We’re having kind of a hard morning. It’s still early yet, so I figure we’ll be ok. We read through other’s journal, but didn’t feel up to leaving comments. It seems like most are doing well and got through Thursday just fine. Lot of people just trying to make a go of it utilizing the best of their abilities and talents.
We had another appointment with Dr. M. Last night. It was very hard. Our Dear Heart was out for all but the last few moments. We think that she is trusting the doctor for the most part. She at least spent time with him. I don’t think she fully trusts him though, because for the whole hour nobody said nothing to nobody and for a while, she just cried.
Usually, in a psychiatry appointment people talk to each other, but yesterday it felt like it would be an invasion of her privacy and the doctor was respectful. She worked very hard to keep us at bay as well. Usually, I think it is only a matter for her of closing our eyes for a second and a switch will occur. If there is enough resistence sometimes the switches can be avoided. In the end last night though, I’m sure something or another spooked her. Usually she becomes startled and retreats by noise or movement.
We have a sense of what was going on in her mind, but it is pretty vague. First, she was with the family we grew up with, then relatively early we think she switched over to being with our grandfather, the original sexual abuser. Past here, we have trouble understanding what was happening to her, knowing what exactly she’s thinking of, or comprehending her feelings.
We’re left though with a couple of bothering images that we would best not be exploring. It’s kind of having one of those tooth ache kinds of feeling where you insensibly keep running your tongue over the pain to see if it still hurts. You just figure, the tooth's got to be pulled.
One thing that is different between us (as parts) and her (as our core) is that we don’t think she spends much time out in our actual life. By that I mean going to work or playing and such. She seems to live in a space of when the original family was about. We think she lives somehow in a vague memory of times long past.
We’d like to help, but are fearful. We probably confuse. Leaves us feelilng kinda down.
5 comments:
It sounds as if you have a wonderful Dr.!
Keep going forward.
sounds like a good time to just sit and have a cup of tea.
V you are right ... he is a very special doctor. We in general think the world of him. The thought of having tea with him is a unique thought we never thought about. Thinking how fast each hour seems to go. Just need to hold out a couple more days. Next apointment is on Monday morning. Maybe we can get some clarity? Our love Corey and Ayn
Ayn, I feel for you. I don't know much about the multiple personality condition but I can sense you are struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions. Your doctor sounds really wonderful, though.
Muse - There are a lot of conflicting emotions ... there are 20 of us all together and each has their own set. As separate as this may seem, we all share the same body and need to be working so that all parts may progress. There are priorities that each of us share in common. Such as the writing, work, and availability to the boys. Lord knows the kids don't ask much ... just we need to be here and trying to take care of ourselves. The writing and work keep us on that agenda.
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