I hear you Floralilia ... But, one more thing ... We’ve heard many of you suggest to avoid or look away. Yes, I agree that in most aspects of life, we can "let go." I’ve given twice now examples of things we’ve let go of.
But, now we are thinking of the "big things" in life, particularly freedom.
People talk of freedom such as choosing which car we purchase, items shopped for, schools for our children attend, jobs that we decide to validate, or people we associate with. Life appears to offer a multitude of choices.
I want to focus though on the available quality of one’s choices. It is the aspect of choice making where one’s freedom is limited or narrowed as in a forced choice test. You know ... you want to choose E, but am only offered A through D? We’re thinking now much broader than just journaling ... all of life’s mediums.
Have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself presented unexpectedly with graphic sexuality? Like in a surprise pornographic site on the Internet, your daughter introducing you to her new found knowledge from her peer of how babies are made, or perhaps you saw this last year’s Super bowl game?
Some part of us could feel dismayed? Of course after the "surprise," you handle it, but left is a modicum of caution against "the next time," an impact. You perhaps feel some restraint from a preferred choice to have prevented this exposure? Did you feel overpowered, or maybe you were left to feel titillated? Seems like something from within was affected either way.
There is sometimes an onerous affect... because now you’ve feel put upon to be taking special care where before you did not need to be responsive.
A part of freedom is being frank, open and outspoken. Thinking now of Floralilia’s picture of the overweight sunbather with the thong. Maybe he thought with an open view toward his freedoms?
All of this leads me to wonder about "responsibility." This includes both sides, but in particular, having been put upon by someone else’s freedoms of choice. What happens when one persons rights interfere with another’s? Who sweeps up? Are there standards that prevail to prevent abuse? Who sets the limits or boundaries on expression? What of the "power" of sexuality? Are you sensitive to its affect?
17 comments:
i can defenitly see where you are coming from and what you are saying in this entry. if the freedoms of one person tramples upon the freedoms of another, than it's not their freedom anymore. i guess that's what freedom is about...being responsible in your choices and not infringing on the rights of others. this being said....with journals in general, it is a person's freedom to write whatever they deem appropriate in their own personal journal. kinda like in life..what i do in the privacy of my own home is my buisness. but then again, if i'm weighing out grams of cocaine to distribute, it's no longer just my business. i think, if a journaler is saying something potentially harmful, such as trying to start up a riot to bash gays, or trying to start a hate group by using their words, then it's not their business anymore, if it violates laws. but if it's just something that someone else finds distasteful, then it's not really a violation. is it? i think your writing is excellent. i wish i could convey my thoughts the way you do.
Thank you Donetta for your kindnesses. I've appreciated you for helping us gain better understanding of this avenue of thought. I'm interested in your thoughts comparing violation of laws versus distaste. One usually is presented distaste prior to preventions of law and order. I'm also thinking there are moral and religious laws that have not been addressed by the legal system. For example "incest laws." Many States list this as a lower "Class C" offence. Offenders have less penalties against them, than if they had raped a stranger. This is true in at least 20 states even though its been proven the effect of incest is much greater due to violations in trust. Are we as a society yet capable of agreeing with our codes in favor of "most severly impacted?"
I think each of us has a place in the normal curve in all things,example,my feelings on alcohol may be different than anothers,yet my having a glass of wine a day and their having 2 scotches are both within "normal" parameters. However,out there past 3 standard deviations, is the person drinking themselves to oblivion each day. [continued]
Etal,Thanks for this post...This is a very difficult idea to ponder.I kind of look at this in terms of the normal curve. 99% of practically anything we can measure falls within 3 standard deviations from the norm. In terms of behavior,that which falls so far away from the norm can be considered deviant and, in some way,[moral,social.etc.] unacceptable. [continued]
In terms of journalling,I`m sure if i have read every post in aol land, I would object to some of them. The question is do I truly feel that they are outside the 3 Std. Deviations,or is some of my objection due to the fact that I stand way on the right of this issue,while the post is way on the left of the curve.[thereby making our feelings on the issue very different, yet both within the normal curve.]
