Iron Works - By the light ...

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Mornin ... Morning feelin pretty good after our walk around the J-block. Lookin pretty good out there, ‘cept Vince? You might want to leave a message only this "_________________ " long, so us fraider of the nighter people can still leave comment as to your warmth and wit! Or, maybe we’ll have to think ourselves of some foolish way ‘round this! Hehe

Today is just the loveliest of days, yet it is still morning. My oldest son is taking us out to eat this afternoon with his small family. Can’t go wrong here! We’re hopin the youngest son will be available too. We’re not sure if he spent the night in Michigan with the middle son. Middle son is a bit of a recluse ... I hear he bought a couple somethings called ATV’s? And, he and company are tearing through a couple hundred of acres of his Uncle’s property. May his youth and spirit never leave him and the good mother fairies grant forgiveness for his other-lived zest. *Sigh*

We had a very good work day yesterday. Vince, we layed-low ... mostly. Internet is still down, so we had to wait and get our messages after we’d gotten home. We appreciate the reminder Freee that we ARE keepers of our worth. This is a lesson learned in small increments only past childhood. Yay, be it still effective of our parts to be controlled by emotional outbursts of others. We tend toward fear and anger. Today, we’ll commit to letting bygones of HER issues, settle not upon us.

Bill, I would like to one day tell her straightly the effect of her boundarylessness. Dr. M. Has suggested it now and again, but our livelong insecurities continue to do us under, but not for so long, or so harsh! So, instead we work harder and harder, hence getting ourselves in much more trouble because she has trouble understanding how we can do what we do. I think she fears we are trying to "take over." For us, it’s almost as if screaming, "You thought that hurt us, look at what else we can do!" So, in this way ... some of our work is wrong-motivated. We take insult exponentially.

In a multiple system there are often various forms of motivation. I think the better half is truly devoted to the work and exercise of mind(s). We still have to recognize the spiteful within us. I think there is a sense that we are like a wild horse which she hopes to break in spirit. At this level, we are quite stubbornly fixed on our own creative growth and development. We’ve needs and rights to become very good at life. We set out to do 110% each day. We enjoy being productive. It makes us happy. We are a very quick moving, fun-loving team within ourselves. We fear it is this happiness that is driving her mad.

Yesterday, we only saw her two or three times. There were no conversations. We stayed to the back of the building. At one point we heard her opening the back door and she came back to check on us. She was accompanied by her boss, Sister Margarita. We were glad to see the second Sister and to know Sr. Tess had company of such good keeping. They seem comfortable with each other. I think Sr. Margarita likes me (or, at least knows of me), but we rarely say much to one another. Just a quick smile. I later saw them both out my window tending to the garden and once again on the way out. Sister Margarita was working at the secretaries desk. She is the very studious type person.

I worked from 7:30 am to 7:30 pm straight through on one project. We usually take a 20 minute lunch and a 7-8 minute break every couple of hours. It is our time to reflect and further direct our progress. We didn’t mean to stay that late, but we were nearing the light at an end to one of our tunnels.

The project was a cross between CARF and Program Development. We had done the first 6 charts Thursday evening/Friday morning. They showed clearly the stability of the Administration team lending direction to the priorities of program areas and the instability of the current plan where DSPs are writing their own directives. Also graphed we’re where each of the DSPs strayed from the new benchmark goals.

Fortunately, for us (and a bit of forward troubleshooting), the G-person smiled upon us. I was able to explain at the Friday Administration meeting the project within a few minutes, the pictures did most of the work. And, Sr. Tess was in a better mood.  I don’t think she had any idea of how frightful it was out there. The lines showing the Administrative directives were set straightly and well spaced, where the DSPs lines looked as if shark’s jagged teeth. I believeto that point, we won favor and it had been fairly painless to the Admin Team. We fielded a few questions and further grounded our position, but in general ... none of them thought to wrangle out the minimal points of disagreeing how much each program area was worth. The average of each of us together worked!

