75 for a Saturday night and allow for singles or groups of 2-3 people.

The cost would include a dinner ordered in or a dinner at a nice moderate restaurant, plus a breakfast/brunch the clients could help fix the next day in their very own kitchen.  Also, we give them back $10 to shop for snacks and a movie rental.  The extra money would go toward fixing up the rooms as suited for any good bed and supper! 

Thing is this house is only 5 minutes from work and a minute away from the park where Clear Sky coaches the developmentally disabled.  So it would be very convenient.  But, If there were time while the individuals were there, I would like to see the individuals taking care of at least one or two household tasks tailored specially to them.  I'd want them to be learning adult responsibility for being on their own, plus they'd have so much fun! 

Financial Sovereignty

Hmm, finances ... looking over our "balance sheet," on our brand new green analysis pad, it appears we've been eating good. We’ve had shrimp linguini and wine, our regular favorite seafood salad, and some excellent governor’s chicken.  This is an odd way to start cost cutting efforts!  We found $20 cash which is good, but we paid a $1 donation to the center's fund raiser for the sole purpose of chocolate bar eating!  Diet guys, think diet!

We paid for our late cable, electric, and phone bills by phone and we found a couple of outfits we’re going to get from a catalogue.

We have a cash balance of $25 in bills, $5 in purse change, and $7.75 in our "sock/towel in-house laundry fund." We have a wish list of a digital camera and a cell phone. We’re going to pay up our Dr. M. bill in full to get a 50% discount and we're going to make payments on general medical bills, government, and school. We still don't own a credit card!

Our regular costs in no particular order are: AOL, smoking, parking for doctor appointments, pharmacy, food, taking the boys out for dinners periodically, rent, electric, phone, cable, medical insurance, car insurance, school loan, government oversight, gas for car, and take out laundry.  Pretty good 16 whole line items!  We must be rich! 

There is also new money rules and regulations. These include things like: we’re now going to make same day deposits, half monthly we can take out $155 cash for food, parking, and laundry service. We have to eat "slim" for 6 days, but on the 7th day, God has created for us restaurants that are to be blessed with wine!

There is to be $50 emergency money carried with us at all times, mail is to be picked up 6 days a week, transactions will be recorded and processed every day and there is to be a slurpee fund!

The "blechy" items (stamps, sundries, paper goods, cat food, etc.) will be purchased for no more than $40 bi-monthly, dishes get washed every day (hmm, can this be on a money list?), bill paying and its space is to be kept efficient, no one is to use the bank card other than for stated purposes, and decision making will be ruled by parts of our own system! 

Yep, yep financial sovereignty! After everything is paid, we’ll have a "free" spending of $158.19 a month. Since all these decisions are choices made by the "system," this is all pretty damn good!

Our "Take a Little Love, then Pass Around the Cup" Collage

Lois writes, "I had a good visit with my doctor. I have been seeing him for so many years, he feels like a good buddy." John G. writes, "But a kiss here and a hug there and those words I love you he says is a lot, so all that other stuff isn’t so bad after all."

Penny writes, "The girl [six year old daughter] needs to be with me, as much as I need her, and I know its going to be better for everyone." Tabby writes, "We sent Kaylee and her sister and brothers a Halloween card and stickers a few weeks ago. She colored the envelope and made us a home made card, it was cute."

John S. Writes, "Tim (playing PONG): My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball] Whoops." Tony writes, "I am 23 right now, but I can still be a little kid. It was not too long ago that I would go to McDonalds and get the happy meal because I wanted the toy. I still wear my Superman shirt. I watch cartoons."

Jeanne writes, "Last week, I called my favorite 3 year old friend back home and he sang "God Bless My underpants" to me over the phone."

Ayn writes, "We also were able to give back to Forest Path by sharing with him our new computer flowcharting program.  He had had the need to make mechanical drawings.  Hehe - after we left him alone, he played with it pretty good!"  Erin writes, "Ha what a blast today was.  I woke up late, and 2.5 seconds later Sheri swerves into my driveway with this huge GMC truck - midnight black, tinted windows, banging stereo system - twas kickin!"

Justin writes, "I know it sounds vague, but I believe that our ultimate purpose in the world is to understand your life." Gary writes, "I remain convinced that the very act of writing out one’s feelings, views, or beliefs forces insight like nothing else." Freee writes, "When I write I write a good song it takes less than an hour. I wait until I’m inspired. It’s a gift from something bigger than me. It's universal truth."

Oh Man - Some Days are Just Smooth!

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Ominous Laughter and Gaity

Ok, as things happen this way ... we figured we should purchase our way to refining our financial empire!  Well, seems like what had happened, although we'd gone to the office supply store primarily to purchase a $40 desk lamp.