[[[Hugs,etal]]]
Vince
Ok, ok ... we'll look from Vince's view for a moment ... If we are going to do the numbers I mean gotta, gotta do the numbers ... someone will have to decide
<-3-----2-----1-----0-----1-----2------3->
Where is baby making sex? Back seat of car with two teens sex? Two married old peoples sex? Prostitute sex? Porn star sex? Heinous crime sex? Etc.
Smooches to ya Vince! :)
"What happens when one persons rights interfere with another’s?" In a modern society laws are enacted to insure that infringement is kept to a minimum. What society will allow is shown in it's laws. As society changes so do its focuses on its laws. There will always be those on the fringe who "skirt" the laws and those who want more. Striking a balance is what keeps us all civilized. My Regards, Bill.
A friend's grandmother used to say, "your prerogative ends where my nose begins". I don't think "looking away" or "letting go" is a sign of resignation or weakness. It is an active choice not to be affected by someone's actions. We may not be able to control everything, but we certainly have control over our response. You have chosen to respond in a way that's best for you and that deserves to be applauded.
Two things come to my mind:
1. We all perceive things differently....our perceptions are influenced by our experiences. Someone who has been the victim of a violent sexual experience and/or a nonviolent but bad sexual experience would view the journal in question differently from someone whose sex life has not lived up their expectations...so this second person might dream of/for sexual fantasies and enjoy what the other person finds distasteful/offensive.
2. As for AOL journals our 'freedom' is limited. Unlike having our own personal domain, we're being 'fronted' by AOL. AOL 'owns' these journals and can dictate what can and can't be done in these blogs. As customers of AOL a person being offended by journal content has the option to approach AOL to make the determination on whether or not the material in question should be in this environment.
It's okay to feel sensual, it's part of being alive and human and in our case, women. Learn to embrace it - like you would any other aspect of yourself, and if you decide to act on it - enjoy it. Otherwise, what's the point?
With regard to abuse - that was something that happened to you, a freedom taken away from you - without - your consent, and so, not a choice open to you. And no, that was not a freedom open to him, but rather a crime, done to you. (which is why we have laws and punishments carved out for monsters like that.) ---->
You bring up some valid ponderings - re the aspect of responsibilities, and the available quality of one's choices. Fortuneately and unfortunately, freedom is just that - a double edged sword, eh? All of that is intrinsic to being truly free. And thankfully freedom, in this country anyway, is protected and cherished. It is our responsibility, however, to accept and respect that there are crazy asses out there and so remain vigilant so that we can remain comfortable in our own skins.--->
now, as far as feeling sensual or titillated, accidently or deliberately, by the seedier and not so seedier things in life, well - yes, sometimes I am. But that, my friend, is a healthy physical response at a cellular level, not solely reserved for teenagers or men in trenchcoats. ---->
(okay, this is going to be a long response)
well ayn, once again, you bring up great insights. I am sure "thong man" felt freedom within his own boundaries, while "swinging to the breeze man" (not pictured) had a broader definition for himself. Either way, my eyes passed over, hesitated, and then focused on what was far more important to me - the beautiful waters, the sun, (and then, of course, the bronzed (fully-suited) sailing instructor)...
We agree full-heartedly Flora sensuality is a good and healthy aspect/response of our humaness. I’ve been honored in life to have had a good sexual partner, though, due to the abuse, we’ve had trouble with younger parts being triggered. The process calls for a lot of love, patience and caring. Although, depending on which culture you tend to follow, there are still laws and norms to be met.
I would think that each individual has their own tolerances. But, I've been trying to get across sex is a particularly strong driving force. At one point, Freud talked of two drives sexuality and death. I’m not sure where the popular opinion lies now, but we still need to each contend what is being “put upon” us and that it is changing toward a view that more and more is acceptable, although perhaps a hardship to the social fabric. And, yes, of course, the best defence is saying, "No."
yep, i agree with you ayn - and as with any hardships societal or personal - there comes growth, eh?...
Yep, yep!! :)
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