A Visit with Dr. M.

This morning we’ve got some time to be doing a little extra thinking. I’d like to go over "out loud" what we were experiencing last night at Dr. M’s. We have a great amount of difficulty with being able to associate sometimes, but this is important to do nonetheless.

After the appointment, we stopped in the washroom just to look at our face. We wanted to see if the part of us that was out would be recognizable to us. She came back to our body. We felt great grief and fear of her without understanding.

We believe that it was most likely our core part who was out. It is frightening to have her out, because her thoughts are so negative. We think she was having a hard time with the part of not being able to see the doctor for three sessions after the next visit on Monday.

She’s pretty preoccupied. Not sure how much she likes Dr. M. or the rest of us. She didn’t seem very interested either in the relationships we hold with the external world, with exception of the boys. She didn’t appear to have a clear understanding of where they went, that they had aged, or where people she knew in general go. She knew of our boss, but didn’t seem able to conceptualize our grandchildren.

We think it took her an extra 5-6 months to comprehend that our father had died earlier this year.

We worry of the level of depression we feel when she is out.

Many of us are familiar with a term she uses to explain a space she maintains. It is called the dead zone. She uses it to explain where people go. It feels Rod Sterling like.

We aren’t able to remember the questions, but we know that Dr. M. asked quite a few of her. She was responsive, though sometimes just replied, "I don’t know." She seems to us to be hibernating most often. She appears calmer in her knowledge of us ... she didn’t seem to question "knowing" something else would happen to get her home and when the session first started, she was aware of being "out." *Triple sigh*