By the way, we did get a very nifty neato extendable-armed black lamp - and for $40!  But, then ... oh man!  The extra spending happened kind of by accident.  See, the lamp didn't come with a light bulb, so we had to search around until we found a $10.00 - 5 year spiral light bulb.  After that we decided we might as well walk down a few aisles. 

Next item we came to was a 26 pocket expandable file folder.  It has a durable black clothed case, handle, and plastic dividers with tabs.  We figure this is for sorting out the immediate mail and bills before they get processed, paid and filed.  Then, we got two self inking daters (stamps) to be marking when the bills were received and when the bills were paid.  Yes, we are just this fussy! 

We figured next that the computer software would be fine to note final purchase cost, but that we should have a analysis pad for noting individual items purchased.  Then, we thought we should own a 15" stainless steel ruler for totaling columns.  Next came the ultra-fine mechanical pencils.  Did you know that we'd taken two years of accounting in high school? 

Our next major purchase was a handy-dandy thingie to be carrying paperwork from home, work, and Dr. M's office.  He says, we should pick up mail EVERY day!  It's soft black vinyl and has expandable pockets for files, a one-inch 3 ring binder, a legal pad and assorted pockets for cards, pens, mail, and such.  We liked the simple feminine one.  Then we figured we needed a nice heavy duty hole punch and an extra package of legal pads. 

Next were the desk items.  They had various black meshed angled containers.  Then we added two sizes of paper clips, a variety of bigger spring clips (couldn't resist the fancy gold), two sizes of post-its - regular, and 4 x 6's (we use these religiously at work), 12 sharpie ultra-fine colored markers (hehe - bill paying can be fun!), a stapler and staples, and scotch tape and a dispenser.  Oh, also we got batteries for our work clock and Colorific Gel markers for one of the client's new goals!

Our Dr. M. Visit

Last night we met with Dr. M.  The first 25 minutes was handling our immediate feelings.  We were angry and dismayed with our peers.   The next 10 minutes was handling new entries made in the journal, then the last 25 minutes was handling our bill paying issues. 

I felt angry because the peers had given us so much grief with a new timer concept.  I had purchased timers for each of them to help establish time awareness with the individuals.  At minimum this would include areas such as discipline, end of a session tasks, and goal setting.  It was important to me that individuals could learn to feel more independent and in control of their actions especially relating to changes in time. 

I'd also been in conversations where it became apparent that my peers were holding "authority" lines over the individuals instead of communicating fairly.  I'd been in conversations where peers were telling me they didn't have time to give individuals 2-3 minutes personal time.  And, I'd been in conversations where peers were acting out against individuals who had requested to talk to me.  In one instant, I had caught a peer lying over punishments she'd been giving confused individuals for "not cooperating."

The discussion of journal entries was a relaxing time period only to exchange information of where the week had taken us, clarifications, and how we were feeling about the events. 

The bill paying issues for some reason, had been handled by a seriously overwhelmed Dear Heart.  We discussed having lost a whole envelope of older bills, being able to get the bills from the mail box, having a work station to process the bills, opening the envelopes, sorting the bills, not understanding bills, and fears over services being cut..  

During the interim of not having seen Dr. M. we'd opened the mailbox once, gone to the bank, opened an online account with the bank, figured out our balance, and we'd established a pre-bill paying budget with Microsoft money software.  Then we needed to figure out things such as what luxury items we would afford ourselves over the necessity to conserve funds.  The luxury items included eating at a restaurant once a week, treating the boys for an occasional meal, and allowing a monthly amount of $100 for miscellaneous and $60 for clothes. 

*Major sigh*

Just Feeling Our Way Around This World

This morning, we're a little tired, down, and introspective.  We'd come home last night from work fairly early, but we had the chills.  So, we sent our encouraging thoughts to the Cubbies and crawled into bed with two blankets and our stuffed dog.  From there, we fell promptly to sleep and woke up only once during the night.   

This morning, we felt much better even though the Cubs season didn't make it.  We're hoping the best for them and any dashed hopes they might be feeling.  We think you did a super bang-up job Cubbies!

The Thinking Group went pretty good, though we kept everyone moving forward pretty fast.  I had the feeling toward the end that we'd tired them out.  They held up, but looked kinda numb.  They did seem to enjoy themselves, especially the part where they got to eat the fruit loops.  *Sheepish grin*

Most of the afternoon was spent with the behavior problems of one of our individuals.  We wrote four pages of directions to the DSP who had given us a list of yesterday's problems with the individual.   She indicated there were 12-15 immediate issues.  So,we addressed each one in turn, then sent it to Sr. Tess for approval. 

We'll see how our recommendations are received this morning.  It would mean whole changes in the DSP's current perspective. The problems include everything from disruptive burping to throwing an object at the staff.  *Heavy sigh*

We also were able to give back to Forest Path by sharing with him our new computer flowcharting program.  He had had the need to make mechanical drawings.  Hehe - after we left him alone, he played with it pretty good!

