Relationships

Mornin.. Hmm, that’s right ... mornin :) We’ve been up for a while with the intentions of checking out our J-block, but found ourselves checking out some of the new sites John G. And Jeanne have scouted out. It was very interesting trying to de-script some of the terminology and customs. Seems that folks in the UK look forward to vacations (being on holiday) and have similar troubles with getting through work and/or securing the proper mates as we seem to have here in the US.

We found one journal in particular that we would really enjoy going back to, so have included it on our list. Hehe - I think he tends to write-on at length as we do, so that earned an extra smile! Mostly, I love it when we get to hear other people thinking. I think our favorite all time study in in how the mind works. Seems we’ve all got at least one or so and the practice of its practical use is uncanny. Welcome to our thoughts, "Thinkerer!"

We had an acceptable day yesterday. The best part was being at Dr. M’s. It took us (Casey) a while to be adjusted, because Dr. M’s. office was redecorated. He’s got a new couch, chairs, and desk. Rather abrupt to loose the couch you’ve taken to as your second home, even if we did have warning! The decision on this change was positive. The new couch is comfortable and Dr. M’s choice in colors is very good.

There was one problem in that during his moving things about, he’d inadvertently covered up Casey’s picture of Dog ... That didn’t go over so well. But, alas ... Casey’s not one to hold a grudge!

Older parts had a chance out after not too long, though we’re thinking its pretty hard on Casey to be giving up her time with Dr. M. She knows more about sharing than most her age, but it’s difficult for her nonetheless. We’ve seen that also in her relationship with our friend. Nothing to do, but encourage her in the part that people don’t go away for too long and there’s always help around the next corner. And, yes ... it’s ok to have favorites!

Not too sure what all was talked about. I know a good part of it was centered on our friend. I think the system has been feeling neglected by him and has been having feelings about this. Basically, he is only seen about 2-3 hours a week and sometimes that doesn’t seem enough to keep a friendship up to date. There really is not alot of other personal contact.Wouldn’t be so bad, but we have so few relationships ... we put a lot of stock in just this one. We’re trying to tame our ambition.

We’ll get a chance to go out to dinner tonight. Although, we’ve known our friend about 10 years, we’ve only turned him down for a night out 2-3 times. We did that on Saturday night. We were pretty indignant. We’ll have to work through what that experience entailed. Or not, maybe water under the dam? Hmm, probably not :) We’re like that you know? There are still hurt feelings involved. We won’t accept becoming a casual friend without a fight!

There was one other part of the conversation that is being somewhat held this morning. I’m doubting that we will be able to convey it here any better than we did with the good Dr. I don’t know ... maybe it is a general form of the process of taking stock in one’s life. But, we’ve been having some pretty strong feelings in the relationship to Dr. M. of late. We fell just short of thinking of him as the "perfect" person. Maybe this is common in a lot of therapeutic relationships. It doesn’t feel common.

We admitted that in all the years with him ... We’re coming up to the fifth ... the worse complaint we’ve ever had with him, is that sometimes he’s just too happy! Yeah, I know ... a far from critical response of the man. Hehe. One of the aspects noted was that the boundaries between us are so well established. I think this is centered around his ability and ours to be respectful of the other. I don’t think this happens between people as often as it should.

When I’m with him ... and now days, even when we’re not ... we feel like we are an important person. Not more so than others, but definitely, not less so. We have the impression that he’s highly sought after as a counselor from most his patients. The time is spent with each would be undividedly. He’s set the bar high for many of our other relationships. Think this is part of the problem between our relationship to our friend. It’s not fair to him to be comparing the two relationships, but if you’ve ever really been listened too and understood, you know the feeling and never want to go back to anything less.

We’re trying to get past the gushing part of our feelings. We’re guessing that you all must get tired of hearing about our relationships ... as limited as they are in number. I don’t think though, that I was ever interested in knowing a great number of people. We’re far more likely to be concentrating on the few great relationships that are out there. Pretty much for now, we’re focused on only Dr. M., our oldest son, Sr. Tess, our friend, and you all. Pretty chummy group ... I think besides Dr. M., that you all know us "persona grata" better than most.

There are of course other relationships ... like the other two sons, co-workers, clients, service providers and such, it’s just that these others don’t feel as intricately woven into our immediate attention as do you all. Maybe one day ... but, maybe it will never happen. It’s hard to tell. I think its important we feel good about the relationships that do connect. And, its not that we’re not connecting. Each of these other people I come in contact with each day something happens ... most changes are so incrementally small, that one would need a microscope to capture their essences. Think this is the way life happens in general.

The relationship we hold as a provider of roles, services and attention just can’t be compared to the sharing that must exist in a relationship of some equality of thought. Although the roles between Doctor and patient, cannot be considered equal ... the quality of thought provoked is uniquely inspired. We’re hoping in that same matter to be of value to those we work with and/or nurture. Sometimes we’re able to match up thought with others that aren’t so direct and that is grand too.

Yesterday, we were with a client soon toward the end of her lunch period. I may have mentioned her already. She is considered to have severe mental retardation. Our general "lunch time" experience with her is to have her respond to a routine that is in a manner of her taking care of self. We have to start with put down your fork, pick up the container top, push it down, open your lunch bag, put the containers in, zipper the bag closed, etc. The commands then continue as we teach her to stand up, push in chair, follow us into the other room, put lunch bag in closet, and shut the closet door. Each command is followed by a pause as she processes the request one small step at a time.

The client doesn’t speak, except to say the phrase, "Come here." She is a big pretty girl with a friendly personality. She watches her audience intently and is always just 2 centimeters away from giving you a big friendly smile or giggle. If you didn’t tell the individual what to do, she would most likely stand in one place and look confused as to taking just a simple step. Sort of like the big Indian in Jack Nicholson’s movie, "The Cuckoo’s Nest."

Well to make a long story short ... yesterday for the first time, this individual played a joke on us which shows an interactive relationship to another degree or platform! Can’t tell you what a deep feeling of personal satisfaction that was. It was simple really ... it took place during the part of her training (we’re hoping one day, she performs these tasks independently) where we ask her to "zipper the bag closed." She was zippering it, albeit very slowly as is her style, but she got to the last 2 ½ inches and stopped. We are used to holding our breath when she does this and we’re apt to say, and sometimes help her hand-over-hand to "go all the way."

So after having done this (helped her to complete zippering the bag), I let go of our gentle touch and she unzippered the bag about 4-5 inches. We must have looked confused. So, we repeated, "no the bag needs to be zippered." We guided her hand toward the closure again. She was compliant. But, just two seconds after we’d "completed" the task, she repeated the unzippering of the bag. By now our forehead must have contained a wrinkle. We’re thinking, "Hmm, this isn't going so well today..." So again, we helped her to zipper the bag. The difference was in the last time when she again, repeated "the trick," was that I heard her roar with laughter and a grin as I looked up into her face!

We were just beside ourselves ... we bumbled out, " **** you’ve been playing a game with us!??" Oh, if you could only see her sunny cherub face! The look said ten times over, "I got you! Aren't I just so very smart!" Man-o-man what a wondrous world!