We’re still feeling on the disoriented side. We did get an email from the good Dr. M and our friend stopped over. This has helped some. There’s been a good amount of time spent feeling very regressed and we needed to catch where our boundaries now lay.
Sometimes, we don’t feel so terribly strong. We are back to the point where we are needing a lot of order. We are lacking structure. It’s become very difficult to keep up a household and stay productive at work. These are worrisome things to happen. We battle with self-destruction and look for safeties such as is our journal world.
There was quite a few of the very younger parts out last night. They appear in many ways to be living in a state of shell shock. Young waifs. It feels as if they are working on trust issues. But as is Dear Heart, they live isolated lonely lives. It is hard on the older parts to see them in such disarray. It hurts to see them hurting.
We know that Mimi has been out and Gracie, though not Crystal. Anna was out for a few minutes, but she wasn’t as prominent as some of the others. KC and Casey did not come out maybe because Gracie needed more support. We are able to see more how they tried to protect themselves.
Dear Heart was out during work time ... she tried to read Dr. M’s email, but she appears to have trouble reading more than one or two words at a time. She seemed tired. We easily recall her lifelessness and then later, remember her putting her head down on the desk and just drifting off. It’s near impossible to follow her thoughts. It’s easier to note her behaviors.
I think Dr. M. Is right in that some of the parts are overwhelmed. We need to be doing things that are more on track with what is going on in our general life in the present. The effort here and at work are good for us. I’m not sure why the younger parts and Dear Heart are trying to take on so much. There’s a sense of urgency that plays competitively for our attention. Dr. Marvin suggested that we might have been having flashbacks or intrusive memories. We’re thinking he’s a pretty good guesser.
5 comments:
Just a great POST!! WONDERFUL.
Ayn, it does sound like you have a lot on your plate right now. Breathe, take a break and don't tax yourself too much. Your work sounds really paper intensive, and it sounds like you want to accomplish as much as you can and for everything to proceed in an orderly fashion, but you can perform better if you pace yourself.
Thank you Vince - you seem to be a very encouraging person and we appreciate this kind of support a lot.
Muse - you are sounding like the best of what's between Dr. M. and our friend. One wants us to relax while the other reminds us to breathe. In the system, my name is Corey and it's me who often gets overwhelmed. I know there is an agenda. We're trying to keep pace. We put in about 50 hours a week, then try not to think of work too much while at home.
Sorry things are so stressful for you here recently! I hope you can relax and get through the difficult time.
Thanks Donna - the days seem to go up and down, but we remain here in the middle willing to go forward.
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