Today, we are going to be treating ourselves with a visit to the good Dr. M.  It's been a week now and we feel very ready.  Hmm, our agenda?  We're going to have to progress our finances.  We did stop at the bank last night and made a couple of deposits.  We now know our balance. 

We haven't been able yet look trough the bills or correspondences.  Hmm, maybe we better summarize the week in a quick 10 minutes, then spend the rest of his time going through the mail?  This really doesn't sound fun, but it most likely is important? *Double Heavy Sigh,* but holding back on the whimper!

Back to the Thinking Group

Let’s see ... scalars and vectors. What shall they do today?

The first thought is that the individuals we work with need more exposure to the vector directions of north, south, east, and west. "To the board!"  Copy the date. Then, copy the words, "north, south, east, and west." Yikes!  Too much.  We'll have them copy N, S, E, & W.

We’ll use the volunteers holding N, S, E, & W signs from last week for continuity and we'll have about 10 other volunteers walk whichever direction requested.  Ok, better have a mini-lesson too on fixed items found in each direction, like outside door, plants, wagon are all on south side of room.  Ahh, have sign holders tape their sign to wall after a while to see if they've been able to similate!  Hehe - they love tests! 

Ok, next!  The individuals should learn 12" = 1', specially if we’re going to move the "direction people" farther away from each other. Hey, this is interesting. A 25 foot tape measure is in the drawer it was supposed to be in! They are going to love using a long tape measure! We'll have them line up their rulers along tape measure.  That way they can get used to looking for the foot number on the tape measurer. 

Most of the individuals can’t remember that four quarters equal a $1.00. They are going to have trouble with 12 inches = 1 foot. A real stretch of their imagination. Maybe we’ll slip in a short lesson on the word "equal." And, we should teach them right away (=) symbol. Have to build confidence. Maybe will mix the word "equal" with "the same as."

We could form teams and make them equal, have two people with equal number of rulers, and then count out 12 fruit loops = 1 plastic cup.  That will do the trick.  Before the session I will have to pre-count fruit loops, then make sure everyone gets a cup to count.  (Some will just eat!)

Then back to tape measure.  They will need to "pinch numbers" on the tape measure to mark a measurement. Hehe, we could get about 6 people pinching at the same time! Also, they’ll need to estimate which foot mark is closest to the pinched fingers.  Then they could measure how far and to what direction things are, like two notebooks, chairs, and people, then add the directions again. So-and-so is sitting 7 feet W of so-and-so.

Ok, think we have basic plan!

Mornin Sleepy People

Yep, yep!  It's morning!  *Sigh* Been up through out the early hours, but just been wandering around the different journal sites playing.  I enjoy seeing how everyones' day has been going.  I think yesterday AOL's top five list was happy positive people!  Welcome to our site new peoples!

Yesterday, we had started avoiding work pretty early.  We did the wee hours, but then took a break around 8 am, went to Gentle Brook's zoo and never really returned.  Unfortunately, we missed our Dr. M. Appointment.  He was going to call over the phone, but later we figured we had lacked common sense by not having first hung up the phone so he could get through.  The most silliest of peoples!

We didn't have to go in to work, but I told Sr. Tess I'd be working from home (she paid us already).  But only about maybe 5 hours got done.  We did put in about 12 hours on Sunday, so we were "all good."  This is something Sr. Tess would NEVER approve of or ask us to do, but we were soooo into the project!

We were working on the CARF stuff.  We pretty much figured out that we should be writing a Business Improvement Report.  It's like 11 sections long.  This first section will be the longest.  It's on "Strategic Planning" and it covers about 30 double spaced typed pages. *Sigh* Basically, it's a summary of three reports.  It's made of the Administrative Team's minutes, the Three Year Plan, and the Annual Report.  The last two reports account for only 5 pages of the work.  It's about 2-3 days work.

The larger section was fascinating.  For this part of the report, we wrote and nested together absolutely everything.  So for example, issues like finances, safety, or communications were each written as if it's own chapter, and from there paragraphs, such as finances might include state funding, grants, and fundraisers, and from there ...  5 months of Administrative Team discussion would be broken down into 5 sentences.  You'd be amazed with what all gets recorded over a one year's period of time.  It's like telling/writing the center's "story!"

Hehe, but in the end ... fall got us.  Went for a walk/picnic out in the forest preserves to ooh and awe over the brilliant fall colors!  Just brilliant, I tell ya!  Brilliant....

When Was the Last Time YOU Went to the Zoo?

I know we're supposed to be doing that "Business Information Report," but maybe this last hour playing was really worth while?  I'm feeling pretty happy!

