Hmm ... We’re taking a reading break. Begun to think on the negative side and that’s not good when you are out there on the road. One of the problems is that in my evaluating and summarizing I read a few of my journals. Think they are terrible. I worry and work too much, am too emotional, obviously we’re a dependent mental case, nonethesless one who is depressed and angry, disclaim too many things that I ought not, poorly self motivated, cats have taken over my life, and we produce a tremendous amount of immaterial details as well as being materialistic ideals. At least this is what I get from reading last ten entries. I’d like to think that we’ve the makings for being a good guy, but you couldn’t sell that bridge to me today. From the next journal I added that we are brooding, complain a lot, feel misunderstood, and certainly am a horrid housekeeper!
"Oh Lordy, now what are we to do!??" She say's trying her best not to sound worried or panicky. We need to work on an attitude change before going any further. We’ll try to do it succinctly.
First thing that comes to mind is that we ought to:
1) Be nice.
2) Encourage thinking that’s other than black/white.
3) Take naps.
Ok ... being nice ... we’ll start off by getting some fresh water, think while doing so that water is nice, not good or bad, and we’ll lay down under fluffy blanket, breath deeply and relax ... having a meltdown.
3 comments:
{{{{{Ayn Et Al}}}}}
I've had times when I looked at my journal and did some deep soul searching about myself. I hope you have some good quality time the rest of this weekend and that you have a wonderful week ahead.
Love,
Vivian
The entries just ARE. What you were feeling at a particular point in time. It is their evaluation that allows negative thoughts, those carriers of mental pain, to envelop you. Depression is the giving in to negative circular thinking. Allowing ourselves comfort in pain, escape from reality by living in pain. It is really the ultimate escape into feelings of dependency and, perhaps, the pain of dependency strivings being frustrated in our earlier life.
{{{ Hugs }}}
V
Thank you Vivian And Vince for being here. Trying to figure through what you have left for us in thoughts. If we allowed the entries to "just here," as reflections of how we were at a particular point, then that could be doable to us. I'm not sure what to do of the evaluations, because it has most often been our intellectualization that has allowed the most self safety. If it is the response to allow negativity then somethig IS going wrong. Negative circular thinking = enveloping mental pain. I think it is easy for some people AND us to do this to ourselves. Perhaps because when we were younger we didn't have assistance in placing reasonable stops through the neglect of better parenting. Troubling over the part that the pain caused could be comforting, though familiar yes. I think we escape often ... basically the nature of having parts, we switch to avoid confrontation with our monsters and also because we need attention. Any attention positive or negative is better than no attention. I don't know if we want to live in pain as much as our coping mechanisms are more rooted in pain than not. Perhaps a safety for us with the fascade of better care taking? As far as dependency, or striving for it (yes it has been frustrated) ... well dependency gets marred with vulnerability. As in relation to Dr. M. we don't want to become dependent on him ... we DO need help developed through trust.
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