Soul Searching (Part 2 of 2)

I think the soul searching is important. So far, the way we are figuring is this ... I have always wanted to do worthy things in life. I think I'd be short-suited for being a nun. I am however very much enlivened by thoughts of choosing a more religious life. I’ve always held a great respect for those choosing religious vocations.

I would convert to Catholicism. I was baptized Lutheran, and although my brother is a minister, I’ve not enjoyed my Lutheran ties. I went instead to a Catholic University, worked for a priest, married Catholic, baptized my children Catholic, maintained a long standing relations with Christian Brothers, and now work for a nun. I would hope, as a companion, to attend services and as an ideal, become more in touch with a life of service and prayer.

I very much respect the life of simplicity that would be expected of me. Sr. Tess once talked of no one needing more than 3 suitcases to move all their possessions. I have it within me to do this. I think the hardest part of living a life such as this is actually not independence as much as giving up sex. I’ve had one very good sexual relationship in my lifetime. I believe that sex can be very good, but that it is a luxury, not a necessity.

I’ve been thinking about the difference between a life lived of my ideals, rather than one of convenience. I don’t imagine that it would be always the most peaceful existence to commit myself to living with Sr. Tess. There would be times that we upset one another, but I believe that is the same in any relationship where there is a commitment to maintain and nurture love and respect.

Most often though when I think of her, I see a woman very strong and of great fortitude and courage. I know that these are assets carried by many in her order. I see women living to the best of their abilities and sharing their gifts with others. I’ve always had love and appreciation of "strong" people. I feel very comfortable in offering myself as someone willing and able to listen and learn.

Maybe because of my self-upbringing as a multiple I can understand and appreciate community. I can be by myself, but maybe that isn’t really the truest of challenges. Question will be, can I offer worthwhile contributions to the whole of something much greater? I don’t know. Will continue to think through this though in the hope I might be accepted.