Please enjoy the pictures that Gentle Brook has shared and leave her comments if you'd like.  She's sure to read them.

Tanner in Shining Armor

Last night, once again, my son Tanner showed himself brilliantly as, "The White Knight" he's always been. Since Tanner was a toddler, we've thought of him as a defender of justice.  He carries a swift sword and has always been able to accurately judge and discern.   Maybe this was due in part, because he had been born with having an older brother.

We had actually been doing pretty good on our own.  We were happy with the work done at the Center.  It had been a very long day, but our production had been good.  Still, we were tired and hungry.  After we walked in the door, put down our things, and started the water for noodles, I did what I always do; I go to turn on my computer. 

Just this time ... it didn't work.  Instead of my normal screen there was a DOS message saying that it couldn't start my Windows program.  I felt doom, but I didn't panic at first.  I made myself read through all the scary options, then I tried each one.  But, nothing!  I repeated each of the options three times.  Still nothing.  I now started to panic.  We pretty much live a computer to computer world between home, work, and Dr. M's office.  

My first thought was to just lay down and play dead.  But, we fought off this impulse.  Then, I thought I should call somebody.  Obviously, this was a crisis.  I'm usually not in contact with either Forest Path or Dr. M. on weekends, then I figured, Oh man, this has got to be a Tanner time!

I usually try not to disturb him.  He works very hard and is a pretty private person, but he has long since been our computer expert.  Tanner understands my computer needs better than even me.  It took another half hour for it to dawn on us that I could simply drive to his house 20 minutes from here (His number is private and it was locked away in my computer).

I know that Tanner loves me as only Tanner can.  He listened patiently, offered assistance immediately, then calmed me considerably.  After he walked us to the car, tears came.  Nothing I could ever do would replace the importance of having brought this wondrous person and his brothers into the world.   Then, just as gallantly as he'd entered on his steed, Tanner was off again to other unknown worlds that I may never fully understand or appreciate enough.

Ok, now breath...

On Being Financially Stable

I think we’ve hit one of life’s little reality checks. This week, we were very frustrated with the lack of attention our, “helperer of the bills” was giving us and our accounts, so we fired him!  We figured that the friendship was more important than the tensions caused.  It had been 2 ½ months since he was able to come over and do his helpering.  We can figure this out, right?  We’re just going to have to get better!  Fast…
 
We’re terrified of getting mail from our mail box and even more scared to open the envelopes.  Our helperer helped one last time.  He got the mail and opened the envelopes.  Then he gave us the distinct directions to deposit our payroll check from September 29th, pay the rent, and send back the lease that was due two days ago. We took a deep *sigh.* Seemed practical enough.  We’re not going to be helpless!  Oh man!  You all know it’s the 11th?  *Double Sigh!*
 
We made ourselves do the rent tasks the first day.  It felt like a mighty victory over the odds!  It took us a couple more days to build going to the bank courage.  We usually don’t venture out much further than work, Dr. M’s, the sub-sandwich shop, and the two local convenience stores.  We actually made it to the bank on Thursday, but after we got there we found out we had forgotten to bring the check.  This is tricky stuff! 
 
When we got to the teller, we asked him, “Umm, how much money is in our account?”  He gave us a slip of paper that said $926.65 plus the amount we’d just deposited.  We figured, hmm that’s not too bad.  Then we figured we’d better check on the rent.  He said something like, “Nope, it hadn’t cleared.”  We thought, hmm this doesn’t sound good.  But, we didn’t pass out or ‘nuthin!  Still don’t know why it is going to take ‘til Wednesday before our deposit clears.  Anybody explain this to me?
 
This morning, we’ve done some more maths.  If you take away rent, the auto AOL withdrawal, and $20 in gas to get to work this morning.  We’re going to have a balance of $16.65.  Guess the thing to do now might be just not to panic? 

Our New Community Volunteer Project

Since the first year of being a Girl Scout Brownie, we’ve been given to the idea that volunteerism is good.  We sang to appreciative people in a nursing home!  
 
The new project would be a map/guide for the south side of our big city.  It would help people with developmental disabilities in need, and it would help the need fillers.  We feel great glee!  
 
So far we have had the initial idea and submitted it to our grassroots community council.  It appears they are going to lend their name and support.  They were very pleased and excited!  Then, we spent a couple of hours doing research on the Internet for mapping software and structural ideas.  We also began a project timeline.  Last, we wrote a first draft of the provider application.  
 
Both map and guide projects will run simultaneously.  The map will pinpoint the providers and their locations and will be more widely distributed, especially at local fairs, schools, and churches. 

The second project will be to develop the corresponding guide that would present basic demographic information, as well as present the providers' purpose (mission statement), population they target, number of people they serve per year, eligibility rules of their service, cost of services, available funding, transportation provisions, description of service or program, assessments provided, process of requesting service, and a definition of terms they might introduce.  