We figured we had to work fast, while the iron was still hot. That is what Saturday was all about. Before we had gotten the Admin’s numbers, we’d test run the system on our own at home. We knew the next step was to calculate a multiplier and divide out an hourly number for each area and group. This time, we were at work so was able to use the Excel program. That ran like a dream. It made us very precise. We charted out the numbers on a Word program, then went to the other desk to calculate by hand with legal sheets of paper how the hours could be evenly distributed to the five 6 hour days, then after that what order they would fall in including the special needs of meetings or which room the group was in already at any particular hour.

We don’t find this work difficult ... it’s sort of tedious in a good sense, or perhaps meditative. What you do in form for one group, you replicate in the other three. It's just that it is now justified that one area might be prioritized 60% toward one group and 10% toward another.  I loved thinking through the planning of each decision made. You think of the group itself and figure out each’s particularity. Like for the program area of personal responsibility ... might mean for the first group a chance to talk out there personal positions (values/priorities) and have them checked. For the second group it might mean working through some goals or issues of self esteem, for the third group personal responsibility might mean a check in time to focus emotional neediness, and in fourth group it might mean time for the trainer to be assisting in washroom needs of the group. So, each area was fitted in time explicitly to the needs of each group. There are 13 program areas to be fitted in 30 hours of planning for four groups.  Hmm, that's like we made 1,560 firm decisions and a lot of them hours were by the half hour!  *Giggle*

Hehe - this took a while. :)

I had to check and recheck the numbers all along and when I’d finished doing the above work, I went back to my other desk to make it look pretty on the computer. The last thing I did after all the typing was done was to make a day by day list of who was doing what and where on any certain day or time. It was another fairly easy task with the help of cutting and pasting from the above. And, it gave us one more chance to double check that noone was infringing on anyone else’s rooms or space. At the center, the group might move from one room to another, or to outside areas perhaps up to 9-10 times. There’s no need to create traffic jams!  We also figured it would give Sr. Tess or the Q's an opportunity to check the rooms to assure quality in that everyone was keeping to schedule.

After all that was done, I copied it on a disk and brought it up front to print out on the other Q’s computer. All told ... it was 18 pages of work :) So, we stapled it and placed it on Sister’s desk (without taking home a copy to mull over) and then left for the weekend.

The part of leaving it on her desk leaves us up for exposure. She could yell and scream again and carry on. We hope she doesn’t, but am trying to support our courage, nonetheless. We know it was a piece of art to have been able to do something like this. Another boss might encourage where ... well, you know of the issues we’ve been having with Sister. We figured though that we need to be direct and always let her know what we've been doing and allow her to manage the results as she sees fit.  Any extra prayers one might throw in this direction would be appreciated. We’re hoping above all that maybe she’ll see it before Sister Margarita leaves and vent her frustration of me on the other nun. Maybe Sister Margarita will help Sr. Tess, so I can just do work.

I’m worried too Vince that this end result of handing her completed work may not considered laying low. But, if she just accepted the report, we wouldn’t think to ask for any gratitude this time. Maybe though we’re just digging our own hole? In this way Bill, we think we are standing up for ourselves. My father used to say, "Don’t THINK, just do as I say!" We’ve always rebelled and not at all times safely. We try always to adapt to the others emotions. It’s in our multiple nature.  We're trying to be now more conscientious in choices to set firm boundaries.

Slo, I think atthis point, we’ll stop looking for compliments. We’ll just look for securing ourselves away safety, but in a forward work direction. Maybe leave it up to Dr. M. to give us the validation we seem to crave. I don’t want her to be angry at us, we are more hopeful that she will "allow" us to be ... us, as eccentric and complex our thinking patterns may be.  Most often we're one of the good guys.  Lookin not to live out here in the dog house.  Hehe - as a child we let go of this position by building ourselves an internal castle.  Best now to keep both feet on ground.  Dr. M.'s been workin with us on living in the present tense ... this seems to help ... but, we can write about any of our thoughts ... that has to be one of the rules ... we'll make this our "ground" rule!  Hehe

Picture - http://www.cowboyindian.com/60770.htm