Both map and guide will be web publishable.  Next, will come funding decisions.  Grants and fundraising are wonderful, but for now we'll have to figure on provider donations and a small purchase fee.  Oh man!  We’re off to a start!  So much to do! 

Last night we met with Dr. M.  When we were getting up to leave, we couldn’t help but notice his always cheerful face was shining even brighter than normal.  Confused, we asked if he was laughing at us, but he said, “No.”  Then, he volunteered some very kind words about his pride of us!  Although, we hadn’t sought this praise, nonetheless, it was not only satisfying, but as well, as encouraging as the older people's applause!  It's a job worthy of being done, and we can do it!

"Taking Care of" and "Caring for"

In our way of thinking there is a difference between “taking care of,” and “caring for.”  You could include that some people also take care of and care for animals or objects, such as horses and stamp collections.  But, right now we’re thinking about people.
 
Taking care of people is management.  For example, Dr. M. takes care of my medicines and the disordered parts of our thinking.  As a side, he does not treat the condition of multiplicity (that is here to stay), he does treat some of our symptoms/problems that multiplicity or depression cause such as suicidal ideation, poor communication, being distrustful and overwhelmed, or fear of authority figures.   
 
Sr. Tess takes care of the center by paying bills, leading meetings, or supervising the individual’s lunch period.  Forest Path has taken care of us in the supervision of work tasks or minor emergencies.  Parents take care of young childrens' needs such as flat bicycle tires and scheduling appointments.  At work, we take care of maintaining client files and processing Qnotes.
 
In some of these cases the management is continuous, but when a manager is working directly with a person/people the goal most often is to teach the other how to take care of their independence.
 
Caring for people is a shared experience.  For example, if I’m managing my own problems, Dr. M. can care for or share the experience of excellent thoughts or being happy.  Sr. Tess can care for or share experience of God by singing with the individuals in chapel.  Forest Path cares for or shares experiences with his buddies such as golfing, fishing, and playing cards.  Parents share with their adult children the experiences of eating out, coloring Easter eggs with grandchildren, or talking on the phone.  Yesterday, I sat back and experienced learning with the group.
 
It seems to us that caring for individuals is a two-way 50-50 division of energy expended and has largely to do with sharing work, relaxation and joy.  Taking care of individuals is more like an “empowered” task assumption by maintainer and maintainee.  Both roles of caring for and taking care of are legitimate.  And, maybe we all need and love the experience and balance of both!

Back to the Thinking Group

Yesterday’s "Thinking Group" with the individuals we work for was very good.  There was positive natural energy and enthusiasm.  Many people with developmental disabilities (DD) love to learn and have high expectations!
 
We moved to the physics work of vectors.  Vectors mean, “Direction of a scalar.”  12 inches is a scalar; 12 inches left is a vector.  We continued the scalar work by giving them homework.  They love this!  The assignment asked them to measure in inches how tall the colorful pictures of a bell and salt shaker were, and how wide a tomato and false teeth were.  There is always time for questions and feedback.
 
They next copied the date and the words, "Vector," and "Direction" into their notebooks from the board.  After that I asked, "What is direction?" A few seemed to have an idea and that idea spread.  The responses though were behavioral directions like listen to your staff, follow the rules, and don’t swear.  I get frustrated with too much attention paid to behavioral rules, but moved quickly past it.  I told them they were right, but there was more!.  Volunteers were called to the front and each were asked to act out positional directions such as in front of, beside, under, and around.  They were being very smart!  
 
Next, they were each given a unique direction such as point, bend, ask, listen, or tear.  They were proud of doing this task work, especially with an audience of 26 of their peers and myself encouraging and applauding them for challenges accomplished.  
 
Last, we introduced the directions of north, south, east, and west.  Four volunteers were placed in a diamond pattern and given a directional sign.  They were proud of their importance.  The next volunteer (and others after her) was asked to go (to) a direction such as west.  The large group and the directional people were allowed to help and each volunteer found their “direction!”  It was fun and exciting!  Very productive session of learning praised even by Sr. Tess (who we had found later to be listening in)! *Giggle*  Yep, yep ... very good session! 

Self Confessions

We were just playing a little with Gentle Brook.  At 3:30 in the morning, we were sharing pictures of her childhood.  We loved looking at them and trying to figure out what all was happening with the picture clues.  We felt very protective of her ... does anyone raise "a kid" just right, especially your own kids?

Over the last 12 hours we started to figure how important it is to us that we maintain a sense of happiness.  Sometimes to our detriment.  Not usually at work - because there we most often get to feel happy by doing good work.  But, at home?

Being on your own leads to having a lot of self time choices.  But rather than taking care of bodily needs like of having food, drink, and a roof over our head, we dissociate.  Then, we seem to resent and act out poor responses to our choice of "baselessness."  

We dissociate a lot.  Literal self-maintenance tasks such as dishes and bills rarely make our priority list.  Besides sleeping and eating and using the bathroom, it is unusual for us to be away from the computer.  It would mean to us unhappiness.  

We've become very helpless.  Last night, Forest Path brought this to our attention which resulted in a big loud “thud.”  Typical to form, we cried and cried.  Btw, our apologies go out to Forest Path this morning.  Helpless people are dependent people and they make the load heavier for people who try to care.

We’re wondering now … helplessness seems to be how we felt in the past and we seem now to be maintaining it.  Maybe it is important to figure out how to live in the present?  

On Monday with Dr. M., we had discussed how important it is that someone talk to us. The realization that we COULD do this with him lead us though to feelings of fear and pain..  

Hmm, Gentle Brook just showed us you could mezmerize your Super Buddy Icon!  Oh man!  She sent us a rainbow!

A Brand New Day (Thanks for Fixing Things AOL!)

This morning our first thoughts are going to Lois.  Lois keeps two journals, as noted in “Our Journal” log.  We encourage anyone that is reading our journal to check out Lois’ work.  She is truly a remarkable woman who could use good support. 
 
Our first thoughts of Lois are that she is wonderful, courageous, and encouraging.  We don’t believe her adult life has been easy because of the difficulty of her loads.  We find that she not only suffers a great amount of pain and lack of physical strength due to her medical condition, as well, she has a tougher than normal job taking care of her son who is emotionally and physically disabled.  Lois maintains her faith, but her day to day struggles are very burdensome.  We would like to see Lois writing more.  She is a very good writer who writes from her heart. 
 
Good writing from the heart is a common thread of all the journals we take special note of.  John G. has gone through a very harsh childhood, but as a young adult, he’s been able to find love and the ability to reach out in support of himself and others.  Erin is also a young adult.  She is very strong and we cheered for her heartily, in regard to one of her last struggles to establish positive personal boundaries.  Penny is a devoted friend to Erin, but as well, she has immediate concerns in the uprooting of her and her daughter’s current home while continuing full, though loving work shifts.  Shelli is able to pull from a smorgasbord of thoughts the elements of love and care needed to understand and contribute deeply to life.  And, last but not least is John S.  John S. holds the King of Hearts position for all of the AOL journal community.  Although, this is his “job” it also seems to be a natural calling.  He is much endeared by the masses and us.
 
Shoot, we’re feeling pretty humbled by now to be standing next to this small crowd of new people.  I’m sure there will be others who come our way, but we figure we’re off to a fine new path.  I keep thinking life just keeps getting better!

On Making Choices

We won't decide for you if behavior is determined, or if we have free will.  But, it appears all humans and animals make choices.  We should be aware of “adaptive evolutionary considerations” and “personal reinforcements." 

Humans are risk averse and we don't always maximize the gains available to us.  We bend to psychological variables.  For example, there may be better coffee, but we are very likely to continue drinking Folgers, because we "know," the best part of waking up is Folgers in our cup!   
 
We determine value by its utility; such as esthetics, cost, and availability.  We'll easily cross over to Hills if there is no Folgers on the shelf, or if the Hills is on sale!
 
We don't like to expend energy, so the gain we receive has to balance with the energy loss.  For example, we balance our natural laziness with our needs of stimulation.  We usually end up getting the first cup fairly quickly, but we’ll drink a pretty cold cup of coffee before getting up the next time.
 
Reinforcement value is easy.  We always end up feeling better “after” we get the coffee!
 
Oh and most often we favor consistency.  It is easier on our brain to repeat ourselves each morning.  We always reach both coffee filters and coffee while on "that" side of the kitchen.
 
We take more risks if the perceived expectations can replace uncertainty.  I might go for any unknown brand of coffee, if a good looking guy were to serve me in bed! 

We will also adapt our behavior in favor of a large reward.  Energy well expended is more advantageous than energy wasted.”  If that guy were getting in bed with me to cuddle or massage, I might choose not to even drink the coffee! 

Our sources predict we will choose behaviors that take less energy and have consistent rewards, rather than larger and more variable rewards.  Eh, better to depend on getting our own coffee, than over reach in hope of a guy having “simple” affections!

A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

I’m glad that we’re up now!  We decided before sleeping, we would use the word processor to do our journal writing, then we would copy and paste.  We also decided that we would no longer use the tools we were using to change the text.  It had taken us most of the morning to rid ourselves of the dreaded “+’s” and we had trouble saving the new text because of the script we’d chosen.  At this point, we remain encouraged!
 
As an update, our son, Macadam, called last night to talk for a short time.  We enjoyed his conversation immensely.  He is doing well at work and he also conveyed that Tanner was setting new records!  In addition, he said that he was going to be leaving soon to see Jacob.  Jacob was going to be leading cheers for his college football game.  Macadam said that he was worried about Lee being unhappy at her job.  She will have to decide whether the job is worth keeping.  But, Abby is doing excellently!
 
In general, “Ayn’s Multiple World” is a simple story on Ayn and the parts, all our particular interests, and that of others we come to know.  As long as we know our friends and family are ok, we feel free to think whatever.
 
Let’s see, glancing over our bookshelves sometimes helps.  Ahh, we notice a 1997 text book called, “Learning and Behavior:  Biological, Psychological and Sociocultural Perspectives.”   What great luck!  Maybe, we could write about “choice.”   We’re all in favor of people making responsible choices!
 
We should do a very brief introduction first on learning and behavior.  The text describes learning as, “a more or less permanent change in behavior resulting from personal experiences with an environment.” Or, it could be defined as, “an alteration in the way the brain works, or as a change in the way someone thinks.”  
 
There is a notation on "observable behavior,” and they define behavior as, "what you do, the ways you act, and how you respond to your environment.”  Pretty clear so far!

Just remembering

Today, we're nostalgic for a long drive along the Highway.  To the left would be the tall rock formations forming the base of the autumn colored bluffs and to the right would be the ever becoming Mississippi River.
 
There is an observer's ledge on top of a bluff which oversees the town and lake.  It was created so that freshman University students could impress their parents with fall splendor on parent's weekend.  In back of the bluff, down in the valley, there is an old, old cemetery.  One of the plots hosted a small four-walled castle, which seemed barred from time and pageantry. It was to become an image of life-long holding.

Down the road and up the bluff lay the campus.  This was beauty and benefit untold!  We remember Brother Julius.  He understood human development.  I remember a day walking to class, so upwardly stepping, that fluffy white clouds befell me.

The class Brother Julius lead was small, perhaps 8-10 students.  He had us reading a book called, "The Person in Education, a Humanistic Approach."  The authors of this collective work included among others, Sartre, Plato, Buber, Maslow, Rogers, Dewey, and Huxley.  The students were to read the text, then be able to discuss our favorite passage.  Brother Julius would mingle our thoughts and conclude we were all budding entrepreneurs of life!

I was practical-minded and declared the hope that my mind would never be less busy or profitable.  The learning process was dynamic and gave me a sense of freedom untold.  Then after a fulfilling study, you could cross the small foot bridge over Gilmore Stream and take up the next lesson along the rustling dirt path leading back through St. Yon's bluff.

 

We find ourselves remembering with great care and rapture!

Friend Update ... Field and Board and Fireside

   "And a youth said, Speak to us of friendship.  And he answered, saying:  Your friend is your needs answered.  He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.  And he is your board and your fireside.  For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

   When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withold the "ay."  And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;  For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.  For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, and the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

   And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.  For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught."  Kahlil Gibran

Staff Appreciation Day

Wow, Florida Marlins win!  Whata game!  Lots of energy!  Oh ok, rain is over and the Atlanta/Cubs game is starting.

Yep, yep ... At work today, we had "Staff Appreciation Day." Man, this is sweet!  The individuals we serve stay home and all the staff come in late.  This year, we all met up at a really good teacher's store and we were each given money to spend.  After that, we went to a nice restaurant and that was followed by getting to go home early.  We have the parent's club to thank for this wonderful relaxing day.  Great for staff spirit too!  

Most the staff left the store happy.  Some opted to save their money until they could shop at a craft store.  I purchased two books and a nifty neato little sparkly green object that will hold up papers I'm typing into the computer.  

One of the books is offering advise on teaching kids with learning difficulties.  The book promises strategies and techniques to challenge and motivate struggling students. 

The other book is on "multiple intelligence" for folks in grades K-4.  This is based on work by "Gardner" who proposes that some of us may be more developed in one or more areas, but to some degree, we each have intelligence in each of seven areas.  Basically, these intelligence areas are our abilities to use words, numbers, pictures, music, bodies, friends, or with ourselves.

Dinner was great!  Everyone was in a good mood and to look at there was wood, pretty objects, and a fireplace.  Love that!  There were 12 of us all told.  We had a couple of drinks, baked (cheese) French onion soup, buttery flaky rolls, salad with shrimp, and my first magnificent Cherry something (at-the-table flamed cherries and brandy over ice cream!)  We caught some great conversations and felt tremendous gratitude! 

Hey, Cubs are ahead!

Corey's Summary of a Multiple Day (10)

Yesterday went pretty good.  There was morning reading/writing, then work, then Dr. M's appointment, and afterward, we took ourselves out for dinner, then before bed, we had a chance to talk to Forest Path on the phone for a few moments (he was still working in the city on a three day mission to put order into one of his manufacturing floors). 

Before work, we chose to send Sr. Tess the last entry we had written.  When she met us at the door with her big gracious smile, we knew it was going to be ok.  After a few minutes of talk, she gave us permission to be working after hours.  We were able to convey we had this free time to safely give and we find great joy in doing this.  Very happy ending.

A good portion of the morning was to write a new behavioral assessment for the DSP's to communicate problems the individuals are having.  We like developing new systems.  Chiefly we utilized an assessment the industry uses for adaptive/maladaptive behaviors called, an "ICAP."  Then we added a "new" directive space for QMRP/Administrator alternatives.  For example, if we know that an individual enters/exits the bathroom slamming doors, we can suggest, "walk with the individual to and from the bathroom."  The individual should be learning to trust our help.  

In the afternoon, we did an observation on an individual who will be staffed on Tuesday.  We also consulted with this indivdual's DSP. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon on CARF.  We developed our outline and began to type it out.  In particular, this question asks us to gather and analyze 13 different areas of business information.  CARF is much changed in that now it asks for more analyzing of information and from that establishing new business priorities.

Lastly, we went to Dr. M's.  For the last part of the meeting KC was out.  It was very unsual for her to be out without Casey.  Jamie came next to calm things down. 

Corey's Summary of a Multiple Day (9)

We had a very hard emotional day yesterday.  From the night before, we continued to be angry, hurt, fearful, and hopeless.  This started after Sr. Tess had yelled at us to go home and not be staying so late at the center anymore.  We acted out our feelings by not going in yesterday at all.  Dr. M. and more directly Forest Path suggested that there were other avenues, like talking to Sr. Tess.  But, we'd concluded there was no talking to the woman.  We felt powerless. 

I think more than trying to hurt her or block our work from progressing, we felt vulnerable.  We figured if we went in we'd get her more angry and we would be fired for telling her what we think, or that she would trigger the hysterical sobbing some more, or engrain our paranoia, or that we'd become more uncontrollably depressed.

We are much calmer now, but still not safe.  Maybe that will come after being with Dr. M. tonight.  We progressed the situation some yesterday by writing out the experience to Dr. M., then later we forwarded our thoughts to Forest Path.  We had  thought we were going to be ok earlier, we had been able to write and read of other things in the morning, but, as soon as we turned away from the computer, we again felt the devastation that had hit us the day before.  

We worry about trust.  When Forest Path called to check on us, he suggested we'd forgotten the motive that maybe Sr. Tess had been caring for us.  All the motives we had thought up were negative and judgemental; caring certainly didn't occur to us.  We think also that due to the intensity of feelings and thoughts that maybe the buckets of childhood were banged.  I know in the emails out, we had concluded that we were again worthless.  This is a very defeating thought pattern that we needed to stop immediately.

We don't comprehend well other's anger at us.  We dont' see this as caring.  We weren't trying to upset people.  We need to figure we're still one of the good guys.

The Physics Classroom - Speed and Velocity

Speed and Velocity  The Physics Classroom says, "Speed is a scalar quantity which refers to "how fast and object is moving."  A fast-moving object has a high speed while a slow-moving object has a low speed.  An object with no movement at all has a zero speed."

"Velocity is a vector quantity which refers to "the rate at which an object changes its position. ... as such, velocity is "direction-aware.""

Now lets say, Dear Heart gets scared and lonely on the stage, so she calls, "Here kitty, kitty!  Here kitty, kitty!" 

A kitty will move about 3 speeds.  "Slow/taunting" like the kitty not wanting to admit directly he would obey any human being (10 ft/120 sec, or 5 ft/min stage left).  "Curious, but cautious," like the kitty not wanting to admit that hopping bug you have is mildly interesting (10 ft/60 sec, or 10 ft/min stage left). And, "On a mission/avert all obstacles," like when the kitty figures out you are opening a can of his favorite cat food (10 ft/3 sec, or 3.3 ft/sec stage left).

Without using the "stage left" when recognizing ft/min, or ft/sec the measurement would refer to speed.  With "stage left," we got ourselves a velocity!

We've been fearful for about a week, because we kept thinking it was going to be an attacker moving across the stage, but we figured, we can now control the images we project, hence keeping both us and Dear Heart safe!  This story doesn't even have to have theatre mice! 

But, then we thought that any one of the slow, medium, or fast kitties that have reached Dear Hearts ankles could trip her up and topple Dear Heart and us. 

But, we are going to error on the side of caution.  We'll say that Dear heart has zero displacement, speed or velocity when the kitty meets up with her.  And, now she's happy because we have given her a low stool to sit on and the kitty has hopped onto her lap for a good petting.  Good kitty, kitty!